The Infidelity Feasibility
by DrWackaDoodle
Summary: Season 10 Finale: A "What If" scenario. While Amy is away for the summer, Sheldon tests his relationship in the most unimaginable way possible: by having an affair. Is this simply a case of "while the cat's away the mouse will play?" or will Sheldon cause irreparable harm to his relationship with Amy? Spoilers for 10.23 and 10.24. OBVIOUSLY AU.
1. Chapter 1

Since reading the press release for the season 10 finale, I've had this rattling around in my head. What if Sheldon used the summer to test his commitment to Amy? A what if scenario. According to the TR for 10.24, Sheldon flies to NJ to propose to Amy. In this story, "The Kiss" at the door is the cliffhanger. Sheldon never left for NJ. It should go without saying that this is obviously AU.

* * *

What causes a man to cheat on the woman he claims to love? Is he just a selfish, self-absorbed jerk? Is he looking to have his cake and eat it too? For Sheldon Cooper, the decision to cheat on his long-time girlfriend, Amy Farrah Fowler, wasn't hastily made. He thought about it, and the potential consequences of his actions, long and hard before making that metaphorical leap into arms of another woman. He sees it as an experiment designed to test the strength of his commitment to Amy prior to putting the long-awaited for engagement ring on her finger. He knows he's taking a big risk- if Amy ever found out about his infidelity, it would devastate her and certainly signal the end of his relationship. He needs to know for certain though that Amy is the only woman for him.

Sheldon has to be sneaky; if his friends catch onto this, he knows they will immediately tell Amy and it will be the end of life as he knows it. He told Amy he is spending the weekend working and requested he not be disturbed. She looked upset when he made the request but she agreed and with a softly whispered, "I love you," logged off for the night. Looking through the peephole of the apartment he shares with Amy, he sees that the coast is clear. Sheldon pulls on his brown jacket and exits, stopping just long enough to lock his apartment door before quickly making his way down the four flights of stairs and to the agreed upon meeting spot, the McDonald's located ten blocks away.

As he reaches the parking lot, he sees a car going through the drive through that is the same make and model as Bernadette's car. Quickly ducking behind some trees, Sheldon peeks out, sighing in relief when he realizes that the plate number is different from Bernadette's. He walks over to Ramona's car and quickly slides into the passenger seat before leaning over and greeting her with a soft kiss.

Her kiss tastes of salty greasy french fries, not like Amy's kisses which often leave the taste of her vanilla chamomile tea upon his lips. Sheldon doesn't like it. He realizes he has one more clause to add to the Infidelity Agreement before it is finalized later tonight. After buckling his seatbelt, Sheldon removes the SIM card from his cell phone and places it in the protective case- thereby making himself untrackable for the weekend. He's already logged out of all of his social media accounts prior to leaving his apartment. They drive for an hour until arriving at their hotel and checking in under the aliases of Benjamin Braddock and Alexandra Forrest. They enter the room through a side door and take the stairs rather than the elevator.

Entering the room, Sheldon turns on a single lamp which sits on the small round table in the corner and pulls out a manila envelope of papers from his duffel bag. He flips to page four and writes, "breath mints must be consumed prior to kissing", at the bottom of the page before initialing it to signify that he made the change.

"Please read the document while I shower as agreed upon," Sheldon requests.

"Or... we could shower together," Ramona suggests, wrapping her arms around Sheldon's narrow waist.

"I... I think I would like that," Sheldon whispers in response as he returns the embrace.

"Your heart is racing. Are you alright?" Ramona questions.

"Ye... yes. I... I'm alright," Sheldon stutters.

"I know how to help my baby relax," she whispers before dropping to her knees in front of him and drawing down the fly of his khaki pants.

With a flick of her wrist, she releases the fly and his pants pool around his legs. His red silk boxers are next as they hit the floor and Sheldon steps out of them. His body is screaming _yes!,_ his brain and his heart, however, are screaming _No! Danger! Run!_

All coherent thought stops when Ramona takes his erection fully into her mouth, giving him his first experience at fellatio. He blindly grasps for anything to keep himself standing as his knees buckle and he loudly moans.

"Do you like that?" Ramona questions with a devilish grin before swirling her tongue around the tip. "I'll do anything you ask. Things you've only dreamed of. Things _she_ would never do," she promises before taking all of him into her mouth once again.

"That feels good" Sheldon whispers, closing his eyes and running his fingers through Ramona's hair as she hollows her cheeks and quickly bobs her head.

 _This is wrong. Wrong and dirty and oh my god does it feel amazing. Amy and I agreed that this is one of the two lines we will never cross but if I can practice cunnilingus I can transfer what I learn into pleasing..._

"Amy..." Sheldon calls out as he rapidly approaches climax, before hissing as Ramona uses her teeth to scratch him.

"Stop thinking about her," She demands. "I will punish you every time you say her name, every time you think about her. Do you understand?"

"Yes," Sheldon whispers in apology as Ramona stands up and tosses his boxers at him, hitting him in the face.


	2. Chapter 2

I'd like to give a huge thank you to everyone who has read and reviewed this story. I honestly was expecting some seriously harsh reviews, but even those who don't like the premise of this story let me know in an extremely respectful manner, which I greatly appreciate.

* * *

One Month Earlier...

"I've been offered a summer research fellowship at Princeton," Amy shares as she nervously smiles at him.

How can she be leaving for the summer? Why is she only now telling him about this? She can't possibly take it, can she? Millions of questions are running through his head, but he knows that the right thing to do is to let her go and so after pouting and sulking, he purchases her a suitcase to show his support and returns to their apartment.

Sheldon had been hinting for weeks that he'd like to break their once a year coitus agreement. Living with Amy, sharing a bed, and his life with her has awakened the most primal and carnal of desires in him. He's embarrassed to admit that he wants to have sex simply for the sake of having sex, so when Amy suggested they synthesize a neural brain cell using both of their skin cells, he took that as an opening to use procreation as a cover for requesting sex, which was almost immediately shot down. He knows Amy enjoys sex almost as much as he does, so he was baffled by her ability to not only reject all of his advances but that she never brought it up in conversation at a later date. To be fair, he didn't either, but his reasoning was that Amy is happy with their once a year agreement and it was unfair of him to pressure her for more.

The two times that he and Amy have made love so far have been vastly different; the first time they were both very nervous and there were frequent starts and stops as they took breaks to check in with each other and talk between activities. The second time went much better, having gotten over the initial nerves of seeing each other naked for the first time. They still took their time but Sheldon no longer had to stop to ask if he had found the correct hole or to ask Amy if he had the condom on correctly. They knew by instinct and the sounds that each made when and where to caress, kiss and inflame desire in their lover's bodies.

He's pleasantly surprised when Amy kisses him after he gives her the suitcase, even more surprised when his sexual advances are eagerly reciprocated and he's leading Amy by the hand to their bedroom. As the door shuts, they quickly begin to strip in alternation; her left shoe, his belt, her watch, his socks, until Amy is left in her bra and panties and Sheldon is left in his underwear. Reaching behind her, Amy unhooks her beige bra and lets the strap dangle from one finger as she mischievously grins at Sheldon before dropping it to the floor.

"Amy, you naughty vixen," Sheldon gasps as his eyes darken with desire.

Coming to stand in front of Sheldon, Amy caresses his chest before letting her hand come to rest over his heart, feeling it wildly thumping beneath her fingertips, as Sheldon holds her hand in place. Looking into Amy's eyes, he sees them full of unshed tears, surely matching his own.

"I love you so much," she softly murmurs before leaning up to capture his lips.

"I love you too," he whispers between kisses while walking them backward to the bed.

Gently pushing Amy down he seeks out her plush lips while rolling so he's hovering over her. If he had been better prepared, he would've lit candles or turned on music. Seeking out Amy's left hand, Sheldon entwines their fingers and lays them near Amy's cheek as the kisses heat up and Amy tentatively adds her tongue to the mixture, sending a spark of electricity through Sheldon.

Sighing contentedly as she comes up for air, Amy cups Sheldon's cheek in her hand, her thumb caressing the barely existent stubble as Sheldon smiles at her.

"My underwear are becoming very constricting," he whispers, seeking permission to remove the last barriers between them. "Also, I may need you to go across the hall to ask Penny for a condom."

"Would it upset you to know that I have condoms in my nightstand?" Amy wonders, biting her lip nervously.

"I do love preparedness," he reassures as he flips over onto his back and allows Amy to get into her nightstand.

She removes the few items from inside and then pulls up the false bottom, setting it on the floor with a clunk. Curious, Sheldon sits up to look at what she's doing and spots condoms, lubricant and a black drawstring bag inside.

"What's this?" Sheldon wonders as he points to the bag.

"My vibrator," Amy answers matter of factly as she attempts to shut the drawer.

"May I use it on you tonight?" Sheldon requests.

"Um...oh...okay," Amy hesitantly answers as she takes it out of the drawer and removes her pink vibrator from the cloth bag. "I'll need lubricant," she requests as she grabs the small bottle and flips open the cap.

"Please allow me. Give me a moment while I make myself more comfortable," he whispers as he carefully removes his underwear and tosses them to the floor.

Placing two foil packets within easy reach, Amy shuts the drawer and lays back in the bed while Sheldon is removing his underwear before shimmying out of her underwear. She's unsure why, but she's suddenly more nervous now than during either of their previous amorous escapades. She wonders if the element of surprise that they are breaking their once-a-year agreement is the key factor in her nerves. Not that she's disappointed; no not at all. She's been carefully and deliberately avoiding any implication that she'd been unhappy with their agreement, figuring if she lets Sheldon adjust to being in much closer proximity and sharing a bed with her every night, he'd eventually reach the point where their sensual make-out sessions are no longer enough. She's sad that it happens to be happening the night before she leaves for three months, but tries to push that out of her mind until later... _much later._

"Where were we?" Amy whispers while adjusting so she's hovering over Sheldon as she grins at him before playfully kissing the tip of his nose.

"I thought I was supposed to be seducing you," he questions while brushing her hair out of her eyes.

"Everything you do seduces me. All you need to do is breathe and I would do anything for you," Amy gently whispers.

Sheldon's lips crash into Amy's in a bruising kiss as he grabs around her waist and flips her onto her back. Wrapping one leg around Sheldon's narrow hips, Amy cradles the back of his head as they continue to kiss while with his right hand, Sheldon rolls her right nipple between his fingers, making it instantly pebble. Kissing his way down her body, he draws her left breast into his mouth, sucking eagerly. Sheldon's read that a small minority of women, orgasm can be achieved solely through nipple and breast stimulation. He's been eager to find out if Amy is one of those women. He flicks his tongue against her nipple, causing her to gasp.

"Good or bad?" He questions, reluctantly pulling back, afraid he's hurt her.

"Good, so very very good," Amy reassures, "however, I would like to see if your nipples are as sensitive as mine," she requests, tilting her head down to copy his movements with the flicking of her tongue against his right nipple.

"That tickles," he laughs, squirming away from her.

Getting a devilish glint in her eyes, Amy moves her hands down from their position wrapped around his strong shoulders, to his ribcage and tickles Sheldon causing him to yelp before roughly grabbing her hands and pinning them to the bed.

"You're going to pay for that," he promises.

"What are you going to do about it?" Amy challenges.

"I'm going to bring you to paradigm altering orgasm... repeatedly," he whispers in warning while dipping one finger into her and coating it in her juices.

He slides his finger vertically teasing her vaginal opening yet not allowing his finger to dip inside, before retreating north and grazing her clitoris.

"That form of stimulation is highly effective!" Amy exclaims while fisting the sheet of their bed.

Adding another finger, Sheldon intently studies Amy's face while increasing his speed and attention to her clitoris. She's panting now, her ruby red lips in an 'o' and her eyes scrunched closed while her hips thrust up in time with his hand.

"Say it again," Amy begs, lightly scratching her nails along his back.

"I'm not sure what you want me to say," Sheldon apologizes.

"My nickname, please, say it again," she pleads with him as she fights for control.

Sheldon focuses all his attention on her clit, and what he knows to be the more sensitive right side, making Amy moan his name and grind against his hand.

"Vixen," he whispers in her ear before drawing the nipple of her left breast into his mouth and gently biting down on it.

"Oh, my God, oh my God.." Amy chants, "so... close."

She feels her orgasm begin with her legs quivering in time with the movement of Sheldon's hand and the indescribable tingle deep in her pelvis. Arching her back as she begins to violently writhe and tremor in ecstasy, Amy forces herself to open her eyes, seeing Sheldon's smug, self-satisfied smile as she comes down and gasps for air.

"Whoo," she exclaims while throwing her head back against her pillow to catch her breath.

"Beautiful," Sheldon whispers before leaning down for a gossamer peck on the lips.

"We've only ever tried missionary position, but, I would like to try a few different positions tonight," Amy requests while Sheldon puts on the condom. "You can say no to either or both," she reassures.

"What do you have in mind?" He wonders, unopened foil packet in hand, as he gives Amy his full attention.

"The first is colloquially known as the 'cowgirl' position. You'll lay on your back while I straddle you allowing me full control of speed and depth of penetration," Amy explains.

"Will you wear my cowboy hat?" Sheldon requests, hoping he can pass it off as a joke if she refuses.

"I'm not sure how long it will stay on, but if you want me to wear it, I will," she offers.

"And the second position?" Sheldon asks.

"Rear entry position, commonly referred to as doggy-style," Amy requests.

"We've agreed that the anal sphincter is exit only and one of the two sexual acts we will never try. What if I slip into the wrong hole?" Sheldon worries. "I don't want to hurt you."

"I trust you, Sheldon. If that should happen, we'll stop immediately and discuss how it felt and if we want to continue," Amy reassures.

"Let's start with the cowgirl and if we have enough energy, we can switch positions," Sheldon decides, "wear my hat?"

"Yes," Amy agrees with a gentle kiss.

"Yeehaw!" Sheldon exclaims as he gets out of bed to grab it from the closet.

* * *

Walking Amy to the taxi the next day, Sheldon lifts her suitcase into the trunk then whispers, "come here," bringing Amy into his arms for one final hug before she flies off to New Jersey for the next three months.

"Well, this is it..." Amy quietly murmurs as she looks at her feet and attempts not to cry. "I'll miss you."

"I'll miss you terribly, Amy... but, I love you and I am very proud of you. Go knock their socks off," he encourages.

"I love you too," Amy whispers as she leans up for a tender kiss.

"Don't fall in love with any other scientists," Sheldon whispers in her ear.

"I won't. I promise," She replies. "I'll call you tonight."

Sheldon stands on the curb, watching until the cab turns the corner and is no longer visible. Sighing heavily, Sheldon decides he can not go into their apartment and face the fact that he is going to be alone for the next three months, so he boards the next bus and heads into work at Cal-Tech. It's a Saturday morning and the halls are quiet as he enters the physics department. Pulling out his key, he enters his office and turns on the lights before going to sit at his desk. In the past 72 hours, he's lost his military project and his girlfriend. He doesn't know what to do now.

He gets into the bottom drawer of his desk and retrieves his Justice League hacky sack, tossing and catching it in his hand while he attempts to shut off his mind and focus solely on the texture of the hacky sack, the sound of the beads shifting as he catches it, the weight in the palm of his hand, the sound of the annoying wind chimes outside his window, the smell of the cleaning solution the maintenance department used in his office last night and the sight of the blank whiteboards in various corners of his room.

He almost falls backwards in his chair when there's a knock on his door and it opens without him granting permission of entry.

"Doctor Cooper. I'm not sure if you'll remember me, but I'm Ramona Nowitzki," the woman says as she enters his office.


	3. Chapter 3

One week earlier...

 _It was a kiss, just a kiss. I didn't kiss her back did I?_ Sheldon wonders as he replays the moment in his head for the tenth time. _No, I wasn't an active participant. I was shocked and left the situation as soon as possible._ _Amy's not going to be happy about it but I can explain and she'll forgive me. I must be honest though. No. Hide it. She never has to know. I don't have to hurt her. Look at how well that worked out for Leonard. You have to tell her. Only to let her stew about it for three months? Don't be an imbecile. Wait until she's home and you can comfort and reassure her. Oh, what do I do?_ He worries as he comes up the stairs of Greenwood Village and enters his apartment.

After immediately slamming and locking the door, Sheldon turns and looks at the painting of Amy and Penny. _Penny was right. How could I not see it? I warned Amy about this exact scenario!_ He goes to the stove and turns on the tea kettle as he sits at the island. Pulling out his phone, he texts Amy, _Missing you. XO,_ then decides that he needs to find something for lunch. Opening the fridge to pull out one of the frozen meals Amy lovingly prepared for him ahead of her absence, Sheldon frowns as the guilt overtakes him again.

 _She's so good to me and I went and totally screwed this up. She's going to leave me again. Decision made. You are never telling her about the kiss. Why can't I stop thinking about Dr. Nowitzki's chapped lips and the taste of her green apple chapstick or her perky breasts in that red bikini swimsuit, leaving little to the imagination? The way that drop of water trickled down her... **STOP!** You have a girlfriend. This is wrong. _

Just as he thinks that. "She Blinded Me With Science," Amy's assigned ringtone, blares out from his pocket. Reaching for his phone, he's surprised when he fails to smile as usual at Amy's call.

"Hey, busy?" Amy wonders. She sounds muffled and Sheldon soon realizes she has him on speakerphone. Quickly glancing at the clock on his screen, he realizes it just turned 5 o'clock in New Jersey and she must either be packing up or driving back to her apartment.

"Not at all," he reassures, deciding to omit that he came home for the day, "How was work?"

"Long day," Amy sighs before he hears two thunks, Amy kicking off her shoes. _She'll retrieve a diet coke from the fridge and then take off her glasses,_ he recounts with a smile as he hears Amy scooping ice into a glass. "I'm missing you too, Sheldon. Terribly. My evenings are incredibly lonely."

"I'm yours from now until you go to bed," Sheldon reassures. "I came home early today."

"Is everything alright?" Amy wonders, instantly worried.

"Yes, everything is fine," Sheldon quickly answers as the internal struggle on just what exactly to tell Amy resumes in his mind.

"I know you too well to fall for that, Sheldon. What's wrong?" Amy asks again.

"I haven't been sleeping well the past few nights. I'm exhausted," He replies. _I'm not lying to her about that._

 _"_ I wasn't expecting being away from you to be this difficult," Amy admits. "Sheldon... we need to talk about Ramona. It bothers me that she conveniently reappeared in your life just as I left to work on the opposite side of the country."

"She's just a work colleague, Amy," Sheldon reassures as he goes to sit on the couch.

"She's more than that. You don't go swimming with a work colleague. You don't have them alone in your apartment for hours," Amy reasons.

"I do all of that with Penny and Bernadette," Sheldon points out.

"You're not listening to me," Amy interrupts.

"oh, I'm listening!" Sheldon exclaims in frustration.

"But you're not hearing what I'm saying," Amy calmly murmurs.

"What you're saying is that you don't trust me," Sheldon whispers.

"What I am saying is some women simply don't care if somebody is in a relationship and I believe Ramona is one of those people. She sees it as a game, the thrill of the chase. She has her eyes set on you and she's going to do whatever it takes to steal you away. I don't want you spending time with her."

"You're telling me who I can and cannot spend time with?" Sheldon questions.

"I am not demanding it but I am requesting it, Sheldon. As your girlfriend, as somebody who loves you and who you love equally in return, please, I need for you to limit contact with her," Amy pleads. He can hear her voice becoming softer, as if she's fighting back tears.

"I'm uncomfortable with the precedent this is going to set for our relationship," Sheldon softly murmurs, "but I do realize I have difficulty with social cues and I have become reliant upon you to help me with my shortcomings. I never meant to hurt you, Amy."

"I know you didn't. My absence has made you extremely vulnerable as you try to fill the void I have left in your routine and Ramona might be taking advantage of that. I trust you to be faithful, Sheldon. I know you'd never hurt me in that way," Amy reassures.

They talk for four more hours until Amy needs to retire for the evening. It's only 7 pm in Pasadena, but Sheldon finds that the conversation with Amy has left him emotionally, and oddly, physically exhausted. After changing into his pajamas, he settles into bed with his laptop and turns on Dexter's Laboratory for background noise, quickly falling into a deep slumber.

Walking through the TARDIS doors, Sheldon enters Amy's old bedroom at her former apartment in Glendale. He's wearing the suit he wore for Amy's birthday two years ago as he enters her room and as he goes to sit on her bed, he's suddenly in nothing more than his white undershirt and black underwear he purchased to wear for that special occasion. _A sex dream?_ I _really am missing Amy._ As the door opens, he only sees a pair of long lean bare legs... which are definitely not his girlfriend's legs. He follows the legs up until he sees a white floral print nightgown, just above the knees. _That's Amy's nightgown. What is happening?_ Sheldon rest of the mystery woman's body is concealed under the baggy gown. He gradually works his way up to the mystery woman's face, expecting to see Amy. Instead, he sees Ramona. The rest of the dream plays out exactly the same as that magical night where he and Amy gave themselves to each other... the only difference is that it's with Ramona rather than his girlfriend.

At the same point that he reaches climax in his dream, Sheldon awakens to a hot, sticky mess in his sleep bottoms. Groaning, he goes into the bathroom, tossing his semen covered pajamas into the hamper as he cleans himself up.

 _What does it mean that he was dreaming of sexual relations with another woman?_ Sheldon wonders.

The sex dreams continue for another five days, each becoming more graphic than the last. As Sheldon wakes up from each dream, sweaty and panting heavily, his mind races with questions.

It's the morning of his anniversary with Amy. As he awakens from another dream, Sheldon bolts out of bed and goes to the walk-in closet. He's only been in here one other time since moving in with Amy, having given her complete use of the space, with the exception of the corner of the closet where he placed his safe. Crouching down, Sheldon enters the security key onto the electronic keypad, hearing it beep as it unlocks, and looks inside while he retrieves the engagement ring. After locking the safe's door, he goes to sit on the edge of the bed and opens the hinged lid on the black velvet box to look at the ring once 's no question in his mind that he loves Amy, but he's never believed in that "soul mate 1 in 7 billion poppycock" that girls, such as Amy, consider "romantic." Sure, he and Amy are very compatible, but he's sure he could find several people he's similarly compatible with if he were to try hard enough. In the last two years, he's had several opportunities to put this ring on Amy's finger, and yet, for some reason, he hasn't. He knows that he's a creature of habit and believes in the old adage, "if it's not broken, don't fix it." Lately, things have never been better with Amy. Still... those doubts keep niggling at the back of his mind. _Is he husband material? Can he keep Amy happy for the rest of their lives? Is there something better for either... or both... of them?_ He places the ring box into his messenger bag and after texting Amy, _"Happy anniversary. I love you,"_ prepares for the work day.

He keeps the ring on his desk during the work day, staring at it more than his laptop or his whiteboards, as he lets his mind play over the possibilities. Finally, at ten minutes before 5 o'clock, he packs up for the day and makes his way down the hall. Knocking on the door, he awaits permission to enter and shuts the door behind him, making sure it's locked.

"In 75 days, I am going to propose to my girlfriend. You have 60 days to convince me that would be a terrible mistake and I should leave Amy for you," Sheldon explains to the surprised gasp of Ramona Nowitzki.

* * *

 _Sorry for the short chapter. I had plenty of ideas for the next chapter but was having difficulty getting them to that point. Thanks for reading!_


	4. Chapter 4

_The following takes place in the aftermath of chapter 1:_

* * *

"The only thing worse than a liar is a liar who is also a hypocrite," Meemaw once told him. Coming up the stairs of Greenwood Village after his weekend dalliance with Ramona, Sheldon is filled with guilt, remorse... and an overwhelming urge to cleanse himself. As he reaches the foyer, he quickly runs for the door of 4B as he hears Penny and Leonard's door opening. Securing the lock, he just begins to take the strap of his messenger bag from around his neck when Penny pounds on the door with an open fist.

"Where the hell have you been?!" She yells through the door.

"Working," Sheldon answers as vaguely as possible, needing to make sure his answers match up to what he's told Amy. "I'm going to bed."

"Call Amy," Penny demands as her voice fades to the other side of the lobby, "she's been worried sick about you."

Retrieving the SIM card from his messenger bag, Sheldon removes the prepaid SIM card from his phone and pops in the one for the plan he now shares with Amy before powering on his phone on his way to the bathroom. Stripping his clothes as he goes, Sheldon decides that he can never wear them again before remembering that the Green Lantern t-shirt has special meaning in his relationship with Amy and is her favorite of his t-shirts. He decides that he's going to "accidentally" bleach it and have to throw it out after sending photographic evidence of said accident to Amy. Tossing his clothes into the hamper with the white sheets that also need to be bleached, Sheldon cranks the shower water onto the highest temperature setting and waits a few seconds before stepping in. Tilting his head back, he lets the water wash over his face and splashes some onto his lips... which have now deliberately and intimately kissed another woman. Reaching for the shampoo, he squirts a glob out and massages it into his hair, which a woman other than Amy ran her fingers through as he kissed her body. He then reaches for his bar of soap and washes his body... which has been caressed, kissed, scratched and bitten by another woman. Sheldon reaches for Amy's boar bristled body brush and begins scrubbing the skin from his right shoulder and arm, slowly making his way down to scrub each finger. He repeats the process on his left arm, before scrubbing his chest, legs and back in the same process and rinsing off. _He's still not clean._ He repeats the process three more times before throwing the brush at the wall of the shower in frustration. He can scrub his skin until he's raw and bleeding, but he can not erase what he has done.

Turning off the water, Sheldon quickly pulls on his blue sleep pants, deciding to not put a shirt on, and goes into the bedroom to sleep. As he lays down, he rolls onto his left side, where Amy has left two pictures. Reaching over, he picks up the picture of him and Amy which was taken in front of the Cooper family Christmas tree in Texas. Sheldon has always hated the stiffly posed shots, where social convention dictates that despite what you may or may not be thinking and feeling in that particular moment, one is expected to smile wide for the camera and pretend you don't have a care in the world. He has to admit that both he and Amy looked genuinely happy in that moment, despite an otherwise disastrous trip. Amy had just given him a first edition copy of, "A Wrinkle in Time," his favorite book from his childhood and he had thanked her with a very passionate kiss in front of his family.

"I'm sorry," he whispers to the Amy in the photo before placing it back on the nightstand and looking to the brain MRI.

He wonders, if he were to take the same test tonight, being told to think only of Ramona, would his brain glow as brightly? He doesn't love Ramona, so, theoretically, only the areas related to sexual desire, namely the striatum, would light up. Love activates the insula as evidenced in the MRI of his brain that he gave to Amy for her birthday. Assuming the answer to his question is no, he sighs heavily and goes to retrieve his cell phone from where he left it charging in the kitchen.

Amy only texted him four times and called twice, which he finds unusual if she was as worried as Penny made it out to be. He sees that he has an 80 percent battery, enough to talk with Amy for a few hours. Taking his phone to the couch, he calculates that it is 5:30 pm on a Sunday and Amy should be at her apartment in New Jersey. Dialing, it rings five times before going to voicemail.

"Hi, Amy, I apologize for the delay in returning your phone calls or text mess... you're on the other line," he says before hanging up and switching to the other line.

"Hi," Amy breathlessly greets. "Sorry. I was carrying groceries up the stairs."

"Oh. You can call me later," Sheldon offers.

"No, no. If you don't mind being on speakerphone while I put my perishable groceries away, I'd like to speak with you," she requests.

"That's acceptable," Sheldon agrees.

"I missed you this weekend," Amy begins, not knowing what else to say.

"I missed you too. I'm sorry I needed to work but one never knows when inspiration will strike. I was in the zone," Sheldon lies. While it is true that he did "work" this weekend, it's not in the manner in which he's portraying.

"I understand, Sheldon," Amy reassures. "Tell me about what you were working on," she requests as he hears the fridge door shut and he's taken off speakerphone.

He hasn't thought this far ahead. Quickly racking his brain for something... anything, he can use to cover his tracks, Sheldon's mind screams, _You're on your own buddy. You got yourself into this mess while I was telling you the entire time this is a horrible idea!_

"I'm exploring a theory involving supersymmetry," he replies. He came up with the theory while talking with Ramona about her time at CERN, however, has not had time to work on it further. "Tell me about your project."

One of the rules he and Ramona agreed upon in the Infidelity Agreement is minimal contact in the workplace, however, as Sheldon spots her on Monday morning as he heads to his office, he mouths, "can we talk?" at her, seeing her nod in confirmation before going into Kripke's office. He believes Ramona brushed off his request as he doesn't hear from her until 4:50 pm when she calls out to him. Opening the door, he finds that she has two large banker's boxes which she plops down on the floor and pulls out a file as Sheldon shuts the door behind her.

"A ruse if anyone should wonder why I'm here," she whispers as she goes to give him a quick kiss, being stopped by Sheldon placing both hands on her shoulders and pushing her back.

"This is over... it has to be over," Sheldon pleads with Ramona in the barest whisper, his voice full of emotion.

"Does she know?" Ramona wonders.

"No, but I'm going to confess to what I've done and let the chips fall where they may. I've made a terrible mistake and I'm sure she's never going to forgive me for it," Sheldon remorsefully whispers in reply.

"Then what's stopping you from being with me?" Ramona wonders.

"Guilt. Remorse," he honestly answers.

"Useless emotions. The Sheldon Cooper I met eight years ago was above such petty emotions. You've lost your focus. I can help you find it again," She promises as she reaches for his hand, which Sheldon pulls back as if scalded.

"Please don't touch me," he requests. "I apologize for bringing you into this mess and not meeting your expectations."

"Monogamy is simply a societal constraint. Alexander, Betzig, and Macdonald argue that monogamy is the result of a compromise among men after the advent of democracy, whereby wealthy, powerful men receive political support from poor men in exchange for giving up their multiple wives. The gradual decline in inequality among men is the root cause of the shift from a polygamous to a monogamous institution. Your guilt is meaningless," Ramona reassures.

"I posit that the choice between polyandry and monogamy has roots in evolutionary biology, specifically in the nature vs nurture theory. For many years, I watched as my father had countless affairs with other women. I watched how he hurt my mother, destroyed his marriage and his family... I swore I'd never be like him. I guess the apple doesn't fall far from the tree," Sheldon explains as he swallows the lump in his throat.

"What do you see in that mousey, frumpy goody two shoes?" Ramona wonders.

"When I was a teenager, I listened as my Mother fumbled her way through her Christian-based abstinence lecture. She attempted to explain the difference to us between having sex and making love. At the time, I remember thinking to myself that's just some absurd drivel women are taught do to social customs in the South where the sole purpose of sex is procreation. The mechanics are the same, so why is there is a difference? I wondered. Now I know. Ramona, I wasn't lying to you when I said you are a beautiful, intelligent, fascinating woman, but Amy has one thing you can never possess... my heart," Sheldon explains. "That's the difference."

"I see. Well... when the heart is involved, I don't stand a chance," Ramona replies, her sarcasm lost on Sheldon.

As Sheldon bends to retrieve one of the boxes Ramona brought with her, he stops suddenly as he notices Ramona staring at him.

"What?" He wonders as she drops the box before forcefully shoving him into the corner wall of his office moments before her lips assault his own.

 _His body is betraying him,_ Sheldon realizes as he grabs Ramona around her hips and leads her backward to his desk. She reaches into her pocket and pulls out a condom, placing it into Sheldon's hand while at the same time lifting her hips slightly to remove her panties.

Sheldon's cognitive functions stop as all of his blood pools in the smaller of his two heads. Next thing he knows he has Ramona's legs wrapped around him and he's gasping for air after having just had sex in his office.

"Thanks. I needed that," Ramona whispers, a smug smile lighting up her face.

With pure disgust, he carefully removes the condom, pulls up his pants and goes to the restroom down the hall. He wraps the used condom in several paper towels before throwing it into the waste bin and placing several more paper towels on top of it.

Going to the sink, Sheldon splashes his face with water as he looks in the mirror to see a man he doesn't recognize staring back at him. He exits the restroom then goes to the faculty gym, surprised to find it completely deserted.

When he was a child, he and his brother, George Junior, spent hours in their garage with their father George Senior, being "made into men." Each day after school, a drunk George Senior would drag his two songs off the school bus, refusing to allow Sheldon to do his homework and make them fight either each other... or, depending on how intoxicated George Junior was at that particular moment, their father. The reasoning, in George Senior's gin soaked brain, was to make Sheldon capable of fighting back when he was bullied... assaulted if we're calling a spade a spade, on a daily basis by his peers.

Going to the speed bag, Sheldon makes a fist, brings his arm back and punches it as hard as he can, making the bag rattle as it goes flying back and forth. Bringing both hands up, Sheldon continues pounding on it in rhythm as he bounces back and forth from foot to foot with each punch. It's helpful but it's not enough. He grabs the bag to stop it then as he turns, he sees a set of black and red boxing gloves next to a heavy bag. Putting them on, he goes to the 40-pound heavy bag and punches it as hard as he can, barely making it swing on its chain. He tries again, bringing both fists up in a standard boxing pose and going for a one-two jab. That felt good. Sheldon continues beating on the bag for over an hour until his sweat soaked shirt clings to his body and his lungs are burning as he gasps for air. He goes to the drinking fountain and takes a long sip before sliding so his back is against the wall and bringing his knees to his chest as the tears run down his cheeks.

Ramona Nowitzki has always lived by one motto, "if there's something you want, get it." As Sheldon leaves his office, she waits just a few seconds before pulling her panties back on and powering on his laptop, which had gone into sleep mode while they were otherwise occupied. Luckily, she doesn't need to put in Sheldon's password as the screen immediately comes to life. He has a new e-mail from Amy, Ramona notices.

Opening it, she sees a picture of Amy lying in a twin bed, wearing a black Batman t-shirt with the caption, "wish you were here. I love you."

"Gag me," Ramona snarks as she deletes the photo and then goes into Sheldon's trash folder, permanently deleting it. She then goes into settings and to change his password. It takes her a few guesses before she lands on the correct passcode, "bazinga1217," which she knows to be Amy's birthday. She changes his password then logs him out of his e-mail account before leaving Sheldon's office. She wasn't expecting competition for Sheldon Cooper, but if he wants to play hard to get, she's totally game.


	5. Chapter 5

_A funny thing happens when someone commits an act as heinous as this; we revisit it, justify it, lie to ourselves so we don't call it what it is- an inexcusable moment of temporary insanity. Once is a mistake... but twice... twice is a choice. What was I thinking? Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! The damage is done, now I must face the consequences of my actions by confessing my sins. I'm not sure when and I certainly don't know how but she deserves to know the truth. I doubt she'll trust me again but I know it was a mistake that I will never ever repeat. Everyone makes mistakes. Stop. You're rationalizing this. You don't love Amy. You certainly don't deserve her forgiveness. You just don't want to be alone. Maybe Amy was just good for your ego or maybe she made you feel better about your miserable life but you didn't love her because you don't destroy people you love. As Dad would say, "good going, genius."_

Making his way back to his office, Sheldon retrieves his emergency bag and pulls out the safety orange t-shirt and black dungarees before going to the restroom and changing. He needs to dispose of the clothes he was wearing when Ramona entered his office earlier this evening, but is unable to do so at work, so he waits until the cleaning staff goes into another office before taking a clear trash can liner from the cart, tossing the clothing into it on his way to lock up his office. Retrieving his messenger bag, Sheldon shoves the soiled clothing inside then locks the door and makes his way to the bus stop, taking a seat on the bench. Pulling out his cell phone, he realizes he has another 45 minutes until the next bus arrives. He can walk home in that time and it will afford him the chance to clear his head. Decision made Sheldon texts Amy to let her know he's running behind schedule and will Skype her when he arrives home.

40 minutes later, dragging his limp, exhausted body inside, Sheldon inwardly groans as the inside of the lobby feels hotter than it currently is outside, indicating that the building's central air conditioning unit has malfunctioned. Making his way to 4B, Sheldon quickly unlocks the door and steps inside as he goes to open every window and let the cool air in. Taking his cell phone out of his pocket, he texts Amy that he just got home and will Skype her shortly. He takes the bag of clothes from his messenger bag and tosses them in the trash before going to shower.

Coming out of the bathroom with just a towel around his waist, he checks his cell phone, surprised to see that Amy has not yet texted him back. He dresses then gets a cold bottle of water from the fridge, downing most of its contents in six large gulps. He retrieves another bottle then turns on his laptop and takes a seat at the kitchen table. As the laptop powers up, he opens Skype and attempts to log on, receiving a message that his password is incorrect. Checking to make sure the caps lock key is off, Sheldon tries again, receiving the same message. _Hmm, maybe the website is experiencing technical difficulties._ Bringing up Facebook, he attempts to log in, receiving the same error message that his password is incorrect. He then tries to log into his e-mail, once again receiving an error message. _That's odd._ He confirms that he's connected to the internet and brings up a dialog box to check his connection speed. Unsure of the problem, Sheldon picks up his phone and goes to lay on the bed while he calls Amy.

"Hey, babe. I thought we were going to Skype?" Amy answers the phone.

"I'm unable to log into Skype, Facebook or my e-mail accounts. Apparently, I'm inputting the wrong password," Sheldon apologizes.

"That's odd. I assume you haven't seen the pictures I sent you yet?" Amy wonders.

"Unfortunately, no," he apologizes.

"Most are of various odd things I've seen on campus and can wait until you're able to access your e-mail. I'm going to send two pictures to your phone," Amy decides. "Are you alone?"

"Yes," Sheldon confirms. "Is that a requirement for these photos?"

"Mmmhmm," Amy confirms. "I went shopping yesterday and thought I'd show you my purchases," she explains.

"You're being naughty, Dr. Fowler," Sheldon huskily murmurs. Amy's able to hear the smile in his voice as he says her name.

"I miss you. I wish it was possible for you to Skype a hit of you to me. Even a thirty-second hug would be enough to satisfy me," she confesses.

"I miss you too. Hold on, I'm going to place you on speakerphone," he requests. Doing so, Sheldon brings up the camera and takes a selfie of him laying in bed, texting it to Amy.

His phone beeps a few seconds later and he opens the first picture of Amy wearing a black Batman t-shirt as she lays in her bed. The second photo causes him to audibly gasp as he opens it. The silky blush colored cami and short set contrasts nicely against Amy's sun kissed skin as she smiles at the camera.

"Do you like it?" Amy shyly questions.

"Yes. Pink is definitely your color," Sheldon whispers. His nether regions are enthusiastically giving their seal of approval as he has to adjust himself in his underwear.

"Can... I'd like to try something, Sheldon, to extend the intimacy between us despite being long distance. Remember when we had the love spell cast on us while playing D&D? I'd like to try an X-rated version of that tonight... and mutual masturbation over the phone," she requests, her voice dropping for the last part of her request.

"Amy, I..." Sheldon stutters. _What's the harm in giving this to her? It makes me a hypocrite._

 _"_ Please?" Amy sweetly begs.

He knew that would be all it takes as he pictures Amy sitting next to him, her emerald eyes baring her soul; how much she loves and adores him as she reaches for his hand and entwines their fingers. _Give her one last happy memory before you break her heart._

"Do I have your permission to retrieve lubrication and a condom from your nightstand?" Sheldon requests while rolling to Amy's side of the bed.

"Certainly," Amy immediately answers, shocked that Sheldon is agreeing to try this.

"How does this work? Are we ourselves? Characters?" Sheldon wonders, nearly endless possibilities playing out in his mind.

"Set the scene for me, Dungeon Master," Amy seductively flirts.

"I can still smell you on your pillows," he whispers. "I'm going to stay on your side of the bed during this."

"Okay," Amy replies.

"I prefer if we're ourselves during this. Is that alright?" Sheldon questions, receiving an instantaneous affirmative response. "Alright, Vixen, settle back and let me tell you a story," Sheldon murmurs as he hears Amy lightly chuckle. "I've just been awarded the Nobel and we are going to go out to celebrate..."

"Try again," Amy requests. She should've known that Sheldon's mind would immediately go there.

"Alright, you've won the Nobel.." he attempts.

"Better, but how about if neither of us wins an award?" Amy requests, laughing when Sheldon complains.

"Fine, but you're ruining my fantasy. It's Friday afternoon. You're hard at work in your office when there's a knock at the door. You open it to find a large white gift box wrapped in a red bow sitting on the floor. Picking up the box, you take it to one of your work tables."

"Is there any kind of card, envelope... something signaling it's for me?" Amy wonders.

"No, but you've been suspicious of my plans all week and instinctively know it's from me," Sheldon amends. "Opening the box, you find a white envelope with your name written on it in cursive script next to three roses- one orange, one white and one red..."

"Friendship, love and passion," Amy realizes.

"Exactly. Underneath the roses is a sleeveless burgundy dress with a plunging v-neckline. Just as you take the dress out of the box, there's a knock at the door. What do you do?" Sheldon wonders.

"I quickly remove the roses from the box before placing the dress back inside, then go to answer the door," Amy decides. "It's you. You're wearing the suit and shirt you wore to The Chancellor's Awards dinner."

"The black suit and shirt?" Sheldon confirms, hearing Amy whisper, "hoo" in response, making him chuckle. "Who do I have to thank for showing you that most embarrassing video?"

"Yourself. After our initial meeting, I wanted to learn everything possible about you and your research. I came across the video within a half hour of my initial Google search. I've read every research paper, journal article, case study as well as all of your dissertations," she confesses.

"I've read all of yours as well," Sheldon shares. "Returning to our game..."

"I open the door and you're standing there looking absolutely delicious in your black suit and black shirt with a matching burgundy tie. You come into my office and kick the door shut behind you," Amy pauses.

"I pull you into my arms, hearing you gasp as my lips crash into yours in a hungry kiss. You wrap your arms around my neck and play with the tiny hairs on my nape while my hands drift to the small of your back, pulling you closer. Mindful that we are in public, I break the kiss and whisper, 'hello.' Your turn," Sheldon encourages.

"I whisper hello before pulling away since we are still in my office. I go to the box and pull out the letter as you embrace me from behind. You take the letter from me and whisper in my ear as you read it to me. What does it say?" Amy wonders.

" Seven years ago, I never could've imagined thinking let alone saying one syllable of what I'm about to say to you... in fact, I often mocked the guys for what I considered hippy nonsense. What started as a love affair of the mind blossomed into something more. Amy, I am completely and hopelessly in love with you. You're more than pretty... more than beautiful... you're heart stopping, breathtaking... intelligent, hilarious, kind, honest, loving... incredible. Happy anniversary. I love you."

Laying in bed 3,000 miles away from her home, Amy feels her heart jump into her throat as Sheldon whispers his love and devotion into the phone. _Is he about to propose?_ she wonders, a huge smile lighting up her face.

"I love you too, Sheldon," she softly murmurs. "You're making me cry, both in and out of the game," she whispers as she wipes away the tear from her eye.

"I'm sorry," he apologizes. "I wish I could wipe away your tears."

"I assure you, it's more than alright. I try to turn around in your arms, but you keep your tight hold around my waist. Your hot breath against my ear causes me to tremble. I can feel your heart racing against my back," she whispers pulling them back into the moment.

"I ask you to change into the dress and come back into your office, where Penny and Bernadette are waiting to do your hair and makeup. Shall we fast forward?" he suggests, not waiting for her to reply. "They curl your hair and apply a minimal amount of makeup. As I come back in, I stop and take my time allowing my eyes to feast on you. Taking your hand, I lead you to our limo and hand you a glass of your favorite wine as we pull away from the university."

"Where are we going?" Amy wonders, closing her eyes as she gets lost in the fantasy.

"Patience," Sheldon urges. "As you finish your wine, I push the button to put up the privacy screen between us and our driver. Resting my hand on your cheek I lean in and gently explore your lips in a soft kiss. What do you do?"

"I deepen the kiss by opening my mouth. You eagerly plunder my mouth and unbuckle our seatbelts, pushing me backward on the seat. I reach up and remove your jacket, laying it on the floor while you loosen your tie. Can we fast forward through our date and get back to our place later that evening?" she wonders.

"Alright. I took you for a sunset gondola ride followed by dinner at your favorite Italian restaurant and the La La Land concert," Sheldon summarizes.

"That sounds amazing, Sheldon," Amy exclaims.

"I'll take you for a gondola ride when you come home," Sheldon promises. "Rather than going to our apartment, I rented a room for the night at a charming bed and breakfast cottage located just outside of the city. I take your hand and lead you up the stairs to the room. Opening the door, we find the bed covered in red rose petals and a bottle of sparkling apple cider chilling in a silver ice bucket. I lead you to the bathroom where I draw a candlelit bubble bath for two in the clawfoot bathtub."

"It is getting hot in here. I think I'll take off all my clothes," Amy teases. "Shall we make ourselves more comfortable for this next part?"

"Alright," Sheldon agrees.

He sets the phone on Amy's nightstand and quickly removes his clothes, folding them as he goes, before settling back into Amy's pillows. Closing his eyes, he breathes in the quickly fading scent of Amy's shea cashmere shampoo as he waits for her to come back on the line. _I always believed that at my core I am a good person who has some flaws. I can be greedy, selfish, immature, careless... but I never saw myself as evil... until now._ With each passing second, he becomes increasingly panicked until the guilt overtakes him completely and he feels hot tears rapidly falling down his cheeks. Choking back a sob, he hopes with every fiber of his being that Amy didn't hear it.

"I miss you too," she whispers. "I'm sorry. I thought it'd help but..."

"Amy...there's something I need to tell you..." Sheldon confesses., hearing Amy gasp in shock.

* * *

I'm having surgery next week and will be off the grid while I recover. I have the next few chapters outlined but please be patient because it is likely going to take me a few weeks to update.

Part of the reason I chose to write a story like this is to challenge myself as a writer and take myself out of my comfort zone by getting into some very angsty/dramatic subject matter. I greatly appreciate all of the feedback I've received.


	6. Chapter 6

I'm so sorry for the long delay! It's a long story not fit for public consumption. Hopefully, now that I've got my mojo back, we can get back into the swing of things with minimal delay. I am writing on the fly so there is no fixed update schedule. I admire authors that are able to do that but it doesn't work for me.

* * *

 _Silence. Not exactly an admission of guilt, but not a full denial either. Maybe it's better this way, not being able to see her face as I confess to what I've done_ , Sheldon decides as he tucks his flaccid penis back into his underwear.

 _Well, that took the air out of my sails_ , Amy gripes as she removes her hand from her damp panties, wiping it on her blanket, and settles back into her pillow, unsatisfied.

"Sheldon? Are you still there?" Amy quietly questions.

"I'm so sorry, Amy" he softly murmurs, the emotion evident in his voice as he cries. "I've misled and betrayed you. I'm so sorry."

 _Crap. He's going full on nuclear meltdown. If I'm going to reach him, I have to act fast._

"Sheldon, I want you to listen to me very carefully," Amy pleads, "you did not mislead or betray me. I pushed too far and for that, I sincerely apologize. Please, don't feel guilty for desiring... intimacy... with me. Please talk to me?" Amy softly requests, wishing she was there to comfort him.

"I don't just want your body, Amy. I want all of you," Sheldon whispers.

"That is possibly the sweetest thing you have ever said to me," Amy whispers in response. "You have all of me... most especially my heart. You make me incredibly happy every single day. I hope you know just how much I love you, Sheldon. I miss you so much."

"I love you too. I miss you too," Sheldon replies as he hears Amy's alarm beeping in the background, signaling that 10 pm has arrived.

"And with that, I must end our conversation for the evening. Until tomorrow. I love you," Amy softly murmurs.

"I love you too, Amy, and... I'm sorry," Sheldon whispers. "Good night."

"Sweet dreams, my love," she replies as she ends the call.

Pinching the bridge of his nose in an attempt to relieve the stress induced headache between his eyes, Sheldon sighs heavily. He's never been able to keep a secret or lie. His parents and Meemaw made certain of that. After quickly getting dressed, Sheldon goes to the living room and retrieves his five whiteboards from the storage closet, setting them up around the living room. He uncaps his marker and furiously begins writing, bouncing between whiteboards to place his thought in the appropriate section. After a half hour, having fully worked through his dilemma, Sheldon caps his marker and goes to sit on the couch as he takes in everything he wrote.

On three of the whiteboards, he wrote: Virtue Ethics, Deontology, and Utilitarianism, respectively. On the fourth, he wrote Consequences and on the final board, Solutions.

Identifying most closely with the ideology of deontology, Sheldon begins there first. _Ethical duty based on morals, rights, and principles. Cheating itself is wrong because it violates the duty of fidelity to Amy._

Next, Sheldon wrote _My personal moral code_ next to _Virtue Ethics. What do my actions say about my moral character?_

 _Utilitarianism: the morality of my actions is dependent on the pleasure or pain of those my actions affect._

 _Consequences: irreparable damage to my relationship with Amy. we break up. I am forever alone. My friends have to take sides. Life as I know it will never be the same._

Solutions: CONFESS. Get Ramona fired. Leave Caltech for another university.

Confessing. _Not an option,_ Sheldon decides as he takes a green marker and crosses off the red text. Get Ramona fired. _I'm not sure how to go about that and even if I was, I've done enough damage by lying and deceiving those around me. I simply wish to forget this ever happened and return to life as normal. Alright, that's not an option._ Transfer to another university. _That may be an option. Amy seems to love Princeton and she'd be very appreciative if I took more of an interest in her career. I've long since fulfilled my contractual obligations to CalTech. Hmm, that considers more thought,_ Sheldon decides as he caps the marker.

As he falls into bed, mentally drained, he looks over at the picture of him and Amy on the nightstand and whispers his solemn vow, "I'm going to make this up to you, Amy. I'm going to do better, try harder... I'm going to be deserving of your love."

Keeping himself busy with work over the next few days, life returns to a predictable routine for Sheldon. After losing their military project, the guys fumbled aimlessly for several weeks as they each sought out a new project to keep them occupied. For Sheldon, the lack of closure on the military project was particularly unsettling. Having spent the last two hours mentally playing Tetris, he startles and flails his arms wildly to keep himself from falling over when his office chair rocks backwards. Pausing the game in his mind, he calls out, "enter if you must."

"We got the project back!" Leonard exclaims as he and Howard enter. "I can't go into specifics here, but after lunch, we have a meeting with Colonel Williams."

Grabbing his messenger bag and slinging the strap around his shoulders, Sheldon locks up his office as he follows his friends to the cafeteria for lunch.

"Any plans for the holiday weekend?" Raj wonders as he sits down with the guys a few minutes later.

"Bernie and I have taken the Monday off. My wife has this crazy idea that we're going to be able to lay the fake hardwood flooring throughout the entire house while our daughter plays happily in her play pen. We'll be lucky if we get halfway through the dining room before Bernie gives up and calls her dad."

"Penny and I are working the Monday, so, no plans for us," Leonard quickly summarizes.

"Amy's coming home to visit," Sheldon shares, giving a genuine smile at the thought of seeing her after so long apart.

"I revise my answer, I am going to help you and Bernadette lay flooring because I'm sure the neighbors are going to be practicing the hankius pankius spell all weekend," Leonard teases.

"What neighbor has Harry Potter bedroom play?" Raj wonders, never looking up from picking at his salad to see Sheldon blushing.

"4B," Howard replies.

It takes Raj a few seconds to realize who the current occupants of 4B are, before he exclaims, "No way. Dude!" and attempts to slug Sheldon in the shoulder in congratulations.

A few tables away, a slender figure sits with the hood of her sweatshirt pulled up as she pretends to work on her laptop and eavesdrops on the conversation. As she hears the details of Dr. Cooper's sex life being discussed, she's heard enough and quickly packs up her things to leave.

Friday afternoon arrives and Sheldon has been unable to wipe the smile off his face all day. Amy's flight won't arrive until well after midnight. Knowing he's going to have a late night, Sheldon lets himself into his apartment and decides to take a nap after changing the linens on the bed. He awakens at 8 and after taking a shower and fixing a light dinner so there are leftovers for Amy to eat after she arrives, he settles down and watches ARQ. As the movie ends, he goes into the bedroom to retrieve his wallet.

 _Marry and impregnate Amy_ , he suddenly decides, much to his shock. _IF she ever did find out and left him, he'd always have to be a part of her life for the sake of the child. It's not as if this is a sudden and new idea,_ Sheldon surmises. He's considered marrying Amy for the past three years and from the very beginning of their relationship, they both agreed that they someday wanted a child together. _That's it. I'm going to propose and suggest we start a family right away._

Sheldon once explained to Amy that when he has a feeling he knows it. There is no panic, no fear, no second guessing himself once Sheldon makes the decision to become a family man, rather, there's only a sense of calm and peace, a sure sign that he is making the right decision. He quickly retrieves the ring from his safe and makes his way downstairs to his waiting Uber.


	7. Chapter 7

_On a cold, gray, cloudless day, Amy walks barefoot in the surf. The navy blue_ _zip up sweater jacket does little to protect against the strong wind chilling her to the bone. She's crying, the silent tears falling from her eyes, but a microcosm of the infinite drops of water that make up the ocean as her tears wash out to sea. Looking up towards the smattering of houses on the cliff,_ _she keeps looking expectantly for someone._ _The roaring of the ocean waves and the cawing of the seagulls circling above draw her attention back to her present path and she keeps walking, occasionally stopping to look at the seashells, but finding only broken chunks of sand dollars in the muddy brown sand._

 _Stopping at a piece of large driftwood that had washed ashore with the last winter storm, Amy leans against it and looks out into the water. Off in the distance, she sees something reflecting in the sun light. A person? It's far too frigid to be swimming in the Pacific ocean, today of all days especially, and with the riptide warning in effect, that person is particularly stupid,_ Amy decides. _Still, she can't take her eyes off this object. There is an ethereal glow coming from it, almost blinding her as she calculates that it is about 20 yards out in the water. Deciding she wants to see what it is, Amy approaches the surf once again, allowing just her ankles to become submerged in the water._

 _The object has come closer now, and Amy realizes it is indeed a person. The slender blonde, which she immediately recognizes as Ramona, is a mermaid. The reflection Amy had been seeing is from flecks of gold sewn into the delicately weaved green kelp bikini top._

 _"Hannibal ad portas!" Ramona calls out. Not waiting for an answer from Amy, her tail forcefully slaps the water as she swims away._

 _The force of the tide sweeps Amy's feet out from underneath her, drawing her out into the ocean and further and further away from the shoreline. Looking back, she sees Sheldon building a sandcastle further up on the beach. How had she not seen him? He uses a stick to write, "Shamy" in the sand. The tide slowly laps at it, washing it away, until it is but a memory._

Startling awake suddenly, Sheldon feels momentarily disoriented before realizing he fell asleep in the Uber on the way to LAX.

"Ya okay, buddy?" The driver wonders as he takes a long swig of Moutain Dew from a bottle he sets between his legs.

"Yes, bad dream. Are you our return ride as well?" Sheldon asks.

"Yep," the driver confirms before belching loudly and reaching into a bag of Dorito chips in the passenger seat.

 _A mermaid? It's amazing what the mind will conjure up when under duress_ , Sheldon thinks to himself as he looks out the window attempting to regain his bearings. Not that he believes in such hokum, but Missy was very much into dream interpretation when they were teenagers. Home from university for the summer, and bored out of his skull, having been banned from any of that, 'fancy science stuff,' for the summer by his mother, Sheldon picked up one of Missy's books and began reading. He recalls that mermaids are a particularly bad omen. _Dreaming of a mermaid means that a current project or ambition will fail to bear fruit and would be better left abandoned. Mermaids represent deception, often of your own making._ Scoffing, Sheldon thinks _, "even my subconscious mind is turning against me."_

Getting out of the cab as they arrive at LAX, Sheldon makes his way inside to await Amy's arrival.

Amy is utterly exhausted by the time she makes her way off the plane and through the arrivals terminal to find Sheldon waiting for her at baggage claim. Luckily, LAX is not too busy at this time of night... or rather, early morning, and she's able to get to Sheldon relatively easily. He surprises her by giving her a long hug and kissing her cheek as he takes her carry on bag from her.

"I don't have checked baggage," Amy informs him as they walk by the carousel and out to the Uber car.

Climbing into the back seat, Sheldon places Amy's small bag on the floor by his feet and then reaches to hold Amy's hand as they make their way back to their home.

"You look exhausted," Sheldon comments as they climb the last of the stairs and he opens the door to 4B.

"I am," Amy reluctantly admits as she flops down on the couch and kicks off her shoes.

"Why don't you go shower while I warm up dinner for you?" Sheldon suggests as he makes his way to the fridge and pulls out the last tray of the chicken enchiladas Amy made for him before her departure.

"Don't bother warming that up, Sheldon. I don't want to eat much before going right to bed," Amy explains as she joins him in the kitchen and begins pulling out the items to make herself a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

"Is something wrong?" Sheldon quietly asks as he embraces Amy from behind and wraps his arms around her waist, lightly swaying back and forth with her.

"No," she quickly reassures, turning her head to smile at him. "Well... yes, actually. You're expecting coitus tonight..."

"I'm not expecting anything, Amy," Sheldon quickly reassures.

"All week, it has been heavily insinuated that we'd have coitus tonight," Amy reminds him as she pulls a butter knife from the dish drainer.

"Whether coitus was heavily implied or not, our relationship agreement requires consent from both parties in order for physical contact of any kind to be permissible. I know we've been playing fast and loose with that rule, as our current embrace implies, but Amy, I will never expect or demand anything from you, nor would you ever do the same to me. If all we do this weekend is hold hands, that's enough. There are zero expectations... but if said opportunity arose..." he whispers.

"Pun intended?" Amy questions as she smirks at him.

"What pun?" Sheldon wonders before continuing his train of thought, "I'd be hard-pressed to turn down a proffer of coitus." Taking a few seconds to review his last sentence, Sheldon blushes as he adds, "so to speak."

"See, you want coitus tonight and are going to be disappointed if I reject you," Amy replies, exasperated as she removes herself from Sheldon's arms and slathers peanut butter onto a slice of wheat bread.

"I'm not disappointed in the least," Sheldon attempts to reassure. "It doesn't take an IQ of 187 to see that you're exhausted. Having you home is enough. Reaching out for you and not finding only a cold sheet in return is enough. Let's get a good night's rest and we'll see what tomorrow brings. No expectations."

"Okay," Amy whispers in reply, "Do you want a sandwich?"

"No, thank you," Sheldon politely replies as he retrieves the milk from the fridge and pours two glasses, placing one in front of Amy as she retires to the couch.

"Has Kripke discovered that it's Howard and Raj who have been pulling all of the pranks?" Amy wonders between bites.

"Yes. Yesterday, Raj and Howard discovered that Kripke left his sunroof open so they filled the car with pennies. This morning, Raj kept hearing a buzzing noise in his office while we were meeting with Colonel Williams. He opened his desk drawer to find several battery-operated sex toys," Sheldon shares, causing Amy to almost choke as she starts laughing. "How did the colonel respond?" she wonders after catching her breath.

"He said that was tame compared to the pranks he's seen in the military, and offered us some tips for revenge," Sheldon shares as Amy finishes the last of her meal.

Taking the dishes to the sink, Sheldon rinses them while Amy locks up and turns out the lights. Crawling into bed after changing into her pajamas, the last thing she feels is Sheldon rolling over to spoon with her as he whispers, "Good night, Amy. I love you."

Amy is the first to awaken the following day. Glancing at her bedside clock, she is in disbelief that it reads 1:18 pm. Sheldon is still sound asleep behind her, his arm around her waist hugging her as close as humanly possible to him. Sheldon will agree to cuddle with her, but typically, when he's ready to sleep, he'll kiss her good night before rolling away to his side of the bed. Amy thinks it's adorable and very romantic that he's spooned her all night long. As Sheldon begins to stir a few minutes later, he softly murmurs into her ear, "Marry me."

Gasping, Amy isn't sure if he's dreaming or not. She's unable to roll over to check, so as she contemplates her response, she decides that non-committal is her best option. _He wants to marry me, but he could be dreaming and my hopes will be dashed in an instant as soon as he awakens. Stay cool and wait for more information._

"Amy?" Sheldon questions as he loosens his hold upon her, "are you awake?"

"Yes," she whispers in reply as she realizes he wasn't dreaming.

"Yes, you'll marry me, or yes, you're awake?" Sheldon seeks clarification as Amy rolls over to face him.

"Yes, I'm awake," Amy softly confirms. "You... you... you... want to marry me?" she stutters as she attempts to wrap her head around the spontaneity of Sheldon's proposal.

"Yes," Sheldon immediately confirms. "Tonight."

"Tonight?!" Amy screeches as she bolts upright in their bed.

"Meemaw would tan my hide if the baby is conceived out of wedlock."

"What baby?!" Amy wonders trying desperately to follow the ping ponging logic of her... boyfriend/fiance?

"The baby we're going to conceive this weekend!" Sheldon exclaims. Realizing that yelling at his bride to be is not helping his cause, Sheldon gets out of bed and retrieves his 9 fingered Nana's ring from atop his dresser. Going to Amy's side of the bed, he gets down on one knee as he opens the ring box.

"Amy Farrah Fowler, will you marry me?" Sheldon wonders.


	8. Chapter 8

_So sorry for the delay! Thanks for your continued support! As a result of being off the grid, I am **100% spoiler free** and would greatly appreciate it if y'all would please refrain from giving spoilers. Happy premiere day! _

* * *

"What the hell, Sheldon?!" Amy yells after what feels like hours of deafening silence.

 _Something, most likely some ill-perceived supposed wrongdoing in their relationship, has spooked him into action. It doesn't take a genius to figure out that something, or rather, someone, is Ramona, _Amy quickly decides. _Although Sheldon claims superiority over everyone, when it comes to social interactions and especially in matters of the heart, he looks to the guys and their handling of various relationship issues as a source of guidance. In their maladaptive, emotionally stunted wisdom, the best way to apologize for a wrongdoing is an over the top romantic gesture. What is grander than an ill-thought-out marriage proposal?_ If anything, Amy has them, not Sheldon, to blame. She looks from the ring to Sheldon, desperately waiting for the 'Bazinga!' and a breathy laugh at a joke that is only funny to him. _He's not joking_ , she soon realizes as Sheldon awaits her answer on bended knee.

"I don't understand why you're shocked. You've known about the ring for over a year," Sheldon reminds her as he rises and places the ring on the nightstand. "I've always been upfront about my desire to have children with you. Five weeks into our relationship, we were considering surrogacy."

"Yes, but our relationship has always moved at a Giuseppe pace and now suddenly it's warp speed Mr. Hulu!" Amy exclaims, turning towards Sheldon and grabbing for both of his hands.

"Sulu. Warp speed Mr. Sulu," Sheldon corrects, gulping in fear of the glare he receives in response. "This is the third time I've attempted to propose to you..."

"Third?" Amy questions, that fact surprising her.

"The first attempt was our fifth anniversary, and the second attempt was the night I was interviewed for the Spock documentary. I saw Dave Gibbs kiss you at your door," Sheldon admits as Amy gasps in shock.

"I had no idea. Sheldon, I am so very sorry you had to see that," Amy apologizes.

"It all worked out in the end, which brings us to the present. I once told you that when I have a feeling, I know it. I love you, Amy, and I know I make you happy. I want to marry you. I want children with you. I've seen the way you look at Halley when you've held her. You get a far off look in your eyes, as though imagining it's our child. I know you want it too. Say yes," He gently pleads with her.

"Why must we get married and conceive a baby right now? What's the rush?" Amy wonders, getting to the heart of the matter.

You're currently ovulating..." _That's it, Cooper. You've already dug a six-foot deep hole. May as well keep digging for Agartha._

"You track my cycle?" Amy questions, raising an eyebrow to let Sheldon know she's not amused.

"We live together. Whether I wanted the information or not, there's little I could do to avoid it," Sheldon reasons. When Amy gapes like a fish but fails to come up with a response, Sheldon mentally marks, _point Cooper.  
_

From across the street, Ramona watches Sheldon and Amy's bedroom window as they appear to be deep in conversation. She's been watching the two windows of the fourth-floor apartment all night, disappointed that all she's seen up to this point is them cuddling. From all appearances, Sheldon has not yet mentioned his indiscretions to his live-in girlfriend. As Penny leaves the building, Ramona quickly ducks down into her seat hoping she's not noticed. Watching as she drives off, Ramona retrieves her binoculars from the floorboard.

"I love you, Sheldon. I want to marry you. I want to start a family and build a life together but..." Amy reassures him.

"Is that a yes?" Sheldon apprehensively wonders, interrupting. "We can fly to Vegas or Florida or I'm sure there are other locations in which there is no wait time between applying for a license and being allowed to wed."

" **But** , I also know that you are not impulsive or spontaneous. Something was the catalyst for you to believe you need to move our relationship to the next level very quickly. I believe that you are proposing in order to apologize to me for Ramona. I don't want there to be any doubts or regret, so... no, Sheldon, I won't marry you," she whispers, tears streaming down her cheeks.

"What happens now? Did we just break up?" Sheldon questions and even she could hear the heartbreak in his voice.

"NO!" Amy exclaims, louder than she intended. "Nothing has to change, Sheldon. Right now, I'm going to go make us lunch and I hope you'll join me to cuddle on the couch while we watch a movie?"

"Okay. I need a few minutes alone, Amy," Sheldon requests.

"Okay," Amy agrees. "Mac and cheese with hot dogs cut into it?" She wonders, seeing him nod in confirmation before she shuts the door behind her.

Watching through her binoculars, Ramona's interest is piqued as she sees Amy crying as she leaves the room. _Good,_ she thinks to herself. He _was mine first. He belongs to me._ Her stomach growling for sustenance, Ramona turns over her car's engine and drives away.

The tension in the air couldn't be cut with a bone saw as Sheldon comes out to the living room after putting the ring back into the safe. Going to sit on the couch, he turns on the tv and flips through the channels aimlessly, finally settling on Sponge Bob Square Pants, in an attempt to distract himself.

 _I don't see any plausible way that our relationship survives this_ , Sheldon realizes as he quickly glances from the corner of his eye at Amy as the microwave beeps. _Should I go in for the death blow and confess? She already suspects that Ramona was the catalyst. Amy deserves the whole truth, as difficult as it will be for her._ Decision made that he has to tell her, Sheldon turns off the tv and takes a deep breath in an attempt to calm his nerves for the most important conversation he will ever have.

"Amy, you're right that Ramona is the catalyst in my decision to propose to you," Sheldon confesses.

"I assumed as much," Amy replies while adding the noodles to the boiling water. "I'm sorry that my jealousy was interpreted as not trusting you. You've never given me any reason to doubt your fidelity."

"Why were you jealous?" Sheldon wonders.

"She's a beautiful former Olympic swimmer, she has a doctorate in Physics, and she's able to coerce you into doing things you'd never do with me!" Amy lists off, using more force than Sheldon deems necessary to cut up the hot dogs into tiny pieces.

"She may have physical attributes some men find desirable, but Amy, she's not you. I don't say it often, but you are the most beautiful and most intelligent woman I have ever had the privilege to know. I don't put much stock in physical attributes. I fell in love with your intellect and your ability to give me a run for my money when we play Counterfactuals, but you are gorgeous, Amy. Please don't ever doubt that. I will admit Ramona has a unique ability to coerce me into doing things, however, it's because she keeps unrelentingly badgering me until I give in just to quiet her. Missy used the same tactic when we were growing up. I thought I had made a new friend. I never meant to hurt you, Amy," Sheldon apologizes as Amy plates the soup and sandwiches and brings them over to sit on the couch.

"I know," Amy reassures as she takes her place by his side. "I'm sorry Ramona wasn't the friend you thought she was."

"Why are you apologizing to me for Ramona's actions?" Sheldon wonders, finding it odd.

"Because I don't like seeing you get your feelings hurt, or be used by someone," Amy explains.

"I see," Sheldon replies. " Amy, I... you... there's..." he stutters.

"Would you be willing to wait until I finish my summer at Princeton before getting married?" she wonders, speaking over him.

Sheldon doesn't give Amy time to change her mind as his lips crash into hers, knocking the wind out of her lungs in surprise.

"We're engaged?" Amy confirms when they come up for air a few minutes later.

"We're engaged," Sheldon agrees, returning Amy's smile with a matching one of his own.

Leaving Amy on the couch, Sheldon returns to the bedroom once again and quickly retrieves the ring before he changes his mind and confesses to everything. Amy has just over a month left at Princeton. He has one month to make sure Ramona is dealt with and there is zero chance that Amy will ever find out about the worst thing he has ever done. Returning to the living room, he finds his fiancee already on her phone, which she holds an arm's length away from her ear as Sheldon clearly hears Bernadette and Penny screaming in excitement at the news. Sitting on the couch, he's surprised when Amy comes to sit next to him. He turns so his left leg is resting against the back of the couch, an invitation to cuddle and sighs contentedly as Amy leans against his chest.

"They want to go out to dinner tonight to celebrate," Amy relays a few minutes later. "They need for you to approve a restaurant so we can make reservations."

"It's laundry night," he reminds her. "Will we be home by 8:15?"

"I'll do your laundry tomorrow with my own," Amy offers. "Penny said pick a nice place in the next thirty seconds or she's making our reservation and you're footing the bill."

"Ruth's Chris Steakhouse," Sheldon frantically requests. Knowing Penny, she'd make the reservations at a sushi restaurant or worse, The Olive Garden, he thinks with a shudder.

Sheldon plays with a strand of Amy's hair as she talks on the phone, twirling it around his finger before letting it slide between them, which gets him an amused smirk as she continues talking.

"Are you still interested in that offer of coitus?" Amy seductively whispers into his ear a few minutes later after hanging up.

"Yes," Sheldon immediately responds as he seeks out Amy's lips.

* * *

"Ugh, I ate too much," Amy complains as she and Sheldon enter the lobby of Greenwood Village later that night. Stopping at the mailboxes, Amy retrieves the day's mail before following Sheldon up the stairs and into Apartment 4B.

As Sheldon opens the door, he proceeds to the bedroom to change into his pajamas while Amy goes into the kitchen and fills the tea kettle with water.

"Sheldon? Did you want a mug of tea?" Amy calls out as she opens the mahogany tea box and selects a bag of sleepy time tea for herself.

"Yes. I'll be right out. We need to call my mother," Sheldon loudly replies.

While waiting for the water to boil, Amy sits on a bench at the island and proceeds to scan the mail.

"Junk, junk, electricity bill... hmm, what's this?" She wonders as she gets to a large manila envelope addressed to her. There is no return address. Finding it odd, Amy flips the envelope over and separates the tape from the flaps to open it. Reaching in, she pulls out a dozen papers which have been placed into the envelope upside down. Flipping them over, she nearly falls off the bench when she sees a picture of Ramona Nowitzki performing fellatio on Sheldon.

With shaking hands, Amy proceeds to flip through the rest of the pictures showing Sheldon in various intimate acts with Ramona. As calmly as possible, Amy lays each photo on the counter in two rows.

As Sheldon comes out of the bedroom a few minutes later, he finds Amy sitting on the couch, silent tears streaming down her cheeks.

"Amy? What's wrong?" Sheldon questions in concern.

"Start talking. With words. Informative words that tell me things," Amy demands as she points to the pictures on the counter.


	9. Chapter 9

There are some pictures you can look at for days and never think of again, and then there are those pictures that you can look at for a second and remember for the rest of your life. If a picture is worth a thousand words, what is the value of catching the only man you've ever loved in the ultimate betrayal via a photograph?

A barrage of emotions is overwhelming Amy as she watches Sheldon while he examines each photo she has laid out on the kitchen counter. She sees his face pale at the stark realization that he's been caught and his Adam's apple bobs as he gulps. He keeps his eyes downcast, so as to not have to look into her eyes and see the pain he's caused her, Amy suspects.

Her hands are shaking, causing droplets of her tea to splash over the edges of her yellow mug and onto the couch, the only outward manifestation of her inner turmoil. Amy's briefly tempted to throw the mug in the general direction of Sheldon's stupid pointy head but immediately dismisses the violent tendencies in lieu of getting answers to the deluge of questions overwhelming her brain.

 _Breathe. You're going to be okay. Breathe and remember that you've been in this place before. You've been this uncomfortable, and anxious, and scared and you've survived it. Breathe. You will survive this too. These feelings can't break you. They're painful and debilitating, but you can sit with them and eventually they will pass. Maybe not immediately, but someday, you will look back on this moment and be proud of how strong you were in the face of the ultimate betrayal. Breathe, Amy._

"I want the absolute truth. Do not lie to me. Do not even _attempt_ to offer anything other than the absolute, complete, and honest truth right now, Sheldon," Amy forewarns as she sits on the couch and takes a fortifying sip of her tea. "I want to know everything."

"What do you mean by everything?" Sheldon wonders as he leans against the counter and protectively folds his arms across his chest.

"Every last detail; who initiated it, when it began, how many times... this... happened... **eve...ry...thing!** "Amy yells in frustration. "Why? Why do this? I waited three years for you to kiss me, 4 years for you to say you love me, 5 years before we made love. I've known for a year that you were planning to propose. I see now I'm just a placeholder until something shinier came along."

"That is unequivocally false, Amy. I love you," Sheldon forcefully insists as he comes to sit next to her on the couch and reaches for Amy's hand.

" **Don't** touch me! I had to wait years to hear those three little words from you and now you're going to use them against me moments after ripping my heart from my chest? Our love means nothing to you, Sheldon Cooper! If you loved me, you'd be incapable of ever betraying me like this! I should put my knowledge of anatomy to good use and castrate you without the use of an anesthetic before taking a few more body parts while I'm at it!" Amy threatens. "Start talking, Bub! I want details. From the beginning."

"It... Ramona came into my office with lunch for the two of us. I asked her if she was desiring a romantic relationship with me and made it clear that it presented a problem because I am in a relationship with you."

"Obviously not too big of a problem..." Amy interjects. "When did this occur?"

"A few days after you left," Sheldon supplies. "She kissed me. I immediately left my office and came home," Sheldon explains. Not hearing any questions from Amy, he continues.

"I wrestled with the ethics and my own personal moral code over the kiss for days. The next time I spoke to... _her_... I... I initiated the affair, Amy," Sheldon confesses.

Looking up at Amy, her calm expression as she removes her ring and places it on the coffee table before him worries Sheldon. He expected an angry outburst at that confession. "I... I needed to know that you are the only woman I want to share my life with."

"And you thought the best way to find out was by fucking another woman?!" Amy screams at him. "How many times did this happen?"

"Four encounters on two different occasions," Sheldon replies.

"In... in our bed?" Amy wonders, her voice shaking at the thought.

"No. One weekend at a hotel and once in my office," Sheldon clarifies.

"I have nothing to say to you right now. Get out," Amy demands.

"Amy..."

" **Go!** "

"You've dated and kissed other men but I can't be afforded the same opportunity?" Sheldon asks.

"Really? That's your argument? Sheldon, you had an opportunity as well but by coming to my door, pleading with me to be your girlfriend again, kissing me, making love to me, moving in with me... you forfeited that right. I don't know if this is some continuation of proving you're not like your father, or you missed me and fell into Ramona's clutches during a moment of vulnerability, but you had your chance to explore greener pastures and you chose not to. Get _**the hell** out of my apartment. _**GET OUT!** "

With nowhere else to go, Sheldon shuts the door to 4B behind him and crosses the foyer to Leonard and Penny's apartment, knocking on the door.

"It's open!" Leonard calls out.

Entering the apartment, Sheldon finds Leonard, Raj, and Howard sitting around the coffee table, copies of the D&D core rulebooks opened as Raj attempts to plead his case.

"Face it, buddy, you nerfed it," Howard points out again.

"Fine," Raj concedes before taking an angry bite off of his Red Vine.

"What's wrong with you?" Leonard asks as he notices Sheldon's solemn mood.

"Amy and I are in a fight," Sheldon vaguely answers.

"Already? We expected the two of you to be consummating the engagement like bunnies," Howard teases with a waggling of his eyebrows. "What'd you do?"

"Why do you automatically assume I 'did something?" Sheldon wonders as he helps himself to a Red Vine.

"Nope, uh-uh, you're not welcome here," Penny answers as she and Bernadette come around the corner from the bedrooms, snapping her fingers and pointing towards the door.

"Dude, what'd you do?" Raj questions, curiosity now piqued.

Keeping silent, Sheldon stares down at his white sneakers, wondering if he should be more afraid of Bernadette or Penny.

"Sheldon, leave!" Bernadette demands after a few seconds of silence.

"We don't take sides, remember?" Leonard reminds his wife.

Taking her phone out of her pocket, Penny brings up one of the less graphic photos that Amy sent her and flashes her screen to the guys, who turn green at the gills.

"You slept with Dr. Slutbunny?!" Howard questions, using Penny and Bernadette's nickname for Ramona.

"Yes," Sheldon quietly admits, looking sheepish.

"What is wrong with you?!" Penny yells at him.

"I should castrate you right now!" Bernadette adds as she gets in his face.

"Bernie! Why don't you and Penny go comfort Amy and plot revenge while we find a place for Sheldon to stay the night?" Howard suggests to his wife.

"He's not staying with us!" Bernadette yells before slamming the door behind her.

"Our wives work with chemical and biological agents on a daily basis and his ex-fiancee could skin him alive with her scalpel. I'm not sure who he should be most afraid of," Howard jokes as the door shuts.

"I don't want the blow by blow... so to speak, but I have two questions. Why do this to Amy?" Raj wonders as he moves out of Sheldon's spot on the couch.

I... I needed to know that Amy is the only woman I want to spend the rest of my life with. I had doubts. I think... I think I'm drawn to Ramona like a moth to a flame because I feel unworthy... unlovable. I've been missing Amy..."

"Do not blame Amy for this," Howard warns.

"I'm not. I'm a hundred... a million percent at fault. She did nothing but love me and I betrayed her. I've been missing her and so when another woman showed interest in me, I sought it out as an ego booster and to attempt to fill that void until Amy comes home."

"Wrong answer. You're still blaming Amy for not being able to keep it in your pants! I should let the girls kick your ass!" Leonard threatens.

"I don't blame Amy. I made some very poor decisions," Sheldon replies.

"Damn right you did! You know what? I've seen you be selfish, egotistical and sometimes downright cruel but I never thought you'd be capable of this. You're no longer welcome in our home and Penny and I will be discussing any future involvement we may have with you, which if I get my way, is zero. Right now, you need to go beg Amy to allow you to pack an overnight bag and find somewhere to stay until she leaves for Princeton. I'm sure Dr. Slutbunny would love the company," Leonard jests.

"That's very rich coming from you. All of us have been unfaithful to our partners at one point," Sheldon points out.

"He's right," Howard responds, "but mine was the cyber-nasty and Leonard stopped it before it got to that point. You made a conscious decision to hurt Amy in the worst way imaginable."

"My second question is, why did you photograph it?" Raj wonders.

"I didn't. The photos appear to have been taken by a webcam, but I didn't notice any set up when we were... engaged in coitus," Sheldon informs them. "I made it clear to Ramona that it's over. Why would she send the pictures to Amy?"

"Jealousy. If she can't have you, she's going to make certain that Amy doesn't want you," Raj explains.

"Do you think she'll ever forgive me?" Sheldon wonders.

"No," all three guys simultaneously answer.

"Pack a bag and I'll give you a ride to the hotel," Raj offers.

Crossing the hall, Sheldon hesitates, his fist awkwardly hanging midair. He really wants to talk to Amy in private, to explain his reasoning, apologize and plead for her forgiveness. Knowing that it will be impossible as long as The Honey Badger and The Wolf are being Amy's bodyguards for the evening, Sheldon sighs before knocking.

"Go away, Sheldon!" Penny answers after his third and final knock.

"Amy, please allow me to pack an overnight bag," Sheldon requests through the door.

"Let him in," Amy quietly requests as she dabs at her eyes with a kleenex.

As Bernadette opens the door for Sheldon, she softly warns, "do not say a word to her or I will rip out your spine and shove it up your dickhole. You get five minutes to pack a bag and get out. Capisce?"

Nodding in affirmation, Sheldon makes his way to the bedroom, leaving the door slightly cracked as he turns on the light, goes to the closet and retrieves a black duffle bag. Hearing the door squeak on its hinges, he jumps and bangs his head on the shelf, not expecting the intrusion.

"Amy... I'm sorry that I hurt you. That was never my intention," Sheldon apologizes.

"It didn't hurt me. Not hurt. Hurt is a four-letter word. It's short, almost cute sounding? 'Aww, did that hurt?' No. It didn't hurt. Destroyed, obliterated, desecrated, annihilated, demolished, shattered, or demoralized, maybe... but no, it didn't hurt me. It didn't hurt me at all..." Amy replies as she sits on the bed.

Catching sight of Sheldon's brain lit up on the fMRI causes Amy's breath to hitch in her throat as she chokes back a sob, futilely trying to keep her composure in front of Sheldon as she angrily swats at the tears streaming down her cheeks.

"I'm so sorry, Amy," Sheldon whispers as he sits next to her and allows her to cry. He desperately wishes she would allow him to comfort her, but as the current status of their relationship is unclear, he instead sits with his hands folded in his lap. "Can we talk some more? To see where we go from here?"

"I'm so angry at you that I'm not thinking straight right now," Amy admits, "but I am absolutely _certain_ that this...us... is over. It has to be. I can't trust you now, and without trust, there is nothing. Give me time to calm down but I think we do need to talk before I leave for Princeton. Meet me at the coffee shop tomorrow morning?"

"I don't want to do this in public," Sheldon requests.

"You don't get any say in the matter, Sheldon," Amy snaps. "I need neutral territory."

"Okay," Sheldon quickly agrees. Who is he to deny her anything at this point?

"What... what did she offer you that I didn't?" Amy wonders as she lays her head against his shoulder. "Is it because she's prettier than me?"

"No. It has nothing to do with your physical appearance, Amy, or what you did or didn't do. I decided... I decided to do this to prove to myself that I didn't want anyone but you. I chose a horrible, inexcusable, unforgivable way to go about it. I am so sorry I hurt you."

"What did you honestly expect to happen, Sheldon?" Amy wonders. "Did you honestly expect to get away with it?"

"Yes. I thought I had covered my tracks well enough that you would never find out," Sheldon admits.

"I can't do this right now. I need you to leave," Amy pleads, the anger once again bubbling up inside her.

"Alright," Sheldon agrees.

Going to his dresser, he opens the second drawer and pulls out the pile of his Sunday clothes, quickly shoving them into his open duffle bag before retrieving his travel kit from the closet as he shuts the door and throwing it into the bag as he zips it shut.

"Your five minutes are up!" Bernadette yells as Sheldon opens the bedroom door.

Without a backwards glance, or another word, he shuts the door to 4B, for what he hopes is not the final time.


	10. Chapter 10

_This is a ridiculously long author's note because I feel there are a few things I need to address:_

First of all, thank you SO MUCH for your continued support. I haven't been good about responding to reviews lately, but please know I read each and every one as they hit my e-mail and I greatly appreciate the feedback I've received.

I have several people questioning if this is a Shamy story. To be perfectly honest with y'all, I'm not entirely sure where I'm going with this. I don't pre-plan my chapters in advance. I have a very general outline but things change as I write and come up with new ideas. The last seven lines of this chapter was how I planned on ending the last chapter, actually. I have a couple of plotbunnies floating around in the back of my mind, and one of them does involve Shamy reconciling, but I don't know if I will use one or either of those ideas when I get to that point. I've said from the get-go that I'm writing this story to challenge myself, and trust me, as I can't imagine EVER being unfaithful to the person I love, it has been a challenge trying to get into Sheldon's mind and figure out wtf he was thinking.

Thanks for taking this journey with me.- Dr.W

* * *

What does one do when the only person you wish to comfort you in your moment of the most unimaginable emotional pain possible is the same person who has caused said pain? Apparently, you talk to yourself as you toss and turn in the bed you once shared with the said person, The irony is not lost upon Amy as she sighs heavily and watches as the clock turns, marking one more hour that she's been awake. Never in her worst nightmares did she dare dream that Sheldon would ever do something like this. In fact, if she's being completely honest, of all of the guys in their social group, she would cast her vote for Sheldon being the least likely to stray. _And yet, here we are_ , Amy gripes as her eyes fill with tears once again.

"Damn it, Sheldon," Amy whispers for the fiftieth time tonight as the tears wet her pillow.

Across town, Sheldon's faring no better as he fitfully tosses and turns. Sighing heavily, he rolls onto his stomach and places his arms under his head. He has five hours to figure out exactly what he is going to say to Amy, I'm sorry sounding like nothing more than a hollow platitude. He's certain he's lost Amy in the fallout, which he knew upfront was the most likely outcome if his sins ever came to light. All he can hope for at this point is to make it out of the coffee shop in one piece and with his testicles still attached.

Amy has two tried-and-true methods for helping her to relax enough to fall asleep; a hot shower and a vigorous session with Gerard, her trusty toothbrush. She's not much in the mood for masturbation tonight but knowing that she must get even a few hours of sleep in order to face the long day ahead, Amy gets out of bed and goes into the bathroom to take a long hot shower.

Sheldon has removed all of her bath products from the tub, she quickly notices as she enters the bathroom, instead replacing them with his Luke Skywalker no-more-tears shampoo, Darth Vader conditioner, Mr. Bubbles bubble bath and a new black bottle of men's body wash.

"Dr. Slutbunny must prefer that," Amy fumes as she picks it up and opens the cap to smell it. It smells of sandalwood and Amy immediately decides she likes it as she takes another deep whiff.

Opening the cabinet to find her bath products, Amy instead finds a large manilla envelope of papers tucked behind six rolls of toilet paper. _Sheldon's intentionally hiding them,_ Amy quickly surmises _,_ as she turns on the hot water tap and pulls the lever to start the shower water. Setting the papers on the counter, for now, Amy strips and steps into the shower, turning her back to the spray to allow the water to massage her tense neck muscles.

Giving up on sleep, Sheldon turns on the lamp on the bedside table and pads over to the table in the right corner of the room. Finding the hotel's notepad and a pen, he taps it against his bottom lip as he attempts to prognosticate Amy's questions. Above all else, Sheldon believes in telling the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, but he also realizes that there is a very fine line between being honest and being _too_ honest. He's already hurt Amy and destroyed his relationship. Does she really need to know that he was sexually attracted to Ramona and having multiple fantasies about her, or should he spare Amy's feelings and omit that part? Googling "cheating spouse questions," and clicking on the first link, he takes his time writing out the answer to each of the ten questions on the web page, which he intends to give to Amy later today.

As Amy turns off the water of the shower and dries off, the envelope is calling to her. She quickly redresses before snatching it up off the counter and going to the bedroom, flipping the light switch as she walks by. Sitting on the edge of the bed, Amy sets the envelope on her nightstand, scared about the contents within. Realizing she's in a Schrodinger's cat scenario, she mirthlessly laughs to herself. _If curiosity killed the cat, he still had eight more lives._ She grabs the envelope and quickly pinches the metal tab to loosen the flap before lifting it up and pulling out a large packet of papers, which have been professionally bound together. Flipping it over she chuckles as she reads, _Everything You Know is Wrong: A Dumbing Down of Scientific Principles for Imbeciles By Dr. Sheldon Cooper, BS, MS, MA, Ph.D., Sc.D._ It's the manuscript for the book Sheldon has been working on as part of his deal with Mrs. Davis which allowed him to switch his field of study. _Why is he hiding it in the bathroom?_ Amy wonders as she opens it to the first page and settles back to read. Her breath catches in her throat as she reads the dedication, "To Dr. Amy Farrah Fowler, the most intelligent person I have ever met. I love you."

"Damn it, Sheldon... why?" Amy whispers once again.

Waking up before her alarm later that morning, Amy has a sudden impulse to take extra time dressing and to apply makeup. She picks what she knows to be Sheldon's favorite dress, although he'd never admit to it, a purple dress with a pink floral print. Getting ready to walk out the door 45 minutes later, Amy stops at the floor length mirror and double checks her appearance, deciding she looks damn good for only getting three hours of sleep.

"Eat your heart out, Sheldon Cooper," Amy whispers.

Sheldon, on the other hand, is having a terrible morning as he searches his duffel bag once again, confirming that he did, in fact, forget to pack clean socks and underwear in his haste to get out before Bernadette made good on her threat. Groaning, he quickly decides his only option is to go commando as well as sockless, not having enough time to ride the bus to the local Walmart and still meet Amy in time.

Entering the coffee shop where their love story began, and sadly, will end today, Amy wears a smile like a loaded gun as she spots Sheldon at "their" table and notices he has already ordered for them: two banana nut muffins, 2 mugs of tea and a glass of tepid water. Taking a seat across the table, Amy quickly notices that Sheldon's displaying his nervous ticks as he rubs the hem of his shirt between his fingertips.

"You... you look... nice," Sheldon stutters after a long moment of awkward silence between them.

"Thanks," Amy softly replies as she helps herself to the vanilla chamomile teabag and daintily dunks it into her hot water to steep. "I'm not... I'm not entirely sure how to do this," she admits, her eyes downcast as she studies the Japanese cherry blossom design etched into the pink Formica tabletop.

"Amy... I want you to know that I truly am sorry that I hurt you," Sheldon apologizes once again as he reaches for Amy's hand.

Feeling her jump at the unexpected contact before quickly pulling her hand away from Sheldon's, Amy shoots him a death glare and he decides he's on very thin ice already.

"If you knew how it was to be used. Someone pretends to love you and then uses you to... well, I'm not really sure of your ultimate goal, Sheldon, other than some sick, twisted mind fuck... but you love me and you never wanted to hurt me right? Go to hell. I don't want to hear your meaningless platitudes," Amy warns as she picks at her muffin and pops a large piece into her mouth.

"What do you want?" He wonders.

"Answers," she answers truthfully. "But, I am not sure which questions to ask."

"Maybe this will help," Sheldon offers as he pulls the ten sheets of notepad paper from his pocket and hands them to Amy for inspection. "I Googled which questions you may ask in preparation for today."

"I don't want some prepared answers," Amy responds as she takes the sheets of paper from Sheldon and tucks them into her purse. "I want you to tell me in your own words what you think I need to know."

"Alright," Sheldon agrees before taking a sip of his tea. "Your primary question seems to be why I did this. This..." Sheldon pauses as he hands Amy his cell phone where he has a copy of the Infidelity Agreement pulled up, "is the agreement I made with Dr. Nowitzki. It was an experiment intended to last for 60 days. The purpose was to find out if I am truly content with our relationship and want to propose marriage knowing that you are the only woman I want to spend my life with."

"Well you picked a hell of a way to go about it," Amy points out once again, "were you sexually attracted to her prior to initiating this... experiment?" she wonders, holding her breath in preparation for the knife to the heart.

"Yes," he shamefully admits, knowing he needs to be completely honest.

"What did you say to yourself to justify your actions?" Amy wonders as she pushes her muffin to the edge of the table, no longer hungry.

"I needed to know that you are the only person I want to spend my life with, kiss, make love to... when I ended the experiment, I told _her_ that although the mechanics are the same, you possess one thing she can never have, my heart," he whispers.

"What do you feel for her?" Amy wonders.

"Nothing," Sheldon reassures.

"That's a lie," Amy points out, "Sheldon, you fit the profile for being a demi-sexual. You obviously feel something for this woman. Do you love her?"

"No. I've only ever loved you," he replies. "Lying to you about where I was and what I was doing was one of the most difficult things I have ever done. I am ashamed of myself and my behavior."

"As well you should be," Amy points out, "How did you feel after you slept with her?"

"Numb," Sheldon immediately replies before taking a sip of tea, "I committed an unspeakable act of betrayal and immediately regretted it."

"And yet it happened three more times," Amy points out. "What did you do with her that you never did with me?"

"You saw the pictures," Sheldon evasively replies as he avoids the question. "As they say, a picture is worth 1,000 words."

"Yes," Amy agrees, "but I want to hear it from you."

"Fellatio...cunlingus..." he pauses to make sure no one is eavesdropping, finding the shop nearly empty, "anal sex,' he whispers.

"Did you enjoy it?" Amy pointedly asks, not entirely sure she wants to know the answer.

"The first two acts... yes, very much so. The third... I'm not sure what the appeal is," he honestly answers. "I don't know how to say this... but can we start over?" Sheldon wonders. "I know... I know I've done terrible things but I had doubts... I had to make sure that this was it... you were it. I needed to know, consequences be damned. I made the worst mistake of my life because I hurt you and that is something I never, ever wanted to do. I put my needs above yours."

"Are you serious right now?! Sheldon, listen to me when I tell you this. I hate you. I cried all night, kissing what I thought was our future together goodbye because YOU did the one thing I never thought you would be capable of doing. You hurt me, Sheldon, in the worst way imaginable... and I hate you for it."

"You hate me?" Sheldon whispers, dumbfounded by the bluntness of Amy's proclamation.

"I hate you." she venomously replies. "When I walk out that door, I'm gone and when I'm gone I never hear from you again."

"I deserve that," Sheldon whispers as he looks up to see the tears welling in Amy's eyes.

Needing to escape the coffee shop before she breaks down into a sobbing mess, Amy stands and pushes in her chair. Looking in Sheldon's eyes, Amy is shocked to see that they have turned a dark indigo as two tears roll down his cheeks.

"Goodbye, Sheldon Cooper," she whispers before walking out the door, the click of the lock echoing the finality of her words.

"Goodbye, Amy Farrah Fowler," Sheldon whispers as the tears rapidly fall onto the leaves of the cherry blossom design of the table.


	11. Chapter 11

Thank you so much for the incredible reviews! For those of you who happened to see the little exchange I had with the troll, I sincerely apologize for that. Constructive criticism is one thing, and I can totally take it, (I feel it helps me become a better author) but this was downright nasty and unnecessary. Trolls are like Gremlins, right?( i.e., don't feed them after midnight.) All future comments from this, or any other, troll, will be deleted without response.

This chapter is brought to you by chile limón Doritos, Shake-a-Day IPA (My favorite beer from my home state. My bestie was kind enough to ship a few six packs to me as an early Christmas present!) and pretty much every song that Keith Urban has ever sung. I apologize in advance...

To the reviewer who pointed out that it was difficult to understand what Siobhan was saying, I apologize. I have reuploaded this chapter with subtitles for easier reading.

* * *

Watching as Amy walks out the door, and out of his life for good, Sheldon takes a few moments to compose himself, noisily blowing his nose into his ever-present red handkerchief before using the collar of his shirt to wipe the last tears from his eyes. He finishes the last of his tea, which has now gone cold, before taking the garbage to the trash bin. He doesn't feel like going back to his hotel room, but as all of his friends are unjustly Team Amy, he has nowhere to go and nobody to talk to.

When Sheldon was a young boy, he spent many hours watching Cheers with his Meemaw, seeing many examples of patrons spilling their troubles and darkest secrets to the bartender. Glancing at his cell phone, he sees that it is only 9 am. Well, as the song says, it's 5 o'clock somewhere. Asking Siri where the nearest bar is, Sheldon is directed to an old hotel turned Irish Pub. Opening the heavy wooden door, he steps inside to the lobby, which has been tastefully decorated with soccer memorabilia. The maitre 'd station is empty. Spotting a sign saying, "seat yourself," Sheldon accepts the invitation and proceeds to the empty bar, taking a seat at the far right end.

"Waat 'ill it be, Lad?"( _What will it be, Sir?)_ the svelte red-headed bartender drawls in her heavy Irish accent while polishing a pint glass.

"I'll have a long island iced tea with an extra umbrella," Sheldon requests. _When in Rome..._

"Only pussies draink dohs an' yer sure don't luk loike a pussy ter me. you'll 'av a Guinness is waaat you'll 'av," _(Only pussies drink those and you sure don't look like a pussy to me. You'll have a Guinness is what you'll have)_ the bartender decides as she quickly fills a pint of black liquid from the nearby tap and slides the glass to Sheldon. "Trouble wit yer Lass?" ( _Trouble with your wife?)_ she wonders before setting a bowl of peanuts next to Sheldon.

"How'd you know?" Sheldon wonders as he gulps down a fourth of the pint.

"Honey, I'ma bartender. I'm also a volunteer marriage counselor, chef, taxi driver, doctor, and babysitter," she laughs. "Name's Siobhan."

"Sheldon," he responds. "I made the biggest mistake of my life..." he begins as Siobhan grabs a rag and wipes down the bar while thinking, _This bloke has women problems? There's still hope for me yet._

* * *

 _"This a bad idea. A horrible idea. A completely idiotic, terrible idea,"_ Amy berates herself as she turns into the parking lot of Greenwood Village and kills the engine of her car. She feels her heart hammering against her ribcage, confirming her gut instinct that she should swallow her pride and go endure the hours of thinly veiled insults about "not being able to keep a man" from her mother. _He fucked another woman and it's all my fault. Yeah, no thank you._

Deciding she'll deal with finding a place to stay for the night later, Amy slams the car door shut and winces as she realizes how much force she used. With each step closer to the lobby doors, the full force of her anger towards Sheldon returns. Making her way up the four flights of stairs in record time, Amy blows into 4A like a hurricane and retrieves the box of garbage bags from under the sink, tossing them towards the couch after pulling one out.

After opening the bag, she stands in the middle of the room and spins in a slow circle, attempting to decide where to begin. She spots Sheldon's Justice League comic book laying on the coffee table and decides to start there by ceremoniously tossing it into the trash bag. It takes her just over an hour to collect all of Sheldon's belongings into 17 white garbage bags, which she placed on the left side of the living room. With nothing left to do to distract herself, Amy flops down on the blue couch and soon dozes off into a deep slumber.

* * *

"On behalf av al' weemen, oi shud yisser arse roi nigh...," _(On behalf of all women, I should kick your ass right now)_ Siobhan confides as Sheldon wraps up his story. "Do yer love dis Dr. Nowitzki?"

"Absolutely not," Sheldon quickly insists, affronted by the accusation. "How do I show Amy that I am truly remorseful and get back in her good graces?" he wonders.

"You seem loike a gran' guy who jist made sum feckin dense decisions. Normally oi wouldn't say dis but oi tink yer nade ter gie 'er time an' space. Let 'er git over de initial anger. She wants nialas contact. Respect 'er wishes. Eventually, she's gonna start missin' yer an' questionin' if she can forgive yer. Wait for 'er ter make contact witcha. That's yisser openin'. Work on betterin' yerself. Git sum fuckin' counselin' ter figure oyt waaat lead yer ter chucker dis,"Siobhan suggests as she places Sheldon's lunch order, a bowl of Irish stew and two large pieces of Irish soda bread in front of him. _(You seem like a good guy who just made some fucking stupid decisions. Normally, I wouldn't say this, but I think you need to give her time and space. Let her get over the initial anger. She wants zero contact. Respect her wishes. Eventually, she's going to start missing you and questions if she can forgive you. Wait for her to make contact with you. That's your opening. Work on bettering yourself. Get some fucking counseling to figure out what lead you to do this.)_

"Nuts to that. What else ya got?" Sheldon asks while slathering butter onto his bread.

"Oi can tell yer roi nigh de answers are not at de 'ole av a beer bottle," Siobhan jokes. _(I can tell you right now that the answers are not at the bottle of a beer bottle.)_

* * *

It's dark in the apartment when Amy awakens to the sound of knocking on the door. Groaning as she hears Sheldon calling out, "Amy" after each series, she waits for him to finish his ritualistic knocking routine. She rolls her eyes as Sheldon continues knocking after the third set of three knocks, again calling out her name. She's not sure what possesses her to open the door, but as she does, she's immediately assaulted by the smell of stale alcohol and vomit as a tipsy Sheldon leans against the jamb of the door, which seems to be the only thing keeping him upright.

"What are you doing here?" Amy wonders as she blocks Sheldon's path to the living room.

"I went to an Irish Pub and Siobhan... you'd like Siobhan. I told her how smart you are and how pretty you are and how you made my life better and..."

"Get to the point, Sheldon," Amy snaps, having little patience for his drunken rantings.

"The point... Siobhan said that the best way to get over a breakup is to drink yourself stupid. I've done that and I'm still not over you," Sheldon confesses.

"Sheldon..." Amy sighs as she moves aside and turns on the lights. "I don't think you understand the ramifications of your actions," she points out as she goes to the kitchen to start a strong pot of coffee.

"I understand it perfectly, Amy," Sheldon counters, sounding far soberer than he feels, "Everything I feared when I was a child, I have become. I've taken on the demons of my father, made them my own and, by doing so, I hurt you. I lost you. Meemaw used to tell me that sooner or later, everyone sits down to a banquet of consequences. I don't want to lose you, Amy. Please... we can go to counseling, we can work through this. You know me..."

"No, not anymore. _My_ Sheldon would never do this. I don't know who _you_ are," Amy rebukes as she leans against the island and folds her arms. "Please don't make this any more difficult than it already is, Sheldon. Please, if you ever loved me at all, if you have even a shred of dignity... don't make me regret letting you in here," she pleads in a soft whisper as she fights to hold back tears.

"Okay," Sheldon hesitantly agrees. "What's all that?" he wonders as he points in the general direction of the 17 bags.

"Everything you own," Amy replies matter of factly.

"Everything?" Sheldon questions.

"Your clothes, that stupid Groot mask you wore that one time to sneak up and scare the living daylights out of me, your comic books..." she lists off, failing to notice that with each item listed, Sheldon's face turns a shade redder.

"My comic books? They're going to get bent and no longer be mint condition!" Sheldon whines as he rushes to the bags.

"This is a perfect example of why our relationship was doomed from the beginning. You value everything else above me," Amy fumes as Sheldon quickly rips open a bag and frantically searches to save his beloved comic books, cradling them to his chest.

"THAT is untrue! I like my routine, I enjoy comic books, I feel most comfortable in my spot, but I love you. You are the only non-blood relation who I have ever or will ever love, Amy. That is not something I say flippantly. I love you, Amy Farrah Fowler. You entrusted me with protecting your heart and... I failed you. I will spend the rest of my life regretting the incredibly stupid decision I made to be unfaithful to you. I hope someday, you will be able to forgive me," he whispers as he crosses the room and gently wipes away a tear from Amy's eye.

"I hope so too," Amy sniffles. "I feel that you lusted after Ramona much more intently than you ever did for me," she admits, seeing Sheldon's jaw drop to the floor in shock.

"That is also untrue. I have been battling with myself for months, Amy. Sharing a bed with you has awakened the sexual beast within but I didn't act upon it due to our once-a-year agreement. If... if I had, would you have said yes?" he wonders.

"That..." Amy stutters, quickly looking for any answer other than a resounding yes. "is irrelevant now," she mutters, barely audible to Sheldon as she intently studies the chips in the red nail polish on her toes. "Why are you here?

"You're leaving for Princeton tomorrow and I realized that if I have any chance of saving our relationship..."

"You think you can just knock on the door, drunk as a skunk, smooth talk me, and I'm going to instantly forgive you? I'm not entirely sure if I'm angry or sad or both or neither, but I do know with absolute certainty that our relationship is over. I'm not coming back from Princeton, Sheldon. I have been turning down fellowships right and left because I don't want to be half-way across the world from you, but you are no longer going to factor into any decision I make, professional or otherwise. I've spoken with the super and removed my name from the lease and have arranged to have my belongings placed in storage until I either find a home or donate them to charity. We are done. I don't know how much clearer I need to be about that," Amy fumes.

"Please, Amy... please, I will give you everything you want, I will do anything you ask. Please...let's work through this. Please," Sheldon desperately pleads of her.

"What I want for you to do right now is leave. Leave and never contact me again," she demands, opening the door and ushering him out. "I'm sure Dr. Slutbunny is worried about you."

"This has nothing to do with her," Sheldon argues.

"This has _everything_ to do with her! I bet she was your first call after I kicked you out," Amy theorizes.

"I haven't spoken to her since I ended the affair several days before you found out," Sheldon reassures. "She means nothing to me, Amy."

"Apparently, neither did I," Amy whispers. "You fucked another woman, Sheldon... multiple times. That's not something I can forgive. I love you. This is the most difficult thing I have ever had to do, but you made the decision to stray. Now you must live with the consequences. Please, Sheldon, I am begging you, I need you to leave."

Without another word, Sheldon walks out the door which is immediately slammed in his face as Amy flicks the deadbolt into place. Leaning his head back against the door, it's only seconds later that his heart completely shatters into a billion pieces as he hears the gut-wrenching sobs of his first and only love.


	12. Chapter 12

"Ready?" Penny asks as she comes into the living room from the bedrooms, wearing a form-fitting red dress with a long slit up to her knee.

Swallowing his tongue, Leonard dumbly nods his confirmation and goes to his wife, giving her a quick peck on the cheek.

"You look beautiful," he whispers in her ear.

"Thanks, babe. Are you nervous?" Penny wonders as she straightens his tie and picks a piece of hair off of his black suit jacket.

"Yes," Leonard admits as he checks his pocket to confirm he has his inhaler on standby. "Practicing my speech in front of you is one thing, but I will be speaking in front of 1,500 people tonight."

"You're going to do great, Sweetie," Penny reassures as she grabs the keys from the mosaic bowl by the door and they step into the lobby. "And if you totally suck, I'll mock you mercilessly with the Youtube video."

"I love you too," Leonard replies with a genuine smile as he locks the door behind them.

"Holy shit, what is that smell?" Penny wonders as she covers her nose and mouth with her hand. If she had to describe it, she'd say it's a mixture of rotten garbage, sweat, vomit, and feces.

"The garbage chute is probably clogged again," Leonard guesses as they quickly make their way downstairs to escape the smell.

If Sheldon had to describe the sound of a heart breaking, he'd do his best to recount the hysterical sobs of Amy Farrah Fowler as they echoed through the fourth-floor lobby. The sound still haunts his dreams as he bolts upright in bed, gasping for air. He soon realizes that what woke him was not the dream, but rather his loud, annoying neighbors/ former friends. He hasn't seen or spoken to anybody in two weeks... well, that's not exactly true. He hasn't seen or spoken to anybody other than the delivery guys who supply him with food and the cashier at the Chevron across the street when Sheldon makes his daily trip to purchase more alcohol.

Sheldon scratches his unshaven chin as he carefully makes his way past the collection of glass beer bottles that line his path to the bathroom. He gently opens the bedroom door and keeps his eyes averted to the floor as he enters the bare and unused room. Amy took every piece of furniture, including their bed, which she reportedly set on fire in Howard and Bernadette's back yard, along with everything else that reminded her of Sheldon. At least that's what he was lead to believe from the videos sent to his phone by Penny and Bernadette.

After relieving his bladder, he gives himself a quick sniff test and decides to take his first shower since breaking up with Amy. Peeling off his clothes, he throws them on the floor before stepping into the tub and leaning his head back to wet his crusty, greasy hair. Spotting Amy's cherry blossom shower gel in the corner of the tub, Sheldon closes his eyes and hangs his head in shame as the bile rises in the back of his throat. He misses everything about her; her Cheshire smile when she was teasing him, her laugh, the way she'd ever so innocently reach for his hand under the table while they were sitting next to each other at lunch in the cafeteria, hell, he even misses watching Little House on the Preposterous with her. When his thoughts shift to a more libidinous direction, Sheldon bangs his head against the shower wall repeatedly.

 _Stop thinking about her! Stop thinking about her! Stop it! Stop it! STOP IT!_

 _"FUCK!"_ He yells as he slams his palm into the cream tiles of the tub wall, scratching his hand on the grey wire of the shower caddy hanging from the shower head.

After making herself a mug of tea, Amy settles in for a long night of finishing her final report for her fellowship at Princeton.

"Because I have nothing else to do on a Friday night," she mumbles to herself as she powers on her Lenovo laptop and reaches for her headphones with one hand.

While waiting for her laptop to boot up, Amy grabs her cell phone and sees that she missed a Facetime request from Penny.

"Oh, right, Leonard's keynote is tonight," Amy suddenly remembers before typing out a quick apology.

She has purposely limited contact with everyone back in Pasadena, needing time and space to sort through the conflicting emotions without the constant, inevitable barrage of "death to Sheldon" comments she is sure Penny and Bernadette would make, as well-meaning as they might appear to be. Try as she might, she can't stop herself from thinking about him and talking to him in her head; things she wishes she could say to him, questions she wishes she could ask.

Clicking on Spotify, Amy plugs in her headphones and brings up her "Liked From Radio" playlist, clicking on "All I ask" by Adele.

"I just want to understand why," she whispers to herself for the billionth time, once again becoming choked up. "Damn it... keep it together, Fowler. He's not worth your tears."

Quickly switching to her "Sheldon Free Zone" playlist, Amy selects, "Perfect Beach of Absolute Loneliness" By Andrei Krylov, letting the soothing guitar wash over her as she closes her eyes and imagines that she is a bird soaring high over a golden meadow of honeysuckle as she watches a herd of deer at play.

Getting out of the shower, Sheldon walks into the bedroom and searches for the garbage bags which contain his clothes. Having difficulty unknotting the drawstrings, Sheldon finally gives up and tears the bag down the seams, spilling the contents onto the floor. He does this 14 times before locating a shirt, socks, underwear, and pants. Looking at the mess he made, he steps over it on his way to quickly slamming the bedroom door shut.

Walking to the island, he picks up the glass bottle of Jose Cuervo, noticing it has one shot... at most... left. He opens it and takes a large swig directly from the bottle, barely wincing at the afterburn. Taking one more swig to finish the bottle, he tosses it in the general direction of the garbage can, not caring when it lands on the floor wide right of the bin. Moving the half-eaten moldy pizza box aside, he searches for his wallet and keys amongst even more bottles left on the counter. Not finding them, Sheldon continues his search for 20 minutes before finding his keys and wallet in the fridge. Checking to see how much cash he has, Sheldon pockets his wallet and makes his way to the Chevron across the street.

Returning home later that evening, Leonard and Penny walk up the stairs hand in hand on their way to their bedroom to celebrate Leonard's successful keynote address. It's only as they reach the fourth floor that the overwhelming smell from earlier returns. Quickly unlocking the door, Leonard ushers Penny inside before going to grab the broom so he can use the handle in an attempt to unclog the garbage chute. He makes his way there and opens the hatch, but is surprised when it is completely clear and the smell is not coming from the chute.

"Huh," he vocalizes.

Deciding to investigate, he carefully sniffs around the doors of Apartments 4C and D, respectively, smelling vanilla air freshener at 4C, and someone cooking with garlic at 4D. The closer he gets to 4B, the worse the smell gets. He carefully sneaks up to Sheldon's door, being careful not to accidentally bump it and has to fight his gag reflexes as he confirms the noxious fumes are indeed coming from Sheldon's. Going into 4A, he quickly makes his way to the "junk drawer" and locates the spare key for Sheldon's.

"It's coming from Sheldon's," Leonard explains to his wife's raised eyebrow. "I need you to come with me," he requests.

"I have nothing to say to El Douche," Penny replies.

"Penny, please. He hasn't been to work or the comic book store for two weeks. I'm worried about him. What if... what if... he's dead?" Leonard worries, barely able to voice his worst fear.

Promising to kick Sheldon's ass for worrying Leonard and the way he treated Amy, Penny sighs and looks longingly at her glass of Merlot as she follows Leonard across the hall and waits with her arms folded across her chest as Leonard knocks on the door.

"Sheldon, it's Leonard!" he calls out when there's no answer before pounding on the door a little harder.

When there's still no answer, Leonard uses his key to enter and almost immediately knocks over several empty brown beer bottles with the door. Sheldon, meanwhile, is passed out on an air mattress, his fist wrapped around the neck of a nearly empty fifth of Jim Beam.

"Holy crap on a cracker..." Penny gasps in shock as she takes in the filth that Sheldon has been living in.


	13. Chapter 13

I know a lot of people were not happy with how "OOC" Sheldon was in the last chapter and I am once again defending my creative decisions. Depression is an incredibly complex disease and I do think that Sheldon, both in canon and as I've written him in this story, would fall into a deep depression under the circumstances. Speaking as someone who has suffered from depression for most of my life, depression isn't about "woe is me. My life is this, that and the other." It makes you feel hopeless, worthless, and isolated. It's incredibly difficult to describe the sheer continuous intensity of it. There is no "off switch." _1 in 5_ people  worldwide will suffer from mental illness at some point in their lives. Chances are you, or someone you know, has a mental illness, such as depression, whether you are aware of it or not.

* * *

Anxiously crossing the room, Penny crouches down next to Sheldon and checks to make sure he's still breathing. Carefully, she puts the pillow that fell off the bed back under his head and takes the quarter full bottle of Jim Beam from his grasp, setting it on the counter next to the sink before getting into the under sink cabinets to retrieve the bottle of bleach and garbage bags. Although she has been the most vocal in her hatred of Sheldon since his two-timing ways came to light, there is a small part of her that can't help but feel sorry for the cheating bastard. Sure, he did it to himself, but knowing Sheldon as well as she does, Penny is certain that he likely doesn't understand why everyone else has abandoned him.

"What are you doing?" Leonard whispers as he comes up next to Penny and looks at Sheldon with a mixture of pity and disgust.

"I'm snapping photographic evidence because no one will believe that _Sheldon Cooper_ is living like this, and then I'm finding the source of that putrid smell," Penny explains before holding up her phone and bringing up the camera app.

"Don't touch anything and put your phone away!" Leonard reprimands his wife, fearing the wrath of Sheldon should he awaken.

"He's out cold," Penny reassures as she snaps a few pictures of Sheldon and the state of his apartment.

"Can I talk to you in the hallway?" Leonard requests.

"Um, yeah, I guess," Penny decides as she and Leonard carefully make their way to the hallway and shut the door behind them.

"You're feeling sorry for him?" Leonard questions as he folds his arms across his chest and prepares for battle.

"Yeah... maybe... a little?" Penny mumbles before looking up at Leonard with what he's come to call her "sad puppy eyes."

"Don't use the eyes on me right now. He did it to himself, Penny," Leonard reiterates. "I can't believe you're feeling sorry for him!"

"What happened to not taking sides?" Penny fires back."He's your best friend!"

" _Former_ best friend!" Leonard corrects as he dusts his hands as if to say he's done with it.

"What happened to bros before hoes?" Penny wonders.

"Sheldon is the ho! Team Amy!" Leonard yells as he heads to his apartment and pauses before entering. "Go play Mommy to Baby Sheldon once again!" Leonard sputters in disgust.

"Fine!" Penny yells before walking into Sheldon's apartment and slamming the door.

"Fine!" Leonard yells back. "ARGH!" he exclaims before going back into 4A and slamming the door just to piss Penny off. _I'm going to pay for that later..._

Sheldon awakens some time later to the smells of bleach and somebody cooking bacon while that female singer Amy loves sings about setting fire to the rain. In his half-asleep state, Sheldon keeps his eyes closed to fight a pounding headache and waits to hear Amy singing along as she cooks them breakfast. _She takes such good care of me,_ Sheldon thinks. _I should do something nice for her. She's always talking about wanting to tour The Moore Lab of Zoology. I suppose I can soldier through it to make Amy happy._

The dull thump of his head hitting the wooden floor brings Sheldon to full alertness. He realizes he was dreaming as he rubs his temple and looks around the empty apartment, quickly spotting Penny in the kitchen.

"Ow," he whines as he sits up and opens his eyes to see Penny smirking at him.

"Mornin' sleepin' beauty," Penny greets him as she flips a pancake.

"What are you doing here?" Sheldon wonders as he rubs at his temples to ease the headache.

"Come eat," Penny offers while holding out a plate of pancakes, bacon, and eggs. "I'm here because I could no longer tolerate the stench from your petri dish of horrors. Sheldon... I know you're feeling..."

"No, Penny, you don't know how 'I'm feeling," Sheldon points out before accepting the plate and shoving a huge chunk of pancake into his mouth.

"Okay... I assume you're feeling a tremendous amount of guilt, remorse, loneliness, and self-recrimination, but drinking yourself stupid is not going to bring Amy back," Penny gently points out as she passes the syrup bottle to Sheldon.

"Maybe not, but it helps numb the pain and shuts up my stupid brain telling me how stupid I am," Sheldon whines.

"That's something we can both agree on. I can't believe you did this to Amy. Why, Sheldon?" Penny wonders as she scrapes the bowl and puts the last of the batter onto the skillet.

"I kept rationalizing it as an experiment intended to prove to myself that although I can have any woman I desire, I only wanted Amy. It was a test of my commitment and sexual desire prior to making her my wife. However, now I think that on a subconscious level, I was... well, to use the common vernacular, I was horny..."

"Okay!" Penny exclaims as she debates the possible repercussions of taking a shot from Sheldon's bottle of Jim Beam.

"But due to our once a year agreement..." Sheldon continues undeterred.

"Which Amy would've _happily_ broken had you asked," Penny interjects.

"I know," Sheldon whispers as he looks down at his half-eaten pancake and pushes it away. "Have... have you spoken with her since... since she found out?" he wonders.

"I have but was explicitly instructed to not discuss her with you," Penny explains as she sees Sheldon swallow hard and nods his understanding, the remorse evident on his face. "You broke her heart, Sheldon."

"I know, Penny, and I will regret that until my last breath," Sheldon softly murmurs. "Is she... is she okay?" he wonders, hoping to get even a sliver of information out of Penny.

"She's doing surprisingly well under the circumstances," Penny vaguely shares. "Damn it, Sheldon! I'm supposed to hate you right now, bestie code of honor or something like that, but right now I just feel sorry for you! Go take a shower cause you smell like ass," she demands as she points towards the bathroom.

"Okay," Sheldon agrees as he takes the last bite of scrambled eggs and takes his plate to the sink. "Penny, do you think Amy can ever forgive me and we can... we can try again?"

"She's never going to forgive you for this, and if she does even consider getting back together with you for a single second, I will kick her ass before dragging her to the nearest looney bin," Penny promises.

Coming out of the bathroom after his shower, Sheldon is surprised to find that it's the cleanest he's seen it since the night Amy discovered his infidelity. Tossing the towel he was using to dry his hair back into the bathroom, Sheldon retrieves his laptop from the kitchen table and goes to sit on the couch. As his laptop powers up, Sheldon makes his way into the kitchen and finds his Jim Beam bottle. What would his mother, or worse, his Meemaw, think if they saw him like this? Opening the bottle, Sheldon makes the decision that he is done following in his father's footsteps and he is going to get his act together to be a man who deserves Amy Farrah Fowler. He pours the amber liquid down the drain before turning on the tap to wash away the stench.

Going back to the couch, Sheldon grabs his laptop and opens Spotify, bringing up the song he heard when he awakened. Closing his eyes, he lets the lyrics wash over him.

 _Hello from the other side. I must've called a thousand times to tell you I'm sorry for everything that I've done, but when I call you never seem to be home. Hello from the outside. At least I can say that I've tried to tell you I'm sorry for breaking your heart. but it doesn't matter, it clearly doesn't tear you apart anymore._

 _Have I sincerely apologized to Amy? Does she know how sorry I am?_ Sheldon wonders as he retrieves his phone from his pant's pocket and quickly dials her number. His thumb pauses over the send button as he freezes, wondering if he's making yet another stupid decision by calling her.

 _I need her to know,_ Sheldon decides after a few moments of indecision as he hits the send button and listens as the line rings.

Amy startles awake as her cell phone rings, having fallen asleep on her couch while watching The Princess Bride. Blindly reaching for her cell phone, her heart jumps into her throat as she sees that Sheldon is calling her. Her anger at him quickly returning, Amy sends the call to voicemail and throws the phone onto the other side of the couch when she feels the hot salty tears spring to her eyes once again immediately followed by loud wailing sobs that shake her to her core.

She sent his call to voicemail, Sheldon realizes as it clicks over after the third ring. As he listens to her message, his mind races with thoughts about everything he wants, nay, NEEDS to say. Taking a deep breath as he hears the beep to start recording his message, he freezes and considers just hanging up. Shaking his head no, he steels his resolve.

"Hello, Amy," Sheldon begins, his voice soft and barely audible. "I um... I was listening to that singer you like... the British one... and I... I realized I hadn't told you I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything that I've done. I'm sorry for breaking your heart. I'm sorry, Amy, and I miss you. I hope that you're well."

* * *

Please be patient with me as I'm currently working 11-hour shifts. I do plan on writing when I find time and inspiration strikes, but please understand updates will be few and far between until my shift changes in June 2018. Thank you for your continued support of this story and for your patience and understanding.

This chapter was inspired by Adele's "21" and "25" albums. The songs mentioned in this chapter are "Set Fire to the Rain," and "Hello."


	14. Chapter 14

I apologize in advance for the short chapter but I don't want to leave this sitting on my hard drive for months on end! I'm working 60+ hour weeks right now so have no idea when I'll have time to write. Please bear with me. Work has to be slowing down soon!

Happy New Year!

* * *

Grasping her cell phone in her hands, Amy brings her knees to her chest as the pain of seeing Sheldon's name on her screen hits her full force. She has begged and pleaded with him to let her move on, as difficult as the change will be for the both of them, but Sheldon is clearly not getting the message. Quickly waking up her cell phone and inputting her passcode, Amy brings up the text messaging app, not having it within her to call and hear Sheldon's voice.

 _"Give me peace, Sheldon. You owe me that much,"_ Amy's text message in reply to his phone call reads.

" _Once you love somebody, even if they are no longer in your life, that connection never dies_ ," Meemaw once told him. He's not giving up, not yet, he decides as he quickly types his response and hits send before he can change his mind.

 _A plan. He needs a plan for how he is going to win Amy back,_ Sheldon realizes. Retrieving his whiteboards from the closet, he sets them up and gets to work making a list of all of Amy's favorite things on the largest of the whiteboards. Stymied by how to get her to even talk to him again, Sheldon dashes to his laptop at the kitchen table and Googles "how to win my girlfriend back after infidelity."

As he clicks on the first link, Sheldon startles as his cell phone vibrates in his hand and Amy's assigned ringtone blares out from the speakers. He can't help the smile that comes to his face at seeing she's calling. _She's talking to me_ , he sighs in relief. _That's a positive first step._

His relief, however, is short-lived as Amy immediately lays into him without a proper greeting.

"I don't owe ANYONE, most especially _you_ , an explanation for taking care of myself," Amy harshly informs him as he hears shuffling while she moves the phone away from her ear and sniffles.

"I never said that you owe me an explanation, Amy," Sheldon softly murmurs into the phone.

"Everything you are, everything you have become, this... this _monster_... I don't know who you are anymore and that makes me... sad, I suppose is the correct term. When we think of meant to be, we automatically assume "forever." But maybe it isn't supposed to last forever. Maybe it's just someone who is in your life to teach you something. Maybe the forever is not the person, but what we gain from them. I will remember and recover, _NOT_ forgive and forget. I am allowed to walk away from a toxic relationship. I am allowed to walk away from someone who hurt me in one of the worst ways imaginable. I am allowed to be angry and selfish and unforgiving. Please Sheldon, if you ever loved me..."

"IF? Amy, I love you. I loved you long before I admitted it to myself. Why won't you even attempt to save us?" He whispers.

"US died the moment you made the decision to fuck another woman. I hope it was worth it," She bitterly retorts, the vile evident in her voice.

"Of course it wasn't! I can't begin to explain my thought process that led me to make a horrible decision but I realize now that part of it was due to unfulfilled sexual needs," Sheldon quickly replies before mentally facepalming himself for putting his foot in his mouth.

"I was right there, Sheldon. All you had to do is ask! Do you think once a year was easy on me? Do you know how many nights I would lay awake in our bed after you'd fallen asleep hoping you would roll over and hold me or wake up in the middle of the night, unable to control your carnal urges? Night after night, day after day of wondering if I was nothing more than a glorified nanny who you had pity sex with once a year? And then, to top it all off, you want to blame me for you not being able to control yourself?" Amy questions, her voice rising with each accusation.

"I do not blame..."Sheldon attempts.

"Yes. You are. Not once have you accepted fault for any of your transgressions during the course of our relationship, romantic or otherwise," Amy points out.

"I'm bad at love, okay?!" Sheldon snaps as he runs one hand through his hair in frustration.

"Obviously," Amy scoffs.

"But... damn it, Amy, I tried. I tried... for you. For love. Name your price..." He pleads.

"My price, Sheldon, was believing, maybe naively, that come hell or high water or... or zombie apocalypse... you would never betray me. Not like this. I didn't ask you for much..."

"Strongly disagree but go on..." He interrupts.

"But I thought it went without saying that the one thing we expected from each other was complete and total fidelity with regards to our physical intimacy,' Amy questions as she loses the will to continue fighting.

"It did. Whatever you want, it's yours, just please... don't leave me," Sheldon pleads, realizing he's fighting a losing battle.

"Even if I was remotely interested in saving the smoldering remains of our relationship, which, by the way, _I'm not_... it doesn't matter. I've accepted a position in Paris. I leave tomorrow," she explains.

Silence. Not exactly the reaction Amy expected from Sheldon as the line goes dead, the only sounds their ragged breathing. She watches her phone as the call timer continues to run... tick... tick... tick... with neither of them saying a single word, nor wanting to be the one to break the tenuous silence between them.

"Paris? Paris, France?" Sheldon finally questions at long last, the fear evident in his voice.

"What other Paris is there?" Amy questions, her sarcasm lost on Sheldon.

"Paris, Texas; Paris, Ontario, Canada; Paris, Denmark..." he lists.

"Alright, alright! Paris, France." Amy confirms.

"No," he whispers, "Amy, please, don't go. Please..."

"I have one more thing to say before I wish you farewell, Sheldon. I hope you change... really, truly, to the depths of your soul repent and become a changed man after this. You are selfish, greedy, callous, conniving, immature, and... and the worst mistake I ever made was thinking our break up had changed you. DO NOT contact me again," Amy warns before the line finally goes dead as she disconnects the call.

Giving a single nod of his head, Sheldon quickly pulls up Amy in his contacts list and deletes her before doing the same with the chain of text messages they have sent each other. He brings up his picture gallery next but as the first photo, a selfie Amy coerced him into taking at Big Bear Lake, loads, Sheldon cannot bring himself to delete a single photo. He spends a few minutes flipping through the photos on his phone and is surprised by the number of photos containing his former paramour.

Not able to be alone with his thoughts any longer, Sheldon grabs his wallet and keys from the bowl by the door and slams the door shut as he exits.


	15. Chapter 15

I have received a lot of messages asking for an update. I love that ya'll love this story and want to see Shamy back together! Here's the deal...

The company I work for recently announced the release of a new product, so things are pretty crazy at work right now. I've had mandated overtime for the past few months which leaves very little time for me to do much more than eat dinner and sleep once I get home. Hopefully it slows down soon!

There will be a resolution to this story. Like Sheldon, I cannot stand to leave things unfinished. ;)

Thank you for reading.- Dr.W

* * *

In a perfect world, you could love people without giving them a piece of your heart. Alas, every kiss that leaves one breathless and every touch of flesh is another shard of heart you'll never see again.

Hanging up on Sheldon, Amy takes a shuddering breath and exhales slowly through her mouth. _"Life need not be easy, provided only that it's not empty_ ," famed physicist Lise Meitner once said. Realizing that Sheldon once used that very quote when they reconciled, Amy smiles fondly at the memory as tears cascade down her cheeks.

In science, as in life, there are rules that simply cannot be broken, lines that cannot be crossed. For every red line Amy set previously in her relationship with Sheldon, he would reach the line but go no further, fearing the repercussions of his actions. He'd then pout for a few hours before calling or Skyping Amy to apologize for his behavior, and she'd forgive him, time after time after time.

She misses him, despite her thus far futile and outward denial to the contrary. " _Denial is a river in Egypt, after all_ " she hears her mother reminding her. Would it really be the worst thing to forgive Sheldon and work towards reconciliation?

 _Yes!_ her mind screams at her. _Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times and I need my fucking head examined._

Powering down her phone, Amy haphazardly tosses it into her open backpack and goes to take a long hot shower.

* * *

Change is a four-letter word. Well, technically, it's 6, but in Sheldon's mind, it is akin to the most atrocious of curse words in the English language.

Hearing the news that Amy is leaving for Paris has left Sheldon feeling as though his heart was ripped from his chest. _Amy_. Three letters. His first love. His vixen. His kryptonite. HIS... no, not anymore.

Cursing his stupid decision once again, Sheldon exits the lobby of his apartment building into the warm humid air of the early summer California evening, destination unknown as he takes off his jacket in the sweltering heat. He has to stop her! If she leaves the country, there is no hope of reconciliation. But how is he going to make it to New Jersey in time to stop Amy from leaving?

Catching a whiff of garlic in the air from the Chinese restaurant down the street, Sheldon's stomach growls, reminding him that he hasn't had dinner.

Entering the restaurant, Sheldon sees that the only open table is "His and Amy's" table, where they would eat lunch together every Saturday at noon since moving in together. Inwardly groaning, Sheldon decides to get his meal to go and return to the peace of his apartment.

"82.50," the owner's wife requests as Sheldon approaches the counter.

"I haven't ordered yet," Sheldon replies, confused.

"Friends order. Chicken shredded, orange sauce, steam rice, egg roll. No order for wife. She gone?" she wonders while boxing the order for Sheldon.

"Yes, she's working in France," Sheldon replies while pulling out his wallet to pay just as Leonard, Howard and Raj enter the restaurant.

"Fancy meeting you here," Howard jokes while handing over the cash to pay for the orded. "Loyalty extends to establishments you frequent but not to your girlfriend, I see."

"Maybe I should call Glencinda the troll... now what was his number?" Sheldon jabs. "And I'm sure Raj masturbates to thoughts of Penny... or is it Bernadette playing his clarinet? I forget."

"Hey! What did I do?" Raj exclaims.

"If you'll excuse me, gentlemen... and Howard... I have a plane to catch," Sheldon explains as he decides he's no longer hungry.

"Where are you going?" Leonard questions.

"New Jersey, and if that isn't successful..."

"Paris," Leonard, Howard and Raj chime in.

"Sheldon... it's over. Let her go. You made your bed, now you have to lay in it," Leonard softly reasons as he pats Sheldon's back. "The more you push, the more she's going to retreat."

"Unless she has Stockholm syndrome, which to be in a relationship with him, break up, and come back is a very real possibility," Howard chimes in.

"Shut up, Howard," Sheldon snaps. "I have to try. She's not listening to my reasoning and reassurances that I only want her."

"Can you blame her? Sheldon, you see this as an experiment. Amy sees it as the ultimate betrayal. It's like when Wolverine killed all the X-Men in Old Man Logan."

"But he was under the influence of Mysterio's illusions..." Sheldon argues, "Oh. I see. I was under Ramona's influence."

"Exactly. Sheldon, actions have consequences. What you did to Amy is unforgivable. I know change is difficult for you and you really care about Amy..." Leonard empathizes.

"I don't just 'care about her,' I love her. I have to try. If she rejects me again, then I will let her move on," Sheldon decides.

Without a backward glance, he walks out the door, seemingly making a huge mistake as his three former friends stand at the counter of the restaurant slack jawed at what they just witnessed.

"We have to stop him," Raj voices after a few moments of silence.

"No, I'm done trying to babysit that giant dumbass. We need to give Amy a head's up that Sheldon's on his way," Howard chimes in.

"The odds are very low that Sheldon will make it to New Jersey in time and even if he does, finding Amy at Newark and picking the correct flight to Paris... it's not going to happen," Leonard reasons. "I don't want to worry Amy over something that is a statistical improbibility. We don't tell the wives and we don't tell Amy. This wil be a good lesson for Sheldon. Actions have consequences."

"I agree," Raj chimes in as he grabs one of the two boxes of food. "Howard?"

"Bernie's going to know something's up the second we walk in the door. I can't keep anything from her," Howard worries as he grabs the other box of food.

Exiting the restaurant, Sheldon takes the stairs back up to his apartment two at a time as he enters and quickly retrieves his passport. Locking the door, he makes it half way down the first flight of stairs before deciding he needs an extra set of clothes, just in case. Bursting back through the door, he shoves the clothes into his messenger bag before running back down the stairs and peeling out of the parking lot in Amy's car.

He gets to LAX in record time and parks in long term parking before sprinting to the terminal. Reaching the desk for Delta airlines, Sheldon's lungs are burning as he gasps for air. The last time he ran that fast and that far was when the school nurse, Mrs. Honeycutt, tried to give Sheldon a scoliosis screening during the week of hell known as 6th grade.

"I... I need... I need the next flight to New Jersey and... and... one ticket to Paris," Sheldon requests as he hands over his passport and credit card.

"I have one seat left on our last flight to Newark. It's $684," the flight attendant relays a few seconds later after punching in the infornation

"That's fine. Newark to Paris?" Sheldon questions.

"We have two flights, oh, but you'll only have a 15 minute layover. The other flight does have a layover in London.. "

"That's fine," Sheldon dismissively replies and a few minutes later he's sitting at the gate to fly to New Jersey and stop Amy.


	16. Chapter 16

In the history of mankind, this has to rank among the more ludicrous things his species has ever done, Sheldon decides 27,400 feet above Kansas. Well, he can no longer use the defense of his mother having him tested. He's certifiably insane.

How the h-e-double hockey sticks did he end up here, chasing after a woman? Him, Sheldon Lee Cooper, Ph.D., boy genius... lovesick fool... two-timing rat bastard, just like his father. Of all the ways he could've possibly destroyed his relationship with Amy, he never imagined this.

He can spend the rest of his life chasing her all around the world, but the simple truth of the matter, Sheldon decides, is that he's lost Amy. Sighing, he looks out the window, only seeing the flashing of the lights from the jet's wings. He's not going to Paris, he decides. He'll find a hotel near the airport, get something to eat, and return to Los Angles in the morning.

 _Sheldon is on his way to Newark and then to Paris,_ the text message from Bernadette reads. _Beavis, Butthead, and Koothraweenie ran into him at Ming's._

If it was anybody else, Amy wouldn't worry so much. Newark is a large airport, and the odds of them picking the correct flight are minuscule. But this isn't just any Joe Blow we're talking about, it's Sheldon Cooper. Of course, he's analyzed the data, taken Amy's personal preferences into account, and determined with a high level of probability which flight she'll be on.

Months ago, Amy would have swooned at the thought of Sheldon chasing after her, declaring his love for her, begging her not to go... but now, she sighs, now she just hopes to avoid a public confrontation in the middle of the airport.

She conducts a quick Google search and determines that Sheldon will be landing within 15 minutes of her departure for Paris. With any luck, she'll already be on board. There's no way Sheldon would book his connection with only minutes to spare. Breathing a sigh of relief, Amy texts a thank you to Bernadette before locking up the apartment and heading to the airport to return her rental car.

Sheldon's pulse races as the captain announces that due to construction on the runway, their gate has changed to the international arrivals terminal, meaning he will have to go by the international departures in order to get to baggage claim. Of all the rotten luck, Sheldon silently fumes. With any luck, Amy will already be onboard and never know he flew to New Jersey. Raising his seat to its upright position, Sheldon closes his eyes and recites Pi as they land.

She doesn't know why she keeps watching the arrivals board as she sits at the gate. Maybe, there's a subconscious part if her that wants Sheldon to find her, declare his undying love and devotion and plead for another chance... maybe elope to Atlantic City.

 _Now you're just being ridiculous, Fowler, Amy decides. He's commitment phobic. He only has sex with you once a year because he knew he had to compromise. You've fooled yourself into believing its out of love and respect for you, but it was nothing more than Sheldon giving an inch. He required no such compromise with Ramona. He couldn't wait to have her first chance he got. He did things with her he'd never do with you. You'll never have the romantic, mushy, can't keep your hands off each other relationship, but you shouldn't be left feeling unwanted and undesired. Hold firm on the no. It's hard. It hurts, but he chose to stray. He chose to betray your trust. He chose to ket you go. Fuck him, metaphorically, of course._

Has he always been this person; cruel, heartless, uncaring? If you'd asked Amy a year ago, a month ago, she'd have said no, of course not, it's his personality. He doesn't easily express or accept affection. How is it then that Sheldon, or at least the Sheldon she thought she knew, has seemingly vanished overnight?

She'll never understand what went wrong in their relationship to get them to this point. They were happy, in love, committed... or so she thought. If she really lets herself think about it, the red flags and warning signs were there for years. She fooled herself into ignoring them, suppressing her fears and unhappiness, hoping that if she was loving enough, patient enough, submissive enough, Sheldon would eventually come around. He intentionally withheld all forms of physical and emotional intimacy for years, yet, if another man showed interest in her, he became jealous and possessive. That, in the simplest terms, is emotional abuse, Amy decides. Why then, would she want to subject herself to that again?

 _Because being with Sheldon is better than the alternative of being alone. When I die, at least somebody will be there to call the coroner rather than finding me weeks or months later._

Looking at the arrivals board, Amy gasps when she realizes that Sheldon's gate has changed to 3G, just 6 gates away. He'll have to walk right by 3B to get to baggage claim. _Come on, start boarding our flight,_ she silently pleads _._

Sheldon is the last person off the flight, purposely taking his time and allowing others to deplane ahead of him. He feels his pulse racing and a weight sitting in his chest as he walks down the concourse and enters the airport. Stopping at the first empty bench he sees, he pulls his cell phone out of his pocket and powers it on, immediately receiving texts from Bernadette, Leonard, and Raj.

He decides to ignore the other messages, idle threats he assumes, and opens the 3 messages from Raj.

 _You're making a huge mistake. She's at Gate 3B. Good luck_.

He shoves his phone in his pocket, slings his messenger bag diagonally over his right shoulder, and takes a deep breath, exhaling through his mouth. He'll take a quick glance as he walks by, but isn't going to intentionally look for her, he decides.

Amy sees him before he sees her, setting her heart racing and her stomach doing flip-flops. There's nowhere to run. They're really going to do this, she decides as she catches his eyes when he glances into the seating area of Gate 3B, the pursing of her kips into a thin line displaying her displeasure.

"What are you doing here, Sheldon?" Amy quietly questions as he approaches and sits next to her.

"I... I realized midflight that I made a mistake coming here and I... um... of all the ways I could have possibly destroyed our relationship, I never could've imagined this. I'm here... to say I'm sorry... and, to wish you luck in Paris," he whispers to avoid the eavesdropping of other passengers.

"Thank you," Amy replies, the shock at Sheldon's epiphany evident in her voice.

"How long is the fellowship?" he wonders.

"6 months with the potential to extend depending upon funding," Amy replies. "Sheldon... I... you need to move on and I desperately need to get some space so I can begin to heal and move on myself. I am pleading with you, please, I need zero contact while in Paris, no texts, no Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, Skype... smoke signals. For all intents and purposes, I don't exist. We... we can talk when I get back to... to see if we can be friends. I'm not promising anything but I am open to the possibility."

"Okay, that's fair," Sheldon decides, "but just so we're clear, I don't think we can ever be 'just friends."

"We'll have to face that reality if, and when, the time comes," Amy decides as the boarding announcement for her flight is called. "Can I um... can I have a hug?" she wonders.

"Yes," Sheldon immediately replies as he offers Amy his hand to help her up.

It's not as awkward as either imagined as they wrap their arms around each other and Sheldon rubs her back as she breathes in the scent of his talc. She can feel his pulse racing...or is it her own?... she wonders as she rests her head on his shoulder after a few moments when neither makes a move to let go.

Knowing she has to go, Amy pulls back and gives Sheldon a small shy smile in gratitude.

He can't stop staring into her emerald eyes, the tiny flecks of gold shimmering as she fights to hold her tears at bay. She has to go, he realizes, but Damn he doesn't want to let go and watch her walk out of his life, possibly forever.

They're not sure who made the first move as their lips lightly brush against each other, each not daring to deepen it to more than a chaste kiss goodbye before Amy pulls back as her seat number is called for boarding.

Picking up her bag, she queues in line and soon disappears from view.


	17. Chapter 17

Inspired by the song "Pictures" by Kid Rock and Sheryl Crow

* * *

 _That kiss meant something_ , Amy decides as she walks into her new apartment, a small studio in the heart of Paris' Latin Quarter. The smell of freshly baked bread from the cafe downstairs makes her mouth water as she locks the door and turns on the lights. The university was nice enough to find her a fully furnished apartment and even left a gift basket of fresh fruit and some baked goods, she thankfully notices as she grabs a pear and bites into it.

Walking into her new bedroom, Amy draws open the curtains, gasping at the view, the Eiffel Tower and Carrousel de la Tour Eiffel visible in the distance. She kicks off her shoes and lays on the bed, noticing how soft the fresh lavender sheets are. Reaching for her cell phone to let Penny know she's arrived, Amy closes her eyes as she sees the picture she had been looking at on the plane; her and Sheldon looking at each other, her hand, displaying her engagement ring, on his cheek, as they grin at each other hours before he shattered her.

 _I was in love. I think that's pretty evident from the photo. I was aspiring to be in love with someone for the rest of my life and the rest of his, as we all do. Things change, life moves on._ If she continues to obsess about IT _... HIM... THEM..._ it will be a very long and torturous six months, she decides.

However much she wants to, however much she should, she can't delete the photo. She presses the home button on her phone and sends Penny a quick text message before going into the living room to retrieve her suitcase and unpack.

 _That kiss meant nothing_ , Sheldon decides as he lays on the gravel like hotel bed, kicking himself for being so stupid. He knew she was going to go, even if he begged her not to. Why then, does he feel like she took his heart with him? _Because she did,_ he decides. Like it or not, he sighs, Amy Farrah Fowler has laid claim to his heart, and taken up permanent residency in his mind. _The Nobel Prize for stupidity is awarded to Dr. Sheldon Cooper._

Meemaw would often use proverbs to relate to him when he was a child. The proverb, _"If you love something, set it free. If it comes back, it's yours. If not, it was never meant to be,"_ comes to mind now. What is behind this old saying, Sheldon wonders. Most interpret it as a description of fate. Only fate can determine whether a relationship was meant to be. So, by this logic, Amy will come back to him if it's destiny that they are together.

 _Poppycock,_ Sheldon decides. A better interpretation is that you can't force someone to love you. That realization hits him like a ton of bricks. _He can't force Amy to love him. Is that what he's been doing all along?_ He wonders. Howard would often joke about Amy having Stockholm syndrome or being held hostage. Did Amy feel that way? She certainly thought he was a bad boyfriend. That outburst confessional from Penny almost killed him at the time. He really was a shitty boyfriend, he decides. Well, he won't hold another woman hostage. He's done with this hippy nonsense commonly called a relationship. No, a homo novus is meant to be alone...

Except, he doesn't want to be alone. He likes waking up every morning and seeing Amy's smiling face, he likes knowing she'll be waiting when he comes home from comic book night, or if he's sick, she's there to care for him, or just having someone to talk to... but after 7 years, starting over and training another woman... no, thank you.

Sighing, he rolls onto his side and reaches for his cell phone. Pulling up his photos, he cringes as he pulls up a photo of him and Amy, her hand on his cheek, showing off his Nana's engagement ring in all its sparkly glory, the night he foolishly proposed to her. She looked so happy in that photo, he notices. They were happy and in love. Why then, did he decide to throw all of that away?

He kissed her tonight at the airport. He wasn't aware of leaning in until his lips brushed her soft pink ones. It took every ounce of restraint he had to not try to deepen it. First of all, they were in public and that would've been inappropriate, but secondly, he can't gauge Amy's emotional state right now. She seems to be over the initial anger and missing him. It's a start.

 _You kissed? Amy, I'm sorry but forgiving Sheldon would be the biggest mistake of your life._ Penny's text message reads.

Of course she's still angry at Sheldon. How could she not be? Try as she might, she could overanalyze every single moment of their relationship and nothing short of sticking red-hot needles into the cortico-basal-ganglia-thalamocortical-loop at the very moment he chose to have an affair will ever explain why he did this.

She was the one that leaned in to kiss him, she realizes now. Does it mean that she forgave him? Possibly. More likely though, it was a natural reflex, a conditioned behavior. She wonders what Sheldon thinks about it. If he's overanalyzing it as much as she is. The answer, she decides, is a resounding yes.

Going to the bedroom window, she looks out at the glistening Eiffel Tower as the sun sets. She's in Paris, often regarded as the most romantic city in the world. It's going to be a long six months, she decides with a sigh. She may as well do some sightseeing while she's here. Grabbing a few Euros from her purse, Amy shoves them in the pocket of her new cream colored light jacket, grabs her keys and makes her way out onto the streets of Paris.

The streets are bustling in the early evening hours, full of laughing college students and a smattering of tourists. She lazily strolls, looking into the windows of the different cafes and boutique shops her destination unknown. She's a stranger in a strange land. No one knows her, or her history. It really is a fresh start. She finds an empty table at a small corner bistro and takes a seat, deciding she'll order a light dinner and see what's in the area.

He needs to turn his brain off, stop worrying about things outside of his control, and sleep. Ha. Not likely. It's going to be a hellish six months while he waits to see if he and Amy can be friends. Also not likely.

He pulls out his phone and pulls up the new webpage for Sorbonne University to see where Amy will be working for the next 6 months. She's in the Latin Quarter, he notices. She's going to love that, he decides with a smile. Hopefully, she'll make some friends who can speak Latin. He should tell her about The Shakespeare and Company Bookshop near the university. NO. He made a promise to her; zero contact. This doesn't mean he can't keep tabs on her social media though. He just needs to figure out how to do that if she still has him blocked, which he highly suspects is the case.

She finds a small bookstore at the end of the block and ducks inside, the distinct smell of old books tickling her nose and delighting her soul, giving her a sense of peace and calm. She wanders to the back of the bookstore and finds a shelf of "Must Read Classics." She runs her index finger along the bindings of the books, cringing at the slight film of dust that appears on her finger as she wipes it on her sleeve. She locates a copy of " Les Miserables" and pulls it off the shelf. She opens the crisp, yellowed pages and is thrilled to see that it's in English as wanders along the aisle, her nose in the book and turns a random right, running smack dab into someone with an oof.

"Careful!" the victim of her inattention calls out as he steadies her by grasping her shoulders.

"Sorry about... Dave?" She questions as she finally looks up to see the slightly crooked smile of Dave Gibbs.


	18. Chapter 18

Everyone has had a moment when your world comes crashing down around your ears and you wish the floor would open up beneath you and swallow you whole as you realize that your life is about to change forever. Maybe the skeletons in your closet have been discovered or you got caught in a spider web of lies. For Sheldon, that moment comes as he hears Penny squealing in happy giddiness while he unlocks the door of the lobby for his apartment building and steps inside.

"Amy ran into Dave!" Penny exclaims.

"Who's Dave?" Leonard questions.

"Tall British Dave!" Bernadette replies with a Cheshire grin. "Get some girl!" She yells into the phone. Presumably, Amy's on the line.

Amy must have known Dave is in Paris, Sheldon assumes as he goes to the mailbox and removes the few envelopes from within, keeping his head down to avoid showing his devastation at the latest turn of events.

"I have a bone to pick with you, Mister!" Penny warns as she pokes Sheldon in the shoulder after handing the phone to Bernadette. "You kissed her?!"

"Yes," he whispers. "Not that it's any of your concern," he points out as he turns to go upstairs as quickly as possible.

"Sheldon... are you alright?" Leonard wonders as Sheldon attempts to make his way upstairs.

"You all could've warned me that Amy is in a relationship before I made a fool of myself," Sheldon gripes before stomping up the stairs and slamming the door of Apartment 4B.

"Wait... what? I missed something," Leonard questions Penny.

"She's not in a relationship with Dave or anybody else. Sheldon showed up at the airport and wished her luck in Paris. There was a long kiss goodbye. That's literally all I know."

"He looks crushed," Bernadette murmurs to Amy's question over the phone.

"He should be worried. Dave is a good guy," Raj replies to raised eyebrows from his friends.

"How are we going to keep Humpty Dumpty from cracking?" Howard wonders.

"I really don't care. He knew this was a real possibility when he chose to bang Psychotic Barbie. He has to live with the consequences," Leonard replies.

"Is she dating Dave?" Raj wonders.

"Not yet, but give it time," Penny explains as she crosses her fingers in front of her.

 _He's jealous_? Amy questions after hanging up with Penny and Bernadette. _Well, good, it shows he's still Sheldon,_ she decides as she pulls out her laptop and retrieves the card with the building's information, including the wifi password.

Dave Gibbs hasn't changed at all. Still tall, ruggedly handsome... and Sheldon's biggest fan, she lists with a heavy sigh. She didn't tell Fanboy what his idol has done, deciding a) it's none of Dave's business and B) it's better to not shatter that illusion by revealing the skeletons in Sheldon's closet.

Granted, Dave spent more time talking about his new dog, Os, Bones in French, than Sheldon this time, but the subject of her ire did still come up in conversation relatively early on. She briefly told Dave that Sheldon's doing well, still a researcher in Los Angeles and they are no longer in a relationship before moving on to talk about the book Dave was holding, "A French English picture dictionary" for children.

"Don't mock," He pleaded as they both laughed.

She opens up Facebook on her laptop, posting a quick message about making it safely to Paris, which her mother immediately likes. She's just about to close Facebook and go into her email when she receives a friend request. Clicking on it, she smiles as she sees Dave Gibbs smiling wide for the camera as a tiny ball of white and brown fluff licks his face. Os is a Saint Bernard, Amy notices. She imagined Dave with a black lab or golden retriever... or maybe even an English bulldog, she laughs as she accepts the friend request, clicks on his profile photo, and types, "Os is adorable!"

"Thanks!" Dave replies back seconds before she receives a private message, "I've been kicking myself all evening for not asking if you'd like to have dinner sometime."

 _Wow, way to get straight to the point_ , Amy decides with a shy smile. She's not entirely sure she's ready to start seriously dating again. It's only been 6 weeks since she found out about Sheldon's affair. Ahe knows, though, that she needs to develop some type of social life in Paris, outside of work.

" I'd love to," she quickly replies before she can change her mind.

"Tomorrow?" Dave questions.

"That sounds great," she decides. She'll have to eat out until she gets a chance to go to the market. She might as well have company.

He knows he has no right to be jealous of Amy moving on and dating someone else, but he never expected it to be so soon. Sighing, Sheldon flops down on his air mattress and tries to quiet the anxiety settling in his chest. On the night they reconciled, while they were catching their breath between the rounds of passionate kissing, they discussed Dave Gibbs and Amy's relationship. She reassured Sheldon that while it had the potential to become serious, and she did genuinely like Dave, she was holding herself back, maybe self consciously, hoping Sheldon would change his mind about wanting to be "just friends" after their Thanksgiving trip to the aquarium. With him now out of the way, Amy has no reason to hold back and this is going to become a very serious relationship very quickly, Sheldon realizes.

Well, if she's moving on then so is he, Sheldon decides. He could call Ramona, he posits, immediately dismissing that idea. She's nothing but trouble and he is way out of her league, as Penny would tell him. What about that waitress at the bar he went to? She was physically attractive and seemed to like him. He'll go there this weekend and ask her on a date, he decides as he closes his eyes and falls into a dreamless, exhausted slumber.

Waking up on her first morning in Paris, Amy arises early, still feeling jet-lagged, and prepares for the day, wishing she had given herself an extra day between her arrival and the start of her new job. She decides to grab a tea and pastry at the shop downstairs that she can eat as she walks to work. Slinging her purse over her shoulder, she retrieves her keys and shuts the door behind her, locking up the apartment on her way out.

"Well, good morning," she hears Dave greet her as he exits his apartment, right across the hall from her. "This is a pleasant surprise."

"Indeed. Good morning," she greets as she sees Os trying to escape since Dave has yet to shut the door. "He looks like a cotton ball with eyes," Amy chuckles as she points to Os.

"Come here, Os," Dave greets as he picks up his dog, holding him while Amy pets the sweet pup. "Go on, give the lady a kiss and get me a date for breakfast," Dave teasingly encourages the pup, who obeys by licking Amy's hand, causing Amy to blush as she giggles. "May I buy you breakfast?" he wonders.

"That'd be great," Amy decides as she pets the pooch's head one more time before Dave places him inside and locks the door.

She follows Dave downstairs to the small bistro shop, where Dave appears to be a regular as the waiter brings a pot of hot water, a selection of tea bags and some bread with a side of strawberry jam to the table.

"Merci beaucoup," (Thank you very much) Dave says in French, before joking with Amy and the waitress, "That is the extent of me speaking frog," causing them to laugh as the owner of the shop, a short stooped over frail-looking woman comes out of the kitchen and smiles at Dave.

"You're cheating on me, David?" She teasingly questions in her heavy French accent. "Who is this lovely young lady?"

"This is Amy. We knew each other in Los Angeles. Imagine my shock when she ran into me... literally attempted to bowl me over... yesterday at the bookstore," Dave explains as the waiter sets another mug in front of Amy and brings over more toast.

" 'Tis fate that you meet again in Paris," the owner decides as Dave looks down and blushes. "Ah, David, I see you blush. This is good! I will leave you be. I want the gossip, David!"

"Yes, Miss Esmee," David obliges as Miss Esmee turns on her heels and disappears back into the kitchen. "She's an old family friend," she explains to Amy's bemused smirk.

"I don't believe in fate or destiny or... divine intervention," Amy immediately voices, seeing Dave's stunned reaction that she said that, of all things, as he reels back in shock.

"Then how do you explain us finding each other again, halfway around the world, after having lost contact for the past two years," he wonders as he slathers jam onto a piece of bread.

"I don't have an explanation for it," Amy admits after a few moments of silence. "Einstein once said 'God does not play dice with the universe."

"Ah, but it was Earl Edward George Bulwer-Lytton who said 'Fate laughs at probabilities," Dave quotes. "May I ask you something?" he wonders.

"Of course," Amy immediately replies as she sets her knife on the side of her plate, sensing that she's not going to like this question.

"What happened between you and Sheldon?" he wonders, "and how long has it been since you broke up?"

"Six weeks," she answers, seeing Dave's mouth gaped open in shock. "He um... he had an affair," she quietly confesses.

"Nooo," Dave vocalizes leaning forward and lightly laying his hand on top of Amy's.

His warm hand resting on hers, while unexpected, isn't entirely unwelcome, instead sending a shiver of excitement through Amy.

"Amy, I'm so sorry," he offers after a few moments of awkward silence between them.

"Thank you," she quietly replies, not wanting to get into it further, especially in public.

After a few more moments, he removes his hand and goes back to eating breakfast as if that was the most normal thing in the world, leaving Amy wondering what she's getting herself into.


	19. Chapter 19

Dave Gibbs considers himself a pretty decent guy; he always obeys posted speed limits, pays his bills before their due date, calls his mother every Saturday at 3 pm and holds doors for other people. If he has one bad habit, he would have to say that it's that he falls fast and hard when beginning a new romantic endeavor.

He can see how badly Amy was hurt by Sheldon's betrayal as they continue to have breakfast together. The way she keeps her head down and nervously gnaws on her bottom lip as if trying to will herself into not showing emotions tugs at his heartstrings.

Amy needs a friend right now, more than anything, and if he wants a second chance with her, he cannot have any ulterior motives unless and until she's ready for more. He's long thought of her as the one that got away, and although delighted that she reconciled with Dr. Cooper, Dave will admit to being disappointed that he lost out.

Removing his hand from atop of hers, he smiles at her and asks, "tell me about what you'll be working on."

She's brilliant. He knew that right off the bat when they first met at the Barnes and Nobel in Glendale. Dave had just ordered coffee but as he went to pay could not locate the crumpled up $5 bill in his coat pocket.

"I've got it," Amy offered from behind him, where she put the receipt of her newly purchased book, Social: How Our Brains are Wired to Connect, in between the pages to hold her spot. "I'll take an iced caramel macchiato," she requested as she handed over her gift card to pay for the purchases.

They sat and talked for the next two hours about various things until he worked up the nerve to ask for her phone number. They then texted for another week before he asked Amy to dinner. Other than him ruining it by talking about Sheldon, they had a nice time, he thought.

Dave glances at his watch and declares they need to leave to get to the university on time. He holds the door open for her as they exit and chat about some of the local shops as they walk to work. Going up the stairs, Dave takes her right to the neuroscience department.

"Well... have a good day," he wishes her as she nervously smoothes her skirt.

"Thanks. You too," she quietly replies, wondering what the proper farewell is.

She sighs and takes a seat in the brown leather chair as Dave rounds the corner, taking a few deep breaths to settle the butterflies in her stomach. Nerves from the first day on the job jitters or unexpectedly having breakfast with Dave, she can't say.

Amy knows she's definitely not ready to move into another relationship quite so soon. 6 months, 6 years, hell, even 6 decades from now she may not be ready. How then can she make sure Dave isn't getting the wrong impression? That's something she needs to discuss with Penny and Bernadette, she decides as the Dean of Neuroscience opens his office door. and waves her inside.

Sheldon is in a mood, Leonard notices as he hears The Imperial March playing through the door of Apartment 4 B.

As Sheldon's best friend, it falls upon him to keep the crazy to a dull roar. He takes the pizza inside to apartment 4 A, where Penny, Howard, Bernadette, and Raj are watching Masterchef and quietly exits, crossing the hall and knocking on Sheldon's door.

Hearing the music turn off, Sheldon calls out, "Okay, I'll use headphones, although I don't see why I should bother considering how many times I have heard you and Leonard engaging in coitus!"

"Sheldon, it's Leonard. We ordered pizza if you're hungry," he offers

"No, thank you," Sheldon replies. "I need to be alone right now."

"Let me in? It's just me," Leonard requests, soon hearing the deadbolt click as Sheldon unlocks and opens the door.

"Hey, you alright?" Leonard wonders as he enters and shuts the door behind him.

"No," Sheldon answers honestly. "She said she hates me and yet... we kissed... but she's in a relationship..."

"She's not in a relationship with Dave, at least, not yet, is my understanding," Leonard reassures.

"But she intends to be?" He quietly asks as he looks up at Leonard.

"I... I really don't know. I don't think it's a coincidence that she went to Paris, Sheldon," Leonard replies.

"I see. What do I do now?" Sheldon asks.

"I.. I honestly don't know, Sheldon. I think you're so focused on what you've lost that you haven't given any thought as to what role you had in this and what lead you to have an affair in the first place. You and Amy seemed happy and smitten with each other..."

"We were," Sheldon reassures. "I'm sensing a but."

"Sheldon, when you love someone, really truly love them, you can't imagine ever causing them any type of pain, in fact, you do everything in your power to prevent hurting them. You may have loved Amy, I believe you did in your own way, but it wasn't the way in which she needs to be loved. You need to think long and hard about why you chose to have an affair, why you chose to knowingly hurt Amy. Until you figure that out, you cannot begin to try to repair your relationship with Amy... or move on and begin one with somebody else," Leonard advises.

"How do I do that?" Sheldon quietly questions.

"I think... I think you need to see a mental health professional that can help you delve into this. My mother would say it's the nature of the beast. You grew up seeing your father repeatedly stepping out on your mother so it's ingrained in you that it's normal behavior. I think, however, there's something deeper. On a subconscious level, there was some need, emotional... sexual... that wasn't being fulfilled, and so, you went looking for it elsewhere. Until you figure out what that is, you can't be a good partner, a good husband."

"I don't... I don't know where to begin with this, Leonard. I know I have no right to be, but I'm jealous that Dave Gibbs is sniffing around my woman," he confesses.

"She's not your woman anymore, Sheldon. She likely will never be again after what you did."

"I know, and that terrifies me," he whispers, swallowing hard.

The workday passes in a blur and before she knows it, Dave is lightly rapping on the door of the lab. Looking up, Amy sees it is 1715 hours, 5:15 pm, and waves him in as she turns off the microscope she's been using and jots something down on the notepad in front of her.

"You sure don't waste any time getting down to brass tacks," Dave comments as he comes over to the table and looks at the computer screen where Amy has been recording data.

"What if, instead of using the dendritic spike, you try using the stochastic process?" He suggests as he points to a set of numbers on the screen.

"Hmm, that's worth consideration. Thank you," she replies as she finally looks up as Dave holds back a snort of laughter.

"What?" She asks.

"Um.. you may want to look in a mirror before you step outside," he suggests as he pulls his phone out of his pocket and brings up the camera to "selfie" mode.

Amy laughs as she sees two perfectly round circles around her eyes, her new colleagues idea of a practical joke for their new boss.

"I like it. It hides the bags from lack of sleep," Amy loudly calls out to the few remaining lab assistants as she pulls on her glasses, hiding the lines.

"I wasn't sure what you may be in the mood for tonight, so I haven't made reservations," he apologizes as they head through the empty corridor of the university.

"That's alright. As long as you don't make me eat escargot, I'm pretty much up for anything," Amy reassures.

"Have you ever had escargot?" He wonders, laughing at the cute way Amy's nose wrinkles up as she vehemently shakes her head in the negative.

"No, and don't be getting any bright ideas, Mister. There are just some things that should never be ingested," She decides.

"I agree. I've had it, once, when I was seven. I came with my grandparents to Paris for them to visit Esme and her husband, Jacques. She prepared a feast for my grandparents, as she always did when we would visit, and one of the dishes was escargot. Of course, I didn't know what I was eating. I was raised to clean my plate of whatever I was offered. It was only a few months later when my schoolmates were having a row that I found out. Tommy shoved a snail into Donald's mouth and yelled, eat escargot," he recalls.

"Wow," Amy hums as they turn the corner and enter the streets of Paris. "Is Esme a relative of yours?"

"No," he confirms. "My grandfather and her husband served together during the war," he explains. "Grandfather took a bullet for Jacques."

"Oh my gosh," Amy exclaims.

"It's not what you think, the bullet was directly to the bum," Dave explains before they burst out laughing. "I always thought he was a big bad Nazi killing war hero, which, he was, mind you, but Grandmother would always knock him down a peg or two when his ego got too inflated. How about your parents, what do they do?" Dave wonders

"My mother is an accountant and my father was head chef at my grandparents' restaurant," Amy explains as they cross the street and enter Le Smoke. "How about your parents?"

"Both professors at Royal College. Mum teaches music and my father teaches maths," he explains as he places his hand on the small of her back and guides her inside.

It's a quiet bar, the cherry wood of the walls giving it a rustic atmosphere as they enter and Dave places his hand on her back as he holds up two fingers.

"Parlez vous Anglais?" (Do you speak English?) Dave questions the maitre 'd.

"Oui, mousier. Right, this way. Mademoiselle," he greets with the tip of his head as he leads the way to a table in the corner of the restaurant.

Holding the chair for Amy as she sits, Dave leans in and whispers in her ear, "you look lovely in purple... even if you do have raccoon eyes," making Amy blush as he circles the table and takes his seat. "Would you like wine?"

"Not tonight, thank you. I think I'll just have water," Amy decides, "but don't let me stop you if you wish to imbibe."

"Oh, no, no. I'm not much of a drinker myself, but I seem to remember seeing a few bottles in your apartment in Glendale."

"My friends, Penny and Bernadette, are the wine drinkers. I'll occasionally imbibe, but Sheldon... jeez, I can't go five minutes without discussing him... Sheldon preferred that I didn't drink," she explains as she lays her white cloth napkin across her lap. "Last I saw you, I was kissing Sheldon and kicking you out of my apartment. Fill in the blanks."

"There's not much to tell. I haven't been on a date since... until tonight. I work, I go home, sleep, and do it all over again. I've been in Paris for a little over a year now," he explains. "I assume you and Sheldon reconciled?"

"We did. We lived together for the last six months of our relationship. I had no clue he was having an affair," she explains.

"May I ask how you found out?" Dave questions as the waiter comes to take their order.

"To get the full picture, I need to give you a little backstory," Amy begins after they place their order. "The cliff notes version, of course," she amends as Dave chuckles, 'I had been on a summer fellowship at Princeton while Sheldon remained in Pasadena. Around the time I left, a former grad student of his returned to Cal-Tech and took a shine to Sheldon. A few hours before I found out, Sheldon proposed and insisted that we were going to get married and start a family right away. We returned home from dinner with our friends that evening and when I checked the mail, there was an envelope... full of pictures of Sheldon and Ramona engaged in intimate acts."

"Wow... I mean... wow," Dave exclaims. "Do you think Ramona sent the pictures to you?"

"I don't see how it could be anyone else," Amy replies before taking a sip of water. "I remember you saying your ex-wife was unfaithful. How did you find out?"

"She left a 'Dear Dave' letter on the table of our breakfast nook," he quickly replies. "I'm going to be completely honest with you, Amy. You deserve nothing less than me laying my cards on the table and being 100 percent forthright. I.. I am hoping for a second chance with you. I know you're not ready for that yet. It took me about a year before I could start dating again. I can tell you're not ready, and that's completely fine, completely normal. Here's my offer. I am your friend, nothing more, nothing less, unless and until you indicate to me that you want more. The ball is entirely in your court and I will not pressure you into anything. Now, I can't promise I won't flirt with you... " he teases as Amy laughs, "I am a shameless flirt, but I also understand you need time to heal."

"Thank you, Dave. How did you finally start to move on?" she wonders.

"I moved to Los Angeles and began seeing a psychiatrist. It's my belief that everyone, every citizen of Planet Earth, should be entitled to 3 free sessions with a psychiatrist yearly. We all try to stay strong, stiff upper lip as we Brits say, but I've learned that it's usually the strongest people who are hurting the worst emotionally."

"That's very true," Amy easily agrees. "I... I don't want to lead you on or keep you hoping for something that may never happen..."

"I know. But... I'd rather have you in my life as a friend than not at all. I'm your benevolent, giant pain-in-your-arse friend, Dave," he teases with a wink as Amy laughs.

Thank you," she quietly whispers as she places her hand on top of his and gives a gentle squeeze.


	20. Chapter 20

The days have dragged on, grueling and brutal until he finally, mercifully, reaches the one month mark since Amy left for Paris.

He gets off the bus at the corner of Rockford and Main and crosses the street to a large complex of medical offices, quickly locating suite J. Reading the name, Dr. C. Hoyt Cohen, Sheldon shudders. What kind of name is Hoyt? He asked Beverley Hoffstader for recommendations, never going into details, and this is who she recommended. Sheldon hopes he didn't make a mistake. Squaring his already perfect posture, Sheldon opens the door and walks into a dimly lit office with a few chairs and a smattering of magazines neatly stacked on a glass top coffee table. There's nobody at the front desk, so Sheldon examines each chair before picking his spot in the middle chair facing what he assumes is the office for Dr. Cohen.

He keeps teetering between this being a huge mistake and it being the first step on winning Amy back. He'll catch snippets of the latest events in Amh's life as Penny and Bernadette discuss them, treating it like nothing more than a reality tv show. Amy loves Paris, he's learned. She loves the job and she's spending all of her free time with Dave. Pfft, Dave. Stupid name. They're not dating, still, much to Sheldon's surprise and relief. He has to figure out how to A) keep it that way and B) "fix" himself enough that he can convince Amy to give him one last chance.

He sees Dr. Cohen, a tall, husky fella with specks of gray sprinkled through his neatly parted chestnut brown hair and immaculately trimmed beard exit the office. Giving Sheldon a nod of acknowledgment as he pushes his wire glasses back up with his index finger, Dr. Cohen greets, "Dr. Cooper, it's nice to finally meet you. Beverley tells me you're a friend of Leonard's?"

"Yes, as well as being Leonard's roommate for several years and current next door neighbor," Sheldon confirms. "How do you know Beverley?"

"We were classmates at Princeton," Dr. Cohen explains, gesturing towards his degrees on one of the walls, "but enough about me. Tell me what brings you here?"

"3 months ago, I made the biggest mistake of my life... and I need help understanding why" Sheldon evasively replies.

"I see," Dr. Cohen replies. "Was it an impulsive decision?"

"No. I thought about it, and the potential consequences, for days beforehand... but it was still as if I was the mythical Adam being tempted by the forbidden apple."

"Alright, just so I have some context here, what did you do?" Dr. Cohen wonders.

"I had... sexual relations... with a woman who was not my girlfriend.. well, ex-girlfriend," Sheldon shamefully admits, his eyes downcast at his shoes.

"I can sense you regret this. Sheldon, I'm not here to judge you. That's not my job. I too have been unfaithful. In fact, one study I read recently puts the rate of infidelity in American relationships at 40 percent. You're not alone in this. I assume your girlfriend found out?"

"Yes. She was sent photos. A picture is worth a thousand words as they say. She's now in Paris where her ex-boyfriend coincidentally is also currently."

"I'm sensing you're unhappy that the ex is in the picture?"

Of course! With him sniffing around, there's no plausible way I can win Amy back!"

"Is that your goal by seeking my services?"

"One of them, yes," Sheldon confirms.

"And the others?" Dr. Cohen wonders.

The next few weeks fly by in a blur for Amy, until suddenly, without warning, she's been in Paris for exactly a month. It's a cold, damp, rainy Saturday morning as she opens the curtains of her bedroom window and looks outside. She and Dave were finally going to spend the day playing tourist by going to the Eiffel Tower and The Louvre.

Well, maybe now she has a chance of actually beating him at checkers, she decides as she looks at the abandoned board they left on her coffee table. She's finally figured out the trick he uses, called the pyramid method, and she thinks she's developed a strategy to combat it. She quickly pulls on a cream-colored turtleneck sweater and a pair of black jeans, both of which Dave convinced her to purchase when they went shopping for a new suit for a speech he has to give next week, and pulls her hair back into a messy bun as she steps into the kitchen to make breakfast.

They alternate cooking meals for each other, often choosing instead to get take out from their favorite Chinese restaurant just down the street. It's Amy's turn to cook breakfast this morning, and she's going to try her hand at toads in the hole, a traditional British breakfast, as she pulls out a square baking dish and the ingredients to prepare the batter.

Penny made a comment that Dave and Amy are dating without benefits, a notion Amy finds ridiculous. Every time she talks with Penny and Bernadette, the topic of her sex life, or lack thereof, inevitably comes up. They don't understand why she's not having frequent, animalistic sex with someone who obviously wants her. They've even asked, both together and in individual conversations, if she's holding out in the hopes that she can reconcile with Sheldon.

Sheldon, she sighs. It all comes back to him. She's overthinking this, she decides as she cracks an egg. There's an obvious chemistry between her and Dave, so, why is she fighting it?

 _Because I don't want it to appear to be a rebound or that I'm slutty by jumping in so soon._

Dave, for his part, has been a perfect gentleman. There hasn't been a single moment where Amy has felt as though Dave is pushing for more than she's willing to give. They laugh a lot, and he's taken to calling her "fun size" in reference to the obvious height difference between them, but otherwise perfect. Almost too perfect, Amy decides as she places the last sausage in the pan and sticks it in the oven.

It's 11 pm Friday night in Pasadena. Penny may still be up. She grabs her phone, sets a timer for breakfast and goes to sit on the couch as she texts Penny through Facebook.

Knocking at Amy's door, Dave turns the knob, finding the door unlocked for him, and quietly enters as he finds Amy on the phone. He smiles as she looks up at him and gestures towards the stove as the timer beeps. He opens the door, already drooling at the delicious scent and retrieves oven mitts to take the piping hot pan from the oven. Hearing Amy disconnect the call, he dishes up two plates, requesting, "Marry me," as he hands her one to her shocked laughter.

"You couldn't handle me," she sasses back while adding salt and pepper to the generous portion on her plate.

"True, but I'd sure have fun trying. How are things in Pasadena?" he wonders while pouring two glasses of milk.

"Same old, same old. Penny hates her job, Sheldon is terrorizing the neighborhood... oh, Bernadette's pregnant again and she and Howard are freaking out."

"I imagine. The little one..."

"Halley"

"Right, like the comet, well, she's not all that old. two in diapers... yikes. So, it appears we're stuck inside today."

"Scrabble? I can definitely kick your smug arse at Scrabble," Amy teases, in a faux British accent as dave places both hands over his heart.

"mocking me in the worst British accent I have ever heard... have pity on us poor simple fools. we can't all have 190 iqs."

"192," Amy reminds him.

"Oh, _excuse me_ , 192, Miss Thing. You may suck at checkers, but you're one helluva cook. Thank you for making my favorite breakfast."

"You're welcome. Happy birthday," she adds as Dave freezes with his next bite mid-air.

"How did you know it's my birthday?" he wonders.

"I heard you give it over the phone last week when ordering your glasses."

"Nothing gets past you," Dave says in amazement as he shakes his head. When's your birthday?"

"December 17th," she replies as Dave pulls out his cell phone and enters it.

"And your favorite food?" he questions.

"Dave, you don't have..."

"Favorite food?" he asks once again.

"Mexican," she answers, "Dave..."

"Hush, we are celebrating your birthday. Favorite cake flavor?"

"Carrott. I don't want to celebrate my birthday this year," she insists while looking down at her neatly folded hands in her lap.

"Sheldon?" Dave gently questions.

"Yeah," she replies. "It's the um... well... we only... were intimate once a year... on my birthday," she quickly mumbles.

"Oh! So um... no birthday party," Dave quickly decides.

Counseling was a complete waste of his time, Sheldon decides as he gets off the bus and walks a ross the street to his apartment building. He finished his appointment hours ago, no closer to winning Amy back than when he entered Dr. Cohen's office. Doctor. Pfft. Sheldon may as well gone to the zoo and paid Pandora the chimp in bananas to listen to him drone on. She probably would've given better advice too... or thrown the bananas at him for being a complete disgrace to Homo Novi.

Still, he somehow feels lighter, unburdened as he makes his way up the stairs. Maybe he needs to give this another chance. Rome wasn't built in a day, as Meemaw would say. He finds the door to apartment 4 A open as he reaches the landing. Looking in, Leonard waves to him as Penny chats on the phone.

Hearing Penny laugh before asking, "What is wrong with you? You're in Paris, the sex capital of the world! Get some, girl!" Sheldon cringes. She's obviously speaking with Amy and they're discussing Dave Gibbs. If only there were a way for him to know what Amy is saying. It'd help him dissuade her from pursuing a relationship with Dave. Hmm... he needs to find a way to clone Penny's phone he decides as he goes into his apartment.

It takes him just a few minutes and a quick Google search to find everything he needs to set it up on his computer and soon enough he's listening live as Amy says, "It's not that I don't like Dave, I do..."

"But..." Sheldon comments aloud.

"But... have you ever been friends with a guy... not Raj or Howard, but, well,..." Amy hesitates.

"You don't want to ruin your friendship by dating. He's friend zoned," Penny offers.

"Yes, exactly. Dave is the sweetest, kindest guy but I don't want to ruin our friendship by taking it to the next level," Amy worries.

"Good. That's smart," Sheldon praises as Penny replies, "That makes sense but what if you're rejecting the love of your life?"

"Maybe it's just not in the cards for me, Penny. I tried, and I failed," Amy decides with a dejected sigh.

"You didn't fail. Sheldon failed! Sheldon chose to fuck Psychotic Barbie. Sheldon..." Penny reasons.

"What does that say about me? He could barely force himself to touch me once a year, but boy, he couldn't control himself around Ramona! Am I that unattractive?" Amy wonders, her voice getting quieter with each argument she makes.

"NO!" Sheldon and Penny yell at the same time.

He can't listen anymore, at least right now. He sets it up to record before walking away into his bedroom and finding his Lord of the Rings trilogy DVDs, putting a random disc in his laptop as he lays on the air mattress. What has he done, making Amy doubt herself like this? Maybe he doesn't deserve her. Maybe he, as much as it hurts to even think it, but he needs to encourage the relationship with Dave. Sighing, he rolls and watches the movie, trying to turn his brain off.

As Dave finishes the dishes, Amy returns from his apartment, Os and a cloth green bag in tow. She places Os on his dog bed, where he immediately grabs the small stuffed cat Amy picked out for him at the pet store, and violently shakes it as he growls.

"You're just tough smelling, Os," Amy laughs as the pup contines to play.

Pulling Scrabble from the bag, Amy sets it up and draws her tiles from the bag, "btsrain"

"Heads or tails" she calls as she pulls an American quarter from her purse.

Not looking up to see what she's referring to, Dave replies, "I've never actually tried tails, so, if you're offering, I'll take head."

Hearing Amy's shocked gasp, Dave looks up and grins at her blushing furiously as she hurls a throw pillow at him from across the room.

"I've never actually tried it," Amy admits as Dave brings two mugs of tea to the couch. "One of the pictures of Sheldon and Ramona was of her... um..."

"I get the picture... so to speak," Dave quickly cuts her off. "Does it bother you that he did things with her that he never did with you?"

"Yes," she freely and quickly admits. "It makes me feel... as though he was repulsed by me. We were intimate a total of 4 times in 8 years. He told me he and Ramona were intimate 4 times in a week. How can I not be bothered by that?" she wonders.

"He loved you. The way he held you in his arms that night... he knew what he had lost, which is why I'm so shocked he had an affair. Had you been having relationship issues?"

"No. Things were great. When Claire began her affair..."

"We were going through a rough patch at the time, constantly fighting, over money mostly. She was an impulsive shopper. We had a closet full of high end clothing that she never wore, purses that she never used, shoes that hurt her feet. Meanwhile, we had bills going unpaid, our house and cars were being repossessed... and she refused to return the items."

"Wow," Amy exclaims. "Do you ever wonder where she's at?" Amy asks

"Of course," Dave immediately replies, "But we were like oil and water. I care about her, I will always care about her, but at this stage of my life, it's better for both of us if there's zero contact. Do you want to remain friends with Sheldon?"

"I'm... I'm not entirely sure," Amy admits. "I asked for zero contact while I'm in Paris, in order to allow myself time to heal, and, remarkably, Sheldon is respecting my wishes. A large part of me says that giving him my friendship, after everything that happened, is rewarding him for bad behavior, but at the same time, he was such a huge part of my life for so many years that I can't picture life without him in it in some capicity. Does that make sense?"

"Of course," Dave reassures, "That's completely normall."

So, Scrabble?" Amy requests, wanting to change the topic.

"Scrabble," Dave agrees as he draws his tiles, "Mum taught me ladies first."

Playing the word "brains," Dave plays "sacred" leaving Amy to play "err."

"Did the hampster fall off the wheel?" Dave teases as he sees Amy's play.

"Bad draw and it's still early," Amy points out as Dave plays "Echo" for a triple letter word score.

Playing "organo" she sees Dave biting his lip in concentration as he studies his tiles. She's never seen this from him and it intrugues her. Wondering what's going through his mind, she watches in fascination.

He shouldn't do it, he can't do it, he decides as he looks at his tiles. The only word he's able to come up with is "orgasm" but given the conversation they just had, he doesn't feel confortable playing it.

"Pass," Dave decides after several minutes as he shuffles his tiles, hoping for a better play as his phone rings.

As Dave goes to the kitchen to get his phone that's laying on the counter, Amy takes a look at his tiles, noticing why he was blushing so profusely. Os comes over, demanding her attention, as Dave steps into her bedroom to take the call. That's strange, she worries, while picking Os up and petting him.

30 minutes later, Dave still hasn't returned to the living room. Concerned, Amy gently opens her bedroom door, finding Dave laying in the fetal position, his back to the door.

"Dave?" Amy questions as she hears him sniffle. "What's wrong?"

"My mum... she passed this morning," he whispers.

Stretching out next to Dave, Amy wraps her arm around his waist and holds him as he sobs, letting him know that he has a friend, that he's not alone. They have each other to get through the hard times. After all, that's what friends are for.


	21. Chapter 21

One year ago today, I published the first chapter! It doesn't feel like it's been a year that I've been working on this! Thank you to all of you who have been here since the beginning and welcome to the people who have just discovered this! Enjoy the ride!

* * *

It's dark as Dave awakens hours later, cocooned around Amy, her back to his chest. Did they really sleep the day away?

Os is laying on his back at their feet as he too slumbers. Dave has so much he needs to do, calls he needs to make, bags he needs to pack... and all he wants to do is stay in the safety of Amy's bed and watch his best friend sleep. Nothing happened between them, thankfully, he adds, as he carefully removes his arm from around Amy's waist and leans up to check the time. 6:37 pm. Sighing, he lays back down and tries to time his breaths to match Amy's as he pulls her comforter around them and closes his eyes. Having her soft, warm body pressed against him is doing things, very very dangerous and inappropriate things to him. She's a biologist. She'll understand, he decides as he soon falls back asleep.

Amy awakens an hour later to the feel of a cold wet nose against her cheek as Os nudges her and whines, hoping one of the humans will wake up to take him outside. Dave is still sleeping and even if he wasn't... she'd be taking Os outside, she decides as she feels Dave's erection pressing into her back. She never had this problem with Sheldon... ever. Of course, he didn't like to cuddle her. If she wanted to cuddle, she had to hold him, and only when he was sleeping. What should she do? Ignore it seems the best option. Reminding herself it's a normal biological reaction for the male species, Amy tries to not let it affect her too much as she lifts Dave's arm and moves it to her pillow.

"Come on," she whispers to the dog as she picks him up and carefully opens the bedroom door, leaving it open so the squeaking of the hinges doesn't awaken Dave. Nothing happened between them, and yet, it feels as though there's been a monumental shift in their relationship. Proceed with caution, she decides as she snaps Os's leash in place, grabs her phone and makes her way downstairs to the small patch of grass. She should wake Dave in the next hour so they can eat dinner and he can start making arrangements to fly back to England.

Even if he asked, which he hasn't, she can't go, not having any leave from work. That's actually probably for the best, she decides She's emotionally fragile, he's grieving, and they could make a really stupid mistake by letting the physical affection go too far. Deep down, way down, cuddling and falling asleep in Dave's arms was... nice, circumstances leading to the event notwithstanding. She could easily get used to it. This isn't a good thing, Amy decides. She needs to get any thoughts of starting a relationship right now out of her head.

She takes Os for an extra long walk so she can clear her head, and as they come back upstairs, they find Dave awake and at the stove making toasted cheese sandwiches.

"Thank you," he says as she enters. "So, um... can you take over? I have a few phone calls I need to make."

"Of course," Amy immediately replies.

She notices that Dave is keeping his distance, going to his right to the fridge and then doubling back around the island before going to her bedroom. Wondering if he is embarrassed by his physical response to cuddling, Amy flips the sandwiches and releases a heavy sigh. She can't keep running to Penny and Bernadette each time she needs advice. She has to figure this one out on her own.

Just as she thinks that Dave reappears and asks, "May I use your phone? Mine just died."

"Of course. The pin is 0314."

"You're the best," Dave praises as he grabs her cell phone from the charging station on top of the tv stand.

Sheldon is playing World of Warcraft when he gets a notification on the right side of his screen that Penny is calling Amy. He quickly pauses the game and clicks on the notification, listening as the phone rings before it connects.

"Hello?" Dave answers. _Why's he answering Amy's phone? Scoundral._

"Dave! Hi! It's Penny and Bernadette," Penny greets.

"Right, hello," he replies, "May I ask Amy to call you later? I have a few urgent matters to attend to."

Is that code for they're having coitus, Sheldon wonders as he listens for signs of ragged breathing or rustling sheets.

"Of course, of course. Tell Amy we expect a full report," Penny replies, barely able to contain her squeal of joy.

"And wrap that thang up!" Bernadette adds as the call disconnects.

That was a rather odd way to end a conversation, Dave muses.

He knew it was just a matter of time once Amy ran into Dave, but the news that they're in a relationship sucker punches Sheldon right in the gut as he feels the first tears fall from his eyes. He saves his progress on his game and shuts the lid, going to the air mattress and taking a few deep breaths. He really truly lost her, for good this time. What does he do now?

The first thing is to stop crying over something he did to himself. Homo Novi don't cry. They also don't get themselves sucked into a romantic relationship and are loyal to everyone they care about... but that's a different form of self-loathing for another time.

All of this... because of a damn soiled sock which may or may not have been placed in his apartment. So, by that logic, it's Howard and Raj's fault that he's in this mess. If they had never set up that stupid fake profile on the dating website, he wouldn't be in this mess now. _Ha, take that Mom. I never needed friends or a girlfriend... all other people do is hurt you._

"Bernadette and Penny called. I'm supposed to tell you they expect a full report and to, quote, 'wrap that thing up?" Dave relays as he exits the bedroom 45 minutes later. The blushing of Amy's cheeks makes him smile at her, even though he's not sure what was meant by the comment. "Care to explain?" he questions as he comes to sit next to her on the couch where she's watching a French-dubbed episode of Friends.

"They assumed we were... getting busy," she hints.

"Oh. Why would they think that?" he wonders.

"They have been making rather crude remarks since I first told them we ran into each other. Both believe that the best and quickest way for me to get over Sheldon is to... um... be intimate with you," she whispers.

"I see... and is that... something you want?" he asks.

"I... I don't know how to answer that," she admits as she turns towards him. "I think at the present moment, it would be a huge mistake."

"I agree," he immediately replies as he releases a sigh, "but cuddling with you was... nice."

"I agree," she whispers while smiling at him.

"I um... I need to go," he decides as he quickly jumps up off the couch and looks for Os.

 _Wow, that came out of nowhere_ Amy decides as she feels as if she just had a bucket of ice water poured on her. "Did I do something?"

"No," he immediately reassures. "If I don't leave right now, I'm going to kiss you. I don't want our first kiss to be under these circumstances... something we'll regret. I'm leaving for London tomorrow morning. I'll be there for 3 weeks. I think... we both need this time to think things through."

"Okay, but I want to stay in touch," she requests.

"Of course," he agrees.

"What about Os?" Amy questions.

"I've made arrangements to take him with me," Dave explains. "Os, come," he commands as Os comes running to his master and sits at his feet.

"I feel like I've upset you," Amy confesses as she goes to lock the door behind Dave.

"No, on the contrary. You've awakened something in me that I never thought I'd feel again after Claire. It's exciting and terrifying to be perfectly honest with you. My head is spinning from the shock of losing my mum and it'd be _so fucking easy_ to just... give into the feelings. I can't do that. I won't do that. I made a promise to you, but Jesus, it's getting harder and harder... um, no pun intended... to keep that promise. You're an amazing, kind, funny, intelligent, beautiful woman, Amy, and Sheldon is a goddammed fool for ever letting you go," he whispers. "I need to go before I make a huge mistake."

"I am sorry, Dave... about your mom. I wish I could've met her," Amy whispers in reply.

"So do I," he murmurs as he opens the door and swallows hard, trying to keep his tears at bay. "I'll text you once I've arrived," he promises. "Good night."

"Good night," she wishes as she shuts and locks the door before closing her eyes and laying her head against it.


	22. Chapter 22

Without Dave around to keep her entertained, life in Paris is rather boring for Amy as she sits at Miss Esme's cafe downstairs 10 days later. She heard from him briefly after he landed as he was waiting for his sister to pick him up from the airport.

It's strange, she thinks as she sips her orange cinnamon tea, how someone can come to mean so much to another person in such a short amount of time. She's falling for Dave, she realizes now, and it's exciting and terrifying, exactly as he described it. The biggest problem with that is she's only in Paris for 5 more months. Then what? She returns to LA and... they break up? It's not worth going through another heartbreak for a few months of fun and a roll in the hay.

She sighs heavily, gaining a concerned glance from Miss Esme who is wiping down the counter a few feet away. Should she just forgive Sheldon once she returns home and reconcile even if he is a cheating bastard? If they have an understanding, he can fuck whoever he wishes as long as he keeps it out of their home... no, that's ridiculous too, she decides. If she's going to be with him, he better only have eyes for her. She misses him, as crazy as it sounds. This was supposed to give her a chance to figure out what she wants to do regarding Sheldon, a chance to work through her complex emotions surrounding the end of her relationship with Sheldon... and she hasn't done that at all.

Feeling wanted and desired by Dave feels great, she won't lie about that. Sheldon, even when he was trying, never made her feel like this... well, once, on her birthday, when they gave themselves to each other. That was the only exception. Why did she accept his mistreatment for so long, she wonders? She knows in her heart she'll never really be happy with Sheldon, not after what he's done. The best she can be is his friend if he's willing to accept that. As for Dave... they need to talk once he returns from London.

Just as she thinks that her phone beeps with an incoming text message. Picking it up, she sees a video on the screen, the play button covering Os and what appears to be a bunch of chickens. Pressing play, she watches as Os crouches down and barks at the chickens, letting out a scared yelp as the brown hen flaps her wings and starts coming towards him. Os runs towards Dave and straight into the open door of the house several yards away as the video ends.

"I'm afraid I've turned my dog into a coward, just like his master," Dave texts her.

"It is better to be a coward for a minute than dead for the rest of your life," Amy texts back. "How are you?"

"Sad, exhausted, hungry, lonely," he lists. "This is likely the last time I'll be in my childhood home. That's... difficult to process."

"I can imagine," she replies, "are you taking care of yourself? Sleeping, eating... crying?" she wonders.

"I am all 3. What are you doing?" he asks.

"I'm downstairs having tea. I am going to read for a bit before bed, Le Mes. You?"

She waits several minutes for a reply, checking her phone every few seconds. After ten minutes pass with no response, she finishes the last of her tea, wipes her face with her napkin and clears the table of her dishes, taking them to the trash bin near the counter.

"You look troubled," Esme comments as Amy throws her trash away.

"I have a lot on my mind," Amy concedes.

"Is one of those things David and this... Sheldon?" Esme questions.

Her friends and family refer to her as Marplot, the meddler. She can see that Dave and Amy are growing closer each day but are holding themselves back from knowing true love and happiness. Esme suspects it is entirely due to this Sheldon character. From the little Esme has overheard, David is completely enamored by Amy, but is trying to protect both of them by pretending he doesn't want to be anything more than friends. They are being foolish, Esme decides. They are already in love, even though the denial is strong.

"Yes," Amy admits. "I'm not sure what Dave has told you about Sheldon..."

"Absolutely nothing," Esme reassures. "He refuses to speak of you when I ask. Just because you love someone doesn't mean they are right for you. You can still love Sheldon... but, you can also love David too."

"Dave and I are just friends," Amy argues with a knowing smile and shake of her head from Esme. "That's all we ever can be."

"And why is that, hmm?" Esme challenges.

"I'm only in Paris for a 6-month fellowship," Amy replies. Why is Esme challenging her? What has Dave said?

"David is not tied to Paris. He can return to the States with you, or you can go to London, or mutually decide to go somewhere new together. My advice, mon cher, don't let small things like that get in the way of your eternal happiness," Esme advises.

"It"s much more complicated than that..." Amy argues.

"I say the same to David. You intellectual types... stop thinking with those big brains and think with your hearts."

"I get paid to use my big brain," Amy replies, "but I will consider your advice. Esme... did you know Dave's mother?" Amy wonders.

"Oui, I did. I delivered Victoria. Terrible what happened," Esme comments as she crosses herself. "God rest her soul."

"I haven't spoken with Dave. Can you tell me what happened?" Amy asks.

"That is David's story to tell, if and when he's ready... I know you care deeply about him so I don't want you to be blindsided. She took her own life," Esme whispers.

"Oh, God," Any whispers.

"She fought these demons for years until she could fight no more," Esme reasons. "But I've said too much. Please don't tell David you know."

"I promise. Have you spoken with the family?" Amy wonders.

"I spoke with David's sister, Catherine. They are... je ne sais pas... there is a lot of anger. They are not feeling, only surviving minute by minute," she decides.

"That's understandable. This has to be a huge shock. Is there anything they need?" Amy wonders.

"David needs his best friend as he calls you. Be there for him to talk to, to cry with, to... laugh with. You both need each other to heal your hearts. Claire was weak. When they fought, which was often, she ran away, but I can tell, you are strong, Amy. You will stay the course and not give up. David needs a strong woman. You remind me if Victoria. Very intelligent, charming, playful, kind, loyal... David is no fool. He sees it too."

"I don't want to break his heart... or have mine broken again," Amy admits.

"That is the risk we take when we fall in love. Oh, but when you find love, true love, the kind that lasts for the eternities... you'll wonder why you were so afraid. Don't be afraid to take that risk. Don't be left at the end of your life wondering 'if only.' Sheldon... tell me about him. Where is he?"

Sheldon is sitting on the couch of Apartment 4 A as he, Leonard, Raj, and Howard examine a rather complex equation on the whiteboard. The military project is stalled until they resolve this issue regarding the cooling system malfunction the military experienced the previous week.

"What if we... " Howard offers.

"No," Sheldon interrupts.

"You didn't even let me... oh, it won't work," Howard realizes as he completes the math in his head.

"That's why you went to MIT. Leave this to the doctors," Sheldon advises.

"Alright, Doctor... why haven't you considered the Navier-Stokes equation?" Howard questions.

"That propos..." Sheldon stops while considering it.

"That might actually work," Leonard mumbles as he goes to the whiteboard and writes the equation out.

As Leonard does the math, Sheldon wanders over to the kitchen, grabbing another slice of pizza. Hearing a cell phone vibrating on the counter, he goes over and sees an incoming Skype call. Picking up the phone, he answers.

"Sheldon?" Amy questions. "Why are you answering Penny's phone?" she wonders.

"I thought it was mine," he apologizes as all of the guys stop what they're doing to eavesdrop.

"You don't have an iPhone," she points out.

"I do now," he explains "I dropped my old phone and shattered the screen. How are you?" he asks.

She looks just as beautiful as he remembers. Her hair is shorter, recently cut and she isn't wearing her glasses, allowing him to see the tiny flecks of gold in her emerald eyes. She looks great. Paris agrees with her.

"I'm well. You?" she asks.

If Amy had to describe Sheldon in one word, it would be "Shaggy." He's in desperate need of a haircut, his full beard looks absurd on his otherwise boyish face, and he has huge bags under his eyes, the sign of a lack of sleep. She momentarily feels sorry for him.

"I'm doing fine. Penny's napping but I'll have her call you later."

"Thanks. God help me, but I miss you," she blurts out before she can stop herself.

"I miss you too," he whispers. "I hear congratulations are in order?:

He has to swallow the bile stinging the back of his throat as he offers his congratulations on her relationship with Dave. This is by far the most awkward conversation he's ever had, and he speaks Klingon.

"What for?" Amy questions.

"You and Dave?" Sheldon offers.

"We're not in a relationship. His mother just passed away and he was using my phone because his had died. Penny and Bernadette made an assumption," she explains. "We're just friends."

"Oh," he hums, not able to say anything else.

"Why is this so awkward?" Amy wonders, nervously laughing. "Are you seeing anyone?"

"Other than my friends and my psychiatrist, no. I need to spend time trying to get to the root cause of why I did this to you... why I threw away everything we had and knowingly and intentionally hurt you," he explains.

He's never been great at reading Amy's facial expressions but he can tell she's shocked at hearing he's in counseling, her mouth dropping open slightly.

"That's great, Sheldon. I'm glad you're working towards figuring that out," she praises. "So with that... um... I'll let you get back to what you were doing."

"Thank you. How do you like Paris? There's a great bookstore near the Latin quarter..." he offers.

"Shakespeare and Company. I live three blocks away. When were you in Paris?" she wonders.

"I went to Paris with Meemaw when I was on my way to Germany," he explains. "Have you done any sightseeing?"

"No, not yet. We were rained out last weekend. I'm going to go to a museum this weekend," she decides.

"Great," he offers with a genuine smile. "I'll tell Penny you called."

"Thanks. Hey, I know it's none of my concern now... but get a haircut and shave your beard. You're much more handsome clean shaven," she murmurs as she nervously bites her lip.

"I'll take it under advisement," Sheldon offers.

 _Is she flirting with him?_ He wonders as he looks over at the guys who have raised eyebrows.

"Have a good night, Sheldon. It was nice talking to you."

"You as well," he offers.

"I love you," she instinctively says as she ends the call, kicking herself. _Why did she say that?!_

He doesn't get a chance to reply before she ends the call but it takes him a moment to recover from his heart pounding in his chest. He looks over at the guys who are just as shocked as he is.

"Um..." Sheldon questions. "What does this mean?"


	23. Chapter 23

When Amy was a little girl, she often sat in the grass of her backyard picking the dandilions, much to her mother's ire, and often removing each petal, one at a time, in a rousing (to her) game of "she loves him, she loves him not." She had many a crush as a teenager, but, she's thankful now, was largly ignored by most of her peers. Those who did notice her were her bullies, calling her cruel names and tormenting her daily as she came home in tears. It's not easy being different, even as an adult... so when she found Sheldon, she finally felt like she could be herself for the first time in her life, without fear of judgement or ridicule.

She still loves him. That was not a simple slip of the tongue, she decides. Love doesn't just die overnight, as much as she wishes it did. He will always be her first love, her first... well, everything. There's a difference between loving someone and being in love with , in a nutshell, is what she meant when she told Esme it's complicated.

Sheldon's gasp as she quickly disconnected the call was confirmation that she made a mistake. She can't take it back. Those are not words that can be erased, and no possible excuse or explanation could satisfy Sheldon... or herself. She's certain that he's dissecting every second of their conversation, much like she is right now. How then does she explain the difference to Sheldon? Will he understand? Will he accept her explanation?

He shocked her by saying he's seeking mental health treatment. She never thought that to even be a possibility for as much as he touts his mother having him tested. The fact that he is trying to better himself secretly pleases Amy. She just hopes he's doing it for the right reasons and not in some ill thought out plan to win her back if he tries just enough.

She rolls over and closes her eyes, wishing she had a crystal ball to see into the future. She can honestly say she isn't in love with Dave either, at least not at the second. But... could she be? Does she want to be? Maybe.

Sheldon stands at the island of Apartment 4 A, Penny's phone in his hand as he stares at it in disbelief that he just spoke to Amy and she ended the call by saying she loves him. It had to be a slip of the tongue, he decides. He cannot get his hopes up, not when she's 5,633 miles away and has a potential suitor waiting in the wings to dash in and be her Prince Charming. _Frog Prince is more like it_ , he decides as images of The Frog Prince from an episode of The Simpsons come to mind.

"She didn't mean it," he quietly and morosely voices, trying to convince himself of what he knows is the cold hard truth.

"Sheldon... you don't know that," Leonard points out.

"She can't love me, not after what I've done. She didn't mean it," he whispers. "I can't let myself believe otherwise, Leonard. I can't... watch her fall in love with someone else while I wait and hope she doesn't. She was right... zero contact. It's the only way we move on."

He leaves the apartment, keeping his head down so that the guys don't see the tears pooling in his eyes as he opens his door. He needs to move, he decides. Amy haunts every single square inch of this apartment. He kissed her hello every evening after work where he currently stands, they had movie marathons on the old blue couch, they cooked dinner and had tea at the island, they made love in the bedroom...

He sits on the hard wooden floor and brings his knees to his chest as he gasps for air, the hot, salty tears cascading down his cheeks in rapid succession as he finally realizes just what he's lost.

The next few days fly by in a blur for Amy. Sitting in her lab Friday afternoon, she receives a text message from Dave "Just landed. Dinner?"

"I didn't think you wete back until next week?" she texts back.

"I had to get out of London. Long story," he explains. "Pizza, Chinese... you for dessert? ;)" he teases followed by an immediate "Just kidding"

Glad she's alone and noone can see her blush, Amy texts back "I'm feeling adventerous... escargot? Do I need to shave my legs?"

"I like a hairy woman," Dave immediately replies. "Still at work?"

"Just leaving. I'll pick up Chinese," she decides.

"Great. You know my order. Do you like Guiness?" he wonders.

"I've never had it," she admits.

"I brought some back. You're in for a treat. See you soon," he texts back.

That was the most blatant comment Dave has ever made about wanting to be more than friends, and, although she played it off as a joke, it has Amy nervous as she packs up her laptop and some notes for the weekend. If they get alcohol involved, who knows what will happen.

It's 8 in the morning in Pasadena and neither Penny nor Bernadette are likely to be able to talk. Not that they could stop anything from happening anyway.

If they have sex tonight, it would be a huge mistake. Amy decides she needs to keep sober and maintain control of the situation at all times.

Dave waves to her as she crosses the street to the restaurant, a huge smile lighting his face. He's wearing a black t-shirt and blue jeans, a far departure from his normal look of a dress shirt and slacks, his sun glasses hooked to the collar of his tshirt. He's looking sexy as hell and she's in trouble.

"There's a sight for sore eyes," he greets her with a short hug before taking her backpack from her as he opens the door. "I know a certain canine that missed you... as did his master."

"I missed you as well," she replies. "Can I ask why you came back early?"

"Best not discussed in public," he quickly explains as they step up to place their orders. "We do need to talk though... about a lot of stuff," he vaguely implies.

"I agree," she murmurs as they sit at a small table in tbe corner.

The waitress brings them ice water as they wait for their takeout and as Amy removes the paper from her straw, she rolls it in a ball, grasping it between her thumb and index finger as she contines to play with it. Dave watches her in fascination for several minutes, not saying a word. Something is on her mind, he decides. Reaching across the table, he places his hand on top of hers, stilling her. Her skin is softer than he remembers, warmer too. Flipping her hand over, he quietly asks, "is this alright?" as he laces their fingers.

"Yeah," she whispers as she returns his smile while fighting against closing her eyes at the rush of emotions as she recalls how much she had to fight Sheldon just to hold his hand.

"You look sad," he whispers.

"It took years just to get Sheldon to hold my hand. I was just thinking about that. Sorry," she explains. "I'm sure you don't want to hear I'm thinking about another man..."

"It's alright," Dave reassures as he lets go. "I shouldn't have..."

"No, no, I'm sorry. I want... I want to hold hands with you," she reassures while placing both hands palm up on the table.

"Alright," Dave agrees, as he entwines their hands and gives a gentle squeeze.

They don't say another word while waiting for their order which arrives 15 minutes later. Dave pays for dinner and holds her hand until he has to let go in order to open his apartment door. They both miss the contact, they realize simutaneously as Os greets them at the door, his tail wagging as fast as possible as he happily barks and jumps up on Amy's leg, demanding her attention.

"Hi, Os!" she greets as she crouches down to pet him, receiving a wet kiss which causes her to giggle.

Dave watches in pure elation as Amy laughs at Os bringing her his favorite toy, the stuffed cat she picked out for him. She plays tug of war with him for a few minutes until he pulls it away and goes to lay in his bed.

"You both look exhausted," Amy comments as she joins Dave at his white wooden table.

"I know I am," Dave replies. "There are two reasons I came back to Paris earlier than expected. Stiff upper lip is a motto in my family, especially among the men. I had a very public, very humiliating fight with my dad in front of all our family, all of their friends, because I dare cry while mourning my mother. I was chastised for showing very normal feelings. Well, fuck that. I can't supress it. I need to be able to cry and laugh and... remember her."

"I'm sorry. That sounds terrible," Amy empathizes while reaching across the table for Dave's hand, which he freely offers to her.

They're much larger than Sheldon's she notices as he uses his thumb to caress the top of her hand. Just this simple touch, still very innocent, has her wondering what his fingers would feel like as they explore her body. _Where did that come from?_

Snapping herself out of it, she splits her eggroll in half, placing the larger portion on Dave's plate before taking one of his potstickers, one of their silly traditions as they go back to eating dinner.

"So um... the second, is... Claire came to the funeral and... we talked... well, there wasn't really a lot of talking... if you catch my drift," he hints as Amy raises an eyebrow in surprise.

"Oh. Are you back together?" she wonders.

"God, no. It was... well she's a good lay... but it made me realize... things about what I want... in life... in a mate. I feel that since we are getting closer... I... this is going to sound ridiculous... it felt like I was being unfaithful to you," he whispers.

"We're not romantically involved," Amy replies, the shock in her voice.

"I know," Dave quickly replies, "but... after we cuddled... something changed... at least... it felt like it did."

She's at a crossroads moment, she can either stop fighting the obvious attraction, stop thinking with her brain as Esme advised... or she can devastate Dave. There's no option C.

"I am only in Paris for 5 more months. If we do this, what happens then?" she wonders.

"I... I don't know," he admits.

"I talked to Sheldon. I told him I love him at the end of our call. I'm... why is this so difficult? I still love him but I'm also falling for you... I'm so confused and such a mess... I don't want to hurt you or get hurt again. I care about you, Dave, very much so...but... I think we can only be friends... at least until I sort through my emotions," she whispers.

"Oh. Um... alright," he whispers.

He won't look at her as he uses his fork to push his rice to one side of the plate, not sure what to say to just having his heart trampled upon.

"Dave..." she whispers.

"I don't know why I got my hopes up. I'm such a fucking idiot. You made it abundantly clear that we're just friends... that's all we can be. I don't know how you can possibly still love Sheldon... but friends it is."

"I'm sorry," she murmurs as she reaches for his hand which he pulls back. "I should go."

"Yes," he agrees as he looks out the window, not facing her.

Going to the door, she looks back to see his slightly hunched shoulders as he stares off in the distance until she softly closrs the door.


	24. Chapter 24

"You were leading Dave on, Amy," Bernadette points out later that evening as Amy lays in her bed talking with Penny and Bernadette via Skype. "I understand the flirting is fun and knowing he wants you... well, that feels great, right?"

"Yeah," Amy admits, "so maybe I was leading him on but he's not entirely innocent in this either. He promised he'd wait for me and now I feel like I'm being pressured into something I'm not ready for."

"What's holding you back?" Penny wonders. "Don't say..."

"Sheldon," Amy interrupts with a heavy sigh. "Plus, I'm only in Paris for 5 more months. What happens after that? It's not worth it."

"Can you ever trust Sheldon again?" Bernie asks.

"No," she immediately answers.

"Why would you want to be with somebody you can't trust?" Penny questions.

"Fear of... change... of being alone, nobody being there to find my body. Our relationship was far from perfect but... at least I won't be alone," she whispers.

"Leonard said Sheldon was crying when he left after you said you love him. If you want to hurt him as much as he hurt you, you're doing a damn good job at it," Penny points out.

She had a feeling that she shocked Sheldon, but hearing that she made him cry... Sheldon doesn't cry. Ever. That just makes the decision she has to make even more difficult, knowing that no matter what she chooses, friends with one of the guys in her life while she dates the other, friends with both of them... friends with neither of them... she's going to inevitably break a heart.

"I don't want to hurt him," Amy immediately points out, "alright, maybe a little, but I'm over the anger... now... I just want to really understand why. I'm shocked he's in counseling."

"What?!" Penny and Bernadette exclaim.

"Apparently, you're not supposed to know that," Amy points out.

"Okay. You want our opinion?" Bernie asks, not giving Amy time to answer. "You like this. You like keeping Dave on the hook and playing with him just enough to make you feel good about yourself. Amy, it's time to shit or get off the pot."

"I'm sorry?" Amy asks.

"She's saying you need to stop teasing Dave. If you're going to be with him anyway eventually, then stop fighting it and be happy now. If you know without a shadow of a doubt that you will never want to be with him, then do the right thing and cut off contact," Penny advises.

She has a hard time getting to sleep that night, but when she finally falls into an exhausted slumber, her subconscious brain decides to make its opinion known.

 _She and Dave are eating dinner in her apartment in Glendale, baked ziti and garlic bread, which she made the night he came over, the night she reconciled with Sheldon. Giving each other small, shy smiles as they make small talk, she's surprised when Dave reaches across the table and holds her hand as she finishes eating._

 _"After we cuddled... something changed between us... at least... I thought it did," he confesses._

 _"It did," she reassures, "but I'm only here for 5 more months. What happens then?" she wonders._

 _"I'm not tied to Paris, Amy. I can go to Los Angeles, or you can come to London... or we get a map and a few darts and let the fates decide where we go next. Since Earth is 70 percent water, there's a good chance we'll end up in the middle of the ocean... but if I'm with you... and we can find a deserted island somewhere... I'd go anywhere with you. Plus the thought of you in a string bikini, flaunting that sexy ass and those curves... I'd never be able to keep my hands off of you," he confesses with a wink as Amy blushes._

 _Bringing her hand to his lips, Dave curls her fingers under her palm as he kisses it, before laying it closer to him on the table._

 _"Should we move this to the couch?" she hears herself suggest._

 _"Let's," Dave replies as he lets go of her hand momentarily as she stands. "Thank you for dinner... but I'm feeling like dessert."_

 _"I made cherry cheesecake, your favorite," she replies as Dave chuckles at her innocence._

 _"Maybe later. I um... I want you," he whispers in her ear as he places his hands on her hips._

 _The smile she gives him in return is brighter than the sun, the moon, the brightest stars on a warm summer evening. Loosely wrapping her arms around his shoulders, Dave whispers, "For 10 days, I've imagined kissing you. I hope it was worth the wait."_

 _"Let's find out," she whispers as her lips lightly brush against his._

 _Damn it all to hell, she thinks as she pulls him closer and opens her mouth in invitation, which is immediately accepted as Dave cups her ass and becomes more demanding in his kisses, leaving them both breathless as they fumble their way to the couch, knocking into her end table and shattering her white lamp into a thousand pieces._

 _"I'll buy you a new one," Dave promises as he moves onto nibbling on her neck._

 _"Target. $12.99," she answers before moaning when he brings her to sit in his lap on the couch._

 _Just as they're about to resume kissing, they hear Sheldon's signature knock on the door._

 _"Ignore it," Dave requests as Amy lays her head on his shoulder and sighs._

 _"If I don't answer it, he'll just keep knocking," she explains as Sheldon knocks again, proving her point._

 _"Brillant fool," Dave mutters under his breath as Amy carefully crawls off his lap and goes to answer the door._

 _She answers the door to find Sheldon in his Green Lantern t-shirt, looking apprehensive as he waits for an acknowledgment._

 _"I um... I need you to know that I... I'm not entirely sure why I did this and I'll never completely understand just how much I hurt you..."_

 _"No, you won't," Amy agrees, "but, there is a way for you to get a taste of how badly you hurt me."_

 _"What is that?" he wonders._

 _"You're going to watch while I have sex with another man," she demands. "That way you can understand perfectly what seeing those photos did to me."_

 _"Alright," he easily agrees before shutting and locking the door behind them. He goes over to Amy's table and grabs one of her chairs, bringing it over to sit in the corner by her desk. "Well... get to it."_

 _Dave can see the fear in her eyes, unsure of herself or of this rather crazy idea. She was certain Sheldon would balk and protest before leaving._ _Roughly grabbing his head, she guides his lips to hers for a slow kiss, hearing herself moan into Dave's mouth as he nibbles on her lip, seeking entry with his tongue. The kisses soon heat up again as she lightly grinds herself into the growing bulge in Dave's pants, her skirt riding up with each thrust of her hips to show Sheldon that she is not wearing underwear. Grabbing around her waist, Dave flips her onto the couch with an excited squeal and moves her skirt up to expose her before getting on his knees next to the couch and leaning over her as he spreads her legs and buries his head between her thighs._

 _"You taste divine. The nectar of the Gods," Dave praises as he lightly grazes his fingers against her clit. "Did you ever taste her, Sheldon?" he asks._

 _"I can answer that, never," Amy immediately replies for Sheldon._

 _"You don't know what you were missing," Dave replies as he lifts Amy's legs around his shoulders and laps at her._

 _"YES!" she screams as she catches Sheldon's eyes. He's sitting stone cold, emotionless with his hands resting behind his head while intently watching Amy's face in pure ecstasy._

 _She fights against closing her eyes as her orgasm slams into her in a violent wave, much like an earthquake. It's over far too quickly as Dave kisses her inner thighs up to her lips for a bruising kiss. He quickly pulls his shirts over his head before crawling up on to the couch, hovering over her as they continue kissing while Amy fumbles with Dave's belt, being stopped by Dave's hands as he guides hers to his chest to caress his pecs and abs. It's obvious he works out, Amy notices as his strong arms flex above her and she runs her fingers along his warm skin. Dave slowly unbuttons her blouse, spreading it open to either side, still covering her as he kisses his way down her body once again, stopping over her breasts which are still covered by her black bra. He suckles her through her bra, drawing her nipples into a taut peak, before moving each cup aside and taking her breast directly into her mouth making her moan. At the same time, he moves his fingers back down to rub her soaking wet mound, drawing another orgasm from her._

 _"Bed?" Dave suggests as she nods mutely, still catching her breath._

 _Lifting her up to her surprised squeals, Amy wraps her legs around Dave's hips and frantically kisses him, her hands on his cheeks, as he carries her to the bed and gently tosses her upon it, making her bounce before immediately pouncing on her, ripping her blouse off and throwing it over his shoulder in Sheldon's general direction as he sits in the corner of the room._

 _"I want to ride you for a while," Amy requests._

 _"Yes, ma'am," Dave replies with a grin while unhooking his belt and carefully removing his pants and underwear._

 _"You're so much larger than Sheldon," Amy says while using her hand to teasingly stroke Dave's shaft up to the tip. "I can't wait to feel every... delicious... inch... as you fuck me."_

 _"My naughty vixen," Dave moans as Amy takes him into her mouth, hitting the back of her throat before sliding up and hovering over him as she guides him inside her, moaning as he fills her._

 _They set a frantic pace as they put on a show for Sheldon's benefit, constant moans filling the air before collapsing into each other's arms in an exhausted heap._

Amy wakes up in need of release, soaking wet and her clit throbbing. She reaches over and grabs her pink vibrator from her nightstand frantically rubbing it against her clit as she reaches climax almost instantly. Good, but not enough, she decides while penetrating herself until she's a sweaty exhausted mess before falling asleep once again.


	25. Chapter 25

_I'm sorry I made most of you so unhappy with the last chapter! Luckily we have the Shamy wedding to swoon over and dissect all summer long! I'm working towards getting the Shamy to a place where they can be in the same room again without thoughts of pulling a Lorena Bobbit (wiki it) entering Amy's mind... but we're not there yet._

* * *

Dave and Amy spend the next few days carefully avoiding each other. She waits until she hears his door shut each morning before making her way to work, and she wanders along the streets of Paris after work, spending a great deal of time, not to mention an exorbitant amount of money, in the bookstore.

She's getting ready for work four days later, sitting at her table drinking tea and eating a bowl of cereal, when she hears Os pawing at her door, followed by Dave harshly calling, "Os, come!" as Os lets out a loud long, sad whine.

"I know, buddy. I miss her too," Dave consoles near the door, "but she doesn't want a relationship with me and I'm not going to watch as she takes a cheating arse back, just to have her heart broken again."

She should bite her tongue, she knows, but _damn him_ , she thinks as she opens the door. He looks sheepish, she decides as she catches his eyes before he casts them to the floor.

"I didn't ever imagine being in this situation, where I'm in love with two men, but, here I am! Now, obviously, I can't have my cake and eat it too so, I have a choice to make, you, or Sheldon? Paris or Los Angeles? Excuse me for needing time to think about this!" she yells.

"I don't want to be your sloppy seconds," he firmly explains.

"You will always be my second choice, Dave!"

"That's nice. That's great. Way to kick me when I'm already down."

I didn't ask for this and I'm doing the best I can to work through some very complex emotions. You, of all people, should understand that!"

"What does that mean?" he asks, the venom in his voice warning Amy to tread lightly.

"You've also experienced the pain of infidelity. Why are you pressuring me?"

"I thought you were showing me you're ready for more."

"So you slept with your ex-wife?" She questions with a raised eyebrow.

"Momentary lapse of judgment," he explains, "not that it should matter since you've made your feelings very clear about the subject."

"You called her a good lay. Do you have any clue how... degrading that is?"

"Yes. Amy... I didn't mean it like that..." he mutters.

"Are you going to say the same about me if we ever break up? I was a good lay and nothing more?" she asks.

"I don't just want sex, Amy! God, is that what you really think of me?! If we're in a relationship, then, yes, I fully expect we'll have a physically intimate relationship as well... but I want, I need both the physical and the emotional intimacy. Why are we even arguing about this? You've made up your mind to take Sheldon back."

"No, I haven't! I don't know what I want!"

"Clearly. Os, come."

She shuts the door harder than necessary and lays her head back against it, taking deep breaths through her mouth to calm herself. It's midnight in Pasadena, so she's not able to call Penny or Bernadette to help calm her. If he wants to be with her, he's doing a damn good job at showing her otherwise. Did she really say she loves two men? Slip of the tongue. She just hopes Dave didn't pick up on that. Glancing at her watch, she realizes if she doesn't leave now, she's going to be late. She opens her door right as Dave opens his. _Shit._

"Why are you mad at me for needing time to sort through everything?" Amy asks before she can stop herself.

"I'm not... mad at you, Amy. I just feel like I've been lead on," he softly explains.

"I've made it clear from the beginning that I'm not ready for another relationship right now. You were the one who said you'd wait until I was ready," she reminds him.

"I know," he sighs. "Maybe... there's a reason the timing never worked out for us. Maybe that's a big fucking neon sign saying, "nope, don't pursue this," Dave decides. "So um, since we've now officially crossed over into too awkward to be friends territory, I think it's best if I keep my distance."

"I want to be your friend, Dave, but I understand if you don't want to be around me," Amy softly replies. "I have to get going or I'm going to be late for my department meeting."

"I do have a car, you know," he replies, "I can give you a ride so you're not late."

"I'd appreciate that," she replies with a small smile.

They're silent as they make the short drive to the university and Amy opens the door as soon as Dave parks, muttering a quick thanks as she rushes to her meeting. She left her cell phone in the middle console, Dave notices as it lights up, reminding her of her department meeting in 15 minutes. He silences the reminder which brings him to a photo of Penny, Bernadette, and Amy making goofy faces for the camera. Sheldon's in the background, he notices, rolling his eyes at the girls' antics. Wondering what's so special about this photo, Dave sticks the phone in his pants pocket, deciding he'll give it to her this afternoon after her meeting.

"Dr. Fowler," she's greeted with a nod of acknowledgment by her department head as Amy enters the large conference room.

"Dr. Smith," she greets in return as she locates her name tag in the middle of the table.

"Charles, please," he requests. "I have a rather urgent matter which we need to discuss," he begins as he pulls Amy's chair out for her before taking his own seat next to her. "I've been asked to send my best and brightest to a conference to promote international partnerships between great universities. You're at the top of my list."

"I'm honored," Amy replies. "I assume the conference is here in Paris?" she questions.

"Los Angeles, actually. At UCLA. I understand you did your undergrad at UCLA?" he confirms.

"Yes. Is the conference focusing on neuroscience?" she wonders.

"No, no. A multitude of disciplines. Your friend Dr. Gibbs is being asked to attend for our maths department."

"Great," Amy says with a forced smile. "When is this?"

"Next month 14th September through the 18th. We'll cover all expenses, of course. We'd also like for you to give prepared remarks in the hopes of recruiting your successors."

"Of course," Amy agrees.

" _No, absolutely not_ ," Sheldon protests later that day in his office as Dr. Gabelhauser crosses his arms across his chest.

"It's not optional, Dr. Cooper. You have not brought in any charitable contributions in three years. Either you give the speech, or I will consider disciplinary action," Gabelhauser warns.

"Do your worst," Sheldon challenges while rising to his full height behind his desk.

Shutting the door for privacy, Dr. Gabelhauser crosses the office and takes the seat in front of Sheldon's desk. Sheldon looks like hell, he notices, the large bags under his eyes dead giveaway that the younger man is not sleeping. Sheldon also needs a haircut and a good shave. Erik decides to recommend his barber before he leaves.

"I've heard rumors of an office romance between you and Dr. Nowitzski," Erik quietly informs him. "Now, I'm not one for watercooler gossip, but there were certain... noises... heard from your office."

"I see. So, if I agree to give the speech, my... indiscretions... will be overlooked?" Sheldon questions.

"Correct," Erik replies.

"You drive a hard bargain, Dr. Gabelhauser. I'll do it... under protest."

"Noted. I hear your girlfriend will be in attendance," Gabelhauser shares as he rises from the chair.

"Girlfriend?" Sheldon questions. "Amy?"

"Yes, Dr. Fowler. Are you two..."

"We're no longer in a relationship," Sheldon confirms.

"I see. Well, it's none of my concern, but you downgraded in this situation."

"I agree, however, I'm no longer involved with Dr. Nowitzki."

"I have the... misfortune... of falling to her charms as well."

"You'd be doing both of us a huge favor if you could make her stay here a short one," Sheldon suggests as Dr. Gabelhauser nods in agreement.

"Land me a money shark and we'll talk," Gabelhauser promises as he exits.

Sheldon doesn't know where to begin with this; he needs to make a doctor's appointment he decides as he pulls out his cell phone and schedules a physical. He should also get back into Dr. Cohen's office to help him prepare for both the stage fright and the sheer terror of knowing Amy is going to be at the conference. He knows she's going to want to spend time with Penny and Bernadette, which means there's a very high probability that he's going to have to spend time in her presence, the first since their kiss goodbye at the airport.

On the plus side, if there is one, their talk on the phone was pleasant, Sheldon decides, up until the moment Amy said she loves him. He needs help deciding just what Amy meant by that, which is why he's employed Dr. Cohen's services. He quickly schedules an appointment for later that afternoon and sits at his desk working on the military project.


	26. Chapter 26

"Where is it?!" Amy exclaims in frustration the next day as she searches her apartment for her cell phone. She's looked everywhere, her table, her bedroom, her kitchen, in the couch. She's gone through her backpack three times, dumping everything out and examining each pocket to no avail. _Great_ , she thinks. She's cut off from everyone until she can get a replacement phone while she's at the conference next month.

Grabbing her laptop she logs into Facebook, seeing that Leonard, Raj, and Howard are online, however, Penny and Bernadette are not.

She initiates a video chat with Leonard, assuming he's the most reliable to get a message to the rest of the group back home.

"Amy, hi," he answers sounding shocked and out of breath. "Penny and Bernadette went shopping. We're having a guys' day playing D&D," he explains as he swings his phone around, showing a waving Raj, Howard and Stuart and a very shocked Sheldon who keeps his head down and hands folded in his lap.

"Sorry to interrupt. Listen, I've misplaced my cell phone and was wondering if one of you wouldn't mind calling it for me?" she requests.

"On it," Raj answers as he pulls his cell phone out and says, "okay, Siri, dial Amy Farrah Fowler."

"Calling Amy Farrah Fowler," she hears in response followed by Raj saying, "Who is this?" as someone answers. "It's Dave," he explains as he covers the mouthpiece.

"Good, tell him I'll be over to get my phone in a few minutes... maybe," she adds under her breath, which the guys pick up on with a raised eyebrow.

"Is everything alright?" Howard questions.

"Yes... no... it's um...something I'd rather talk with Penny and Bernadette about," she mutters at last.

Hearing the hesitation in Amy's voice scares Sheldon. She's never been one to hold back, often oversharing. Something's wrong, he decides, darting out of his chair and rushing towards the door.

"Sheldon, where are you going?" Leonard wonders.

"I'm getting my passport so I can go to Paris to kill that son of a bitch," Sheldon replies.

"Sheldon wait!" Amy yells, getting his attention in the otherwise quiet apartment. "Come here. Leonard, please give Sheldon your phone. I think we need to talk."

"Sure," Leonard immediately agrees as he hands his phone to Sheldon who just stares at it. She looks alright, just as beautiful as he remembers. Her voice though... something is most definitely wrong.

"Get out," he demands of his friends.

"Sheldon, that's not nice, even if you are worried about me," Amy reprimands. "I'm fine, I promise."

He knows he should find a private location, maybe his old room, for this next question, but his legs are rooted in place. If she says yes he's going to need his friends to keep him calm.

"Did he... force himself on you?" Sheldon murmurs into the phone.

" **NO**!" she yells, "No. I promise I'd tell you if that, God forbid, were ever the case. He's been pushing me for a relationship despite my repeated explanations that I'm not ready right now. We had a fight and..." she stops as she sighs, "it's awkward between us right now. That's all, I promise."

"Okay," he replies, breathing a sigh of relief. "You're alright?" he questions again.

"It's very lonely here, but I'm alright," she reassures once again. "How're you? You've shaved and gotten a haircut since we last spoke."

"Meemaw threatened to hog tie me and shave me bald if I didn't," he explains, "which, although she's 90, she could still do."

"I have no doubt," Amy replies with a soft laugh, "So, listen, there's a conference at UCLA next month..."

"I know. I heard you will be here," Sheldon replies.

"Yes. Can we set some time aside for us to talk, privately?" she wonders.

"I'd like that," he replies, giving a genuine smile.

"Good, me too. So I'll see you in a few weeks," She replies. "I'll let you get back to your game."

"Thanks. Amy... call me any time if you need to talk, alright?" he offers.

"Thanks, Sheldon," she replies before ending the video chat.

"Wow," Howard hums as Sheldon hands the phone to Leonard before taking his spot once again on the couch. "So, things are not as they appear."

"You okay, buddy?" Leonard asks Sheldon who silently nods.

"Is she telling the truth that he didn't hurt her?" Sheldon quietly asks once again.

"I think so," Leonard reassures. "She was pretty adamant about it but... I'll mention to Penny that you're worried about it and see what she can find out," Leonard offers.

"Thanks," Sheldon replies. "So, we're about to enter battle. Initiative rolls, Gentlemen," he demands, getting back to the game.

Amy closes her eyes and leans her head against the back of the couch in disbelief that she just had that conversation with Sheldon. He still cares about her, his immediate reaction to come to Paris to defend her leaving zero doubt in her mind about how he feels. No one said life and love were easy, but couldn't they have warned that it was this difficult?

Hearing a knock at her door, followed by a single "ruff!" which makes her smile despite her best efforts not to, Amy quickly gets up and unlocks the door for Dave.

"You left it in my car," he explains as he hands over her phone.

"Thanks," she replies. "Going for a walk?"

"Just returning from," Dave replies. "Are you alright?" he questions.

"I just had a very awkward conversation with Sheldon," she explains. 'Which I'm sure pales in comparison to the conversation we need to have."

"I don't know what else is left to say, Amy. Obviously, I misread what I interpreted to be cues that you want a relationship with me."

"I'm sorry, Dave. You're a sweet guy but, I'm just..." she stutters.

"You're still hoping to reconcile with Sheldon, despite everything. I went through the same thing when splitting with Claire. You're in the denial stage and don't want to admit that it's over. You think if you just try a little harder, love a little stronger, are more patient, do this, don't do that, you can keep them from straying again. I'm here to tell you, it doesn't work that way."

"Claire is not Sheldon. He made a one time mistake," she snaps.

"What's to keep him from doing it again, and again, and again? Is Ramona still at Caltech?" Dave wonders.

"I don't know," she admits, "but I know Sheldon."

"Obviously you don't! Did you ever imagine in your worst nightmares that he'd cheat on you?" Dave asks.

"No, never," she quickly replies.

"What is it about Sheldon that you're so drawn to?"

"That... is none of your concern."

"It is when you're rejecting me for a lying, cheating asshole!" Dave angerly whispers.

"As I have pointed out, I made it _crystal fucking clear_ to you that I am not ready for another relationship right now. I don't know how else to say that so you get it! You act like I owe you something just because you've shown me a little kindness. I'm not the kind of woman that will spread her legs just because we had a nice time together."

"Maybe if you spread your legs a little more often, you could've kept your man," Dave bitterly replies.

"That _man_ asked me tonight if you forced yourself on me. I reassured him that you hadn't but now I'm not so sure you won't unless I give in and have a relationship with you and that terrifies me. Stay the hell away from me," Amy yells before slamming the door.


	27. Chapter 27

"Do I send off some kind of signal that only dogs and men with severe psychological problems can understand?" Amy questions later that evening as she talks to Penny and Bernadette.

" Oh, Sweetie," Penny consoles, as Bernadette interrupts. "Dave's a spoiled little boy who's never been told no. Most men aren't like that."

"I'll gladly kick him in the nuts when we're at the conference," Bernadette offers, making Amy laugh.

"Thanks," Amy replies, "but at this point, I just want him out of my life."

"I don't blame you one bit. So... um... Sheldon wants me to ask... Dave never... got physically violent with you, right?" Penny whispers, fearing the answer.

"No, never. He's a jerk but his attacks were strictly verbal," Amy reassures.

Across the hall, Sheldon breaths a huge sigh of relief as Amy once again emphatically states that Dave never hurt her, at least physically. He knows he shouldn't be listening to this, that it's a huge invasion of privacy, but he's worried about Amy being all alone and over 5,000 miles away.

"Are you excited about seeing Sheldon again after that kiss?" Bernadette wonders, piquing Sheldon's interest.

"That kiss..." Amy stops with a sigh, "I think that was me saying goodbye to him, goodbye to what I thought we had, what I thought was my future. It cannot happen again. We can never be more than friends. I can't trust him, not after everything and without trust, there's no relationship. We need to talk and clear the air. I'm hoping we've both had time to reflect and can have an honest conversation about what went wrong and what lead him to stray."

Sheldon walks into Dr. Cohen's office two days later a man determined. Amy will arrive back in LA in just a few weeks and he's no closer to understanding what lead him to have an affair with Ramona than he was the day she stormed out of the apartment almost 3 months ago.

He takes a seat in his spot and can't stop from bouncing his leg as he waits, a sign of his nervous energy. He can't get the conversation Penny had with Amy out of his mind. It seems that Dave is no longer a problem. Now, he needs to figure out how to prevent a fight with Amy when she returns and have some answers for her inevitable questions.

"Sheldon," Dr. Cohen greets as he steps out of his office. "I'm just finishing up with my client. Sorry, we're running a little behind schedule," he apologizes as he enters the reception area and goes to the bookshelf behind the receptionist's desk. "Where is it? Where is it?" he mumbles to himself as he skims his fingers along the titles of the books which have been crammed into the shelf.

"Which one are you looking for?" Sheldon wonders. He memorized the location of the books on his last visit after his cell phone died.

"Stahl's Essential Psychopharmacology" Dr. Cohen answers.

"Row 4, book 7 from the left," Sheldon immediately replies.

Counting as Sheldon instructed, Dr. Cohen locates the book exactly where Sheldon said it would be.

"That's amazing," he gasps. "You have an eidetic memory, correct?"

"Correct," Sheldon answers "A blessing and a curse."

"We can get into that in just a few minutes," Dr. Cohen replies as he returns to his office.

Pulling out his cell phone as he waits, Sheldon gasps as he realizes he has an unread text message from Amy. He didn't hear or feel his cell phone vibrate so it must've come in while he was on the bus, he concludes. Opening the message, Amy asking if he remembers the pin for her emergency debit card, he immediately sends it to her then puts the phone in his pocket as Dr. Cohen welcomes him back, accidentally hitting the dial button for Amy as he does so.

Amy's in the shower when the phone rings. She quickly wraps a towel around herself and runs for the phone, barely getting to it just in time before it goes to voicemail. "Sheldon?" she asks as she answers. The call is muffled, which she assumes is due to the long distance.

She's just about to hang up and call him back when she hears an older male speaking, "In cognitive behavioral therapy, the goal is to teach the patient coping skills that help address current issues and change unhealthy patterns in thoughts, beliefs, attitudes, and behaviors. The foundation of our working relationship is trust, Sheldon. But trust is a two-way street. Trust on your part is the act of opening up. I'm not here to judge where you're at or where you've been. That's not my job. I'm simply here to encourage you in where you'd like to go. You have the map before you. I'll shine the light upon it so you can better read it, and, eventually, you'll no longer need my light to assist you because the sun will shine again in your life."

He's at counseling, Amy realizes. She should hang up. This is a major invasion of privacy, and yet, she can't. She wants to hear what Sheldon has to say.

"I've noticed that your leg has been bouncing since you sat down, Sheldon. Is there something you'd like to talk about?" Dr. Cohen asks.

"Amy sent me a text message right before I came in here," he explains. "We spoke last night as well."

"Did you fight?"

"No, it was pleasant," Sheldon answers. "She's coming to a conference at UCLA in a few weeks and has asked we set some time aside to talk, which is good, it will be nice to see her... but I don't want to fight anymore, and I don't have the answers to the questions she's going to ask me."

"You know already what she will ask?" Dr. Cohen wonders.

"Not exactly. I assume she wants to talk about my affair and expects me to be able to explain exactly why I did this. I don't even know myself, to be honest," Sheldon admits.

"Surely there's some reason you chose to have an affair, Sheldon. You don't strike me as the impulsive type."

"I can be," Sheldon explains, "especially when there's something I desperately want, however, I spent days thinking about this particular incident and the consequences of my actions beforehand. I had convinced myself that it was a 60-day experiment, which is what I told Ramona. It was a 60-day experiment designed to test my commitment to Amy prior to proposing. Ramona had 60 days to convince me that marrying Amy would be a huge mistake... but I knew after the first time with Ramona that I had made a huge mistake. Yet, I repeated that mistake 3 more times. Once is a mistake, but more than that was a choice. I made a choice, a very poor choice, and I cannot explain why... at least to Amy's satisfaction."

"Do you think if you had an answer, she'd be satisfied with it?" Dr. Cohen asks.

"Of course not. I committed an unspeakable act of betrayal and she'll never be satisfied with any explanation I may give. She... she said she loves me and we kissed. How can she love me still, after what I've done?" he wonders as she hears him sniffle. "She didn't mean it... she couldn't have."

"Sheldon, you don't know that. Love doesn't just die overnight, as much as we may wish it would. Now, it's possible it was a natural reflex reaction at the end of a conversation with you and she didn't mean it, but it's also possible, I would say even likely, that she did mean it. Did you say it often?"

"No, we weren't overly emotive," Sheldon explains. "I'd say it monthly on our date nights and Amy would occasionally say it when we kissed good night. I made her wait years for the first I love you and our first kiss and our... first time. We broke up for six months a few years ago. That's how she met Dave."

"This is the Dave that is now in Paris with her?" Dr. Cohen confirms.

"Yes. He's been pressing Amy for a romantic relationship, despite her repeated rejections. He made a crude comment to Amy about how if she had just spread her legs a little more, she could've kept me. That... infuriated me. The one thing I am absolutely certain of is my choice to stray was not Amy's fault. It was of my own choosing and had nothing to do with our once a year coitus agreement."

"Once a year?" Dr. Cohen questions. "Sheldon, is there a reason why you restricted yourself?"

"It was for her birthday, my present to her. I have a lot of fears and phobias. It took us 6 years before I could be intimate with her... which was 5 1/2 years too long, I realize now. I think... I didn't want to admit to myself what she came to mean to me until we broke up the first time. I fought and resisted every step of the way, which is why I'm so confused by why I so easily fell to Ramona's charms."

"Do you think Amy's aware of how much she means to you?" Dr. Cohen wonders.

"I hope so... but I have my doubts, especially after what I've done," Sheldon replies.

Amy's laid on her bed listening to Sheldon's entire hour of counseling with the phone on mute so he doesn't hear her gasp or comment on his remarks. She wants to believe he's remorseful, but how can he not know why he betrayed her? She's certain he knows but is holding back from his counselor. She's nervous to see him again, to be alone in the same room with him. They cannot _must not_ , make the mistake of kissing again, she decides. If they do, and they are alone, it could lead to coitus, complicating their already convoluted relationship 10 fold. She hears Sheldon ending the counseling session with, "I see her in 3 weeks and 2 days. I'm excited and scared," which perfectly sums up how she feels. "Same time next week?" he asks.

She quickly ends the call before he can pull his cell phone out of his pocket to bring up the calendar, which is how he tracks all of his appointments and sighs heavily as she settles back into her pillows. It's 11 pm in Paris and she knows she needs to sleep. She also knows she's in need of some stress release. She grabs her phone and pulls up a video she secretly recorded of her first time with Sheldon.

" _We can find out together,"_ Sheldon reassures her while they lean in to kiss.

He rolls her underneath him as they continue kissing while on the video she hears herself gasp. Sheldon's hand had just touched the skin of her abdomen for the first time as he slowly inched her gown up. She places her hand on her abdomen and traces random patterns with the tip of her finger, just like Sheldon did that night. He kept drawing something over and over, the same pattern, she realizes now as she tries to recall it. _143._ What did he mean by that she wonders? It's not the solution to any equation she can think of and has no significance in their relationship. She pauses the video and types it into Google. The first result is a website called "Urban Dictionary" which says that "143" is slang for "I love you."

She sets the phone on her nightstand as she grabs the lubricant and vibrator. She can't let herself think about Sheldon. She simply needs an orgasm and a good night's sleep. Refusing to let herself close her eyes and fantasize, she isn't even turned on after several minutes of trying. Her studies have shown that an orgasm is 75% mental stimulation, 25% physical. Fantasizing about Sheldon, or Cooper, or even Dave feels wrong now. She takes her vibrator to the sink and rinses it with the special toy cleaner she's purchased before laying it on the hand towel on the counter to dry.

Pulling his phone out of his pocket as he walks in his door, Sheldon freezes as he realizes he was on a 70-minute phone call with Amy today, initiated at 2:06 pm. She listened to his entire counseling session!

"Oh, _shit_..." is the only word that comes to Sheldon's mind.


	28. Chapter 28

Thanks again for all of the wonderful reviews! Sorry for the lack of updates the past few days! I had most of this written in my head but no time to get it down...

* * *

3 weeks 2 days later...

Amy groans in displeasure as the warm California air hits her skin when she steps outside of the international arrivals terminal at LAX and takes a seat on a nearby bench. As an American citizen, she was able to quickly and easily make it through Customs and Immigration. She noticed a few of her colleagues that were also on the flight, including Dave, weren't so lucky, stuck in a long line behind an international tour group of over 50 on their way to Disneyland.

Leonard and Penny are bringing her car to her from her parents' house in the Toluca Lake district of LA, which will make it easier for Amy to get around, especially when planning on spending a significant amount of time in Pasadena. She sees her car coming down the corridor, and waves to Leonard as he pulls over a few feet away. Holding her breath as she approaches, she sighs in relief when she realizes Sheldon isn't with him.

"Hi, Amy," Leonard greets as he rolls down the window. "Penny found a parking spot. I'll drive us over there."

She quickly puts her suitcase in the back seat and buckles in while Leonard carefully checks the mirrors, waiting for an opening to enter traffic.

"Sheldon's a nervous wreck," Leonard warns as he turns on the blinker and pulls out.

"That makes two of us," she shares with a heavy sigh.

"What are you hoping to get out of your talk?" Leonard wonders. "Do you want to reconcile?

"No. I won't be able to ever trust him again so that will not happen. I want to have an honest conversation with him. I need to understand why he did this and I want him to understand just how much he devastated me. I need closure in order to really be able to start to heal and move on."

"What about Dave?" Leonard questions.

"Feel free to kick him in the nuts when you see him," she requests. It takes Leonard a few seconds to react before he bursts out laughing.

"Noted, but, I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy," Leonard replies as he parks next to Penny. "I hope you get what you're looking for, Amy."

"Thank you, Leonard," she softly replies.

"Bestie!" Penny exclaims from where she's sitting on the front bumper of her car, immediately coming over to wrap Amy in a warm hug. "Get me some rope, Leonard. I'm gonna hog-tie her so she can't leave."

"I missed you too," Amy replies with a teeth-baring smile.

"How soon are you coming over?" Penny wonders.

"I have to go check into the hotel, then I'm having dinner with my parents. If I have enough time and my mother doesn't completely stress me out, I'll come by later for a glass of wine," Amy offers.

"I got a bottle of the Game of Thrones red blend at Comic-Con. We've been waiting for the perfect occasion to try it. Come over so we can catch up. When are you meeting up with Sheldon?" Penny wonders.

"We decided Saturday for dinner. The conference will be mostly over and I can skip everything on Sunday if I'm too emotional," Amy replies.

"I'm on standby all weekend if you need to talk," Penny offers.

"Thanks, Bestie. I may need you on Sunday," Amy warns.

"Let's plan on brunch; you, me and Bernie," Penny decides.

"It's a date," Amy agrees with a smile.

Back in Pasadena, Sheldon sits staring at the blank word processing screen of his laptop. Dr. Cohen suggested writing Amy a letter so he can think about some of what he is going to want to say to her in 2 days time. Other than, "I'm sorry," he doesn't have the words to express his feelings.

"Anyone can say, 'I'm sorry.' I need to find some way to make her understand how remorseful I am," Sheldon decides.

Closing his eyes, he lets his mind drift back in time to the moment Amy walked through the door of the coffee shop 7 years ago. Like it or not, his carefully structured life was turned upside down by a 5'4" whirlwind named Amy Farrah Fowler. He knew there was something very special about this woman as he took a second glance at her while waiting to place their orders. She could verbally spar with him round for round, giving him a run for his money as they got to know each other. As much as he didn't want to admit it back then, he knew she was about to become a huge part of his life, and that scared the hell out of him.

He hears Penny and Leonard coming up the stairs and is shocked when Leonard knocks on his door.

"It's unlocked!" Sheldon calls out as he closes out of the word document to his home screen.

"Hey," Leonard greets as he comes in and shuts the door. "She's at the hotel."

"How is she? Did she say anything about me or... our dinner on Saturday?" Sheldon immediately questions.

"She did. She's nervous too, Sheldon," Leonard advises.

"Too? I'm not nervous," Sheldon pretends. The truth is, he's terrified.

"Sure, whatever you need to tell yourself, Sheldon," Leonard replies, knowing that Sheldon is saying this to try to protect himself.

Try as he might, he knows that he can't have prepared and memorized answers for his meeting with Amy. She's going to inevitably throw him a curveball and he'll become flustered by her, or her mere presence if he's being completely honest with himself. He makes a silent vow to her, he's going to be completely honest and hold nothing back, even knowing it's going to hurt her even more than he already has. His only goal for this weekend is to help her find peace and closure. That, he decides, is what he needs to tell her first and foremost, as soon as possible on Saturday.

"The guys and I are going to order dinner and play God of War on the PS4 if you want to come over?" Leonard wonders. "She said she'd call when she's on her way over. You'll be able to escape to your apartment before she arrives."

"Okay," Sheldon agrees. "Pizza?"

"Graziano's?" Leonard confirms seeing Sheldon nod his approval as they exit over to 4 A.

Amy stands in front of her open suitcase looking at her clothing choices for dinner with her parents. Her black jeans and a nice blouse, too slutty, she hears her mother's voice answer, her green floral print dress with the sleeves that reach her wrists, too conservative, the pink floral print jumper, too many memories of Sheldon. Showing up in her birthday suit isn't an option. To hell with it, she's going to be comfortable, she decides, as she grabs the jeans and a sleeveless white blouse.

The humidity adds a natural curl to her hair and she decides against straightening it, leaving it down as it lays perfectly, much to her surprise. She decides against makeup, settling instead for just a spritz of the watermelon lemonade body mist she packed, Sheldon's favorite, and grabs her keys and purse as she makes her way out the door to her parents' house.

It's a 10-minute drive from her hotel and as she arrives, she smiles as she sees that her father has been busy planting flowers in the front garden. This year he went with yellow tulips, which perfectly line the walk from the street to the door of the robin's egg blue house. She pulls into the empty concrete driveway and kills the engine. Her mother's car is gone, much to Amy's shock. Maybe she just made a quick trip to the market. Grabbing her cell phone, she dials her mom's cell phone, surprised when it immediately goes to voicemail, signaling it's turned off. The battery must be dead, Amy assumes.

"Hi, Mom, it's Amy," she begins, "I just arrived for dinner but it appears you're not home. Call me. Love you."

She waits for 45 minutes before deciding her parents must have forgotten. Feeling slightly dejected, Amy tries calling one more time and hangs up without leaving another message. Turning the engine, she decides to go to Penny's.

"No, no, no, go back, go back!" Howard yells at Raj as they decided to play World of Warcraft instead so all the guys could play. "On your 6 Leonard!"

"Got it!" Leonard calls as he rapidly clicks a few buttons and stabs the goblin right in the heart with his +2 longsword. "Sheldon! Healing potion!" he demands as the timer goes off on Leonard's cell phone to remind them to go pick up the pizzas.

"Pause in 3...2...1..." Leonard counts down.

"Click," the guys respond, pausing the screens mid-battle.

"One of us needs to stay so Penny and Bernadette can get in," Leonard points out as he grabs the money off of the coffee table while Howard straps the baby into her car seat.

"I'll do it," Sheldon decides, "but you are taking your demon spawn with you."

"Hey! That's my daughter you're talking about!" Howards protests before leaning over the baby, "Uncle Shelly didn't mean that. He's just cranky cause Auntie Amy is going to rip him a new ass... um, bumhole. Yes, she is," he coos as he tickles Halley's belly.

"Nice," Leonard comments, "but she doesn't seem angry. She's looking for an honest conversation and to get closure, at least, that's what she told me."

"Closure means this is the last time I'll see her?" Sheldon quietly wonders.

"Possibly," Leonard confirms.

"My advice is hold nothing back," Raj recommends. "Be brutally honest but make sure at the end of the weekend she knows how much you care about her still. Don't beg to be in her life. Let her make that choice once she has all the facts. Begging is just going to make you look pathetic to her. You need to face this as you get one last weekend with her. Anything you ever wanted to say to her, tell her."

"Um, I don't know about that," Leonard hesitates, "I do not think you should say you love her. You've hurt her enough. Those words... for a girl and after what you've done... ouch."

"You know, I said it first, well, actually, I said, 'I love you too' because she was having difficulty saying it," Sheldon recalls with a warm smile, watching as each of the guys' jaws drop to the floor. They always assumed Amy said it first.

"Wow, you really are a hippy," Howard teases.

"Lovesick fool is more like it," Sheldon corrects.

"Is Dave out of the picture?" Raj wonders.

"I've been instructed to kick him in the nuts if we see him," Leonard shares, causing all of the guys to instinctively cover their family jewels with their hands, the result of years of bullying.

"I don't think he's a problem anymore," Sheldon confirms, "After what he said to Amy, if I see him, kicking him in the nuts should be the least of his concerns."

"I heard about that," Howard shares, "what a schmuck."

"Pizza's getting cold," Leonard reminds them as the guys, minus Sheldon, make their way downstairs.

Sheldon sighs and settles back into his spot on the old brown leather couch. He's only been in here a handful of times since Amy found out about the affair. He misses living in Apartment 4A, he'll admit to himself, but honestly, he loved living with Amy, once they worked through the initial hiccups of moving in together. Her spot next to him has been claimed in eternal dibs by Raj now, much to Sheldon's chagrin. He spots" her" yellow mug, which actually belongs to Leonard, in the dish rack and smiles fondly as he recalls all the times they sat at the island and had tea. He recalls the way she made him feel when they kissed in the very spot he now sits after their fifth-anniversary dinner when he was trying to work up the nerve to ask her to marry him. Why he couldn't do it, he realizes now, is he was having doubts, even back then.

He hears a knock at the door and assumes Penny forgot her key again. Going to open it his heart stops beating as he sees Amy standing before him.

"Hi," he breathlessly whispers.

"Hi," she murmurs in response.

Sheldon swallows hard as he inches closer to Amy. The smell her delicious scent of that perfume he loves and the mix of her pheromones are driving him crazy after just a few seconds together. He gulps as he looks into her emerald eyes, brimming with unshed tears. He sees her take a deep breath through her nose and suck lightly on her lower lip, trying to keep her emotions in check. His heart is in his feet at seeing her reaction to seeing him again.

Sheldon's deep indigo eyes are overwhelming her to her very core as two tears cascade down his cheeks, Amy notices. God, she missed him, as much as she hates to admit it to herself. She reaches up to wipe away his tears on his left cheek, leaving her hand there as he holds it in place and fondly smiles at her.

Inching closer still, there's barely enough room for a piece of paper to snugly fit between them, their bodies melding perfectly together. Sheldon slowly wraps his arms around her shoulders and the small of her back, holding her to him, terrified of ever letting her go, lest he never see her again. He feels her sigh, her warm breath tickling his neck by his shoulder as she lays her head upon it and they don't say a word, holding each other as if their lives depend upon it.

Coming up the stairs, the guys are chatting about their battle plan when they freeze at the scene before them. Slowly, without disturbing the fragile situation, they walk over and sit on the stairwell leading to the 5th floor, seemingly unnoticed by either Sheldon or Amy.


	29. Chapter 29

"How long have they been like that?" Penny whispers to the guys as she comes up the stairs and finds Sheldon and Amy still in their embrace.

"15 minutes, plus however long before we came upstairs," Leonard whispers.

"Have they kissed?" Penny wonders as she turns sideways to pass by Raj and sits on the 4th step by Leonard.

"Surprisingly, no " Howard confirms.

"Dude, I'm starving. How long do we just sit here?" Raj wonders.

"You give them as much time as they need. We only interrupt if they start to kiss," Penny demands.

Sheldon's Vulcan hearing picks up the conversation taking place just a few feet away. He's been fighting the urge to kiss Amy. If he turns his head 3 inches, 3 minuscule inches, he can taste her sweet lips once again. He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, trying to get that very dangerous idea out of his mind.

3 inches. 3 tiny inches is all she needs to turn her head in order to kiss him. Amy swallows hard around the lump permanently lodged in her throat and picks a focal point in the apartment, quickly settling on the whiteboard with an equation Leonard scribbled out. She and Sheldon call Leonard's writing Godzilla penmanship, most of the time barely legible. Focal point found, she is surprised to feel her hand rubbing the soft cotton of Sheldon's black melting rubric's cube t-shirt, one of her favorites. She hears him take a deep breath through his mouth, slowly exhaling as he rubs her back in return.

"Move! Pregnant Lady needs to pee!" Bernadette warns as she comes up the stairs, putting an end to the reunion.

Sheldon and Amy jump apart like two opposite ends of a magnet repelling each other and each keeps their eyes downcast, feeling guilty for their reaction as Sheldon opened the door.

"I'll um... I'll go to my apartment so I don't interrupt your evening," Sheldon decides.

"I want you to stay... please? We can save the heavy conversation for when we're alone but, I came to see my friends... and that includes you, Sheldon," she points out.

"Okay. Can I get just a few minutes alone with you, please? There's something I need to discuss with you," he requests.

"Sure," Amy agrees. "Let's go to your old bedroom so we can talk."

They make their way to Sheldon's bedroom as the gang follows them in. As Raj reaches the island, Sheldon turns around and gives him his sternest look, pointing towards the beige chair in the living room.

Leading Amy, Sheldon takes a deep breath as he opens the door and they step inside, shutting and locking it behind them.

"It's been ages since I've set foot in here," Amy sadly comments as she stands by the door. "So, um... what's on your mind?"

"First, I want to apologize for immediately hugging you when I opened the door. Given the current paradigm of our relationship, I realize that was inappropriate."

Wow, she wasn't expecting that from him.

"Sheldon, we hugged for 23 continuous minutes. If I didn't want it too, it would've ended after a few seconds. You have nothing to apologize for."

"Thank you," he whispers, "Um... the main thing I wanted to tell you is that my only goal for this meeting on Saturday is to help you be at peace with the end of our relationship and find closure so you can begin to heal and move on. There's no ulterior motive."

"I... I honestly don't know what to say to that," Amy admits. "There's something you need to know as well. You pocket dialed me a few weeks ago..."

"I was in counseling. Why didn't you hang up?" he wonders.

"Because I'm curious, Sheldon. I don't understand why you did this and I desperately need to understand why! Why did you choose to have an affair, why did you choose to hurt me like that, deliberately and intentionally... why... did you propose to me, knowing what you had done?! Why, Sheldon? Why?" she questions before choking on a sob and swatting at the tears. "Damn it. I swore I wasn't going to cry in front of you."

"Do you really want to get into this right now, with everyone just a few feet away?" Sheldon questions as he pulls a packet of kleenex from his pocket and hands it to Amy.

"No, of course not," she agrees before taking a steadying breath to calm herself. "We need ground rules. All forms of physical contact..."

"Up to and including coitus are off the table. Where have I heard that before?" Sheldon teases, making Amy smile. "I also want it stipulated that we cannot refuse to answer any questions, even if there are tears or outbursts of anger. We need complete and total honesty about everything, a come-to-Jesus talk as my mother would call it."

"Agreed," Amy replies. "That being said, this needs to be a private conversation, Sheldon. Neither of us is permitted to share any details with our friends."

"Seconded. The pizza is probably ice cold by now. Amy... thank you for agreeing to talk with me. It's good to see you," he whispers.

"It's nice to see you too, Sheldon," she replies before opening the bedroom door.

Sheldon stays behind for a few minutes, taking deep breaths, inhaling and exhaling through his mouth to calm himself. So far, it's going much better than expected. Still, he knows they've barely scratched the surface and it's going to get much more difficult for both of them. Feeling calm enough to exit the bedroom, Sheldon finds the gals at the island, already cracking open the bottle of wine as they warm the pizzas in the oven. It feels just like any other pizza night, and Sheldon feels himself relax as he watches Amy gesturing wildly as she talks. With all the noise from the guys talking and Halley crying as Howard tries to feed her, Sheldon can't hear what Amy's saying, frustrating him as he sees her nod and wipe at her eyes.

"You alright?" Leonard quietly asks Sheldon as he sits in "Amy's" spot on the couch.

"Yes," Sheldon reassures. "I hate seeing her cry."

"I know. I hate it when Penny cries. I think she has a lot on her mind right now. It's not just because of you. It's the combination of missing her friends, being back in LA, you, whatever happened with her parents tonight... Amy's a strong woman, but that's a lot to deal with," Leonard explains.

"That was quite a hello. Why didn't you kiss her?" Howard wonders once he gets Halley settled with a bottle.

"I was fighting against the urge the entire time," Sheldon admits. "That being said, it would've been a mistake. I'm glad we didn't."

"Why didn't you kiss him?" Penny whispers about the same time.

"I wanted to... boy, did I want to... but it would be a mistake. As fun as it would be, and as deserving as he is after everything, I'm not going to toy with his heart at the risk of further destroying mine," Amy explains.

"You're a better person than I," Bernadette praises as she takes a sip of her blackberry infused water. "What's the latest with Dr. Dumbass?" she wonders, their nickname for Dave.

"We've been successfully avoiding each other. The airport was the first time I've seen him in 3 weeks. He immediately put his headphones in and Dr. Singh, my immediate supervisor, engaged me in conversation about a study in Belize that directly relates to some of my previous research," Amy explains.

"Dr. Singh. Indian?" Raj asks.

"Yes, Charles is from Amritsar," Amy replies.

"Ooh, Charles. Suitors are knocking on your door left and right," Bernie teases.

"There are no suitors!" Amy exclaims. "I'm pretty sure he's married, but even if he's not, I'm not interested in him... or any other guy... right now."

She catches Sheldon's eyes, seeing him biting his lip, her cue that he's using kohlinar to control some very intense emotions. A tinge of guilt overtakes her, much to her surprise. She has nothing to feel guilty about, she knows, not after everything. What is she getting herself into by agreeing to talk with Sheldon on Saturday, she wonders?

As they finish dinner, the gals come over to sit next to the guys. Amy immediately starts to head for her spot next to Sheldon as she sees Raj heading for the same cushion.

"Oh, um, go ahead," Amy offers once she realizes where Raj is heading.

"No, no, it will always be your spot when you're in Pasadena," Raj points out before taking his customary spot on the floor.

Maybe this was a bad idea, Amy realizes as she catches a whiff of Sheldon's talc. She can feel the heat radiating off of him and her fingers flex involuntarily as she fights to keep from reaching for his hand as she normally would. She feels like they're back in the beginning stages of their relationship when all she wished for was a sign of affection from Sheldon. How did she ever get through that, she wonders now?

Sheldon, for his part, is also fighting the urge to reach over and hold her hand. Her bottom is radiating heat onto his cushion, which, he's grown to love over the years. She's looking incredibly sexy in those jeans and showing more skin than he's ever seen outside of their bedroom. She looks so unlike his Amy, and yet, she looks even more beautiful somehow. They decide to do a game night and bring out Cards Against Humanity.

Penny draws the first black card and snorts as she reads, "In what's being hailed as a major breakthrough, scientists have synthesized blank in the lab."

Sheldon and Amy quickly look at each other before casting their eyes to their cards. The look doesn't go unnoticed by Penny who quickly decides, "um... let's draw again," once she realizes the significance of synthesizing something to the Shamy.

Shuffling the cards, Penny draws another, "It's 2 am in the city that never sleeps. She walks in, legs up to here... damn it, what is with these cards?!" Penny wonders, drawing another one.

"During sex... Uggggh!" Penny yells as Leonard quickly takes the black deck from her.

"It's fine, play it," Amy murmurs.

"During sex, I think about blank," Penny reads. "Channing Tatum," she teases Leonard as she looks at her cards.

"I was going to say Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson," Bernie replies, blushing, "sorry, Howie."

"It's alright, I think about Katee Sackhoff," he replies. "Next victim?"

"Carrie Fisher as Princess Leia," Leonard admits.

"Beyonce," Raj replies.

Noticing that two people have been very quiet, all eyes turn to Sheldon and Amy who are intently studying their cards, not saying a word. She could take first blood and admit she fantasized about Sheldon watching while she and Dave had wild, passionate sex, or, she can take the safer route, which is to say nothing. Amy wonders if Sheldon thought about her while he was with Ramona, or, even more likely, about Ramona while they were together the very last time. She closes her eyes as that thought enters her mind.

Sheldon notices Amy's physical reaction to the question and it angers him that they're playing this game knowing most of the questions revolve around sex.

"I'm not doing this," Sheldon decides as he lays his cards in a neat pile on the coffee table. "I'll see you all tomorrow for the conference."

"Sheldon, wait. I'm sorry, we can do something else," Penny decides, feeling guilty for upsetting him and Amy.

"It's one thing when you tease but to openly rub my affair in not just my face, but Amy's as well is incredibly cruel. I'm not going to be subjected to it for another minute and I hope Amy will feel the same way and leave as well," Sheldon replies.

He stands up and quickly leaves going into his apartment and barely locking the door when there's a knock.

"Sheldon, it's me," Amy calls out.

Opening the door, Amy takes 3 steps determined steps into Apartment 4 B. On her 3rd step, she reaches out and grasps the collar of Sheldon's t-shirt in her right hand, pulling her down to him and shocking him with a heated kiss.


	30. Chapter 30

_Mr. W decided to surprise me with a weekend away so I won't be around until Monday. Here's an extra long chapter to make up for it! Please excuse typos. I'm posting from the car and can't properly beta this._

* * *

It takes a moment for Sheldon's brain to register that Amy's lips are against his, demanding and, surprisingly, slightly chapped, but once he realizes what's happening, he places both hands on her shoulders and pushes her an arm's length away with a firm, "Stop."

Panting for air, they can't look at each other as they realize what just happened.

"Why'd you stop it?" Amy whispers, at last, still keeping her eyes downcast.

"In 48 hours, I am going to rip your heart from your chest and completely destroy any chance of us ever reconciling. Please, don't give me a glimmer of hope just to take that away from me," he pleads.

"What if, after we talk, I decide I want to give us one last shot?" she wonders.

"Amy, I swear to you, you're going to want to walk out of my life and never look back," he responds.

"Let _me_ make that choice, Sheldon!" She yells. "You don't get to decide for us!"

"I sealed our fate, put the final nail in the coffin, ding dong, it's the grim reaper here to tell us to stop beating a dead horse! It's taking all of my willpower to not take you into the bedroom, make love to you, and, just for a brief moment, _pretend_ we can get through this... pretend... you still love me... and I still love you... and none of this ever happened."

"Still?" Amy questions. "Sheldon, despite what you may believe, I _never_ stopped loving you... not during your train trip, or when we broke up during our fifth anniversary... or after all of this."

"Then you are either in denial or a goddamed fool," Sheldon declares, making Amy gasp.

"Stop trying to pick a fight with me in order to protect yourself, Sheldon," she pleads.

"I'm protecting **you**!" He yells in frustration. "I've done nothing but hurt you, time after time after time! I fucked another woman, Amy, or have you conveniently forgotten about that?"

"Forgotten? I can't stop thinking about it! I close my eyes at night and I see you with her! I see you going down on her and kissing her and _fucking_ her and I wonder why you never felt that... passion, that desire to rip my clothes off and bend me over the table like you did to her!"

"Because I love you and respect you too much to treat you like some whore!"

"So that's why you restricted us to once a year? You think I couldn't control myself once I got what I wanted from you?"

"Just the opposite. I restricted us to once a year because I was afraid I'd never be able to get enough of you," Sheldon whispers.

That seemed to have zapped the energy out of the room as neither says anything, just staring at each other for several minutes, breathing heavily at the end of round one. The opening salvo has been fired, leaving flesh wounds but no serious injuries. Those are yet to come, Sheldon decides as he hears Amy's cell phone buzzing. Assuming it's Penny and Bernadette on some pre-arranged call, Sheldon requests, "tell them to mind their own business."

Amy pulls her cell phone out of her pants pocket and seeing the caller ID read "Mom," steps out into the foyer, leaving the door of the apartment open.

"Hi, Mom," Amy greets as she steps into the foyer.

Sheldon watches in concern as Amy turns as white as a ghost, not saying a word as she goes to sit on the steps. Something happened, he immediately concludes.

"I'm on my way," Amy quickly replies as she hangs up and charges for the stairs.

"Amy, what's wrong?" Sheldon questions.

"I have to go," is all she says in reply. "We'll... we need to cancel on Saturday," she apologizes as she rushes into 4 A to grab her purse.

"Amy, stop! What's wrong?" he demands, trying to not yell at her when she's visibly upset.

"My parents were in a car accident," she replies to gasps from Penny and Bernadette. "I have to go, Sheldon. I have to go," she repeats.

This rubs up against all of his biggest fears; germs, hospitals, uncomfortable social situations... and Mrs. Fowler if he's being completely honest, but seeing Amy so visibly upset does something to him. He decides, as her friend, he's not going to let her go through this alone.

"I'm coming with you," he insists as he follows her down the stairs.

Making it to the lobby in record time, Amy stops and leans against the wall near the front entryway, tilting her head back and closing her eyes as she tries to keep her emotions in check. Her hands are shaking as she reaches for her keys and she drops them on the floor as she tries to hand them to Sheldon.

"I um... I need you to drive," she requests as he bends over to pick up the car keys.

"Alright. How bad is it?" Sheldon quietly asks.

"All mom said is that my dad is in emergency surgery," she whispers as the tears start to fall.

Without saying a word, Sheldon pulls her close, offering comfort in the best way he knows how, a hug, as he pulls her into his arms and they fuse together once again. He counts to 10 in his head before releasing her, knowing he has to get her to the hospital.

"Cedars-Sinai," Amy whispers in response to his unspoken question.

They rush to the car and Sheldon takes just a few seconds to adjust the mirrors before pulling out and driving a breakneck 5 miles per hour over the speed limit. He doesn't say anything, giving Amy time to compose herself before they arrive at the hospital.

Amy's already unbuckling her seatbelt as Sheldon turns into the parking lot and drives down the row looking for a parking spot. Not finding any, he decides to drop her at the door and then circle the lot until he finds a parking spot. As Sheldon pulls in front of the doors of the hospital, she leans over and kisses his cheek. "Thank you, Sheldon. I know... with us being estranged... this can't be easy for you."

"It wasn't easy even when we were on the best of terms. Your parents hate me," he replies.

"They don't hate you," Amy corrects. "My dad actually likes you, a lot in fact. He's a man of few words but every time I talk to him, he makes a point to say he liked you. My mom's not crazy about you..." she admits, sharing a smile with Sheldon, "but she's not so fond of me either."

"I'll be right in," Sheldon promises.

"Okay," Amy whispers. "I'll wait at the door," she decides as she quickly makes her way inside.

Sheldon circles the parking lot for 10 minutes before finding a spot quite a distance away. He pulls in and then runs towards the hospital doors, panting and out of breath as he arrives to find Amy sitting on a bench. Sheldon doubles over and holds up one finger, asking for a moment to catch his breath as he sits next to Amy. She's emotional again, Sheldon notices as he reaches over and takes her hand in his, giving a gentle squeeze. Amy can't help but think how perfectly her hand fits in Sheldon's as his thumb caresses the top. His hands are much softer than Dave's, firm, reassuring her that he's here for her, and yet gentle at the same time.

"Is this alright?" Sheldon whispers as he notices her staring at their clasped hands.

"Yes, thank you," she replies, squeezing his hand in return.

Having caught his breath enough, Sheldon stands up and lets Amy lead the way. As they reach the waiting room for the emergency department. Amy spots two of her aunts, her Uncle Eugene, and her paternal grandparents, Elizabeth and Harold.

"Hi, Nana," Amy greets as she goes to hug the frail woman in the wheelchair hello.

"Amy. We didn't know you were back from Paris," Elizabeth replies as Amy hugs her grandfather.

"I'm actually just here for a conference at UCLA before returning to Paris next week," she explains.

"What's _he_ doing here?" Amy hears her mother loudly question as she comes around the corner from the restrooms.

"Hello, Mrs. Fowler," Sheldon greets. Amy picks up on how meek Sheldon's greeting was and feels terrible for how uncomfortable Sheldon must be.

Her mother is a force to be reckoned with, Amy has always thought. 5 feet of dynamite, as Amy's father calls his wife. She's a short, obese woman with a quick mind and quicker fuse. Her right arm is in a soft cast and she has a neck brace. Amy is surprised that she was released and has to fight the urge to go demand to look at her mother's brain scans.

Mrs. Fowler purses her lips in displeasure as she looks Sheldon up and down. _That's where Amy gets that look from_ , Sheldon decides as he feels like he shrinks 5 feet at the disapproval in Mrs. Fowler's eyes.

"Don't tell me you decided to forgive him? Amy Farrah Fowler, how many times do I have to tell you..." her mother begins.

"Rita, leave them alone!" Amy's Nana warns. " He's choosing to be here to support Amy and our family. After everything that has happened between Sheldon and Amy, that says a lot about his character. If Amy needs him for emotional support, then so be it."

"How's Daddy?" Amy questions as she and Sheldon sit as far away as possible from Mrs. Fowler.

"It's not good, dear," Amy's Aunt Linda vaguely shares.

Amy squeezes Sheldon's hand tight upon hearing that and moves their hands so they're resting on her right knee. She keeps using her thumb to caress the very small scar below Sheldon's index finger, the result of a glass breaking during washing when they first started dating all those years ago. He wants to ask, he knows he should ask for Amy's sake, but it's also not his place. No matter what happens, he's going to be by her side.

"Mom?" Amy whispers after nobody offers further details several minutes later.

"I didn't see it. The sun was in my eyes and I didn't see the truck coming," Mrs. Fowler weeps. "Oh, my sweet Larry," she whispers as Amy gasps. "It hit directly in his door."

"How seriously is he injured?" Amy wonders.

"All we know for certain is a collapsed lung and internal bleeding," Harold replies.

He's been watching Amy and Sheldon closely. He's heard the womenfolk gossip about Amy and her boyfriend for several years. He tries to stay out of the romantic entanglements of his children and grandchildren as much as possible, but he's always worried about Amy. Harold senses this Sheldon character loves his granddaughter, despite what Harold has heard over the years. The truth of the matter is his granddaughter is an odd duckling and apparently has found another oddball to share her life with. Sheldon never takes his eyes off Amy, Harold notices as he watches them closely. In fact, with each new piece of information, Amy seems to lean into Sheldon more, seeking his comfort.

"Would you like tea?" Sheldon asks Amy 1 1/2 hours after arrival. He feels like he's under a microscope and needs a momentary respite.

"Please," Amy requests with a small grateful smile as she stands up to go with Sheldon.

Nobody has said a word in the last hour and the tension in the small waiting room is grating on Amy's last nerve. They apparently all know what Sheldon has done and she's been fodder for their amusement and pity. Why should that matter right at this moment when her father is fighting for his life, she wonders.

"You stay here, Amy. I'd like to speak with Sheldon," Mrs. Fowler demands as she sees them stand up to leave.

He gives her a look, which she quickly interprets as "help me." Shrugging, Amy realizes there is nothing she can do as her mother leads Sheldon towards the cafeteria. They walk the corridor, an uncomfortable silence between them until reaching the cafeteria. Sheldon pulls out his wallet and a crisp $20 bill in order to pay for their drinks before they take a small table in the corner of the room.

"I don't know what Amy sees in you still. You've lied to her, cheated on her, alienated her from her friends and her family by forcing her to leave the country, humiliated! Hell, for all I know you beat on her..."

"I made several mistakes over the course of my relationship with Amy, Mrs. Fowler, and I will repent for my sins for the rest of my life, but I _never_ was physically abusive to her, nor would I ever bring harm to her!" Sheldon exclaims, his teeth gritted.

"The physical wounds can heal, but the emotional wounds you've caused, those will take decades to heal. I want you to stay away from her. Now, I know my Amy ain't the prettiest hen in the chicken coop..."

"Mrs. Fowler, with all due respect, it's you saying things like this which have wounded Amy throughout her entire life. If you hear something enough, you believe it, even when it couldn't be further from the truth," Sheldon points out, "Amy is a beautiful woman. She's the whole package; beautiful, intelligent, kind, loyal, passionate, hilarious... she's going to make some man incredibly happy some day. I don't, however, believe that man will be me. I'm here tonight because we were in the middle of a conversation about the future of our relationship when she got the news. She was so shaken that she asked me to drive. I'm here as her friend and chauffeur, nothing more."

"Keep it that way," Mrs. Fowler warns. "Amy will want a..."

"Lemon ginger tea with three ice cubes," Sheldon recites perfectly.

Mrs. Fowler nods once before making a show of standing and pushing her chair in. She pitches her paper cup into the garbage as she walks by and quickly makes her way back to the waiting room.

Sheldon takes a deep breath as he sees Mrs. Fowler round the corner and jumps when he feels a hand on his shoulder. He'd know that hand anywhere, he quickly decides as Amy slides into the chair just recently vacated by her mother.

"I was spying," she explains before Sheldon gets the chance to ask. "Thank you for defending me," she whispers.

"Any update on your dad?" Sheldon wonders.

"No," Amy replies with a sigh. "It's getting late. If you'd like, you can take my car and I can catch a cab to the hotel."

"I'm not leaving, Amy," he insists, "unless, you want me to," he adds as an afterthought.

"I want you to stay," she whispers, "but I'm offering you an out. You're under no obligation, especially after how my mother spoke to you."

"I'm staying," he immediately replies.

With that, they walk back to the waiting room hand in hand, not caring what Mrs. Fowler or the rest of Amy's family thinks. They sit on the small love seat in the corner of the room and watch the rerun of Mama's Family playing on tv.

"Mama reminds me of your mom," Amy softly murmurs to Sheldon during a commercial break.

"How so?" Sheldon wonders as a team of four male doctors in green scrubs come into the room.

"Fowler?" One of them asks as they remove their facemasks.

She looks panicked, Sheldon immediately notices. He stands with her and wraps his arm around the small of her back, allowing her to lean on him, both physically and emotionally, for support as they approach the doctors.

Amy only half listens, hearing words like pneumothorax and cardiogenic embolism. With each term, she realizes how grave the condition really is for her father. Trying to stay strong, she takes a deep breath as Amy's mom goes to Mr. Fowler's bedside.

"What does all that mean, Amy?" her Nana asks.

"He has a collapsed lung and a blood clot in the brain," she softly replies.

"He wouldn't want you to worry about him, Amy. He'd want you to go to work tomorrow as normal. He's so proud of you and your accomplishments. We all are," Harold praises.

"Thank you, Grandpa," she shyly replies. "But I'm going to worry, regardless of if I'm here, or at work. I need to ask Mom if she wants me here before I make any choices regarding the conference."

Sheldon stays back as Amy goes to see her father and to speak with her mother. Her Grandpa, Harold, wheels himself over to Sheldon and clears his throat when it appears that Sheldon has zoned out, watching TV once again.

"Thank you for being here for Amy," Harold begins. "I know Rita is giving you a hard time, the old bat. Please don't take it personally. No one will ever be good enough for Amy, even Jesus Christ himself," he adds with a chuckle.

"It's very difficult to not take it personally when she outright accused me of being abusive towards Amy," Sheldon replies. "Is that what everyone believes?"

"I try to stay out of the affairs of my children and grandchildren, but, you listen to me, Sheldon. I've been on this Earth for 92 years and I have never seen nor felt a love more palpable than what I've seen tonight between you and Amy. I hear there have been some... complications, shall we say... lately, but, Amy is the most loving and forgiving person I know. If she's still talking to you and wants to be with you after what happened, don't look a gift horse in the mouth. Thank your lucky stars, or whatever deity you believe in, and spend the rest of your life showing her how much you love her."

"I will," Sheldon promises.

"Good man," Harold replies as Amy comes back in the room.

She raises an eyebrow at him as Harold winks at the two of them and leaves them to talk privately. They quickly decide that since it's after 2 am and they have to be up for work at 6:30, with a 2 hour round trip drive to Pasadena and back, it's easier and safer for Sheldon to stay the night at the hotel with Amy. They make their way to the Holiday Inn and take the elevator upstairs.

Opening the door, they find a single queen sized bed in the middle of the room. As Amy changes into her pajamas, Sheldon grabs the spare blanket from the luggage rack by the door, the top comforter and prepares himself a makeshift bed on the floor at the foot of the bed. Amy almost steps on him as she comes back out to put her dirty clothes in her bag.

"What are you doing down there?" she wonders.

"Sleeping," he replies as she gets on her knees next to him and then stretches out.

"What are you doing?" he wonders.

"Sleeping," she explains. "We can either sleep on the bed or the floor. Your choice."

"Amy... if we share a bed, we're going to inevitably have coitus... which would be a huge mistake. Take the bed. It's alright. I need to sleep on the floor though."

"What if it's not a mistake? What if it's two people, who love each other very much, mending their broken relationship?" she whispers.

"We need to talk first. Before anything else can possibly happen, we need to have our talk. You're too emotional right now after the events of the past few hours. Please, trust me? I don't want us to have regrets," he pleads.

"Okay," she agrees with a heavy sigh, knowing he's right as she stands up. "You're a good man, Sheldon Cooper," she praises as she gets into the bed. A few seconds later, Sheldon hears shuffling before Amy hangs her head over the edge of the bed, facing him.

"What are you doing?" Sheldon wonders, laughter tinging his voice.

"Sleeping as close as possible to you without sleeping with you. Give me your hand," she demands.

"Amy..." he sighs in protest.

"Sheldon," she mocks.

"How can you tolerate being in the same room with me, talking with me, touching me... loving me... after what I've done?' He wonders.

"I've loved you for 7 years, Sheldon. It's a hard habit to break," she explains. "I think... Dave affected me, more than I'd like to admit. He's bitter towards his ex-wife, and women in general. I don't want that for us. I want us to be able to salvage... something... after 7 years together, be it a deep friendship... or something more."

"Do you think I was abusive towards you?" Sheldon whispers.

"Yes," she admits, "not physically, but you intentionally withheld physical affection for years, then you limited our intimate relations to once a year, you said cruel and degrading things about me, my career, my hopes, my dreams... so yes, I do think you were emotionally and verbally abusive at times, but, I was also manipulative, passive-aggressive, narcissistic, co-dependent and very, very insecure. We've both grown and matured a lot over the past 7 years, Sheldon. I do think, if we try to save our relationship, the relationship agreement will have to be the very first thing we drastically alter."

"Or abolish altogether," he proposes, hearing her gasp at the suggestion.

"That too," she agrees, "Sheldon, do you still love me or am I deluding myself?"

"Yes, I still love you," he immediately whispers as he turns to look into her eyes.

Amy leans her head further over the bed until she's level with Sheldon, upside down of course. Leaning forward just slightly she hesitantly brushes her lips against his, feeling Sheldon sigh into her mouth as he places his hand on the back of her head. Sheldon opens his mouth slightly and presses harder into Amy's lips, demanding more from her. She moans as his tongue meets hers sending an electric shock coursing through her veins.

"I'm getting dizzy," she whispers as she pulls back, breathless.

Sheldon immediately makes his way to the bed in 5 quick moves. She's under him, his hands on both of her cheeks as they hungrily kiss, tongues dueling for control in an erotic tango of emotions.

 _Just kissing. Kissing is safe,_ Sheldon decides. Her hands are everywhere; holding his head to her, his back, his ass, fisting the sheet as he kisses her neck. She's currently working on removing his t-shirts while he suckles on her earlobe, a trick he found that drives her insane. He pulls back and removes his t-shirts, throwing them to the floor, not caring where they land as Amy caresses his chest with the pads of her fingers.

"You've lost weight," she whispers.

"This is the bachelor-living-on-alcohol-and-microwave-burritos-diet," he explains.

"Alcohol?" She questions.

"I went through a bit of a downward spiral and... for close to a month, I was consuming alcohol until I would pass out each evening," he confesses.

"Sheldon..." she whispers, that confession from him hurting more than she thought it would.

Pulling his head down to her, her lips meet his once again, pouring every emotion she's' feeling into her kisses. He snakes his hands under her pink satin cami top, caressing her abdomen. She feels him drawing the same pattern he did the first night they made love, _143._

 _"I love you too,"_ She whispers.

Her top comes off next and he kisses his way from her lips to her breasts, taking the left nipple into his mouth while rolling the right between his fingertips. He alternates between lapping and suckling, feeling her cup his ass cheeks and pull him down to grind against her. He switches sides as she moans, lavishing her breast in kisses as he feels her heart beat wildly pounding beneath his fingertips.

He places his hands on the waistband of her shorts, silently questioning as she lifts her hips and he helps her shimmy out of her shorts and underwear.

"I want to taste you," he whispers his request, his hot breath tickling her ear.

"Okay," she whispers, tears pooling in her eyes.

He pecks her lips once again before kissing a wet trail down her body and gently spreading her legs open to him. Her smell is intoxicating and he could get high just on that alone. He scoots towards the head of the bed so his feet are touching the headboard and lays on his stomach, his head perfectly hovering over Amy's warm, wet mound. Gently, he inserts a single finger into her, circling her clit a few times in order to make sure she's ready. He uses his thumb and index finger to hold her lips open to him as he softly laps at her, making her gasp.

"Okay?" he wonders.

"Intense," she answers.

"Want me to stop?" he questions.

"No, keep going," she pleads.

He laps at her again, circling his tongue along the swollen bud, before gently sucking upon it. She reaches orgasm in just a few seconds from that alone. He inserts two fingers into her as he continues lapping at her after the first orgasm, twisting his wrist and marveling at how tight she is. She tastes sweet like honey, with a slight tang that is uniquely Amy. She's gasping for air now as she wildly thrusts her hips up towards his mouth, trying to get closer. Using just his fingers against her clit, he brings on a prolonged second orgasm before she collapses back onto the bed and immediately begins to sob.

He's not sure what he should do in this situation so he hovers over her, kissing her cheek and whispering, "Amy," into her ear.

"Hold me?" she requests as she sniffles.

He immediately rolls onto his back, bringing her into his arms as she sobs until she falls asleep 45 minutes later.

 _This was a huge mistake,_ Sheldon thinks to himself. _She regrets it too._


	31. Chapter 31

Just to help clarify things, _italics_ is internal thoughts and anything in "quotes" is actually being said aloud.

* * *

Sheldon realizes he has two big problems. First, Amy fell asleep in his arms fully naked and exposed to him. The second, he has a hard-on the size of Texas and is in desperate need of release.

Deciding he can easily solve the first problem, Sheldon removes the pillow from behind his head and lays Amy's arm over it, which she immediately cuddles. Problem solved. Getting out of bed, Sheldon grabs the blue fleece blanket from the floor and covers Amy with it, sighing in relief when she doesn't awaken. He strokes her hair away from her mouth and tucks it behind her ear. Standing at the side of the bed, he watches her sleep, thankful that she's getting some rest after such an emotional day.

The second problem, he's not sure how to handle. He could stay in the bed next to Amy and masturbate as she sleeps. In fact, if she awakens and sees physical evidence of how much he desires her, it could go a long ways towards helping her heal. On the other hand, it could also dramatically backfire on him too, he decides. No, he needs to do this in the privacy of the bathroom, allowing him to be discreet and affording him minimal clean up in the shower.

 _He checks to make sure Amy is still sleeping, chuckling when he sees the small puddle of drool on the pillow, and makes his way into the bathroom, shutting the door with a soft click. The ceiling fan sounds like a Boeing 747 is taking off from their room and he cringes as he quickly turns it off, certain he woke Amy._

 _Amy startles awake, hearing a loud rattling noise. Taking a second to gain her bearings, she smiles as she sees that Sheldon has covered her with a pillow and blanket._

 _"You better not be on the floor," she warns as she sits up, holding the blanket to cover her breasts._

 _Not receiving an answer, she awkwardly crawls on her knees to the right side of the bed and turns on the bedside lamp before getting out of bed. She takes a quick glance at the floor, not seeing Sheldon as she hears the shower turn on. Smiling, she realizes what that means. She could feel his erection through his jeans as they kissed and she wrapped her legs around his waist, grinding him into her. She needs to finish what she started._

 _Opening the door, Sheldon looks up at her with bloodshot eyes from where he is gripping the basin of the sink. She immediately goes to him and reaches to rub his back, gasping as he flinches away from her touch._

 _"Hey, what's wrong?" she whispers._

 _He keeps his head down and doesn't answer her as he heaves, not bringing anything up. She has a bottle of water in her backpack still and rushes out to grab it for him, opening the cap as she returns and offers it to him._

 _"Sit on the toilet and catch your breath," Amy encourages. He seems in a daze, making her very scared as she guides him to sit on the toilet seat before she takes a seat on the edge of the bathtub._

 _"Sheldon, talk to me. I'm worried," she whispers as she offers him the water once again._

 _"I just took advantage of you. You should call the police," he whispers without looking at her._

 _"What? Sheldon... I wasn't sobbing because I regret what happened or you hurt me. I was sobbing because I suddenly had the thought, 'what if it had been me, or you, in the car accident tonight?' 'What if we died with you believing I hate you?' I have zero regrets about being intimate with you," she reassures while reaching for his hand and dropping to her knees in front of him. "I love you. I am always going to love you, come what may. Can we just... forget everything else, just for tonight, and be two people who love each other very much?"_

 _"We're both emotional. Going any further than we already have..."_

 _Sometimes, the only way to get through to Sheldon is with actions rather than words. Amy leans forward, pressing her lips against his in a soft kiss. He drops the water bottle to the floor with a crunch wrapping his arms around her as they stand before pushing her against the closed door of the bathroom. She fumbles for the button of his khaki pants, finally pulling away just long enough so she can get a look at it as Sheldon places his hand over hers to assist. He steps out of and kicks the pants aside, tilting Amy's head up to him as she wraps her arms around his shoulders._

 _"No regrets?" he whispers against her lips as he cups her right cheek in his hand and stares into her eyes, searching for an answer he's certain is contained within them. She smiles at him before pecking his lips three times and opening the door, leading him by the hand back to the bed._

 _As they crawl back in, Amy immediately seeks out Sheldon's lips once again as he lays on his side, facing her. She lightly grazes her fingers from the nape of his neck, along his spine to his tailbone and back up as they slowly kiss. She needs him to relax and turn off his brain. He's overthinking this she can still tell._

 _"You did not take advantage of me and you are not a monster," she whispers in his ear before bringing his right hand to lay over her heart._

 _That seems to snap Sheldon out of it as he rolls over so he's once again hovering over Amy and brings her hand down to feel what she's doing to him as they continue to passionately kiss. She wraps her hand around his member, slowly stroking from base to tip as Sheldon moans against her neck as he draws the skin into his mouth. At the same time, he moves his hand down to her core and dips two fingers into her, matching the slow rhythm Amy has set._

 _They look into each other's eyes, staying silent as they pleasure each other. His eyes are dark, almost black with desire. He's biting his lip as he works to stay silent, realizing the magnitude and solemnity of this moment for them. Her eyes are sparkling. She's happy, Sheldon decides as he captures her lips for another series of slow kisses. Without warning, Amy gives one last slow pump from base to tip before guiding him to her core. He gasps when he feels himself brush against his fingers._

 _"You're sure?" he whispers as she nods and forcefully pulls his head down for a blistering kiss as she guides him inside her._

 _"Breathe," Amy whispers, feeling how tense he is. "No regrets."_

 _"No regrets," he parrots. "I love you."_

 _"I know," she replies, as he smiles._

 _He wraps his arms around her, crushing her to him as he finally begins to slowly move inside her. He feels tears springing to his eyes as he looks at Amy who has tears running down her cheeks. He leans down to kiss them away, kissing her forehead, each closed eyelid and finally her lips_... **or at least that's what he wants to do.**

Snapping out of his fantasy as Amy starts to stir he whispers, "shhh." as he sits on the edge of the bed next to her and strokes her hair. It soon becomes apparent that she's having a night terror as she begins to sob hysterically again punching and kicking at some invisible demons only she can see. She never had night terrors when they lived together, much to his shock and amazement. He's read up on the subject in preparation for this.

"Amy. Amy, wake up. It's alright. You're safe," he whispers to her as he continues stroking her hair.

She reaches up and slaps at his hand before frantically rubbing both hands through her hair picking something out of it, "Get them off me! Get them off me!" she screams.

"They're gone, they're gone," he whispers, "they're gone. You're alright. You're safe."

"They're everywhere! Get them off me!" She cries before bolting straight up in bed, wide-eyed and dazed as she catches her breath and regains her bearings.

He wants to hug her to him and reassure her she's alright but Amy warned him that the best thing he can do is sit and wait once it seems she"s awoken. Her eyes are dead, and for a moment he wonders if she even realizes he's there with her.

"You're safe," he whispers to her.

"Hi," she whispers while reaching for the blue fleece blanket to cover herself. "Did I hurt you?"

"No," he reassures. "Are you alright?"

"Yes," she reassures. "Can you hand me my pajamas?" she requests.

Sheldon locates her cami top hanging on the tv and hands that to her first. It takes him a moment to locate her underwear and shorts near the right side of the bed, but he blushes as he sees she was wearing pink and black polka dotted underwear. He turns his back to her as she dresses, waiting until she turns on the bedside lamp before turning back

"I should've stopped it," he apologizes. "I knew this would happen. I knew you'd regret it, maybe not right away, but in an hour, in the morning... I took advantage of you."

"No, you didn't. I gave my consent, Sheldon _. I_ kissed you. I _wanted_ you. You **did not** take advantage of me or hurt me in any way You're not a monster," she whispers as she lays her hand on his back. "It... you did that... to _her_ first. You admitted to me that you enjoyed doing that to her. You only did that to _me_ because of her. You were right. This shouldn't have happened," she whispers before sighing. "Will it always be like this? Will I always think of you with... _her_ every time you touch me?"

"I... I don't know," he whispers. "What do we do now?"

"We go to sleep and deal with it in the morning," Amy decides as she rolls over so her back is to him.

"I'm going to take a cab home," he decides and he gets out of bed and locates his t-shirt.

"Sheldon... I don't want you to leave," she pleads as she grabs his hand.

"What do you want?" he whispers.

"I want you to stay here and for us to talk... or not talk... but just... I don't want to be alone right now. I am terrified that my dad isn't going to make it and... your presence... you mean so much to me, Sheldon... above all else, you are my friend and I need my friend right now."

"Okay," he sighs as he lays on his back next to her. "Why does your mom think I was physically abusive?" he wonders.

"Remember a few years ago when we went to the zoo and I tripped and injured my arm? Well, a few days earlier..."

"You walked into the open cage door at work and gave yourself a black eye," Sheldon recalls. "I can see how your mother wouldn't believe that was accidental."

"Still, she had no right..."

"She has every right to try to protect you, Amy. No mother would ever want their daughter to be in a relationship with a man who has treated you as I have. Why did you stay for so long, and, more importantly, why would you ever even consider subjecting yourself to that again? Dave Gibbs would be a much better partner for you."

" I don't trust him, Sheldon. He's... as Penny would say he's butthurt at being repeatedly rejected..."

"Define 'butthurt"

"Angry, embarrassed, overly and unjustifiably offended and resentful," she explains. "Nothing happened with him and he feels I lead him on."

"I can definitely understand his desire to have a romantic relationship with you. Why did you continually reject him?"

"I haven't fully processed what's happened between you and me and needed time."

"Do you want to be with him?" Sheldon quietly asks.

"I... considered it," she admits, "but at this point, I'd only be using him to get over you. That's not fair to him. Plus, I'm only on Paris for 6 months with no idea where I'll be after that.

"Are you wanting to come back to Los Angeles?" Sheldon questions.

"I haven't given it much thought, but, I suppose I should start looking, right?"

"Yes," Sheldon agrees. "I know... I shouldn't say this, but... I want you to come home... to California at least, so we see you often."

"Who's 'we?"

By 'we', I mean our friends. They've missed you too. I'm sure you're looking forward to seeing how Howard and Bernadette cope as parents of 2."

"Yes," she admits, "they need their own reality tv show."

"Like the Truman show?" Sheldon questions.

"Exactly! I still can't believe you picked to watch that with me over The Smurfs."

"It was anything can happen Thursday," he reminds her.

"I've missed this," she whispers as she rolls to rest her head against his chest.

"What are you doing?" he whispers.

"Cuddling... _just_ cuddling. I... I don't know if we can fix this, Sheldon but... I am always going to love you and I just... it makes me sad to think that this could be our last night together. If it is, I want to be able to remember what it feels like to lay in your arms... to hear your heartbeat... to kiss you... to fall asleep knowing I'm safe... and protected... and loved. Can you give me this?" she whispers, feeling him nod as he wraps his arms around her and holds her close as they fall back asleep.

* * *

So, everything in italics at the beginning of the chapter is Sheldon's fantasy about what could've potentially happened. What a beautiful mess these two have made, huh?


	32. Chapter 32

_Thank you for all the get well soon wishes! I'm home and doing better. Hyperemesis Gravidarum (a severe form of morning sickness) is the worst and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. Baby Peanut is fine and well. :) To the reviewer that asked if we cried when hearing the heartbeat, we did! A very special moment for sure._

 _Back to the story! I recommend listening to "Like You'll Never See Me Again" by Alicia Keys (i prefer the remix with Ludacris but that's just me) and "Unkiss Me" by Maroon 5 while reading this chapter_.

* * *

The slamming of a door followed by a couple fighting right outside their room awakens Sheldon a little after 5 o'clock in the morning. Amy startles once again, holding her hand to her chest, her heart feeling as though it's going to beat straight through her ribcage. She groans and rolls onto her back, staring at the green light of the smoke detector as the fight seems to kick into high gear.

"Should I call the front desk?" Amy wonders when something hits the door for their room with a loud thump.

"I'm going to say something," Sheldon decides as he gets out of bed. "Shield your eyes," he warns as he flips the main switch for the lights and makes his way to the door.

Slightly cracking it, he sees a very tall man, easily over 6 feet tall, arguing with a petite redhead woman.

"Fuck you!" The woman yells before storming away.

"I wish you would!" He yells at her retreating back. "Sorry," he apologizes, sheepishly looking at the floor, not facing Sheldon. "Here, let me buy you breakfast," he offers as he pulls his wallet out.

Amy wasn't paying attention, but she gasps when she hears Dave Gibbs speaking to Sheldon. _Oh, this could be bad._ She gets out of bed and rushes to the door, opening it wider so Dave can see her. She can smell the stale alcohol and cigars as she opens the door, making her want to vomit at the overwhelming stench. Dave looks up as the door opens wider, his eyes nearly bugging out of his head as he sees Amy and Sheldon.

"You jumped straight into bed with him. Pity. I thought you had more self-respect than that," Dave murmurs with the shaking of his head in disbelief.

"You're really one to talk, Dave," Amy venomously replies. "Go drink some coffee and sober up. If we hear any more fighting, we're calling the police."

"Sorry," he apologizes again as he hands Sheldon $50 for the trouble.

As Sheldon shuts the door and secures the lock, Amy keeps her eyes downcast on the floor. They're both awake now, which means they need to discuss what happened last night. _Maybe a couple of drinks isn't such a bad idea_ Amy decides.

"Dave Gibbs?" Sheldon questions as Amy nods in confirmation. "And the woman is...?"

"I'm not sure, actually," Amy admits. "One of his former conquests I presume. Do you know which room they're in? I don't want his money."

"Well then, lucky for you, I didn't plan on splitting it with you. Breakfast this morning is on me... well, on Dave technically, but as you are unaware of how much cash I currently have in my possession...

"You always have $100 total; one $50, a $20, a $10 two $5 bills and ten $1 bills. Now, assuming you paid for drinks at the hospital last night that brings the total close to $86, plus the $50... you have $136 dollars plus or minus 5 dollars," Amy guesses.

"Let's find out," Sheldon decides as he retrieves his wallet from near the tv.

He knows she's right. She's always right, he realizes. He pulls the money out, showing her each bill. 136 on the button.

"Lucky guess," Sheldon teases.

"Hey, last night... um... it... it was... thank you," she whispers. "Can I give you a hug?" she requests, seeing him nod as he bites his lip.

He opens his arms for her to step into and wraps them tightly around her shoulders and the small of her back as she lays her head on his shoulder and heavily sighs. He turns his head to look at her, finding her eyes closed and tilts his head down to place a lingering kiss on her forehead, surprising her as she looks up as he pulls back. She places her hand on his right cheek, feeling the slight scratch of stubble against her fingers. Why can't she resist him or those damn azure eyes of his? His lips are like a magnet, drawing her to him, an invisible force she cannot fight against as she brushes her lips against his.

Sheldon doesn't react as he normally would. He's stunned. Pulling back, he looks at her, silently questioning what's happening.

"I don't know why I can't resist kissing you," she confesses. "But it needs to stop. I can't keep sending you mixed signals when I'm not entirely sure what I want myself."

"I'm not going to beg and plead for forgiveness, Amy. I don't deserve it. It's up to you. If and when you make a decision on if you want to forgive me if you want to just be my friend or... and I desperately hope this isn't the case... you want nothing to do with me... I will be here. In the meantime, I'm going to work on bettering myself and understanding the root issues that lead to me doing something so unpredictable and heinous."

"Thank you for understanding, Sheldon. God, why is this so difficult?" she wonders.

"Close your eyes," Sheldon requests, as Amy shakes her head no. "I'm not going to kiss you or do anything other than hold you like I am right now. I want you to close your eyes. Don't think, just tell me all of your thoughts right now."

She complies with his request, showing a level of trust Sheldon's not sure he completely deserves right now. She lays her head on his shoulder as she closes her eyes, fighting with every ounce of willpower she can muster against the overwhelming emotions and urge to cry. She's stressed to her breaking point, scared of what the day is going to bring once they leave the safety bubble of the hotel room, and petrified of having the talk they so desperately need to have.

"I love the feel of your arms around me, but you're holding me as though you're terrified it's the last time. I hate thinking it might be the last time. Why am I so indecisive? Am I a fool to even consider forgiving you? I love you, but, I hate you for what you've done to me. I wonder how you really feel about _her_ if you're not telling me everything in order to protect me. When you were... doing that... to me last night, were you thinking of her? When you were with me the night you proposed, were you wishing it was her? Were you using my body but in your mind it was her?"

"No. It was you... it was you," he interrupts, whispering. "We really need to talk at great length and in detail but I don't want to upset you right now... not with you already being under so much duress."

"Your turn. What are you thinking?" Amy wonders.

"I was 14 when my father died. I didn't have anyone to turn to. My mother was devastated. Georgie and my mom fought constantly during the week he was home. I couldn't talk with him... and Missy... we didn't speak much at all as teenagers. Meemaw was busy trying to keep the peace between my mom and Georgie... and so, I was all alone trying to cope. This is when I started using kolinahr to suppress my emotions. I realize now that using that during the course of our relationship... not showing you how much you mean to me... let's just say I have a lot of regrets, Amy. I wish... I wish I had the words to express how remorseful I truly am. I wish... there's a lot I wish for, but... I don't wish to reconcile with you right now. Not at this point. If it's even a possibility for us, we need to rebuild the trust between us first. That's going to take time and a lot of talking... a lot of tears and angry words... but I... I'm willing to try."

"I want to believe you're remorseful, Sheldon... but... honestly, I feel that you're only remorseful because you got caught," she whispers, hearing him gasp as the words leave her mouth. "If it had been a kiss, _just_ a kiss, then I could believe it was a mistake, but for you to have coitus, not once, but four times with her... you enjoyed it. You wanted more and I have a feeling you'd still be sneaking off with her regularly if I hadn't found out."

"I hoped you never would find out," he confesses, 'but I ended it a few days before you found out. I made it clear that it's over, that it can't continue."

"Have you seen her since I found out?" Amy wonders.

"No," he honestly answers. "Well, at work, but we haven't spoken. Did you have relations with Dave?" he wonders.

"No," she confirms. "We cuddled immediately after he found out his mother had died, but it was just cuddling. We didn't kiss or do anything else."

"Did you want to?" Sheldon whispers. He knows it's none of his business but he needs to know if Dave is a serious contender for the right to Amy's heart.

"Not at that particular moment, but... yes, I did want to kiss him... and... do more. I um... I had a dream that in order to get revenge, I made you watch as Dave and I... engaged in torrid lovemaking," she whispers. Sheldon closes his eyes and looks to the floor as he swallows hard, obviously picturing it in his head.

"I... I was having dreams too," he confesses. "I um... I dreamt that our special night... it... it was with Ramona instead of you."

She pulls away from him, out of his arms and goes to sit on the edge of the bed, her back to him as she looks at the floor. Her knuckles are white as she grips the sheet on the bed, the anger building in her as she cries hot angry tears. She's shaking, Sheldon can see as he stands by the door and watches. That was a critical hit for maximum damage. The words left his mouth before he clearly thought them through. He should've kept that piece of information to himself, he decides.

"We never used condoms," she murmurs. "Did you use protection with her or should I be worried that you may have given me an STD?"

"We used condoms every time. I've tested negative for all known sexually transmitted diseases. She also took the morning after pill after our weekend at the hotel."

"So... these dreams... were they before or after you made the decision to fuck her?" Amy wonders.

"Before," he whispers.

"So you dreamt about it and curiosity won out. You had to know what it would be like," she sums up."Glad to know how little you value fidelity."

"That's not fair..." Sheldon argues.

"It is completely fair, Sheldon! You took something that we... that _I_... waited so long for... one of the best nights of my life... and twisted it... tainted it... then used it to justify having an affair?!"

Her phone begins to buzz from its position on the bedside table where she left it charging. Reaching over, she grabs it, seeing it's her Mom calling.

"Hello?" Amy meekly answers hoping her mom won't pick up on the emotions in Amy's voice.

"Hi, sweetheart. I just wanted to say good morning and ask what time you're coming by the hospital this afternoon?"

"I'll be there about 5:30, but I'll leave my phone on vibrate so if you need me sooner, please call. How's Daddy?" Amy questions.

"They have him heavily sedated. He woke up briefly and tried pulling the ventilation tube out of his mouth."

"Tell him I'll see him tonight and I love him," Amy requests.

"I will. Have a good day at work. Learn a lot," her mother encourages.

"I will. Love you, Mom," Amy says as she hangs up. "It's almost 6:30. We need to get ready for the day. Decide where we're having breakfast while I shower and get ready."

"Amy, we need to continue this..."

"What more do you want me to say, Sheldon? I understand the temptation? I don't. I forgive you? I can't! I can't forgive this! I will never understand why..."

"I hope you know that this has nothing to do with my feelings for you..."

"That is bullshit, Sheldon! If you had loved me the way I thought you did... the way I LOVED you... you could never hurt me, whether I was in California or New Jersey or Paris. Was it revenge? I left for the summer, it pissed you off that I went without talking to you first, so you chose this to get back at me? Well, guess what? You did the exact same thing! You left for 45 days suddenly and without warning, but did I even so much as look at another man? NO! I waited patiently like the good little gullible and naive girlfriend I was, waiting for you to come home! Because that's what you do when you love someone! You don't hurt them, you don't look for greener grass... and you certainly don't fuck someone else!"

"Maybe Dave was right! If you had spread your legs a little more often, I wouldn't have gone looking elsewhere!" Sheldon yells at her.

Jumping out of the bed, Amy marches over to Sheldon and gets right in his face. Her fists are balled in anger and her nostrils are flaring. Her eyes contain a fury Sheldon has never seen from her before.

"What did you just say?" She asks. The tone of her voice is low and dangerous, either threatening or warning.

"You heard me," Sheldon replies. He should back down, he realizes, but instead, he takes a step forward, not retreating.

"You unimaginable bastard," Amy whispers. "You need to leave, right now, before I make good on my threat to castrate you. I'm done trying to fix us. I'm done trying to fix you! Get out."

Step.

"I tried to hint that I wanted more with you, Amy!"

"By asking me to make a baby and then not taking no for an answer? By proposing to me and insisting we were going to get married and make a baby all within 24 hours? What was that about?"

"I decided if you ever did find out, you'd still have to be in my life for the sake of the child, but I did want to marry you. I did want a family with you."

"Your mother needs to find the psychiatrist who tested you and ask for her money back. You're insane."

Another step forward.

"I'm glad I didn't have a child with you! A marriage is just a contract which can be terminated by either party at will, but a child... you can't just drop it off at the pound or put it in the toybox when you're done playing with it. You would be a horrible father! You hate kids!"

Step.

"But I wouldn't hate our child! I could teach it science and play trains, watch superhero movies and read comic books... it doesn't matter now. My family will only reside in my dreams. It seems you've made up your mind. Go back to Paris. Go be a world-renowned neurobiologist. Go on to have a great life and fall in love... get married... have beautiful babies..."

Step. Step. Step...

Lips meet and tongues duel for control, as Amy grabs Sheldon around the shoulders and pushes him into the wall. Sheldon wraps his arms around her and lifts her up as she wraps her legs around his waist. Carrying her the few steps to the bed, he lays her down as they continue to kiss. He pulls his t-shirt off, throwing it to the floor before quickly removing Amy's tank top as she leans up just slightly. He pulls her shorts and underwear off, spreading her legs to him and burying his tongue in her, lapping at her like she's the last ice cream cone he'll ever enjoy. He adds two fingers as he sucks on the engorged nub, roughly thrusting them into her as she moans his name. She's turned on, he can tell, but she's tense, she's not enjoying it. He removes his fingers and focuses solely on her clitoris, slowing to an unhurried languid pace.

"You taste so good," he whispers as he takes a breath, using his fingers instead. "God, if I had only known... I would've done this daily."

He buries his head between her thighs once again, becoming more demanding. He continues lapping and sucking, all the while wondering why she's not getting closer to orgasm as the minutes pass. Taking another breath, he glances at the clock and realizes it's been 15 minutes of continuous stimulation and she's not even close.

"Amy? Do you want me to continue?" he wonders as he comes up to look into her eyes. She won't look at him, her eyes closed and head turned away.

"Stop," she firmly demands, "Stop. Let's stop pretending! We're broken Sheldon and sex isn't going to fix this! I can't... every time you kiss me, every time you touch me, I see you kissing her... touching her... fucking her. I can't... I'll never be able to get those pictures out of my head. Do you have any idea how badly you've hurt me?"

"Yes," he whispers. "Yes, I do." He reaches for her tank top and hands it to her before locating her shorts a few inches away. "No more kissing, no more hugs... no more. When you're ready, I will sit down with you at a neutral spot of your choice... not a hotel room... and we can discuss in detail everything you want to know. If you're more comfortable doing this by email once you're back in Paris, then we can do that too."

"Okay," she whispers as her phone rings once again.

She sits up and reaches for it, seeing it's her mom.

"Hi, Mom," she answers.

"Amy... you need to get here as soon as possible," Mrs. Fowler requests.

"We're on our way," she replies.


	33. Chapter 33

Hey guys! Thanks again for all the amazing reviews! I've turned on the option to moderate guest reviews prior to them being made public. I shouldn't have to do this but we have an unsupervised child who needs their cell phone taken away in our midst. As I return to work after the Memorial Day holiday, I won't be able to get to each guest review right away but will review nightly. :) Thanks for your understanding!

* * *

Sheldon sits on the bed as Amy quickly pulls clothing from her suitcase and goes into the bathroom to change. He needs to leave... but she said _we_ are on our way. We. Slip of the tongue? Possibly, but now he's obligated to go with her.

He needs to apologize for what he said. When, where, how... he sighs heavily, not knowing the answer. He loves her, only her, forever her. How can they possibly fix this when he can't touch her without her thinking about what he's done? She storms out of the bathroom and quickly grabs her purse from near the tv. Her eyes are bloodshot as she sniffles. No longer able to show physical affection, Sheldon is very uncomfortable, not sure what, if anything, to say.

"You're driving again," Amy decides as she tosses her keys to him. They land wide right on the table next to him.

He doesn't say anything as he grabs them and they make their way to the parking garage in a very uncomfortable, tense silence. As he opens the doors by pressing the button on the remote, Amy gets in and slams her door shut. She never does that.

"Amy, I'm sorry. I didn't mean that vile..." he tries.

" **NOT** now, Sheldon. Drive. Do not say anything to me or so help me... and keep your mouth shut in front of my family. They don't need to know you stayed the night with me," she warns. Her blood is boiling and the feeling of anxiety settled in her chest, an uncomfortable tightness, have her on edge.

She reaches over and turns on the radio as he pulls out of the garage. He hates the added distraction when he's already so uncomfortable driving, but, he daren't turn it off. when did she start listening to rap, he wonders as she sings along to "Baby Got Back" by Sir Mix-a-lot. He's sure it's due to the negative influence of Penny and Bernadette. They pull into the hospital parking lot a short time later and Sheldon is able to easily find a spot near the door. Amy determinedly walks several steps ahead of him as they quickly make their way into the hospital and to the elevator taking them to the critical care unit. She stays on the other side of the large elevator, keeping her head down and eyes closed as she fights the emotions that are overwhelming her.

"I'm here, Amy, for whatever you need from me," he murmurs, seeing her nod in understanding that he's offering physical comfort if she wants it as the doors open to the long corridor for the CCU unit.

They walk down the ramp and reach the phone, where Amy calls the nurses' station to be buzzed in so she can see her father. As the doors open, they both place their hands under the automatic sanitizer dispenser as they enter the ward. There's a small, dimly lit waiting room off to the right and Sheldon decides he's going to wait in there while Amy goes to her father's bedside. As he enters, he sees Amy's Aunt, Linda, and her Grandfather, Harold.

"Hello, Sheldon. It's nice of you to come again," Harold greets, holding out his right hand for Sheldon to shake.

Sheldon hesitates briefly. He doesn't want to touch another person, but it is the social convention, and as a southern gentleman, few understand social convention better than he. He shakes Harold's hand briefly, trying to discreetly locate another hand sanitizer dispenser on the wall as he does so. Not seeing one, Sheldon sits in the far corner of the room, a few chairs away from Amy's grandfather.

"How's Amy?" Linda asks.

"She's overwrought," he vaguely answers, deciding to leave it at that as Linda and Harold nod in understanding.

"If what I've heard is true, it's with good reason," Amy's Grandmother, Elizabeth, chimes in from the door. "Sheldon... did you really do those things to my granddaughter?" she wonders as she wheels herself in and shuts the door.

"There are some assumptions being made which have cast me in a bad light," Sheldon replies. "If I could be informed as to which things you are speaking of, I would like an opportunity to set the record straight."

"Did you have an affair?" Elizabeth questions as Harold mutters "that's none of our business, Dear," to her.

"Yes," Sheldon answers, looking her straight in the eyes. "There is no point in me denying it. I shattered the heart of the woman I love and it will take a long time to put those pieces back together if she allows me the chance to do so."

"Why are you here, Sheldon? After what you've done, why is Amy still gracing you with her presence?" Elizabeth wonders.

"I'm here... as her friend. Amy was visiting our mutual friends last night when she received the call from Mrs. Fowler. I... I lost my father when I was 14 and had nobody to turn to for comfort. I didn't want Amy facing this alone."

"She's not alone. She has us," Elizabeth points out.

"Yes, but in your grief, should the worst happen, can you take on her pain as well?" Sheldon wonders.

"Sheldon, you seem to be an honorable young man, which is why I find it so difficult to believe the things I've heard over the years," Harold begins.

"Mrs. Fowler is under the assumption I was abusive to Amy. I certainly understand how it may appear that way, but I would never physically harm her... or anyone for that matter."

"We were at the zoo a few years ago and Amy tripped as she was stepping off a curb, breaking her wrist. It was sudden and I didn't have time to reach out to catch her. A few days prior, she had been working in her lab with a capuchin monkey named Ricky. Amy didn't have her glasses on as she was putting Ricky back in his cage and she caught the edge of the cage on her right eye, blackening it," Sheldon explains.

"The combination of the two events, so close together, caused Mrs. Fowler to believe Amy was lying about how her injuries occurred and that I was the culprit who would dare lay my hands on Amy. I have never and would never do such a thing and would kill anybody who so much as dare to harm a single hair upon her head. I've done things I'm not proud of during the course of my relationship with Amy, but that... I could never do that," he whispers, looking at his feet as he feels a sudden pang of guilt for what he's done.

The door opens as Mrs. Fowler walks in and gives Sheldon a look of disgust which makes him wish the gates of Hades would open up beneath him and swallow him whole. Sitting on a red-hot pitchfork for eternity would be kinder than being surrounded by Amy's family. Rita doesn't say anything as she enters the room and sits so she's directly across from Sheldon, primly folding her hands in her lap.

"Are you from California, Sheldon?" Linda questions as an icebreaker.

"No, Texas," he answers. "I moved here at 18 to do my post-doc work at Cal-Tech, where I'm currently Senior Researcher of Theoretical Physics."

"Which means you don't do jack shit with your fancy degree," Mrs. Fowler interrupts. "At least my Amy is making an actual contribution to science by studying the brain."

"Amy is brilliant," Sheldon easily agrees, deciding to ignore the slight against him. "Her IQ is actually higher than mine."

"Really?" Harold questions. "What's your alma mater?"

"I received my Bachelor degree from Texas Tech, and Masters and Doctorate from The University of Cambridge. I moved to Pasadena at 18 to do my post-doc work at Cal-Tech and have been here ever since," Sheldon replies. "May I ask after Mr. Fowler's condition?" Sheldon questions, desperately wanting to shift the attention away from him.

"They're taking him to surgery to relieve pressure on his brain. Amy's speaking with the neurosurgeons now," Mrs. Fowler explains.

"Excuse me," Sheldon requests, standing and leaving the room.

He wants to be close by should Amy need him or a moment to compose herself without her family nearby. He exits the family waiting room and sees Amy at the nurses' station where a doctor is pointing to an area on an x-ray film as Amy nods in understanding. She sees Sheldon approaching and holds her hand out to him, silently requesting he hold it as she speaks with the doctor. He reaches her side in six steps, grabbing her hand and squeezing, letting her know he's there.

"It's very routine surgery for this type of stroke," The doctor reassures.

"There's nothing routine about brain surgery," Sheldon immediately replies. "Is he stable enough? What's the risk of waiting a few days? He just had surgery last night."

"The stent needs to be placed to relieve pressure and allow for removal of the blood clots," Amy immediately answers. "He's going to have paralysis from the stroke, but we won't know the extent until he's able to be taken out of the medically induced coma. I'd like to speak with your long-term care coordinator so we can start making arrangements for moving him to a rehabilitation facility. I'm currently working in France and my mother... she's going to fight tooth and nail thinking the best place for Dad is at home. Even with round the clock in-home care, I'd be extremely uncomfortable with that."

"I just had to place my mother in a home. It's difficult to admit that I'm a doctor and I can't care for my mother as she needs. I'm having to come to terms with not just her mortality, but mine as well. These are the types of decisions nobody wants to think about or plan for. We can absolutely put you in touch with our transition team. As the attending physician, I'll advise the best options for your father based on my professional medical opinion. Does your father have a durable power of attorney or living will?" The doctor questions.

Not that I'm aware of. He always said he doesn't..." she stops, choking back a sob as tears fill her eyes. "He doesn't want to be kept alive by tubes," she quickly gets out as Sheldon immediately wraps his arms around her, holding her to his chest as she sobs. His shirt is instantly soaked by her tears as she continues to cry.

Amy's Aunt and Grandmother watch the emotional scene as they come to get Amy to go to breakfast with them. Elizabeth wipes away a tear at seeing Amy so emotional and the way Sheldon is trying his best to take her pain away.

"Look at the way he's holding her," Linda whispers. "Normally I'd encourage anyone to dump a cheater to the curb and never look back but... I hope they can work through it."

"So do I, dear. Amy deserves her fairytale ending," Elizabeth replies. They turn in the other direction and leave Amy in Sheldon's loving arms.

With Mr. Fowler's surgery expected to take several hours, Sheldon decides the best thing he can do is take Amy to the cafeteria and try to get her to eat something. She's been unusually quiet, lost in her own thoughts as Sheldon holds her hand and leads her to the same table they sat at yesterday.

"I have a few phone calls I need to make," she murmurs as he sits across from her.

"Amy... I am so sorry I said that," he whispers, "I didn't mean it."

"I can't continue that discussion with you right now, Sheldon. I appreciate your apology but... there's always a grain of truth in everything you say. This is neither the time nor place for this discussion. Please respect that?" she pleads.

"Okay," he whispers in agreement. "I'd like to see you eat something. I know you don't eat when you're sad but..."

"I'm not just sad, Sheldon, I am terrified that I'm going to lose my father. I am furious that the drunken asshole ran a red light and walked away without a scratch. My family is very religious and as I walked in their priest was praying over my father, giving him last rights. If you could tell your father anything, what would it be?" she wonders.

He's never thought about that. What's the point? His father is long gone and there's no use dwelling on what could've been.

"I remember the day he died like it was yesterday. The last time I saw my father was six weeks prior. He had taken me back to school after I came home for Labor Day weekend. I was in the middle of writing my dissertation and barely spoke to my family the entire time I was home, other than for meals and the occasional run-in during a scheduled bathroom break. Dad had tickets to the Texas rivalry game versus Texas A&M and I didn't go. I didn't go because I was too busy. That weekend was the last time I spoke to my father. I... I'd tell him thank you. Thank you for all of the sacrifices he made for me, so I could pursue my dreams. Would you like some tea?"

"I would love some tea, Sheldon. Thank you," she whispers with a small smile.

He pats her hand on the table and goes to the cafeteria, grabbing one of the trays. He's going to try to get her to eat. Perusing the options, he puts his years of insight into Amy to good use and selects the largest cinnamon roll he can out of the baker's case, then grabs 2 containers of fresh fruit, 2 cartons of milk and a bowl of frosted flakes for himself before going to pay. Amy's on the phone when he returns to the table so he sets the purchases for her in front of her before taking the tray to the nearby garbage can. He's not sure who she's speaking with as he returns to the table but she has a different tone than she normally uses. This is very formal, he decides as she hangs up.

"I still have to give my speech tomorrow afternoon," she sighs. "I haven't even written it."

"You can use mine," Sheldon offers, "Leonard wrote it so we'll need to change some of the wording, but the general message will be the same."

"Thanks, but they're two completely different fields..."

"So I've heard. I apparently don't do quote, unquote, 'jack shit' with my degrees," he shares.

"Who said that?" she questions, ready to jump to his defense.

"Your mother," he replies. "She hates me and doesn't want me here, Amy. I'm intruding on a very private family moment. Maybe I need to go."

" _I_ want you here. I NEED you here, Sheldon. You've always been the strong one in our relationship. You're my rock, my anchor, my safe place for comfort and calm, and I need you to keep me from drowning. I know things are very strange between us right now and it's disconcerting... for both of us... but we've always been there for each other when needed. I don't want to ruin that now by fighting."

"I hate fighting with you," he whispers.

"I wish I knew how to fix us. We're good together, Sheldon... great together... and... I want to fight for us. I want to work to get to a good place with you. We can't go back to where we were, but I want to go someplace even better. We're going to have to talk, really talk, and fight, and cry... but if we can get through this, together, nothing will ever come between us again. Can we at least try?" she whispers.

"We can try," he whispers in return as he reaches to hold her hand.


	34. Chapter 34

As Sheldon's phone rings shortly after they decide they're going to try to fix their broken relationship, he shyly smiles at Amy as he retrieves it out of his pocket and sees that Leonard is calling. They failed to inform their friends that he stayed the night with Amy or that they will not be at the conference today. As he answers, Amy reaches across the table and takes his bowl of Frosted Flakes, pouring the milk on it and taking a bite as Sheldon talks with Leonard. Sheldon decides not to say that those were for him, glad to see Amy eating something. He instead pulls the cinnamon roll to him and picks off a piece as Leonard continues his long diatribe.

"Was this yours?" Amy quietly questions as Sheldon nods.

"Sorry," she apologizes. "I'll go get you another bowl," she quickly decides.

Reaching out, he grabs her hand to stop her, mouthing " _no, it's alright_ ," and popping a large piece of cinnamon roll into his mouth.

"I won't be at the conference today. I'm needed elsewhere. If Dr. Gabelhauser wants to fire me because of it, then so be it," Sheldon replies as Leonard raises his concerns. "Yes, I have called the attendance line... no, I am not evading and shirking my duties... Amy asked me to stay... we're... talking," he comes up with at last.

Amy starts choking on her cereal as Sheldon loudly declares, "No, we didn't have coitus!" into the phone. Sheldon looks up seeing her blushing furiously and reaches across the table to lay his hand on top of hers. He looks around the empty cafeteria, he and Amy are the only two in here. Breathing a sigh of relief, Sheldon hands the phone to Amy when Penny requests to speak to her.

As much as he wants to show Amy how much he loves her by being physically intimate, they have a long way to go before that will be a possibility, Sheldon decides.

He picks at the cinnamon roll and fruit cups as Amy continues to talk, only half listening to her side of the conversation. She looks exhausted, and sad, and defeated, he decides. He's exhausted too, wanting nothing more than to go back to the hotel and hold her in his arms as they sleep. The hotel is going to be their safe refuge this weekend, he quickly realizes. Hopefully, he can keep his stupid comments to a minimum and not further upset her.

"I need some time to speak with my family privately, Sheldon," Amy requests as she hands his phone back to him a few minutes later.

"Of course," he immediately agrees.

He teasingly slaps at Amy's hand as she picks at the cinnamon roll and pops a piece into her mouth, grinning at him as he swats the air to the left of her hand.

"I'm sorry I'm being such a pig," she apologizes after swallowing.

"I'm glad to see you eating," he reassures as he pushes the last piece of the cinnamon roll towards her and finishes off the three grapes remaining in the fruit cups. "Did you get enough?" he questions.

"I did, thank you. All of the focus has been on me, but, are you doing alright? We had... a rather tumultuous evening and I'm sure the memories associated with your father's passing... are you okay?"

"I'm alright, Amy," he reassures. The truth is he's terrified about what will happen when Amy needs to return to Paris in a few short days. Will they continue to talk while she's there? Will she decide she needs to continue their no-contact stipulation? Will she meet someone else? Will she realize that he's not worth the heartbreak and tears? Only time will tell. As he prepares to leave her side for awhile, he stands up and wraps his arm around her as she continues to sit, leaning down and brushing a lingering kiss against the crown of her head.

"I'll um... I'll go look at the art collection, but I'm only a text message away if you need me," he whispers.

"Thank you," she whispers as she looks up at him with tears pooling in her eyes.

Mrs. Fowler sees the momentary display of affection as she comes to get a cup of coffee in the cafeteria. _God help her daughter the fool,_ she silently prays as Sheldon leaves Amy's side. Seeing an opening, Mrs. Fowler quickly pays for her coffee and makes her way to Amy's table, sitting in Sheldon's abandoned seat.

Meanwhile, Sheldon wanders the long hallways on the ground level of the hospital, stopping to look at various paintings lining the walls. He spots the gift shop up ahead and decides to go look in order to waste some time until Amy texts that he can come back upstairs. As he enters the shop, he sees a large cooler containing different floral arrangements and plants. Social convention once again. He will need to get one for Mr. Fowler. Sheldon approaches the cooler and is secretly thrilled when he sees a note saying that floral arrangements and balloons are not allowed in the critical care ward. He should get Amy flowers, he decides as he looks at the arrangements. He wishes he knew her favorite. Roses are always a safe choice as are tulips. Amy seems like she'd be the type to prefer sunflowers he decides as he tries to locate some in the case, unsuccessfully. Penny might know, Sheldon realizes as he takes his cell phone from his pocket. As he turns, he spots a display of stuffed animals and goes over to look. Amy could take it back to Paris with her. That's actually preferable, he decides with a smile.

"It's complicated when you've been with someone as long as you were with Sheldon, but sweetheart, what's to stop him from cheating again and again and again? You'll never be able to trust Sheldon again and without trust, there's no relationship," Elizabeth tries to reason with Amy in a family intervention.

"Can we please talk about something else... _anything_ else?" Amy pleads. "I... we're just talking at this point. I don't know if we can work through this, but if I don't try, I'll always wonder 'if only'. I'm still angry. I'm still hurting. We had a heated argument and I was ready to walk out the door, to give up on him, but then... he's been so sweet and supportive and... loving... that I remember all the reasons why I fell in love with him in the first place."

"He's a snake," Rita declares. "He's probably talking to her right now and making plans for the minute you leave for Paris again."

In actuality, Sheldon is waiting in line to make his purchase when he spots a rack of chocolates and goes over to select two bars for him and Amy. She loves dark chocolate and he immediately picks one called "chocolate covered strawberries" while selecting "Caramel-diem" for himself. Satisfied, he places his purchases on the counter just as his phone buzzes with an incoming text message. He pulls out the $50 that Dave gave him earlier in the morning, grabs the items and says, "keep the change. Put it in the Ronald McDonald house donation jar," as he sees that Amy is asking where he's at.

He's texting his response when Amy steps off the elevator near the bench where Sheldon has taken a seat. She throws a penny into the pool of the koi pond as she walks by and goes to sit next to him.

"I got you something," Sheldon shares as he hands the white plastic bag to her.

"You didn't need to do that," she whispers while smiling at him.

"If it makes you smile like that, then I most certainly did," Sheldon decides as Amy opens the bag.

She pulls out the candy bar first with an "ooh" of appreciation. "That sounds really good. I'll have to share it with you later."

He's slightly disappointed he won't be able to kiss her to taste the chocolate on her lips. Quickly dismissing that dangerous thought, he watches Amy pull out the 3 plush daisies from the bag, each containing a yellow smiley face surrounded by either pink, lime green or sky blue petals. She laughs and grins at him as she pulls them out, before leaning over to softly kiss his cheek.

"It's the first time you've brought me flowers and I won't have to throw these ones out," she happily exclaims.

"Any update on your dad?" Sheldon wonders.

"No. I checked with the nurses' station and he's still in surgery," she explains. "My mom is being a real peach right now. I need to keep my distance. This... this is peaceful here with the running water and the bonsai trees... let's just sit here."

"Sure," he agrees as he sets the bag on the side of the bench and wraps his arm around her shoulders, letting her lean into him.

It is peaceful, he has to admit as he listens to the running water of the large fountain which flows into the koi pond. The bonsai trees are neatly trimmed, reminding Sheldon of the trees in the Super Mario Brothers video games. Amy is visibly relaxing as she rests her head on his shoulder and closes her eyes, her arm around his waist in an awkward cuddle. It's more affection than he's really comfortable displaying in public, but she obviously needs it at the present moment and given the fragile state of their relationship, he is not going to push her away. He sits and watches the fish swim, their tales causing a ripple effect as they effortlessly glide in the water. Amy reminds him of the fish in the Nemo movie, 'just keep swimming." He's sure that's how she's gotten through the last few months, just keep swimming, hoping for better days ahead.

"You know I love you, right?" Amy whispers a few minutes later.

"I know. I love you too, Amy," he whispers back as if it's his deepest, darkest secret.

"I'm... so angry with you but I love you... it pisses me off that I love you this much... that I can't just walk away without trying to save us."

"What did you mean by trying to save us? Are we not reconciled?" he questions.

"No. It means... I don't know what it means," she admits with a soft chuckle. "I am a girl who is your friend, but I am not your girlfriend. It's much like we were prior to when I went to the movie with Stuart," she explains to him, "with slightly more physical affection."

"Alright, friends with benefits," Sheldon declares. Amy's jaw drops to the floor as she exclaims, "absolutely not!"

"But I thought you wanted physical intimacy such as this?" he questions.

"That phrase implies we're having coitus however we are not in a romantic relationship," she softly explains. "That's a monstrous ring of fire we'll need to jump through at some point... but I don't know where to begin with that," she admits. "Right now, with every single touch... I see you touching her... and I wonder if you desire her more than me because it certainly feels that way."

"With her, it was lust, plain and simple. There was no love in that. We were using each other for carnal pleasures... but with you... it's different. It's not just sex, Amy. Something happens to me emotionally... mentally... it's making love with you, I realize now. I don't have that desire to call you... "a slut," he whispers, "because I love you too much to degrade you like that. I value what we have more. I love you and desire you more than anyone... but I also respect you... when you kept saying no, Um... I backed down and stopped asking. I assumed you were content with once a year. I used procreation as my cover because I am ashamed to ask you for more frequent intimate relations."

"Why?" she wonders.

"I don't want you to think less of me... for not being able to control myself," he whispers.

"Sheldon... I'd never think that. Feeling wanted and desired by you... I _craved_ that. Instead, you went in the extreme opposite direction and made me feel that once a year was you giving an inch... what's colloquially known as a... pity fuck," she whispers in his ear. "Ideally, how often..."

"Whenever the mood strikes... weekly, monthly... daily if you wish," he offers.

"Hoo," she murmurs under her breath. "I do have one requirement in order for me to continue to work towards reconciling. You must continue weekly therapy sessions. I want you to understand why you did this and I need to be able to have concrete reasons as to what wrong in our relationship. It seems like you partially blame me for not..."

"No," Sheldon immediately reassures. "You're not a mind reader, Amy. It's not your fault. I chose this knowing it was going to hurt you and destroy everything we had together... I..." he pauses, searching for the right words. Not finding them he turns his head in towards her so they're cheek to cheek, hugging her to him. "I'm so sorry. I love you so damn much and I... I chose to hurt you, Amy. I chose this for us. I don't deserve your forgiveness. I don't deserve to be your friend or your... whatever we'd call this stage... I don't deserve you."

"That is the most honest thing he's ever said to you," Mrs. Fowler points out, intruding on their private moment.

"Mom, this is a private conversation," Amy warns as she turns to face her mother.

"You're a real smooth talker, Sheldon. I just hope Amy's smarter than to fall for your snake oil charm."

"Mom, _ENOUGH_!" Amy yells as the hospital assigned pager in Mrs. Fowler's hand beeps and buzzes. At the same time, they hear, "Code Blue CCU bay 4," over the loudspeaker.

"That's Daddy's room," Amy whispers.


	35. Chapter 35

Amy remains stoic, much to Sheldon's shock and amazement, as her family wails in their grief while learning of Mr. Fowler's passing. She reached for his hand when the doctor was delivering the news and hasn't let go. Amy is using her index finger to caress the long lines along his palm. They spent several minutes doing just that on the night of Amy's birthday just a few days after they reconciled. They caressed, massaged and kissed each hand and fingertip before she took his hand and placed it so he could feel her heart racing. She was so nervous. He wonders if maybe she wasn't ready for that step at the time but felt if she didn't take it when offered, the offer would be rescinded?

Amy leans in to whisper, "can you come with me?" to him. She needs to step away to call relatives, call the university in Paris, call the funeral home... so many calls. He nods and holds her hand, helping her up, as they go to find a quieter place for the phone calls. As they turn the corner to go through the heavy wooden doors, Amy stops suddenly as she sees two nurses wheeling a body covered by a white sheet. _Her father._

She feels like she's going to vomit and runs to the bathroom directly across the hall from where they stand, leaving the door open as she barely makes it to the bowl in time. Sheldon steps inside and locks the door, but doesn't... _can't_... go any closer to her. As she appears to finish, she washes her hands then cups them under the sink so she can rinse her mouth. Sheldon cringes as she spits, not saying a word. She wraps her arms around his waist and lays her head against his chest, needing to be held for a moment. Sheldon squeezes her tight and strokes her hair. Words aren't necessary, Amy decides. He's telling her through his actions that he cares.

"I've seen dead bodies before. I don't know why I had that reaction," she whispers in apology.

"It was someone you love," he replies as if that explanation alone makes complete sense.

She starts crying at that, the force of her sobs shaking her body as she clings to Sheldon. All he can do is hold her to him and let her cry until she's out of tears. Words aren't necessary, he decides. Actions speak louder than words. He hears the door handle jiggle several minutes later. Amy's still sobbing, the sound echoing off the walls of the small room.

"Ma'am, are you alright?" a male voice calls out as he knocks on the door.

"Yes," Amy replies, violently shaking her head no for Sheldon's benefit. "I'll be right out. Sorry."

"Take your time. I'm sorry for your loss," he replies before leaving them be.

"It must be a staff member," Amy explains to Sheldon's befuddled look.

"Sit on the toilet and catch your breath," Sheldon encourages.

He grabs a paper towel from the dispenser and turns the tap at the sink on, testing to make sure it's lukewarm before wetting it. Going to Amy, he drops to his knees in front of her. Taking the balled up damp paper towel, he gently wipes it along each cheek, her chin, her forehead and finally her neck, never breaking eye contact. He has tears pooling in his eyes, Amy notices as she grabs for both of his hands, stilling him as he goes to stand. She doesn't have the words to express what that small gesture means to her. She hopes he can see it in her eyes as she squeezes his hands.

"Don't let go of my hand," she whispers.

"I wouldn't dream of it," he promises as he leans in to kiss her cheek.

She sniffles one last time and grabs some toilet paper to blow her nose, throwing it in the garbage can as they walk out. Sheldon glances towards the family room as they walk by, seeing the door now closed. He can hear Mrs. Fowler sobbing and briefly wonders if they need to go back in there. Amy keeps walking and they soon exit the CCU unit into the long skywalk ramp. It's a beautiful sunny afternoon and there's not a cloud in the sky. Amy stops and stares out the panoramic floor to ceiling glass windows into the distance.

"Dad always loved sitting on the back deck and watching the sunset. There's a spot about a 45-minute drive from here, Turanea Bluff State Park. We'd go there every Saturday night when I was a child. When Hale-Bopp was visible, Dad took me every night. We'd set up his telescope and he'd let me use his Nikon camera to take photos. I'll have to show them to you," Amy decides.

"Let's go to the bluff tonight," Sheldon suggests as Amy smiles at his thoughtful gesture.

She's becoming teary again, she gripes as she tries to hold her tears at bay. Pulling his red handkerchief from his back pocket, Sheldon gently wipes away her tears before handing it to her to blow her nose if needed. Tucking it into her pocket she comments, "and they say chivalry is dead."

"It's okay to cry... scream... be angry..." he promises. He leaves out that his promise applies to the situation with them as well as her father.

"I want to cry... and remember," she whispers as they continue their walk to the elevator taking them to the cafeteria. As the door shuts, Amy leans against Sheldon, who wraps his arm around her waist and pulls her in closer.

"You're incredible," she whispers in his ear.

"You're braver than you believe and stronger than you think," he replies as the door opens.

Sheldon takes her to a table and whispers, "I'm getting us tea. I will be right back."

Amy usually prefers green tea in the afternoon, but he decides to get her peppermint instead for its anti-nausea properties. He gets himself green matcha tea just in case Amy doesn't want peppermint and quickly goes back to the table. Amy has her head down, staring at her phone's keypad.

"Where do I begin?" she whispers.

"Call work first," Sheldon suggests. "That will be easiest. Peppermint," he says as he sets the cup in front of her.

"Thank you, Sheldon," she whispers as her cell phone beeps with an incoming text, her aunt asking where they went.

"I want to work tomorrow. I need to work tomorrow," she murmurs to Sheldon.

"Amy... don't. You're in shock. Take care of yourself first. It's okay to take a few days off under the circumstances," he reassures.

"Says the man who has to be forced to take a vacation," she teases, smiling to let him know she's teasing.

"Do as I say, not as I do," he replies. "If you'd rather be with your family.."

"Family isn't just blood, Sheldon. You are my family. Penny, Leonard, Bernie, Howard, and Raj are my family. In fact, being with my pseudo-family is more preferable right now. Social convention is to be with my biological family but..."

"Do whatever feels right for you, Amy," Sheldon encourages.

"I need you to stay close. I um... I want you to stay the night with me again," she requests.

"Okay," he whispers. "Can we stop by my apartment so I can pack a bag?" he requests.

"Sure," she agrees. "Let me call work and then we can go. I'll make the other calls from Penny and Leonard's."

Amy texts her Aunt, letting her know of the plan and is not at all surprised when her Aunt comes to the cafeteria a few minutes later, seemingly to "talk some sense" into Amy. Linda pulls over a chair and squeezes Amy's hand as she sits. Amy's still on the phone and gives a small smile to her Aunt.

"Thank you for being here for Amy," Linda whispers to him so as not to be overheard on the phone. "Rita... well, my sister-in-law can be..."

"Intimidating," Sheldon supplies, as Amy snorts at Sheldon's inoffensive word choice.

"I was going to say a bitch but that works," Linda decides as she laughs as well. "She's made up her mind that you're unworthy of Amy's affections..."

"She's right. I am... but, that's not her decision to make. Only Amy gets to make the decision on if she can forgive me for what I've done. I am undeserving of her forgiveness, but if she is willing to forgive me, I am going to thank my lucky stars and spend the rest of my life showing Amy how much I love her," Sheldon promises. Reaching under the table, Amy squeezes his knee, letting him know she appreciates what he just said.

She leaves her hand resting on his knee, rubbing her thumb up and down along the smooth fabric of the khaki pants as they discuss what needs to happen next. The rest of Amy's family, including her mother, join them a short time later. Sheldon immediately notices a change in Amy's demeanor as their mother approaches. She immediately removes her hand from his leg and puts distance between them, not wanting any physical contact with Sheldon. He gives her a look, questioning this sudden change, to which she doesn't say anything.

"I want to know, I truly do, how do you live with yourself? All of us have to believe that we're decent, don't we? You have to sleep at night. How do you tell yourself that you're decent after everything that you've done? You think that just by being here and holding Amy's hand, all can be forgiven? You're the scum of the Earth..." Mrs. Fowler rants.

Amy is turning angrier by the second at this unprovoked attack on Sheldon. Sheldon sees her fists clenching at her sides in anger and Amy is gritting her teeth, biting her tongue as she tries to hold it in.

" **Shut up!** Just shut up, Mom!" Amy finally yells at her. "He's here because I asked him to be. He's here to support me, support US as a family... _stop_ attacking him. This is between Sheldon and me. It's difficult enough without you butting into something you don't understand!"

"Sheldon, can we have a few moments alone as a family?" Harold requests after several minutes of uncomfortable silence.

"Of course," Sheldon replies. He doesn't want to leave Amy's side but he respects her Grandfather, and that respect appears to be mutual.

Sheldon wanders back to the koi pond and takes a seat on the bench once again, letting out a heavy sigh as he tilts his head against the wall and closes his eyes. He expected lots of tears and sadness this weekend, but this... this is the last thing he expected. He pulls out his cell phone and sends a text message to their friends, including Amy into the chain, letting them know of Mr. Fowler's passing and that he's going to be with Amy for most of the weekend. He then calls into work and leaves a similar message for Dr. Gabelhauser. Necessities taken care of, Sheldon gets the overwhelming urge to call Meemaw.

"Hey, Moonpie! How are ya?" Meemaw asks as she answers after the third ring.

"Um... Amy's father just passed within the last hour and... I'm... I'm sad..." he confesses. "Um... did Mom tell you what I did?"

"Yes," she replies, "Sheldon Lee, I should fly there and kick your skinny ass into the next Millenium. I can't believe you'd do that, especially after seeing what your mother went through. Were y'all having a rough patch?"

"No. Amy.. she shocked me by going to New Jersey without even talking to me about it first. Amy said last night that she thought it was revenge, and maybe it was in some form of subconscious self-sabotage... but... I don't have a clear understanding of why I did this, Meemaw," he confesses.

"It was thought out?" Meemaw questions.

"Yes. I thought about it and the consequences of my actions for six days before I made the decision," Sheldon confirms.

"You wanted to hurt Amy," Meemaw concludes. "She hurt you when she decided to take the fellowship and you wanted to hurt her as much as she hurt you. Stupid move, Moonpie."

"I know, Meemaw," he whispers into the phone, "um... how... how do I comfort her now? How do I show support for her family? They hate me."

"Just.. be there for her, Sheldon. If she needs a hug or to hold your hand, show her affection. Bring her tea or water or food without her asking. Give her your handkerchief when she cries. Show her family you support them by supporting Amy. They'll come to appreciate it in time. Order pizzas for them so they don't have to worry about cooking dinner tonight."

"I'll do that," Sheldon decides.

"Do you still have my ring?" Meemaw wonders.

"Yes," he confirms before sighing, "I'll send it back to you."

"Keep it. I have a feeling you'll be needing it sooner than you might think."

They walk up the stairs of Sheldon's apartment building an hour later and Sheldon opens the door of Leonard and Penny's apartment, leading Amy inside. She's been very quiet, almost in a zombie-like state since her conversation with her family.

"Could you get a blanket, Sheldon? I'm cold," she requests as she sits in her spot on the couch.

He goes to the hall closet and pulls out the royal blue down-filled comforter with the fleece backing, bringing it over to her as he sits in his spot and tucks it around her, loosely laying the excess over his lap as he lays his arm across the back of the couch. She chooses instead to use his thigh as a pillow and faces the ceiling as she stretches out. Sheldon gently removes her glasses and folds them, placing them on the end table.

"Sleep. I'll keep the monsters away," he vows.

"You look exhausted too," she apologizes.

"I am," he admits.

"Are you only with me right now out of guilt and remorse?" she questions.

 _Whoa, where'd that come from?_ Her voice suddenly became icy, spiteful... accusatory. _Tread carefully_ , he decides. They made the promise to each other to be truthful, plus she knows him so well that there's no evading the question.

"Guilt, remorse... friendship... love," he whispers. "I'm not letting you face this alone."

"This doesn't mean all is forgiven," she warns.

"I know.," he reassures, "but for right now, that doesn't matter. I'm here as your friend...I am here for whatever you need from me, even if it's just bringing you a glass of water."

"Are you hoping for coitus?" she wonders.

"I can honestly say no, not at this point. I'm... I'm honestly shocked that we're even on speaking terms. I made up my mind that I had caused irreparable damage to our relationship and the kindest thing I could do is help you find closure."

"Do you still feel that way?" Amy wonders.

"Now... now, I don't know. I... I don't deserve forgiveness, but I... I can't... I don't... watching you get on the plane hurt so much. I knew you were going to go, but watching you walk out of my life... the magnitude of what I had done didn't hit me until that moment. What if this is too big a hurdle to overcome? What if I can't control my urges and I do this again, and again and again? What if... you decide to give up on me or give Dave a chance or... you meet the love of your life in Paris? What if you don't come back to California?"

"Dave will not get a chance with me," she reassures, "which... for you to repeat that vile, hurtful statement..."

"I didn't mean it, Amy. I am so sorry I said that. It was in anger but it should never have even been a thought let alone something I said. We've always had a relationship built on mutual respect and consent, among other attributes. I respect your right to say no to intimate activity. I respect your right to change your mind as happened last night That comment, that... it was disrespectful of me to say that and I apologize."

"Thank you. Still, I'm struck by the grain of truth in that statement," she explains. "I need to understand your thought processes during the six days between the kiss and when you made up your mind to proceed with the experiment."

"I will explain in time, I promise... but this isn't the time for that, Amy. You need to grieve," he encourages.

"DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO!" she snaps.

He closes his eyes and takes several deep breaths through his nose, exhaling through his mouth to calm himself. She's still laying with her head in his lap but has rolled so her back is now to him facing the island in the kitchen. He can't get angry at her, not now, not _ever_ when it comes to this. He notices her hair is in her eyes. She hates that. Reaching up, he gently tucks the errant strand behind her ear. She sighs as he does so, so he keeps running her hair through his fingers before lightly massaging her neck in silence for several minutes. He hears the door opening with a soft click and looks back over the couch as Penny enters, putting a finger to his lips as he points to where Amy now sleeps.


	36. Chapter 36

_Hey guys! Thanks again for all of the incredible reviews!_

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Amy has been asleep for a little over 90 minutes when she's awakened by the guys entering the apartment like a herd of elephants. Sheldon is stroking her hair from her face as she opens her eyes. He looks angry at the intrusion, and maybe a little... _sad, worried, troubled_ , her brain supplies. They came close to having a fight before Sheldon backed down, but unlike her, he's probably been thinking about it the entire time she slept.

"You can go to my old room to sleep," he suggests.

"No," she decides as she removes the blanket. "I have phone calls to make."

"Can I get you anything? Tea, water..." Sheldon offers.

"A stiff drink?" Howard suggests from the island.

"I might actually take you up on that," Amy remarks as she takes the blanket back to the closet.

"Bernie gave us a bottle of strawberry lemonade vodka that's actually really good. Penny mixed it with pink lemonade and that lead to the worst hangover of my life last week," Leonard shares.

"That does sound good," Amy decides.

"I'll mix some up," Raj offers. "I'm so sorry, Amy. How're you doing?"

"I think I'm still in shock," she decides. "I need some liquid courage before I have to call my extended family... and the funeral home... and my mom."

"We're here for you," Howard reassures. "You'll always be one of us."

"Family," Raj adds.

"I'm closer to you and Bernie than I am my own sister," Leonard confesses.

"Thank you," Amy whispers as Sheldon comes over to the island.

Amy immediately reaches for his hand as he stands next to her, which doesn't go unnoticed by the guys. Rather than taking her hand, he wraps his arm around her waist, his hand resting on the small of her back as he lightly rubs, shocking her. She likes the affection he's shown, but, it's so unlike him. _He's doing this out of guilt. Don't get used to it,_ she concludes.

"Penny and Bernie are in a work meeting but they'll be here soon," Leonard shares. "Is there anything we can do, anything you need?"

"No, thank you," Amy softly replies with a grateful smile as her phone rings.

"Here we go," she mirthlessly murmurs as she goes to grab it from the end table and looks at the caller ID. "It's my Mom. Ughhh! Hi, Mom... no, I'm with my friends... yes, Sheldon is defined as my friend... _just_ a friend... no, we're not friends with benefits, but, even if we were, that doesn't concern you!... Because it's my body and my life!... Yes, I still love him!... You know what? I'm not doing this with you! Daddy died today and you're taking your guilt out on me! I'm not your emotional punching bag!" Amy yells into the phone as she ends the call. She keeps her eyes downcast to the floor as tears spring to her eyes. Getting to Amy in 3 steps, her arms are already open to him as she wraps them around Sheldon.

"Why do I let her affect me so much?" Amy wonders.

"It's your mother. That need for her love, approval, acceptance... her attention, even if it's negative... that's ingrained in our genetic coding. The maternal/offspring relationship..." he explains as she cuts him off by placing her finger over his lips.

"I know, Sheldon," she reassures. "It's alright. Thank you for trying."

"Here we are, strawberry lemonades," Raj offers as he brings Amy a glass. "And a virgin for Sheldon... which, I will admit, I thought he would always remain until he met you, Amy."

"What's going on with you two? Are you back together?" Leonard wonders.

"We're going to try to work through it. We're not together... but we're also not _not_ together... it's complicated," Amy answers with a sigh before taking a sip of her drink. "Mmm, that's good. I can barely taste the alcohol."

"Can I have a sip?" Sheldon wonders.

"Um, sure," Amy replies the shock evident in her voice as she hands the cup to him.

"Mmm, that is good," Sheldon hums his approval as he hands it back to her.

Her phone ringing again, she sets the drink on the end table and grabs it, seeing it's the university calling. Excusing herself, she goes to Sheldon's old bedroom to take the call. Sheldon is very fidgety as he stays on the couch, crossing and uncrossing his legs, tapping his fingers against his leg, and checking the time on the microwave every few seconds.

"Go back there," Leonard finally suggests. "She needs the support, even if it's just holding her hand."

"I wouldn't be intruding?" Sheldon asks, worried that he might be trying to be _too_ supportive.

"Amy seems to want you close by," Raj points out. "I don't know how you did it but I think the two of you are going to get through this."

"It's going to take a lot of work. We um... there are some trust issues... understandably... surrounding intimacy," he whispers.

"So you are friends with benefits," Howard quietly murmurs, "I owe Bernie a night out while I stay home with Halley."

"We were fighting and it got pretty heated... then, we were kissing and I.. I tried... _going down on her_ as she calls it... and... she... she says that every time I do more than hold her hand, she sees me with Ramona. I don't know how we get past this," he explains.

"Dude, you got to 3rd base. Even if she stopped it, that's further than any of us thought you'd get," Howard praises.

Standing in the hallway out of sight of the guys, Amy listens in as the guys give Sheldon advice. She's not at all surprised that Sheldon is turning to them, however, it does make her a little angry that he's discussing such private details with them. Leaning against the wall, she tilts her head back and closes her eyes as she takes deep calming breaths.

"It's going to take a lot of talking and reassurances that you find her attractive, that you want to be with her, that you only have eyes for her. It's not going to happen overnight, Sheldon. This is going to be the most difficult thing you've ever done, but the payoff... it will be so worth it if you stay the course. It will bring the two of you closer than ever before," Raj encourages.

"Are you familiar with sensate touch?" Leonard wonders.

"I'm not," Sheldon admits.

"It's a technique developed by the sexologists Masters and Johnson. The goal is to explore intimacy, kissing, hugging, talking, and touching, without orgasm being the ultimate goal. At first, the breasts and genitals are off limits. You concentrate instead on what interests you in your partner's body. You do that, only that, for a week straight. Then, they guide your hand to where they want to be touched for a week. The third step is adding breast and genital stimulation, stopping before orgasm. You do step 3 for two weeks. Finally, you proceed to the final step with is intercourse with orgasm. Penny and I used this after she found out I kissed Mandy Chow. It actually works," Leonard explains.

"But how do you do that with Amy going back to Paris?" Raj wonders.

"We talk. We build up to sharing our fantasies and mutual masturbation via Skype," Sheldon decides. " Am I getting my hopes up too much?" he asks the guys.

"Possibly," they all answer.

"Everything alright?" Leonard wonders as he sees Amy appear from around the corner.

"Yes. That was work. I don't have to be back in Paris for 2 weeks," she explains as she returns to her spot next to Sheldon. "The Masters and Johnson study, while interesting, was used for issues with male impotence. Did you know that when Masters started his research, he used prostitutes as his subjects? His data was heavily skewed because many of the women would fake orgasm to make the johns reach climax sooner."

"How do you tell if a woman is faking it?" Raj questions as the door opens.

"That's our secret," Penny responds. "It sounds like we've been missing a great conversation. Ames, I am so sorry, Sweetie. How are you holding up?" she wonders as she comes over to give her bestie a hug.

"I'm alright," she reassures as Bernie decides it's her turn for a hug.

"Tell me you're not getting her drunk," Bernie warns the guys as she spots the bottle of vodka and pitcher of lemonade on the island.

"This is my first and only drink," Amy reassures as she takes another sip. "My grandparents are sitting shiva and it's mandatory that I attend tonight."

"I thought you were raised Catholic?" Sheldon questions.

"I was. My mother is Catholic and my father is Jewish," she explains.

"Can we come pay our respects and support you?" Penny wonders.

"Of course. I'd really appreciate that," Amy immediately responds with a small sad smile. "I need help to keep my mom and me away from each other and my mom away from Sheldon."

"Consider it handled," Bernie reassures as she takes Halley out of the car seat. "Halley is awake and wants to say hello to her favorite Auntie Amy."

"I don't know why you refer to us as Aunts and Uncles when we're not biologically related," Sheldon complains as Bernie hands Halley to Amy.

"It's a title of honor, Sheldon, indicating our close bond. A family isn't just blood," Bernie explains.

Holding the blonde little girl who looks so much like Bernadette, Amy smiles fondly at the baby as Halley reaches for Amy's glasses.

"No, no, those are Auntie's," Amy gently scolds before grabbing Halley's chubby hand and kissing it.

Hearing the words, "no no", Halley shakes one finger at Amy, making everyone laugh at her. The baby lets out a happy squeal, not knowing why everyone is laughing.

"She's in a good mood," Howard points out as he smiles over at his daughter who is cuddling into Amy's chest.

"Are there any rituals we need to know about for tonight?" Penny wonders

"Other than sitting on the floor and removing your shoes when you enter the home, no," Howard explains. "There are different circles of mourners. The laws related to mourning are for the closest members of the family; the children, parents, siblings, and spouse. Our job as friends of the daughter of the deceased is to support her and her family. Shiva doesn't actually begin until the morning of burial. Since tomorrow is Shabbat, I presume that will be on Sunday?" Howard questions.

"We're still making arrangements. My mother is trying to make a big to-do of it. Dad would want something simple, just a graveside service. The big debate right now is to bury him as a Jew or a Catholic since he converted in order to marry my mother," Amy explains.

"Ugh, this sounds like more drama than necessary," Bernie sympathizes. "They're pretty much the same, ashes to ashes, dust to dust and all that."

"Can we bring anything?" Penny wonders.

"Did you see that episode of How I Met Your Mother where Marshall's father dies and Robin is the one supplying the mourners with whatever they could possibly need? You can be my vice girls," Amy decides. "A way cooler version of the Spice Girls. This... being able to just relax with all of you... this is nice. I'm glad I'll be here longer."

"Us too, Sweetie. We miss you," Penny replies.

"Excuse me," Amy apologizes as she grabs her phone when it starts ringing once again. "It's my Dad's best friend. I need to take this. Come with me?" she requests of Sheldon as she stands up as she answers, "Saul, hi," they hear as she walks to Sheldon's old room.

Sheldon is just a few steps behind her as she enters and sits on the edge of his bed. He shuts and locks the door for privacy before going to Amy who rests her head in the crook of his shoulder as he wraps his arm around her back, his fingers lightly massaging each disc of her spine. She's being brave, stronger than he could be under the circumstances as she quietly explains what happened. It's not until she says, "I love you too," and disconnects the call that she finally starts crying, heart-wrenching, hysterical sobs that shake her to the core. Quickly laying on the bed, Sheldon brings her into his arms as she cries, tightly holding her.

"I can't... I can't..." she attempts between sobs.

"Shh," he whispers, "I'm here. I won't let you drown," he promises.

Placing her hand behind his head, Amy tilts it down until his lips lightly press against hers in the most tender of kisses before pulling back just a few seconds later and looking into his scared, questioning eyes before pecking his lips again, and then a third time, deepening the kiss and not pulling away. She nibbles on his lip, seeking entry with her tongue and moans into his mouth as he gives her admittance. Kissing seems to have calmed her, he realizes as he slowly moves his lips against hers, letting her take what she needs from him as they're interrupted by knocking on the door.

"Ames? Everything alright?" Penny asks.

"Yes," she reassures as she lays her head on Sheldon's shoulder. "We're talking."

"We're going to order an early dinner. Any requests?" Penny wonders.

"Chinese?" she quietly asks Sheldon who nods in agreement. "Chinese," she repeats louder for Penny. "You know our order."

"By heart," Penny confirms as they hear her walking away.

"I want to try sensate touch during the two weeks I'm here, but, it's also going to take a lot of talking," she requests.

"Come to a therapy session with me," Sheldon requests, "Dr. Cohen might have recommendations for things we can do to rebuild our relationship."

"Alright," Amy agrees. "When is your speech again?"

"Tomorrow morning," he replies, "Gabelhauser said I can spare two hours and since we were never married, I don't get bereavement leave."

"He's a real ball buster, just like my mother," Amy complains. "She's going to try to make a scene with one or both of us."

"I'm there for you," Sheldon reassures. "I deserve to be dressed down for what I've done, but, you don't deserve to be treated this way. You did nothing wrong to warrant this. Hopefully, with enough people around, she won't want to make a scene and we can avoid a confrontation."

"I hope you're right. Kissing... kissing is nice. Can we keep doing that until dinner arrives?" Amy requests.

"Sure," Sheldon agrees as he cups her cheek in his hand and returns her smile as his lips brush against hers.

He's becoming aroused, Sheldon realizes fifteen minutes into continuous making out with Amy. They haven't come up for air yet as he takes another breath through his nose. She snakes her hand under his t-shirt, her fingers tickling his abdomen as she draws random patterns; hearts, squiggly lines, circles. He pulls her closer to him as she becomes more demanding in her kisses and caresses her hip moving back to her delectable ass as she wraps her leg around his thigh, gasping when she feels his erection pressing into her.

"Um... I think we need to stop," she whispers as they finally break the kiss and she pulls away from him, rolling onto her back.

"What... what happened?" he whispers, confused. It seemed they were fine.

"You're... _very_ aroused, and it... while it's nice to know I can do that to you... I don't... I'm not ready for more," she explains. "For right now, kissing is as far as I can go."

"It's alright. Um... that was... nice," he whispers, sharing a smile with her as someone knocks on the door again.

"The guys just went to pick up dinner. They'll be back in a few minutes," Bernie yells through the door.

"We'll be right out," Amy replies.

"I um... I'm going to be a few minutes," he whispers, blushing.

"Alright," she agrees, pecking his lips one last time, "but don't be too long or I'll eat your pot stickers."

"You can have a potsticker for part of your egg roll?" Sheldon offers.

"Deal," Amy quickly agrees, trying not to think about all the meals she shared with Dave where they had the same deal.

Getting out of bed, she smooths her hair down and straightens her blouse before opening the door and quickly hitting the lock button as she shuts it behind her.

He's rock hard, almost reaching the point of needing release as he closes his eyes and takes deep breaths through his mouth. He'd do anything for her, but how far does he let it go? Each kiss, each touch, is affecting him too, physically, but more importantly, mentally. Does he have the right to tell her no? Can he, knowing his rejection will hurt her even more than he already has? Or, should he just continue to remain silent, giving her as much as she needs from him? That seems his best, and only, if he's being honest, option. She left her phone on the bed, he realizes when it rings again. The caller ID says "Mom." He's still too aroused to take the phone to her so he texts Penny, asking her to pass the message to Amy. A few minutes later, Amy's lightly knocking on the door, which Sheldon quickly opens.

Amy takes a quick glance at Sheldon's pants as she enters. He's still aroused.

"Do you need to take care of that?" she wonders.

"Um... yes, but with everybody in the living room... I can't. Plus, the mess..." he explains.

"I um... I stole a condom from the bathroom. You can release into that and then I'll make the excuse that I need to get something I left in your safe so you can throw it away in your trash. You'll just need to carry it in your pocket from here to your apartment."

"Would you... stay and kiss me?" he whispers.

"I'd love to," she replies.

He removes his pants and underwear, neatly folding them and setting them at the foot of the bed as Amy holds out the condom to him. His hands are shaking as he tries to open the foil wrapper, finally getting it on the third try. Removing the red lubricated condom from the wrapper, he rolls it down his shaft and pinches the tip to remove air before going to lay on the bed. Amy lays on her side next to him, neither moving to kiss, nerves taking over. He feels himself starting to lose his erection, much to his relief, as it softens and lays limp on his thigh.

"Nerves?" Amy whispers.

"Yeah," he admits. "We've never masturbated in front of each other and with the current status of our relationship... is this... kissing... too much too quickly?"

"You can say no too. I know that the idea of consent usually correlates to a woman giving permission, but it's mutual, Sheldon. It's okay for you to say no to me."

"But if I reject you... after what I've done..."

"We're working through it. Tell me why rather than just saying no, alright? If I have an explanation, it will help lessen the sting. Honesty. That's how we get through this. Trust, honesty and communication."

"Okay. Call your mom so we can go eat. What um... what should I wear?"

"Do you still have the black shirt you wore to the Chancellor's award dinner? You look very dashing in that. That shirt and your khaki pants would be appropriate."

"Okay," he agrees.

"Sheldon..." she stops him as he dresses, "nice ass," she flirts as she nervously bites her lip, making him blush.


	37. Chapter 37

Happy Memorial Day! To all who have served, THANK YOU. My laptop won't charge so I don't have access to Grammerly right now. Mr. W and I have proofread several times but there may still be mistakes. Apologies in advance!

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The closer they get to leaving for Amy's grandparents' home, the worse that tight ball of anxiety settles into Amy's chest. She's fidgiting on the couch, barely able to sit still as she talks with Bernadette, Howard and Raj. Noticing her trepidation Howard reaches into his pocket and pulls out his blue and black fidgit spinner, handing it to Amy.

"It's silly, but it works," he promises.

"I have the cube if you'd prefer," Raj offers.

"Sorry. I'm just a little worried about my mother making a scene," Amy explains.

"We'll alll be there to try to prevent that," Bernadette reassures with a smile. "So... the elephant in the room... you and Sheldon. You seem _pretty_ cozy."

"He's been very sweet. We're talking and we're going to try to work through it. It's just talking right now."

"Hmm, I could've swore I heard kissing," Bernie replies with a knowing smile.

"We've kissed," Amy confirms, blushing at being caught.

"Just... be careful. It might feel good while you're grieving, but don't do anything you might regret later," Bernadette cautions as the door opens and Sheldon reenters the apartment. He has a small black duffel bag which he sets by the door before coming over to sit in his spot.

Reaching for Amy's hand, he places something in it. It feels cool and metallic against her skin as Sheldon curls her fingers around it and lets go. Opening her hand she finds a silver ring with a heart topped by a crown. She gasps as she sees it, quickly closing her hand around it as she closes her eyes.

"It's my mother's claddagh ring," he softly explains. "My Pop Pop gave it to her on her 18th birthday. I... I want you to have it."

"I can't accept this, Sheldon," Amy whispers, overcome with emotion.

"Why not?" he asks, confusion etched on his face.

"A clauddagh ring represents love, friendship and... most importantly, loyalty. I appreciate the gesture, more than it may appear... but... we're just friends right now. This... this is the type of thing you pass on to your true love..."

"Which is you. It's always been you, Amy," he murmurs

"I wish I could believe that," she whispers as she hands the ring back to him.

He has tears in his eyes as he stares at it for several seconds, trying to keep his composure. Standing up, he quickly makes his way back to his apartment to place the ring back in the safe.

"Ouch," Bernadette exclaims as Sheldon slams the door.

"It was the right thing to do, Sweetie," Penny reassures from where she was watching in the hallway.

"Then why doesn't it feel like it was?" Amy wonders. Her phone rings again and she sighs heavily as she answers, "hi, Mom," before making her way to Sheldon's old room and shutting the door with more force than necessary.

Giving each other a look and nod of understanding, Penny and Bernadette make their way back to Sheldon's room. Turning around in the hallway, Bernie snaps her fingers and points at the door, directing the guys to go talk to Sheldon.

Grabbing Halley's carseat, Howard jests, "he's a schmuck but if I don't go, I'm the one in trouble."

Gently opening the door so as not to disturb Amy, they find she's set the phone on a pillow as her mother continues to rail. Rolling her eyes, Amy picks up the phone and waits for an opening, "Mmmhmm," she hums, hitting the mute button so she can talk to them.

"I've got this down to a science," Amy explains as Bernie and Penny laugh. "Is he alright?"

"Don't worry about Sheldon. Are you alright?" Penny questions.

"No," she answers honestly. "It's too much. I'm... I'm trying to remain composed, strong... angry at him... but... I just want things to go back how they were... before... before she came along. He... I thought he loved me, I thought he'd never cross that line."

"So did we, Sweetie. This is our fault too," Penny admits, "We knew what she was doing and we didn't try hard enough to stop it. We didn't try because Sheldon seemed unaffected by her advances. He thought he just had a new friend who happened to worship him. That's all Sheldon wants in life, right? To be worshipped for his genius. Ramona knew his weaknesses and took advantage of him."

"She didn't drug him or rape him. It was consensual sex. 4 different times. He's never... I want him to desire me like that. I'm fooling myself. He wants the petite blonde with the perfect perky breasts... not... this," she motions from her head to her toes.

Picking up her phone again, Amy puts it to her ear, hearing her mom ranting about a tray of deviled eggs that somebody dare put pickle in.

"Mom... Mom... MOM!" she yells. "Take a breath. Others will eat the deviled eggs. We'll make a batch without pickle to bring with us," Amy promises as Penny nods and leaves the room to get started on them.

"Us? Who is us?" Mrs. Fowler questions.

"My friends want to pay their respects," Amy explains.

"These are the same heathens who introduced you to Sheldon, fed you penis cookies and poured wine down your gullet?" Mrs. Fowler asks.

"Yes. They are my only friends. _You made damn sure of that,_ " She adds under her breath, still being picked up by the phone.

"Is _HE_ coming?" Mrs. Fowler wonders.

"I'm not sure. We just had a fight," she explains, kicking herself for telling her Mom that. She's going to use it to her advantage.

"He'd fight with you on the same day your father died? I don't want him here, Amy, and I mean it! Sheldon Cooper is..."

"He's many things, Mom, but first and foremost he's my friend and I need my friends right now. If you can't understand that, then maybe I shouldn't come tonight," Amy threatens, knowing that threat just set off the powder keg.

"Well, if he's more important to you than your father..."

"NO ONE is more important to me than Daddy! I don't know why I keep letting you treat me like this! I'm a grown adult. I've been on my own since I was 16, went to Harvard... and you treat me like I'm a stupid little child... your biggest regret in life!"

"I'm only trying to protect you!" Mrs. Fowler yells.

"From what? From getting pregnant at 14 like you did?"

"You have no clue, no clue, Amy, what I went through... what I sacraficed to be your mother."

"That is what a parent is supposed to do!" Amy yells. "I have serious problems because of you! I cover up my body with multiple layers because God forbid I might flash a bit of ankle to a man. I was tormented in school because I was the weird kid who couldn't have friends. I was locked in a closet for discipline, which is child abuse! I couldn't even look at a National Geographic Magazine without getting locked in the sin closet for impure thoughts! I was a nervous wreck when Sheldon made love to me..."

"You ungrateful little whore. After all I did for you?" Mrs. Fowler questions.

"Oh, but it gets better! In my interactions with other adults, I'm wildly inappropriate. I don't know how to behave normally in social settings because I wasn't taught that as a child! I was taught that the world is an evil place and people only want to hurt you! Guess what? Most people are good and kind and loving! My friends... they're family to me! They love me unconditionally. I fell in love after you _forced me_ to go on one date a year and you immediately decided you hate him!"

"Any man that would speak that way, let alone to his girlfriend's mother of all people..."

"I begged Sheldon to do it. He only agreed to it because I brought him a rare comic book."

"Which is another issue I have! A grown man who reads comic books, plays those satanic games and thinks every day is Halloween? Amy, he's the child! You really should let me set you up with Joshua..."

"Josh Peterson? He may have grown up but he tormented me in school, Mom. I have a few choice words... well, not words... fingers really... for him and a swift kick in his testes."

"Really Amy! You're not the daughter I thought I raised!"

"Thank God for that! I will be there tonight because I love my father. I am devastated, Mom. Please... let me grieve for my father without the added drama and bullshit."

Her mother hangs up without another word. Turning on the bed towards the headboard, Amy pounds her fists into the pillows, wailing on them as she lets out her anger at Sheldon, at her mother... at the universe for taking her father from her. Sitting on the bed, Bernadette reaches out and lays her hand on Amy's back as Amy calms, silently offering her support.

Across the hall, Sheldon places the ring back in the small wooden box in the safe and locks the door, knowing he just made a huge mistake. He exits the bedroom and grabs a large blue plastic cup from the dish rack, filling it with cold water from the brita pitcher in the fridge and downing the cup in a few gulps. He's pouring another glass when Leonard opens the door with his spare key and the guys enter.

"Is she alright?" Sheldon immediately questions.

"Penny and Bernadette are talking with her. What were you thinking?" Leonard wonders.

"I was showing her that I care and I'm committed to trying to fix this," Sheldon explains. "Too much?"

"Yeah!" Leonard exclaims, not knowing what else to say. "The overnight bag?"

"She asked me to stay with her tonight. I assumed she'd want to go to the hotel straight from her grandparents'."

"Here's what we're going to do. The girls will go stay at Howard and Bernadette's and we'll stay at my place so Amy isn't alone. You just epically screwed up, Sheldon," Leonard explains as Penny knocks on the door and opens it.

"What the hell, Sheldon?! You don't just pop a ring out! Not like this and not hours after her dad died! What is wrong with you? Are you trying to hurt her as much as possible? Are you that clueless or are you just a jackass?" Penny rants.

"I'm trying to show her that I love her and I'm remorseful!" Sheldon yells. "I don't have the words to express those feelings... so... actions speak louder than words."

"This was an epic fuck up, Sheldon!" Penny snaps. "I think you'd be doing her and her grandparents a favor by backing out of going tonight."

"Not happening," Sheldon replies. "Unless Amy asks otherwise, I'm going."

"Sheldon, she thinks you're only doing this out of guilt," Penny shares.

"Then give me an opportunity to prove otherwise," he requests before walking out the door and back into 4A.

He immediately heads for his old room, where he hears Amy crying. Ooening the door without knocking, Amy looks up to see Sheldon and all their friends coming to support her. Penny opens her arms first, inviting Amy for a hug, which Amy accepts. A few moments later, Bernadette hugs Amy from behind, squeezing her tight. Each of the guys slowly steps forward, wrapping their arms around their respective wives, leaving Raj and Sheldon. As Raj joins in by standing between Howard and Leonard, Bernadette looks up and mouths, "get over here" to Sheldon. Slowly, Sheldon approaches, like a timid dog, a few inches at a time, until he hugs Leonard's back.

Pulling up at her grandparents classic white home with the large red door, Amy is surprised by the number of cars lining both sides of the street. She kills the engine, deciding to wait for everyone else to arrive. Penny rode with her, leaving the others to pile into Howard and Bernadette's van and Raj's car.

"Vices at the ready," Penny reassures, "gum, tylonel, a flask, I even have a pack of cigarettes..."

"You don't smoke," Amy quickly points out.

"No, but Nicki, the office gossip does. That's how I found out Bernadette is pregnant again. She heard Bernadette upchucking."

"Ugh," Amy exclaims. "Thank you for being here."

"Of course, Sweetie. I think you're crazy but Sheldon is a good guy deep down and he is trying to apologize."

"I know. I just... it's too much right now. I need him to understand that and I don't think he does. I think he's being affectionate and never leaving my side out of guilt. He performed oral sex on me last night..."

"Wait, what?!" Penny exclaims. "If that was Leonard, I'd never let him near my lady bits again!"

"We were fighting then kissing and... I think he was trying to prove a point. It felt amazing... but I couldn't stop seeing those pictures. How... how do I either heal so we can get past this or make up my mind to move on?" Amy wonders.

"Love isn't enough, Sweetie. You have to be able to trust that when he's left without adult supervision..." Penny pauses making Amy laugh, "he is exactly where he says he'll be and fully disclosed who he may be with. You have to be able to believe that he loves you, only you, that he only has eyes for you, that he finds you not just attractive but irresistable, that all of this isn't just out of guilt, but a genuine desire to show you how much you mean to him. If any one of those is missing, then you should not be considering reconciling."

"You know Sheldon better than almost anyone. Do you think he's remorseful for what he's done or simply because he got caught?" Amy wonders as Howard drives by, unable to find a spot on the same side of the street.

"I... I haven't thought about it like that," Penny admits as they get out of the car. "Both?" she offers after comtemplating for a few seconds.

"Neither? He thought about it for days beforehand and still did it. He knew it was going to hurt me, but he still did it. I don't know what to make of that," Amy admits as Howard parks and everyone starts piling out of the van... Everyone except Sheldon, who sits in the front passenger seat looking at something in his hands. The ring?

"Give him a minute. He's on the phone with Mary and Meemaw," Leonard explains as he hugs Amy again. "We... we all called our parents on the drive over here. My Mom actually said she loves me," he tearily shares.

"That's great, Leonard," Amy whispers, genuinely happy for him.

Sheldon is dabbing at his eyes as he crosses the street to where his friends are standing in the driveway. He has a large vase of yellow roses and white lillies, accented by small blue and purple flowers.

"From all of us," Sheldon explains as he hands the vase to Amy. She carries it inside the open door and sets it on the table immediately inside. Seeing a card, she takes it out and opens it as Penny's hand rests on her back.

" _Thank you for giving us Amy. Rest in peace, Mr. Fowler. With our deepest sympathy, Leonard & Penny Hoffstader, Howard, Bernadette and Halley Walowitz, Rajesh Koothrapali and Sheldon Cooper."_


	38. Chapter 38

Amy stands at the door staring at the card in her hand, overcome with emotion. Her hands are shaking as she tries to place the card back into the small plastic stick on the outer edge of the floral arrangement, unsuccessfully. She's no longer able to hold in the sob, a strange hiccuping noise, that tears through her lungs as she cries, turning to Penny, who is there with open arms to catch her. Sheldon stands back and watches, waiting for Amy to ask for him, to want _him_. It's not happening as she heavily leans against Penny and wraps her arms around the svelt blonde.

"I thought I heard noise," Harold greets them. "Oh, Sweetheart..." he exclaims as he sees Amy. "May I?" he asks of Penny who nods and steps back, allowing Amy's grandfather to comfort her. "He will always be with you, here," he murmurs as he tap her forehead with two fingers, "and, most importantly...here," he whispers while laying his hand over her heart as Amy nods. Harold looks over Amy's shoulder, catching Sheldon's eyes, and jerks his head to indicate thst Sheldon should take over being Amy's strong pillar.

Stepping forward, Sheldon places his hand on her back as Amy sniffles and steps back, allowing her grandpa to lean heavily on his cane.

"Alav Ha-Shalom," Howard greets Harold as he shakes his hand. "Howard Walowitz, my wife, Bernadette, and our daughter, Halley."

"Harold Fowler," he replies. "That was perfect Hebrew," Harold praises.

"It better be or my Mother, _Zichrona Livrocho_ , will be haunting me from her grave," Howard jokes.

"Howie, not appropriate!" Bernie reprimands.

"It's alright," Harold reassures as he chuckles. "I believe I may have actually known your mother. Debbie?"

"Yes!" Howard exclaims. "How did you know her?"

"We met at Temple Beth Shalom's water aerobics. Your daughter is the spitting image of her," He praises. "And you are?"

"Leonard Hoffstader, sir, and my wife, Penny. We are very sorry for your loss," Leonard greets.

"Thank you"

"Raj Koithrapali," Raj greets. "Again, sory for your loss. May his memory be a blessing."

"Thank you, all. Amy... why don"t you come have some tea?" Harold suggests.

Sheldon has one arm around her and is holding her hand as she continues to cry. They all slowly follow Harold into the living room, where conversation comes to a hault as Amy enters. She goes to a corner of the room, where her grandparents' golden retriever, Buddy, is napping, and sits, reaching over to scratch his ears.

"Um... is he friendly?" Sheldon asks, not daring to sit down.

"He wouldn't hurt a fly, would you, Buddy?" Amy coos as Raj brings her a mug of tea.

"Thank you, Raj," she whispers with a grateful smile as she accepts it. "Sit," Amy demands, patting the floor next to her. The dog rushes to the spot and sits on his haunches, patiently awaiting a treat for being a good boy as Amy laughs.

"There should be a small bag of treats on the mantle behind you," Amy requests of Sheldon, who quickly turns and locates a green bag of dog treats, taking out 3. He gives Buddy one, handing the other 2 to Amy before taking a seat next to her as Buddy goes to lay on his bed.

Their friends sit nearby taking up one full corner of the living room as conversation resumes amongst those gathered. She leans into Sheldon and closes her eyes as he gently rubs her back, kissing her forehead when she sniffles.

"United front against my mother," she whispers in his ear as he nods in agreement. "We'll talk later?"

"Of course," Sheldon reassures as he takes her free hand.

"Amy, you've never told us what your father did for a living," Penny asks.

"He was a middle school science teacher," she replies as a short brown haired man wearing a yarmulke turns and hugs Amy.

"Do you remember when he came up with the idea to demonstrate gravitational pull by having us design parachutes and air bags for eggs then drop them from various heights and locations?" he asks Amy.

"Right, and you found that white plastic egg you kept using. Dad couldn't figure out why yours never broke!" Amy exclaims as she laughs. "This is my cousin, Ethan," she introduces him before their friends go down the line introducing themselves.

"Amy's ex-boyfriend, Sheldon," he softly murmurs when it's his turn, which gets a raised eyebrow from several of the guests who have been watching the couple interact.

"Good of you to be here," Ethan praises. "So, I hear you have a research fellowship in London?"

"Paris," Amy corrects. "We have a large team assembled who are working to better understand motor function and the changes that occur in the brain after the loss of an extremity. Our goal is to provide more advanced bionic limbs to military forces and eventually make that technology available to the general medical community."

"That's awesome, Amy," Ethan replies as his phone rings. "Excuse me."

"I hate that you're working five thousand miles away but that sounds fascinating," Raj comments.

"I wish it was closer too. I miss you guys... and my family," Amy softly murmurs.

"We miss you too, Dear," her Aunt Karen greets with a long hug. "Oh, sweetheart, I am so sorry. You were the apple of his eye. I have so many memories of when he would bring you over to swim in my pool. I'm not sure who would grin wider, you or your Dad. He'd bring you over then we always had..."

"Rootbeer floats," Amy and her Aunt say at the same time, laughing.

"I'd firgotten about that," Amy admits. "Do you still have that blue glass he found on the beach in Indonesia? The staglimite from the lightning strike?"

"I do," she confirms. "It sits on my bookshelf. I'd be glad to send it to you?"

"No," Amy immediately protests, "I just wanted to know if you had it, that's all. Karen is a meteorologist for NOAA. My parents went to Indonesia on their honeymoon and my Dad found a huge stagkimite that had formed from a lightning strike. It's a clear blue glass and you can see waves of sand from where the lightning arched. It's really quite something to look at."

"That does sound really cool," Penny adds.

"How are you doing, Sweetheart?" Aunt Linda asks as she comes over and hugs both Karen and Amy.

"I'm in shock and denial. It hasn't really hit me yet," Amy admits. "Where're Mom and Nana?" she wonders.

"Nana is taking a nap and your mother... we're giving her a wide bearth. She's on the back deck if you'd like to speak with her."

"Pass," Amy immediately replies, causing all who are listening in to laugh.

"Well, there is plenty of food. Everyone has been so kind. I hope you're hungry," Linda offers.

"You all go ahead. I'm not hungry," Amy explains.

"Please try to eat something? Toast? Crackers? I'll go get your favorite fried rice from Ming's or the garlic mashed potatoes from Applebee's..." Sheldon offers.

"I'm sure there's a kuegal. I'll have a small piece," she decides to keep him happy.

"Rabbi Goldstein sent over a big pot of matzoh ball soup. You really should have some, Amy," Harold suggests.

"That does sound good," she decides.

Reaching for Sheldon's hand, she leads them to the kitchen, stopping at the end table by the couch where her grandmother has set a photo of Larry, with two white candles on either side. Amy gently touches the silver frame as tears spring to her eyes.

"I can't believe he's gone," she whispers, wrapping her arms around Sheldon's neck as she clings to him. He wraps his arms around her, placing a lingering kiss on the crown of her head as she cries.

Seeing Amy's Mom approaching, Raj whispers, "incoming," to them, Amy steps back and takes Sheldon's hand.

"Amy, we need to speak in private," Mrs. Fowler requests.

"Not unless you apologize to me," Amy demands.

"What could I possibly have to apologize to you for?" Mrs. Fowler questions.

"Hmm... care to help me with this, Bestie?" Amy questions. "My mother seems to be suffering from short term memory loss."

"To begin with, calling you a whore " Penny reminds her.

"Thank you. Let's decide who the whore really is here, everybody! A woman who has only had sex with one man in her life and didn't lose her virginity until she was 30, or a woman who got pregnant at 14 and had that baby taken away by the State? I found my brother, by the way. He was adopted by a nice family in Utah and currently wants nothing to do with us because of you! You apparently contacted him on his 18th birthday and made him feel as though he ruined your life! I understand that sentiment perfectly! I think you need to look up 'whore' in the dictionary, as well as hypocrite!" Amy yells before storming off to the back porch.

"Wow, go Ames," Penny whispers to Bernadette who nods in agreement as they see Sheldon going to Amy.

She's sitting on the edge of the deck, her legs dangling over the edge as she stares off into the distance at the orange and red sky of the setting sun. He sits next to her, letting her decide how much affection she wants as he lays his hand palm up between them. She takes his hand and entwines their fingers laying it between them as they sit in silence.

She hears the sliding glass door open, and turns around, seeing her uncles coming out with a cooler of drinks.

"Please tell me there's alcohol in there," Amy begs.

"Sorry, kiddo. You know the rules at Gran and Gramp's," Her dad's brother, Harry, sympathizes.

"Yeah " Amy confirms.

"Here," her Dad's best friend, Saul, offers as he pulls a flask from his coat pocket. "Grab a soda and pour some in. It's the cheap stuff so it tastes like shit, but it gets the job done. If Larry could see us now, getting his little girl drunk at his wake."

"Do you mind?" Amy whispers to Sheldon, who shakes his head no as they stand in a circle and mix their drinks.

"To Larry. Rest in peace, brother," Harry toasts, raising his glass in salute to the sky as they all take a sip. "Away from your miserble wife!" he adds before his second sip.

"You were Larry's pride and joy, Amy. He couldn't have loved you more if you were his own," Saul consoles as he gives her a hug.

"What?" Amy whispers as she rears back in shock.

"You... you didn't know?" Saul questions. "Oh my God. Amy... I... I don't know what to say," he apologizes.

She has to leave. She has to get away. Quickly running down the stairs, Amy goes to the swinging door in the gate, finding it firmly padlocked. Falling to her knees in the grass, hard sobs wrack her body as Sheldon goes to her. He briefly worries about how he's going to get the grass stains out of his pants but that doesn't matter as Amy cries, heartbroken as she clings to him. He wraps his arms around her and crushes her to him, just holding her. He doesn't know what to say, if there's anything he can say.

Mrs. Fowler comes rushing through the door and tries pushing Sheldon away so she can be the one to comfort Amy. He holds his ground, not letting go, as Amy bunches his shirt in her fists.

"Amy,..." she whispers.

"No! Don't Amy me! You had 32 years to tell me! 32 fucking years and I find out the day he dies?! Were you never going to tell me? Were you taking it to the grave with you?! Who is my father? " Amy wonders.

"Larry is your father!" Mrs. Fowler yells.

"You don't know, do you?" Amy questions. Her mother keeps her eyes downcast, not answering. "This explains so much!"

Reaching into her pocket, Amy removrs the card that was included in the bouquet her friends purchased and hands it to her mother.

"I had a right to know!" she yells.

Standing up she pulls her keys out of her pocket, handing them to Sheldon. "Get me out of here," she requests.

He nods, leading her through the house and out to her car, opening the passenger door for her. Quickly making his way around to the driver's side, he buckles in then tears off down the street, barely coming to a stop at the corner stop sign before turning right and out of view.

"So, um..." Penny hums, knowing they need to leave, "yeah," she comes up with at last as the remaining members of their group quickly make their way to the van and Raj's car.

"Where would they go?" Bernie wonders.

"Amy's hotel room," Leonard guesses.


	39. Chapter 39

_What the literal fuck just happened_? is Amy's only thought as Sheldon drives. Is she having a neverending nightmare or is her life actually a very special episode of the Jerry Springer show?

She looks over at Sheldon, the male lead in the 3-ringed shit show of her life. With everything that has happened between them, how is it that Sheldon, her ex-boyfriend, the man who cheated on her, is the most stable and constant relationship in her life? As the gas light signal dings on her dashboard, he keeps his eyes straight ahead on the road as he frowns and maintains a white-knuckled grip at precisely 10 and 2 o'clock on the steering wheel. There's a 7-11 up ahead and Sheldon carefully signals to switch lanes, getting into the far right lane just in time to turn into the station.

"Can I get anything for you?" he asks as he unbuckles.

"No, thank you," she quietly murmurs as she reaches for her purse.

"I've got it. I want a Slurpee," he explains. "Lock the doors. We're not in the best neighborhood right now."

"Okay," she whispers as Sheldon grabs the keys and goes inside.

Amy locks the doors as soon as Sheldon shuts the door and lays her head against the rest as she closes her eyes, pinching the bridge of her nose as she tries not to cry tears of sadness and frustration. She feels like all she does is cry lately. Of course, she has damn good reasons, but still, she's stronger than this.

The ring. That damn gorgeous ring stupidly presented to her by the world's biggest fool. Proof positive that Sheldon is only reacting out of guilt. Proof that he doesn't understand the consequences of his actions, or if he does, he severely underestimated the effect it would have on her. She told Penny tonight that Sheldon chose to hurt her. But why? He acts like he loves her. He's been incredibly protective of her throughout this ordeal. It doesn't make any sense and she wants, nay deserves an answer.

They cannot be alone in a hotel room right now. They will either fight, which would be bad in her fragile state or rip each other's clothes off and engage in frenzied animalistic copulation which would be psychological warfare of the worst kind, as great as it might feel at the time. They need to find something to do which allows her to relax, while at the same time ensuring she doesn't do A̶n̶y̶t̶h̶i̶n̶g̶.̶.̶.̶ _Anyone_ stupid.

He's been in there a long time, Amy thinks as she looks out her window into the store. There's a small group of teenagers wearing black tank tops and gold baseball caps with the LA Lakers symbol sitting on bicycles just off to the left side of the doors. Amy quickly looks but tries to not make eye contact with them. It appears they're arguing with a woman in a silver car, which has the windows blackened out. She gasps as she sees one of the boys slap the woman across the face as Amy ducks down in her seat. Where is Sheldon?

He can't make up his mind. Does he want the blue raspberry or the red cherry Slurpee? The flavors definitely do not mix. He decides to mix the cherry Slurpee with the classic Coke and goes to grab Amy a diet coke from the cooler. He's hungry. Maybe he'll get a hot dog too. He needs to get Amy to eat something. Ice cream. She'll never turn down ice cream. He opens the cooler and is overwhelmed by the choices; classic ice cream sandwiches, snickers ice cream, fudge bars, strawberry shortcake bars, chocolate covered ice cream bites... too many options. He finds a chocolate coated vanilla ice cream bar and selects that for Amy then finally goes to pay.

Something is wrong. It shouldn't take this long, Amy worries in the car. She decides she's going in and unbuckles her seatbelt when she looks over at the gang members. There's a handle for a pistol sticking out the back of the jeans of who Amy has presumed is the leader. She's staying put. She reaches and lays the seat back until it's as low as it will go, reminding herself to breathe. That kid can't be any older than 16, Amy sadly realizes. As crappy as her childhood was under her mother's thumb, how hopeless and desperate must these young men feel to be drawn into a life of violence so young? She looks out the window again. The youngest looks like he's yet to reach puberty.

Even if he's not her father, Larry Fowler loved her, cared for her, protected her as best he could. It's because he loved teaching her science, especially anatomy and biology, that she became a scientist. He spent not just quantity but quality time with her, taking her swimming at his sister's, teaching her how to read, and conducting experiments with her. He made sure she got a world-class education, withdrawing from his retirement fund to send her to Harvard after she didn't receive an expected scholarship. He may not be her biological father, but he was her Dad.

"I miss you," she whispers as she sobs heavily.

"Hey, look it's Captain Underpants in the flesh!" one of the boys yells at Sheldon as he exits the store.

 _just keep walking_ he reminds himself, keeping his head down. He has far too much experience dealing with bullies and now as an adult if he reacts, it could cause serious ramifications.

"Hey, dumbass!" another boy calls out.

 _Just keep walking, Sheldon,_ Amy prays as she hears the kids taunting him.

"Run, Forrest, run!" the oldest boy taunts as he picks up a pebble and throws it at Sheldon, hitting her car instead. Sheldon taps on the window, making her jump as she unlocks her door and he hands her his purchases.

"Sheldon. Pepper spray," she explains as she gets it out of the middle console and sticks it in his hand.

He places it in his pocket as he goes to pump gas as the punk kids continue taunting.

"Ooh, looks like Nerdzilla has a pretty little girlfriend! Hey, sweetheart!"

"Ignore them," Amy softly warns Sheldon who nods to acknowledge he heard her as the boys make a v with their fingers and stick out their tongues.

"She looks confused. I bet Gump's never fucked her. What do you think boys? I bet she's a cougar!" one of the shorter boys yells.

"Hey, Sweetheart! If I can put a bag over your head, I'll fuck ya so you don't die a virgin!"

"You look like a screamer. Ooh, I love makin' a bitch scream as I fuck her," a different boy yells at Amy.

"Don't talk to her!" Sheldon yells at them.

It's one thing for them to pick on him, but to threaten Amy? They just crossed a line. Sheldon quickly sets the gas nozzle to automatic and goes to stand in front of Amy as one of the boys' approaches.

"Give me your wallet and I won't make you watch as we fuck her bloody," the oldest boy threatens as he walks closer, reaching for his pistol.

Oh, shit, Amy thinks. The boy keeps the gun pointed toward the ground as he stands on the other side of the gas pump from Sheldon, who is white as a ghost in fear.

"On second thought, I'm gonna make you watch, Nerdzilla. I bet she likes it rough. Do you like it rough, Baby?" the boy asks.

Amy sees Sheldon reaching for the pepper spray, which the boy seems to notice too. Amy notices, however, that he slides the trigger safety before pointing the gun at Sheldon's abdomen.

"Sheldon," she warns as the boy pulls the trigger of the gun, CLICK. "SHELDON!' she yells, reaching for her cell phone.

"Put the fucking phone down!" the boy yells, pointing the gun at Amy and pulling the trigger again. CLICK.

Sheldon immediately steps between Amy and the boy, shielding her from harm.

"Shoot me. Please... Please don't hurt her. Please..." Sheldon begs as he reaches for his wallet.

The boy pulls the trigger on the gun again, click...click... click... dry firing it at Sheldon. Each click makes Amy jump. One of those chambers could have a bullet. She thinks it's unloaded but isn't positive.

"Sheldon! Give him your wallet!" she demands, now sobbing.

The boy, towering over Sheldon, wraps his arm around Sheldon's waist and shoves the gun directly under Sheldon's chin. Most pistols hold six bullets. If the gun is loaded, the next round has the bullet that is going to kill Sheldon. He won't survive a bullet tearing through his jaw. Amy catches Sheldon's eyes. He looks terrified. She mouths I love you to him as the boy grabs the gun by the barrel and slams the handle into Sheldon's cheek as Sheldon falls to the ground. Turning to Amy, he winds up again, his dark brown eyes, the eyes of a monster, bore into Amy's as he grins.

"Such a pretty thing. It'd be a real shame to hurt such a pretty face. Get out of the car and give me the keys."

"COPS!" one of the boys yells as they all take off. The boy threatening her drops his gun. Using his foot, Sheldon trips the teenager and quickly kicks the gun out of reach.

"Ow! I'm going to fuck you up asshole!" the kid yells as Sheldon pulls the pepper spray out and sprays it in the teen's eyes as two officers approach.

"Ahhh!" the kid screams.

"Hey, Trey! I know you love me but twice in one day is a record for you!" The female officer greets as she digs her knee into Trey's back and forces his arms back as her partner handcuffs him. "3 Charlie David, 1 in custody. Juvenile."

"Gun!" the male officer yells. "Hands where I can see 'em!" he demands as Sheldon and Amy hold their hands up. "What's in your hand?!"

"Pepper spray," Sheldon responds while rolling it out of his reach.

"Please step out of the vehicle and keep your hands visible in front of you," the female officer requests as backup arrives and takes Trey to a car while giving Miranda warnings. " Is there anything on you I need to know about? Knives, needles, guns?"

"Just the pepper spray," Amy confirms as she places her hands on the trunk of the car for a full pat down, trying to catch Sheldon's eyes.

"Eyes front, Ma'am," the officer requests until she finishes the pat down. "You seem like decent folks. What are you doing here? Looking for tar, weed, meth?"

"No. My gas light came on and we didn't know where the next station is," Amy explains. "My gauge tends to stick so I don't get accurate measurements of how many miles are remaining."

"The initial report was a robbery at gunpoint. Did they get anything?" the male officer asks Sheldon.

"No, sir. I was just pulling out my wallet when the lookout yelled cops," Sheldon responds.

"Well, it sounds like you got lucky tonight. I'd advise getting that gauge fixed," the male officer suggests to Amy. "We just need to see IDs and your proof of insurance and registration please."

"Yes, sir," Amy and Sheldon reply as they retrieve the requested documents.

As soon as he's able Sheldon brings Amy into his arms for a long hug, crushing her to him. Amy feels tears wetting her hair as Sheldon holds her as tight as possible. He's shaking, she realizes as he cries.

"That... was the most terrifying moment of my life," he whispers as the ambulance pulls up.

"I thought I was going to watch you die right in front of me. Why'd you talk back to them?" she wonders.

"He threatened to rape you, Amy. Excuse me for wanting to protect you."

"I'm not fighting with you. Not tonight," she pleads.

"I'm not fighting, simply explaining," he apologizes. "I love you, Amy," he whispers as he's pulled away by the paramedics.

As Sheldon is evaluated, Amy gives her statement to the police. She can't stop shaking and soon has a blanket around her. Leonard and Penny arrive within minutes and Penny crushes Amy to her in a tight hug as she cries.

"A gun?" Penny confirms as Amy nods. "Oh, my God. Oh, Sweetie. I can't imagine."

"Sheldon? Is he alright?" Amy questions.

"They're checking him out now. Leonard is talking with the paramedics."

They watch as the female officer grabs the gun and opens the chamber. There was a bullet. The next shot would've killed Sheldon. She's sobbing when Sheldon runs to her, bringing her into his arms, as he too cries.

"It's alright, it's alright. I'm safe," he whispers.

They sit in the back seat, holding hands as Penny drives. Penny keeps looking in the mirror in concern as Any leans against Sheldon. He's trying to remain strong for her but Penny sees that Sheldon is shaken too. How much more can Amy go through before she breaks? Penny wonders. They need to get her away from everything, Penny decides.

"Where am I going?" Penny asks as she approaches the interstate.

"I can't be alone tonight," Amy requests.

"I'm not letting you be alone," Sheldon promises.

"Let's go to your apartment," Amy requests, the your she's referring to unclear.

They make the rest of the trip in silence and as they walk up to the 4th floor, Amy requests to speak to Sheldon in private. He opens the door to the apartment they used to share and flips on the light switch as they enter, locking the door behind them. As soon as the door is locked, Sheldon presses Amy against it, frantically kissing her. His tongue meets hers as he holds her with his hand on the back of her head and small of her back while she rubs his back. They kiss for what feels like hours until Amy reaches to wipe away his tears and Sheldon hisses as she touches his cheek, pulling back.

"So stupid... So stupid," she whispers while he wipes away her tears.

"I know," Sheldon whispers. "I know. I couldn't let them hurt you. I couldn't..." he explains as he finds her lips once again. It's his turn to wipe away her tears as they cry together, clinging to each other.

"Um... You took bachelor pad to a whole new level," Amy teases as she looks around, shocked at how much larger the apartment seems without furniture. Sheldon has an air mattress in the corner near the wall of the bedroom, a small folding card table with a single metal folding chair and his tv on the floor.

"I have everything I need... Well, everything except you," he whispers.

"Don't... don't do that," she pleads. "We still need to talk. I can't... I can't take anything else. I just... I need... I need to be held... kissed... made to feel like my world isn't crumbling around me. No promises for our future. Not tonight. Not when I don't even know who the fuck I am anymore! I'm not Amy Farrah Fowler. I'm not Amy Cooper, and God forbid I use my mom's maiden name! Please, Sheldon, just... just be here."

"I'm here. I'm here," he promises as he brings her into his arms once again. "Do... do you want to know who your biological father is?" he wonders after a few minutes.

"Yes... No... I don't think my mother even knows," she whispers. "I can't think about it."

 _I'm going to find him for you, Amy._ Sheldon silently vows as Penny knocks on the door.

"Are you two coitusing?" Penny teases before imitating Sheldon's knock, "Shamy!"

"That's just wrong," Sheldon reprimands as he opens the door. He keeps his arms wrapped around Amy's waist as she turns in his arms to talk with Penny.

Her shirt has slightly ridden up and Sheldon caresses the warm skin of her abdomen, barely brushing his fingers against her, igniting goosebumps. Penny gives them a raised eyebrow at the blatant display of affection but keeps her opinion to herself.

"You really should ice that, Sweetie," Penny encourages as she goes to the fridge and opens the freezer. It's completely empty, much to Penny's shock. "Come on," she demands as she ushers them to 4A and they sit on the couch. They can't stop touching each other, Penny realizes as Sheldon uses his thumb to caress Amy's side where his arm is wrapped around her back. Amy is holding his other hand, resting her head on his shoulder.

"What happened?" Leonard wonders.

Recounting the story, Amy breaks down, unable to get a word out as she gets to the part where the gun was put under Sheldon's chin. He can't do anything else and he feels helpless not being able to comfort her. Rubbing her back, he whispers, "We're safe. We're safe," as Leonard brings over an ice pack. Amy moves to the other end of the couch and pats her leg, requesting Sheldon rest his head in her lap. As he does so, Amy holds the ice pack to his face while running her fingers through his hair.

"Put in a movie?" Sheldon requests. "Something light."

"Have you seen Boss Baby?" Penny wonders.

"No," Amy and Sheldon answer.

Penny brings Tylonel and ice water over for both Sheldon and Amy as Leonard turns on the movie. Amy zones out, not paying attention as she absentmindedly runs her fingers through Sheldon's hair. Looking down about 30 minutes later, she notices he's asleep. Handing the ice pack to Leonard, Amy smiles in gratitude when Penny covers him with the same blanket she used earlier in the day.

You can sleep in Sheldon's old room," Penny offers.

"Thanks, but I'm going to stay here for now," Amy whispers.

Penny nods in understanding as they watch the movie in silence. As it ends, Penny and Leonard excuse themselves to go to bed. Sheldon is still sleeping, his cheek forming a nasty dark purple bruise near his right eye. That's going to hurt in the morning. She kisses two fingers and lays them under the bruise while whispering, "Soft Kitty" as she cries.


	40. Chapter 40

Ow," Sheldon whines as he awakens several hours later and opens his left eye. The right, try as he might, is swollen shut.

"Shhh," Amy whispers as she continues stroking his hair.

Looking up, Sheldon notices that her eyes are bloodshot and her face is red. She looks like she's been crying for hours. She is so strong, Sheldon thinks as he sits up and turns so he can be the one offering comfort, safety, love. He leans over and kisses her temple before taking her hand and bringing it to his lips. She turns her head and leans forward, brushing her lips against his.

"Did you sleep?" Sheldon whispers.

"No," she replies. "Every time I close my eyes I see the bullet ripping through your jaw."

Words aren't necessary as he leans in for another kiss, lightly stroking her cheek with his thumb. She seems unsure what to do with her hands as they rest on either knee. Grabbing them as they continue kissing, Sheldon gently lays her arms over his shoulders, pressing her chest into his. She starts unbuttoning his dress shirt and loosening his silver tie, tossing them to the floor next to the couch. She skims her fingers over his abdomen where the gun was pointed as if reassuring herself that the only injury is to his face and leans forward to kiss his chest over his heart.

"Heart of gold," she whispers to him, seeking out his lips again.

Sheldon unbuttons her white sleeveless blouse, leaving it open on her arms as he kisses along her neck, her collar bones, over her heart. She's breathing heavily, a combination of fear and arousal, Sheldon assumes.

He kisses his way back up to her lips, pulling her so she lays on top of him as they continue kissing. Amy reaches for the blanket, shielding them from view as she pulls it over their heads.

Fully aware that they are being watched by Aquaman and Leonard or Penny could walk out to check on them at any moment, Sheldon pulls back and whispers, "shall we continue this in my old bedroom?"

"Your apartment," Amy counters as he takes her hand and leads her to Apartment 4B.

They leave the lights off as Sheldon takes her to the air mattress, letting her lay on it. He spreads the blanket right next to the bed and lays next to Amy, facing each other. The brief hiatus seems to have killed the mood, at least momentarily. Unsure if he should be worried or relieved, he waits for her to indicate what she wants. Laying on her back, she reaches for his hand and lays it next to her on the edge of the bed.

"You have my head spinning right now, Sheldon. I cannot fathom any plausible reasons why you would choose to hurt me, to destroy seven years together in the blink of an eye, when all of your actions indicate you love me deeply. Are you only behaving like this out of guilt?"

"A man can only admit when he was wrong and ask forgiveness," Sheldon whispers. "I made the biggest mistake of my life, Amy, and I cannot find the words to express how remorseful I truly am. I'm trying to let my actions speak for me, but now it has you questioning my motives..." he sighs. "I think we're done. You can't trust me. You can't believe that everything I'm doing, going to the hospital, my mother's ring... being willing to take a bullet for you... is because I love you and am pleading for forgiveness. No, that can't be it," he mirthlessly chuckles. "I must have ulterior motives. I just want to hurt you even more."

She doesn't know what to say to that. Nothing seems like the safest option at this point. She hears him sigh heavily as he shifts on the blanket so his back is to her and he's as far away as possible in the cold, dark room, leaving her feeling alone, abandoned, fearful to close her eyes.

"From the first moment in that coffee shop, I knew there was something special between us," Sheldon admits. "I didn't want to admit it, but it really was love at first sight. It scared the hell out of me, Amy. I had a perfectly structured life; predictable, orderly," he scoffs, "you know how I value my routines. You came into my life, a 5'4" whirlwind, and you turned it upside down immediately. Suddenly, without warning, my every thought was of you, all of my free time was spent thinking about something I wanted to tell you, or texting you, or hoping we'd magically run into each other. I'd go to the coffee shop every Saturday at 1, hoping you'd be there. I loved you from the moment I met you, and that love has only gotten stronger every day... every single day for 7 years. Amy, I don't know what the future holds, but I know that we almost died tonight... and all I was thinking about was how much I regret hurting you. I didn't know... Do you love me? Do you know that I love you? Do you know that I'm sorry for everything I have ever done that has hurt you? I don't think you do."

"I need you to walk me through, step by step, day by day, how this happened from the moment she came back into your life," Amy requests.

"Not tonight, Amy," Sheldon protests.

"Right now," she demands, "My heart cannot be shattered any more than it already is right now. My mental health... that flew out the window the moment I saw those photos. I need this, Sheldon. Please... I just need to know."

"Why does it matter? It's not going to change anything," Sheldon points out.

"It matters, Sheldon! It matters! I need to be able to identify the core issues in our relationship! I need closure!"

"Okay," he agrees. "But I need two things from you. I need you to promise you will let me talk, uninterrupted, without inserting your opinion. I'll answer your questions, but I need to tell you everything. Secondly, I need to hold you in my arms while we discuss this."

"Okay," she agrees as she rolls to the far end of the queen sized air mattress and Sheldon gets on his side next to her.

"One more request," she whispers. "Naked."

"Amy..." he protests. "After last night..."

"I need this to feel comforted, Sheldon. Please," she begs. "I'm going to be baring my soul to you. I need to bare my body as well. I don't want sex. I just... I need to be held... I need to feel safe... I need to... I need to feel loved, wanted, like someone would've mourned for me if I died tonight cause right now, I have serious fucking doubts that anyone would even notice if I died!"

"Okay okay. Shh," he whispers while removing the rest of his clothes. As Amy removes her clothing, he kisses her shoulder blade and wraps his arm around her waist, holding her against him. Oh, sweet Einstein, he thinks as he feels her soft, warm skin against his. How does she make her skin so smooth, he wonders while simply holding her, breathing her in.

"I'd mourn, Amy," he whispers. "Zero contact with you... It's as if I have been mourning for you... Us. I spiraled out of control. My only concerns were my next meal and my next shot of alcohol. Penny has pictures. It um... It looked like an episode of Hoarders. I imagine if you had died tonight and I had lived... If I didn't take my life out of immense guilt, I'd be committed to a mental institution.

He feels her breath hitch and realizes she's crying once again as he reaches to wipe her tears.

"No, let me cry," she whispers.

"Okay. I hate it, but okay," he agrees while kissing her cheek.

Amy entwines their fingers of the hand Sheldon has rested on her abdomen and closes her eyes, willing herself to stay strong, stop crying and, most importantly, keep quiet and let him speak. She knows the urge to roll over and beat him into a bloody pulp is going to be strong, but so is the love between them. By being naked, she's showing a level of trust he doesn't deserve, she knows, but she needs a shot of oxytocin to keep her sanity.

"What do you want to know?" he whispers, already dreading this decision.

"Everything," she replies. I need to know everything from the moment I got into the cab to leave for Princeton."

He takes a deep breath, exhaling slowly through his mouth as he wraps his arm tighter around Amy and closes his eye. He can picture her face when she saw those photos, absolutely heartbroken and in shock. She was shaking in her rage. She's been through too much in the last 24 hours and dealing this blow to her... he's going to crush her. There's no way out, but how he wishes he didn't have to do this as he holds her.

"Ramona was a grad student at CalTech many years ago. She's always been a fan of my work. When we met, she immediately became possessive and controlling. She thought it was a relationship, I thought she was just being helpful. It was only when she wanted credit for my discovery that I ceased contact with her. That was 7 years ago. The day you left for New Jersey, she came into my office. She told me about her work at CERN and asked questions about my latest paper. It was just two colleagues catching up...talking shop. We had lunch the next day. This is the Toblerone incident you've heard about. Again, she was just a friend."

"How did you wind up going swimming with her?" Amy wonders.

"She insisted on teaching me how to swim. I reluctantly agreed because I was lonely during the evenings and I could use the exercise to look my best for you when you returned from New Jersey. It was just as a friend but she... that damn string bikini. I kept picturing her in it... that drop of water trailing between her breasts...," he whispers as he mimics the drop of water cascading down Amy's neck, between her breasts, and to her navel, "and I realized I was attracted to another woman... A woman that wasn't you. When I realized that, I immediately felt guilty. The next day... The next day was the kiss."

Amy tenses up as he says that, her only reaction as she whispers, "Tell me about that. Did you kiss her?"

"No, she kissed me," he corrects. "I was working at my desk. She knocked on my door, asking if I had lunch. I said I hadn't and she set two brown bags on my desk. I asked her if she was desiring a relationship with me. She asked, 'what if I am?' and when I pointed out I was in a relationship, she leaned down and kissed me. I was so shocked that I didn't return the kiss. I immediately left my office and came home. I spoke with you for hours that night. I started having the dreams that night. I... I ejaculated in my pajamas. I started questioning what that meant that I sullied something so special to me... to us. I think... I now think... I was attracted to the idea of something taboo... Forbidden. But I wasn't going to act upon it. Not then. It was just a dream. It was my mind playing tricks on me. I loved you. I was devoted to you. I was going to make you my wife upon your return from New Jersey," he admits.

"You said you proposed to me and wanted to get me pregnant immediately so if I found out about this, we'd still have to maintain contact for the sake of the child. You're... you're saying you were going to propose regardless?" she confirms.

"Yes. I was going to take you to the zoo and propose at the carousel," he confesses. "When I kept having the dreams, it made me question if I'm just like my father... If I was going to be able to keep you happy for the rest of our lives."

They don't say anything to each other for several minutes as they cling to each other, safety nets in the world of uncertainty. Rolling, Sheldon tucks her in under his chin as she softly cries, not daring to wipe away her tears as he holds her as tightly as he can.

"Sheldon, let me ask you something," Amy requests a short time later as she sniffles, "If I hadn't gone to New Jersey for the summer, do you think this would've still happened?" she wonders.

"I... I haven't thought about that," he admits. "Um... I think... I think we still would've kissed, but everything else... No, it wouldn't have happened," he decides.

"Was it revenge for leaving?" Amy wonders.

"No," he immediately reassures. "I'm so proud of you and the work you're doing. You're changing lives with your research, Amy. There's no more a noble calling. I miss you so much but I am not going to stand in the way of science."

"What reason could you possibly have for doing this?" Amy wonders.

That is the trillion dollar question; WHY? Why cheat? Why destroy his relationship? Why hurt his beloved? All good questions that he honestly doesn't have a good answer to. Not that any answer he may give will ever excuse his behavior, but he needs to offer something.

I think... I wanted to taste the forbidden apple. I wanted to try something new. She's very experienced sexually and I thought she could teach me things that I could use on you. It was an experiment to me. 60 days to learn as much as I could about sexuality, about my wants, desires, fantasies... 60 days to make sure when I finally put that ring on your finger, it was forever. That I'm not like my father... That I only want you."

"I honestly think there's more to it, something you're holding back... Something you may not even be consciously aware of," Amy admits.

"I agree with that," he decides. "Which is why I am working with Dr. Cohen. I need to understand this just as much as you."

"What about the dreams?" Amy asks. "Was it just the one dream?"

"The dreams continued for 5 days. Each day, I would wake up just as I was reaching climax. I fought it, Amy, but finally, intellectual curiosity won out. I had to know what it would be like. I designed the infidelity agreement in an hour. I'll let you read that whenever you wish. I presented that to her the following morning and we made out in her office for over an hour."

"Wait. You said 4 sexual encounters. You lied to me about that?"

"I don't consider the times without genital stimulation to be sexual encounters," he explains.

"I do. How many times, total, were you intimate in any manner, whether it was just kissing or more than that?"

"4 sexual encounters and 13 non-sexual encounters," he whispers.

"Thir... Thirteen? Were you super glued to her lips?!" Amy snaps.

"Shh... Let's take a break from this. Let me just hold you," he requests when he feels her shaking as she cries.

"No. Over how many days?" she wonders.

"12 days," he whispers. "I initiated it on a Monday. We'd sneak make out sessions during lunch and after work by going to her apartment. That Friday, we went to a hotel in San Diego, the Hampton Inn. We registered under aliases and paid in cash. Do you want me to stop?" he whispers as she removes his arm from around her waist.

"No, I need to hear this but I'm fighting the urge to roll over and slap you right now," she explains, her voice barely above a whisper.

"Do it if it will make you feel better. I deserve much worse," he whispers.

"You don't mean that. You abhor physical violence," she points out as she rolls over to face him.

"Yes," he confirms, brushing her hair away from her mouth, "but after what I've done, you deserve to hurt me just as much... if not worse."

"So... the hotel," she whispers. "I want explicit details of everything."

"I'm not doing that to you, Amy. The pictures were bad enough."

"Tell me. You promised, Sheldon. Tell me everything. If we're going to work through this, you need to tell me everything in graphic details."

Amy scoots up in the bed until he is able to look into her eyes, which are brimming with tears. The details... this is going to be the hardest part. This is going to destroy her. This will seal the fate of their relationship.

"Ask me to stop if it's too much," he whispers, Amy giving a single nod. "As we entered the room, I was very nervous. I knew what I was doing was wrong..."

"Don't. You did it anyway. Do not play the morals card right now," Amy warns.

"I pulled the agreement out of my bag and added a clause that we needed to use mouthwash or breath mints prior to kissing. I was going to shower and... she suggested we shower together. She then said she knew how to help me relax. She unzipped my pants and fondled me until I achieved an erection before performing fellatio. I called out your name as I was approaching the plateau stage and she bit me then threw my boxers in my face."

She doesn't say anything, doesn't react at all, much to Sheldon's shock and amazement as she blinks. He reaches to hold her hand which she jerks away as she rolls out of his arms and to the far side of the air mattress, keeping her back to him.

"Go on," she demands.

"I needed release so I grabbed a condom and with a few pumps of my hand, I came hard and fast, again calling out your name. She promised to punish me every time I said your name... Every time I talked about you. She had a whip in her suitcase which she used on my back, lashing me over 30 times. Once complete, she had me perform cunnilingus. She... She wanted me to choke her, which I refused to do. We then ordered a pizza and she turned on a pornographic movie... japanse hentai, which is anime of a sexual made out until the pizza arrived and I fell asleep soon after eating dinner. That's the first encounter. Are you alright?" he whispers.

"No, I'm not alright, Sheldon. I'm... I don't know. You said you enjoyed the blow job and going down on her. Why?" she wonders.

"It was... Warm... Wet... Tight... The texture of her tongue... being in control as I held her head and thrust into her mouth... She placed my hands on her head and showed me what to do. Then... going down on her... doing something I never thought I'd do... The smell... The taste... You taste so much sweeter, Amy. I hope I get an opportunity to do that to you again."

"What happened next?" Amy whispers, ignoring his commentary.

"I fell asleep after eating. When I awakened, she had placed restraints on my hands and feet. She again used the whip on me and put on a ball gag. Any time I made a noise, she whipped me. She had nipple clamps which she put on me and an anal plug which she lubricated and inserted in me as well. She wanted me submissive. I... I couldn't keep an erection. She had Viagara in her bag which she told me was a little something to help me relax. She also took a handful of pills, which I discovered later was ecstacy."

"How do you know what the pills are?" Amy wonders.

I took photos when she was in the bathroom," he explains.

"Just Viagara? Nothing else?" Amy worries.

"Nothing else," he confirms. "It took about 45vminutes for the pill to work. During the wait, she used various toys on herself while I watched. When I had an erection, she straddled me and we engaged in cowgirl position for several minutes. She then straddled my face and I brought her to her first orgasm. She released my hands and got into position for rear entry, um... doggy style, which lead to anal sex when I slipped. I um.. I finished prematurely. She grabbed another toy and had me perform cunnilingus while she climaxed two more times. That was the second encounter."

"Did you enjoy being restrained?" she whispers.

"It was... I liked having the control taken away from me. I feel that I have to have control and order over every aspect of my life. I enjoyed that aspect of it. I didn't enjoy the whip or the gag and was terrified when she was using the plug on me."

"Did you resist at all?" Amy wonders.

"When I did, it turned her on even more. It was part of the game for her. This wasn't loving and gentle like what I share with you. This was sadomachism."

"Alright, continue," Amy demands.

"We slept the rest of the night. I woke up first. I got up and took a shower. She joined me and we made out in the shower. We tried having sex in the shower but couldn't get into the right position. She sat on the counter while I performed cunnilingus once more then she bent over the counter while I slammed into her as quick and as hard as possible, which is what she wanted. That was the third encounter. We came home after that. She dropped me at work and I walked home. I decided on the drive home it was over. I had made a huge mistake."

"That's only 3 times," Amy points out. "You said there were 4 sexual encounters."

"The last time was in my office 3 days later. She came in and I told her it was over. I apologized for misleading her. She shoved me into the corner of my office and roughly kissed me while stroking me through my pants. I had been watching the hentai video on my phone.I hadn't been able to work at all that day. It didn't take much to get me to a point where my animal hindbrain took over. She performed fellatio again. Um... I lifted her onto my desk and used my mouth and fingers to bring her to climax. She wrapped her legs around my hips and I had my way with her. I... I choked her. I pulled her hair. I called her a dirty whore, slut, cunt, bitch... When I came, I once again called out your name and that made her angry. I went into the restroom to clean up and when I came back, she was gone. I haven't spoken to her since."

"Did you ever initiate any of the encounters?" Amy asks.

"Why does that matter?" he wonders.

"It matters, Sheldon! Just answer the question!"

He has to stop for a minute to think about it, giving Amy time to calm down. She won't allow him to touch her now, understandably, he reasons. The air conditioning has left him freezing so he reaches to pull part of the blanket around himself, and stops suddenly. If he's cold, Amy must be as well. He quickly scrambles off the blanket and lays it over her. Sitting up on the cold hard floor next to the bed, he leans against the wall as he brings his knees to his chest.

"No, she always initiated everything," he finally answers.

"Did any encounter happen in our home?" Amy questions.

"No. It was either at work or her apartment... or the hotel. What happens now?"

"It um... I'm sure I'll have more questions but I need to process everything. I don't know what happens next. This... this hurts, Sheldon... it plays on my biggest insecurities, every negative thought I have ever had about myself... not only did you bring those back to the surface once again, you confirmed to me through your actions that they are the truth, they're how everyone looks at me."

"No, Amy that's not true."

"Perception is reality, Sheldon. She's a former Olympic swimmer and I'm..."

"You're Amy. You're my Amy. Don't believe those thoughts. You are beautiful."

"Hardly," she scoffs. "Compared to her, I'm a 1... Or a 0... Or a..."

"A perfect 10," Sheldon whispers. "Under all of those layers is a very beautiful woman. I forget how petite you really are. Amy, why do you think I always let you walk ahead of me?"

"Because my legs are shorter?" she wonders.

"No, it's so I can stare at your ass without getting caught. Please stop comparing yourself to her."

"You desired her body, Sheldon! You lusted after her. You had to have her. You've never felt that for me."

"Yes, I have! I woke you up at midnight on your birthday because I couldn't wait to have you! I tried seducing you because I wanted sex with you! I'd wake up next to you in our bed and I'd have a raging erection! I'd go shower at 3:45 am so I could masturbate and you wouldn't feel me poking into you when you woke up," he whispers. "Why can't you believe I want you like that?!"

"I thought that never feeling your erection meant you didn't want me."

"I want you, Amy. I want you. I lusted after you much more intensely. I just hid it because of our once a year agreement."

"How many days were there between the last time and when I came home to visit?" she whispers. This question will determine if they can save their relationship, she realizes while holding her breath.

"A month," he replies, "but I tried... I tried telling you the night that the last encounter happened."

"The anniversary date role playing?" Amy confirms.

She sees him barely nod out of the corner of her eye as he keeps his head down and hands folded as they rest on his knees. He regrets it, she realizes. He is remorseful.

"Did you have anything to do with the photos being sent to me?"

"No," he immediately confirms. "She did that specifically to hurt you."

"It was your intention to never tell me? If I hadn't seen the photos, I'd still be clueless and we'd be married right now? I could be pregnant... and completely oblivious?"

"Yes," he whispers. "I was doing everything I could think of to make sure you never found out."

"That... have you told me everything or are you still trying to protect me?" she questions.

"I've told you everything," he promises.

"Okay," she whispers. "Okay. Come here. Cuddle with me," she requests while rolling back to the edge of the bed and lifting the blanket in invitation.

He doesn't move, keeping his head down as he cries. Moving to sit next to him, Amy reaches for his hand, which he freely gives to her.

"I know you're remorseful, Sheldon," she whispers. "I know. I know you love me. I am your first and only love and you are mine. I'm feeling betrayed and confused and very very hurt and angry... but you also showed me how much you love me. You were going to take a bullet for me, no hesitation... because you were protecting me from harm. I can't... if you had died tonight..." she hesitates briefly before turning to him and crushing her lips into his, surprising him as he releases an "oomph" at her full weight flying at him.

She's laying on top of him as they kiss and he grazes his fingers along her spine as she moans into his mouth when his tongue tangles with her. He's crying still, she notices as she pulls back to catch her breath and wipe away his tears.

"Sheldon... Talk to me," she whispers as he shakes his head no and tilts her head up for another kiss. Laying her back, he pours all of his love for her into his kisses.

The sun is coming up when they finally stop 3 1\2 hours later. All they did is kiss, but it feels as if they are finally on the road to recovery. Moving her hair out of her eyes, Sheldon whispers, "sleep. I'm here to protect you."

"Sleep," Amy whispers, "I'm here to chase the monsters away."


	41. Chapter 41

_Sheldon looks like a kid let loose in Radioshack as he exits the gas station happily sipping on his Slurpee. He couldn't decide which flavor to get so he mixed all of them in a cacophony of yummy sugary goodness. He hopes Amy will eat the ice cream he picked out for her. He needs to help her to relax tonight. Ugh, he's going to have to suffer through Little House on the Preposterous again. Hmm, he needs to ask her if she's ever watched Rocky Horror Picture Show. It could make her laugh at how terrible it is, and if he and their friends join in with the ritualistic mocking, he's sure they'll have her rolling. He loves her laugh and that little smirk she gives when she's teasing him. Rocky Horror it is!_

 _He feels something cool and metallic jammed hard against his side and drops his Slurpee on the ground as he realizes that something is a gun. He looks to the car, seeing a group of teenagers has pulled Amy out as one slaps her across the face when she screams._

 _"Give me your wallet and we won't make you watch while we fuck her bloody," Trey promises as he cocks the gun._

 _"Don't hurt her, please. Do you want my wallet? Here," Sheldon says as he hands it over. "My shoes? They're not worth anything but here," he agrees while using his toes against the back of his heels to remove them. "The keys to the car? Catch. Let her go."_

 _"This was too easy!" Trey yells in disbelief as he points the gun at Amy._

 _BANG!_

He jumps as he bolts upright, screaming, "AMY!" at the top of his lungs. She's not in bed with him. Where is she?!

Amy comes running from the bathroom upon hearing Sheldon's scream and gets on her knees next to the bed as he crushes her to him, sobbing hysterically.

"I'm here. I'm here. I opened the window and the wind caught the bedroom door. I didn't mean to startle you. Bad dream?" she questions.

"Yeah," he whispers against her lips as they softly kiss. "How did you sleep?"

"Like a baby once I fell asleep. If I dreamt, I don't remember it. Nice job, Ser Sheldon Cooper, first of his name, protector of Queen Amy, monster slayer and the best cuddle partner in the world," she huskily whispers, rewarding him with another long kiss which is interrupted by a knock at the door.

"That will be Leonard and Penny and, um... we're still naked," she points out.

"Bad dream. We're okay," Sheldon yells towards the door.

"Alright," Penny replies. "You left something at my place. It's by the door. Are you going to the conference?"

"I give my speech at 6 tonight. I don't plan on being there a minute before 4:30," Sheldon explains.

"I'm on my way to work. You two have fun," Penny coyly replies as they hear her high heels click along the floor, reminding Sheldon of the coconuts from Monty Python. Yet another movie to watch with Amy.

He quickly pulls on his underwear and pants then looks back to make sure Amy is under the blanket before opening the door. Looking down he finds his black dress shirt incorrectly folded, wrinkling it, his tie hanging on the doorknob, two Oh Yeah! protein bars and a ribbon of foil condom packets. He takes the items in, kicking the door shut behind him, and lays them on the bed next to Amy, who gets the cutest case of the giggles he's ever heard as she picks up one of the protein bars and opens it.

"Hey, she gave us the best flavor and I'm starving," Amy responds to his raised eyebrow.

"How about I take my lady to breakfast?" he counters. "Penny and Bernadette rave about a little bistro that they just discovered over on Green Street."

"Sounds great. Sheldon, I know last night was difficult... for both of us... but thank you for telling me. It's going to take a lot of talking, but we can work through this."

"Please, no promises. Not yet. Not until you come back from Paris. I want you to go back and use this time apart to reflect, analyze, and determine what it is you really want. Our emotions are clouding our judgment..."

"We almost died last night! Excuse me for being a tad emotional about that!" she yells at him. "Are you rejecting me because of her? Are you still fucking her?"

"No! I'm protecting you!" he counters.

"From what?!"

"From the real monster here! From me! Can you, knowing everything, ever trust me again? Can you ever let me touch you and know it's because I want to? That it's not just to fulfill some agreement between us, but because I want to fuck you? Can you believe, truly believe, that I want you, only you as my partner... as my wife? You need time to process everything, Amy. Please, don't rush into something you may regret just to get back at your mom."

"She has nothing to do with this!"

"But doesn't it feel great knowing she disapproves of me? There's a little thrill in that for me, I'm not afraid to admit."

"Cut the crap, Sheldon. You're afraid you won't be able to remain faithful to me."

"Of course I'm afraid!" he admits as he reaches for her hand. "I did the unthinkable and destroyed everything we had together. Dracarys. Poof. Gone."

"Nice Game of Thrones reference," Amy whispers.

"I'm a sex addict, Amy. I'm going to need years of intensive therapy."

"Is this what Dr. Cohen has diagnosed you with?" Amy wonders.

"No, this is my self-evaluation," he confirms.

"Sheldon, how many sexual encounters have you had in your lifetime, including masturbation?"

"I have masturbated 36 times and had 8 sexual encounters. Where are you going with this?" he asks.

"And how old are you?" she questions.

"36. You know that."

"So, on average, you masturbate once a year and have sex once every four and a half years. Does that sound like an addict to you?"

"No," he whispers.

"What's really going on?" Amy whispers as she sits on the bed next to him.

He keeps his head down and doesn't answer her, thinking something through. She watches as 5 minutes go by on the alarm clock by his bed, all in complete silence. Frustrated, she decides she's going to go take a shower and leave him to mope alone.

"Fine, don't tell me, but if you expect for us to fix this, we need to talk," she points out as she gets off the bed.

"I want to have sex with you right now..." he whispers, "but I know if I try, I will be rejected. I thought... I thought about awakening you this morning by using my fingers on you... Moving your leg behind you just a few inches so I could be inside you... grinding myself into you as you lay next to me. That is why I am a monster."

"That doesn't make you a monster, Sheldon. Being naked in your arms made me have those thoughts too," she admits. "Do you um... Do you want to try being intimate?"

YES! His body screams at him as he looks her up and down. She's standing before him, no shame, as he admires her.

Sheldon Cooper is going to be the death of her if he keeps looking up at her as he sucks on his lower lip while he contemplates her proposition. Hoo, she thinks. I could cum just from that look.

"No," he whispers. "It would be a mistake. Once you come back from Paris. Um, you are coming back, right?"

"Yes," she quickly confirms. "I'm coming back. New rule? If we cuddle, we need to be fully clothed?" Amy suggests.

"Yes," Sheldon quickly agrees, "not that I don't greatly appreciate the view."

"Same," she whispers, blushing as her phone rings.

She takes the call in the bedroom, shutting the door behind her. Sighing, Sheldon flops back on the air mattress and groans as his cheek throbs from where he was pistol whipped. They talked, really talked, and it wasn't the screaming match he expected. That alone is a good sign, well that and all the kissing afterward. That was a balm to her broken heart, she whispered to him in the dark as they caught their breath.

"Really?! Who the fuck do you think you are?!" Amy yells. She must be talking with Mrs. Fowler.

He carefully opens the bedroom door and finds Amy pacing, her free hand in a fist as she grits her teeth. He goes to her but doesn't reach out to her, letting her initiate physical contact if she wants it. She steps into his arms, her back to his chest and pulls one of his arms around her waist.

"No, I will speak to you however I wish! You don't deserve my respect when you lied to me for 32 years and are still lying to me now that the man I thought was my father died due to your negligence! Who is my father? I deserve the truth." she demands before hanging up.

Winding up to throw the phone at the wall in anger, Sheldon gently grabs her wrist and brings her arm to her side, letting go so he doesn't hurt her as she drops the phone to the floor. Turning in Sheldon's arms, she whispers, "thank you," while laying her head on his shoulder.

"There are some important papers in the safe. One of them is your father's will," he whispers while stroking her hair.

"Okay. Saul is the executor of the estate. I don't want anything. My mother can have it all. I just want to bury him and go back to Paris."

"I understand that... I really do, but even if he's not your father, he loved you, Amy. You've told me several times that he was your best friend up until you met me. Any man can be a father, but it takes a real man to be a dad. He loved you. He's proud of you. You are Amy Farrah Fowler and you always will be the daughter of Larry Fowler. If you want to find your biological father, I support that. I will help in any way I can."

"How can I even try when my mother is still lying to me?" Amy wonders.

"Saul must know. For him to say that to you, I am certain he knows," Sheldon whispers.

"One thing at a time. The conference. Is she going to be there?" Amy wonders.

"I don't know," he honestly replies. "You don't have to go, Amy."

"I want to. I want to work and get my mind off of everything for a few hours."

"Okay," Sheldon reluctantly agrees.

"I'm going to shower," she decides.

"Sure. I only have the one towel since you took everything."

"I was kind've a bitch to you," she apologizes.

"With good reason. Go shower. I'm going to check in with the guys."

"Okay," she agrees, quickly pecking his lips in thanks before going to the bathroom and locking the door.

While Amy is in the shower, Sheldon gets into the safe in the large walk-in closet finding two large manila envelopes, both addressed to Amy at this address. He lays one on top of the safe and opens the second one, pulling out the documents and flipping them over. It's the pictures of him being intimate with Ramona. He flips through each picture; his first experience with fellatio, noticing the expression on his face is pure bliss. He's clearly enjoying it. Anal sex with Ramona, again, close to climax and clearly enjoying himself as his mouth hangs open while he moans. Going down on Ramona, he's laughing at something she said. What was it? Oh, "you Texas cowboys sure do love tornadoes."

He doesn't hear the bathroom door click open as he's looking at the photos or Amy coming into the closet. He drops them when she asks, "why do you still have those?"

"I keep them so if necessary, I have evidence of harassment. I was looking for the other envelope and opened this first."

"Do you look at them often?" Amy wonders.

"No. With my eidetic memory, I torture myself enough as it is," he confesses. "I... not a single day has gone by where I don't picture your face as you first saw the photos. I'm going to spend the rest of our lives apologizing to you, Amy."

"I know," she whispers. "You're going to be groveling for quite a while after what you've done. You can start by taking me to breakfast."

"Yes, ma'am," he obediently replies.

"I like the sound of that. Say it again."

"Yes, ma'am," he whispers while kissing her cheek.


	42. Chapter 42

Hey guys! Thanks again for all of the incredible reviews and beautiful messages over our big news! They're very much appreciated!

My favorite non-regular BBT character makes an appearance in this chapter at "wast!" Kripke! It's incredibly difficult to write his speech impediment. I tried but scrapped it after a few sentences. Sorry!

* * *

The California sun warms Amy's alabaster skin as she walks hand in hand with Sheldon through the campus of UCLA. The conference center is nearly empty as they enter, much to her relief. They are between sessions, running through lighting and mic checks for the presenters during tonight's banquet. She turns to Sheldon, looking very handsome in his mint green dress shirt and black slacks. Too handsome if she's being honest with herself before quickly dismissing that thought as she spots Dr. Singh up ahead.

"That's my boss. I need to go say hello," she whispers to Sheldon who doesn't let go of her hand as he leads the way.

"Dr. Fowler," Dr. Singh greets, the shock at seeing her evident in his voice as he leans in to air kiss each cheek. "I'm terribly sorry for your loss. I didn't expect to see you."

"Thank you, Dr. Singh. My friend, Dr. Sheldon Cooper," she introduces him.

The title of friend stings for Sheldon as he maintains his composure and shakes Dr. Singh's hand. They are friends, but they are also so much more to each other. This must be Amy's way of protecting herself, of subtly letting him know coitus is back off the table.

"I need to work," she explains, "even if it's just for a few hours."

"I understand completely. I've removed you from our list of presenters this evening, but please enjoy dinner. I am sure you are among friends here."

"Yes, friends and colleagues," Amy confirms as a gorgeous, tall slender dark-skinned woman approaches.

"My daughter, Zara. She's studying astrophysics at UCLA," Dr. Singh introduces. "Dr. Fowler works with me in Paris and what is it you do Dr. Cooper?"

"I'm senior theoretical physicist at CalTech," he replies.

"How do you like UCLA?" Amy asks Zara.

"Oh, I love it! I miss Paris but I love that the sun is always shining here!" she exclaims.

"Our friend, Rajesh, is an astrophysicist at CalTech," Amy explains.

"Great! I'd love to speak with somebody actively working in the field. Here's my card if you could pass it along to him," she requests while handing the card to Amy.

"It was nice seeing you, Amy. If there is anything I can do, please ask," Dr. Singh offers.

"Thank you," she softly replies as Dr. Singh follows his daughter out the door.

They check in and enter the hall, quickly finding table 11 near the front. Amy checks the other name tags for the table of 8; Raj, Leonard, Howard, Penny, Bernadette, Sheldon, herself and... Barry Kripke.

"We drew the short straw," Amy moans as she picks up Kripke's name tag and switches spots so she's between Penny and Sheldon.

"It could be worse. She could be sitting with us. I quickly scanned the list. She's at table 50 with the American CERN team," he explains while pointing to the back of the room. Ramona got seated by the garbage cans. Fitting. "You've been very quiet," he worries as he pulls out her chair for her.

"My dad tried his hardest to get me to attend UCLA, his alma mater. When I was 13, he was able to use his connections so I could take a literature class. That's when I fell in love with Chaucer and Julian of Norwich. I think I broke his heart a little when I chose Harvard, although he understood my desire to be independent," she reminisces. "Is that why you went to Germany? Independence?"

"No," he admits. "I went reluctantly. Meemaw said that I needed to get out of Texas and see the world. Her second husband, Dr. Sturgis, had friends in Germany that I was able to stay with so I wasn't unsupervised. I... I do regret not appreciating the opportunity when presented to me. I wish I had gone to some of the historical sites like the Berlin Wall, Voelklinger-Huette, or to London or Amsterdam or... Paris. Have you done any sightseeing?"

"Unfortunately, no. I live in the Latin Quarter and stay close to home. This is the view from my bedroom window," she explains as she pulls out her cell phone and shows Sheldon a photo she took of the orange and purple hues of the sky as the sun sets behind a lit up Eiffel Tower.

"Wow," Sheldon exclaims. "With a view like that, I may not get you back from Paris," he worries as Raj and Leonard approach.

"Ooh, pictures? Let me see," Raj demands. "Wow, that's stunning. This is from your apartment?"

"Yes," Amy confirms as Raj flips to a picture of Os sitting on her couch. "I didn't know you got a dog?"

"Os is Dave's dog," Amy corrects.

"And Dave is your...?" Raj questions.

"Giant pain in the ass neighbor," Amy quickly explains as Penny approaches. "Same as Penny," she teases as Penny sticks out her tongue in reply.

"Are you moving back in when you get home from Paris?" Leonard wonders.

"Of course she is," Sheldon immediately replies as Amy starts talking over the top of him.

"I'm not sure. We're working on our relationship but it's too early to talk about that."

Leonard immediately senses he struck some nerves as Sheldon's face twitches under his eye, a sign of his distress. Quickly deciding to change the topic to something much safer, that plan is foiled when Sheldon's frienemy approaches.

"Damn, Cooper! That's quite a shiner!" Kripke exclaims as he takes his seat.

"We were robbed at gunpoint," Sheldon explains.

"Yeah, so, I need your help. I have to present and the best I've got is making a mad dash for the door 15 minutes beforehand," Kripke explains.

"That's the best plan I've heard yet," Howard decides as he and Bernie approach.

"Excuse me. It's an open bar. Kripke's getting lucky tonight!" he hopes as he makes his way to the side of the room where the bar has been set up.

"Ew," Penny shudders. "How's the eye, Sweetie?" she asks Sheldon.

"It's fine," he quickly replies, trying to sound tough. It's throbbing and if it was up to him, he'd be at home curled up with Amy and an ice pack on his face.

"So... I met your wife today," Amy teases Raj as she holds Zara's business card between her index and middle fingers.

"Really?" Raj questions, "and how do you know this?"

"She's obtaining her Ph.D. in astrophysics from..." she's interrupted as Penny grabs the card out of Amy's hand and looks at the name, giving a nod of approval. "UCLA," Amy finishes. "She'd like to talk to someone working in the field."

"I'd love to. Is she here?" Raj wonders as he tries to get the card from Penny, who pulls it back.

"I don't think we should make this easy. He tormented Sheldon with a soiled sock. We should torment him for a while," Penny decides as she hands the card to Sheldon, who sticks it in his wallet.

"Come on. Please?" Raj whines.

"No, sorry," Sheldon decides.

"Is she in the room right now?" Raj asks, quickly scanning the quickly filling room.

"Turning around, Amy and Sheldon look, they only see that Kripke is hitting on a couple of women, who seem to be looking for a polite way to escape.

" I don't see her," Amy answers after a minute or so.

"Ooh, it must be good. Who is it?" Bernie asks as Penny leans in to whisper the name to Bernie. "That is good!" she decides.

"Please? I haven't had sex is 9 months!" Raj begs.

"Who is it?" Leonard whispers to Penny, who leans in and explains who it is to her husband. "Matchmaker matchmaker make me a match," he teases Raj.

"Now you're just being mean!" Raj whines.

"Will all of our presenters please come to the stage?" Dr. Gabelhauser asks over the microphone system.

"Break a leg," Penny murmurs to Leonard as she smooths his shirt for him as he leans down to peck her lips.

"I'm proud of you," Bernie whispers to her favorite astronaut as he puts on his blue NASA coat.

Sheldon wishes Amy would say something sweet and encouraging to him as well. Instead, she takes a sip of her water before glancing at her watch. He hesitates for a few seconds before following the guys up to the stage in silence.

"You slept with him?" Penny questions as soon as the guys are out of earshot.

"If by sleeping, you mean the actual sharing of the bed, yes. If you mean coitus, no," Amy explains.

"I can't believe you forgave him this easily. He's a..." Bernie starts as Amy cuts her off.

" I'm still angry. I'm still hurt. He stepped in front of me, begging for the gunman to shoot him instead, to not hurt me. We're talking. That's really all it amounts to at this point," Amy explains.

"Why was most of your clothing on my floor if you didn't sleep together?" Penny wonders.

"We had a hot and heavy make-out session on the couch. We decided to seek privacy by going to Sheldon's," Amy explains.

Looking up at the stage, Amy freezes mid-sip of water when she sees her, the cause of all of her heartbreak, Ramona. She's on the opposite side of the stage from the guys, looking at her cell phone rather than paying attention to the instructions being provided. Looking in the same direction as Amy, Penny and Bernadette spot the royal blue dress with the slit up to the knee and follow it up to see who is wearing it.

"There's a Monica Lewinsky joke in here somewhere but I just can't seem to find it," Bernie stage whispers. "Do you want to confront her?"

"I'd love to but I'll end up being sent to San Quentin," Amy jokes.

The group of presenters is allowed to decide in which order they will speak. Sheldon quickly calls dibs on second, in order to allow him to spend as much time as possible with Amy and try to deter a confrontation with Ramona, who is on the other side of the stage. The deep v on her dress shows ample cleavage and he finds himself staring briefly. No, he decides, he prefers Amy's breasts.

Lining up, the guys take spots 1 through 4. Looking back, he sees the CERN team is in the middle of the pack, much to his relief. With any luck, he can convince Amy to leave, his obligations for the evening having been met. He looks out and watches the opening remarks being made, his nerves getting the best of him.

"Breathe," Leonard encourages.

"I find reciting pi helps to calm my nerves before events such as this," Dave Gibbs offers as he grabs a bottle of water from the cooler that has been placed backstage and offers it to Sheldon.

"Thanks," Sheldon hums his appreciation.

"This isn't the place for it really, but, I apologize for my behavior yesterday morning. Amy is a wonderful woman. I hope... Well, I wish she had chosen me if I'm being completely honest, but I hope she finds peace and is happy... even if that is with you," Dave offers.

"Thank you, but you owe Amy the apology, not me," Sheldon points out.

Penny returns with two glasses of wine and a Shirley Temple for Bernadette as Howard steps on stage, first in line. He locates Bernie in the crowd, who winks at him as he pulls his notecards from his pocket. Amy watches the side of the stage where Sheldon is standing, next in line. He looks nervous, she notices.

"Oh no," Amy whispers as she sees who is 5th in line, Dave Gibbs. "Please don't make a scene, Dave."

"This could be bad," Penny agrees.

"Hell hath no fury, eh?" Dave questions Sheldon.

Yes," he quickly answers as he makes his way to the podium.

"Amy didn't do that," Leonard quickly explains. "They were victims of an attempted robbery. Sheldon was pistol-whipped while protecting Amy."

"Goodness," Dave exclaims.

Ramona listens to the conversation taking place at the front of the line, plotting how to use that information to her advantage. The tall Brit is an obvious love interest for Amy. Good, she thinks. She just needs to find a way to get to the Brit and convince him to seek revenge on Amy and Sheldon.

Sheldon finishes his remarks and quickly makes his way down the stairs on the left side of the stage, quickly making his way back to his table. Amy got him a soda he notices as he thanks her and takes his seat, reaching for her hand under the table.

"We can leave at any time," he points out.

"I want to stay and tease Raj some more," Amy requests. "Plus, dinner sounds really good. They hired a Jamaican restaurant to cater."

"We ate there last week. I got 4 meals from one plate and it was delicious," Penny adds. "Just don't make the same mistake I did and fill up on Johnnycakes," Penny warns as two baskets are placed on their table.

"Why do all of our conversations revolve around food or wine?" Bernie wonders as she grabs one.

"Because we don't speak nerd?" Penny teases.

"True," Bernie decides as Leonard returns to the table while Raj steps up to speak.

With the guys finished very early, the conversation turns to the military project as the salads arrive. Amy is midway through the first course when Dave Gibbs approaches and sits in Kripke's chair.

"Hi," Dave softly offers. "Um... I just wanted to offer my condolences... and to apologize to you for my abysmal behavior. I had no right to make those vile remarks or to pass judgment upon you. I'm sorry, Amy, and I um... I hope you find peace and happiness and... love."

"Thank you," Amy softly replies at the unexpected thoughtful gesture.

"Os misses you. He whines and paws at your door every morning."

"I've heard him," Amy confirms. "If you ever need a dog sitter, I'd be glad to watch him for a few hours."

"I might take you up on that," Dave decides. "I'll let you enjoy your meal," he decides as he makes his way to the bar.

"That was unexpected," Bernie comments to break the awkward silence that has overtaken their table.

"That was nice of him," Amy adds as she reaches for Sheldon's hand.

It's unusually sweaty. Is he nervous about something? Upset? Having an allergic reaction? She looks over at him, barely noticed out of the corner of Sheldon's eye as he watches the stage. Ah, he's watching her, Amy realizes. Is it out of interest in what she will say or fear that she is going to cause a scene, Amy wonders.

"Can we go before she speaks? Please?" Sheldon requests

Fear it is, Amy decides.

"Amy already told you she doesn't want to leave so sit down, shut up, and eat your dinner," Bernie snaps at him.

"Ladies. Gentlemen. Cooper," Kripke greets as he returns to the table and takes a huge bite of his johnnycake, chewing with his mouth open as he talks, "nice job done by all. We have fulfilled our contractual obligations and having done so it is now time to play who wants to date a physicist. Our first contestant is..." he pauses as he scans the room. Ramona is just stepping on stage. "Oh, hello, Dr. Nowitzki. Damn. Tell me, Cooper, is she a freak too?"

"Um..." Sheldon stutters as Amy throws her napkin on the table in disgust.

"Outside. NOW," she demands of Sheldon.

"Oh, shit, it's gonna go down!" Kripke happily exclaims as he attempts to follow so he doesn't miss a moment.

"If you don't sit your ass down, I am going to remove your tiny little tic tac balls, along with your spine, and use them to golf!" Amy warns Kripke. "Sheldon, NOW."

Sheldon quickly obeys, wiping his mouth with his napkin before setting it next to his plate. Amy blazes a path out of the conference hall and to the empty courtyard. Turning on him, Sheldon doesn't see her hand coming as she slaps him across the face.


	43. Chapter 43

The sound of Amy slapping him echoes through the empty courtyard like the crack of a whip. Her eyes are a dark emerald, almost black with fury. He watches in shock as Amy shakes her hand, stinging from the force of the slap.

"You can get a ride home with Penny and Leonard," Amy suggests as she turns on her heels to go to the car.

"Amy, wait! You owe me an explanation," he insists as he quickly catches up to her.

"I don't _owe_ you anything! You would _like_ an explanation! Well I would have liked fidelity, self-restraint, or at the very least, for you to know that the intimate acts that took place behind closed doors were private! Get out of my way," she demands as Sheldon blocks her from leaving, an awkward dance between them as he mimics her movements to the left and right.

"I will take you anywhere you want to go, but you have been behaving irrationally all day... since the phone call with your mother. I am not letting you drive," Sheldon insists.

"Sheldon, I'm warning you..."

"What's the worst you can do? Slap me again? Go ahead. Break up with me? Whoops, sorry, I beat you to it. I'm not letting you kill yourself, Amy. Please.. you said we can talk through this," he whispers.

As Ramona exits the conference hall, she hears Amy yelling at Sheldon, making her smile. She'll have to thank Barry later, she decides while carefully walking down the steps in her new Jimmy Choo's, a gift from the latest notch in her bed post.

"Is everything alright?" Ramona asks.

"Keep walking, Blondie!" Amy warns.

"I sure enjoyed riding that stallion," Ramona taunts,. "Everything's bigger in Texas' is a motto for a reason."

"Ramona, that's enough," Sheldon warns.

"Sheldon sure enjoyed getting some strange too, didn't ya, Baby?" Ramona continues, undeterred.

"I am not your Baby. Leave," Sheldon demands.

"Did you enjoy the photos, Amy? Did you enjoy seeing me sucking his cock? Did you enjoy seeing how his face contorted in bliss as he fucked me? Did you enjoy seeing how wet he made me by using his strong tongue on my pussy? Yeah, I bet you enjoyed it. You seem like the type that would want to watch me fuck your man," Ramona murmurs to Amy, laughing when Sheldon grabs Amy's wrist before she's able to slap Ramona.

"She's not worth going to jail over," Sheldon pleads with Amy, trying to reason with her as Amy struggles to break free.

Wrapping his arms around Amy's waist in order to hold her back, Sheldon struggles as Amy tries with all her might to break free.

"Let her go, Sheldon," Ramina requests. "I'd like to see that wimpy bitch try to kick my ass."

"You destroyed my dignity so causing a scene will do nothing to me at this point. Let me go, Sheldon!" Amy yells at him.

A small crowd has gathered upon the courtyard to watch the fight, much to Sheldon's horror. He struggles to hold Amy back, certain she'll decapitate Ramona if given half the chance.

"Your anger is with me. I'm the one that chose to hurt you," Sheldon whispers to Amy. "She's not worth it. Ignore her and she'll go away. Please, let's just go somewhere and talk?" he pleads.

With a sudden burst of energy, Amy is able to break free from Sheldon's arms and quickly makes her way to get in Ramona's face, just an arm's length away. Ramona grins at her, her freshly bleached teeth an unnatural white as she smiles.

"I love that I can get under your skin like this," Ramona crows.

"I should hate you. I should want to pull each strand of that pretty blonde hair out of your head. I should want to beat you to a bloody pulp. I just feel sorry for you. It must sting knowing that the great Sheldon Cooper loves me, wants me, called out my name when he was with you... Yeah, that must sting huh?" Amy questions.

"Whatever you need to tell yourself. It must feel great knowing he couldn't wait to have me the moment you left town," Ramona fires back.

"It must be tough being a brainless twit whose only value to science is reproduction!" Amy replies.

"Better than a homely sad sack like you. No wonder he could only have sex with you once a year and that was being generous," Ramona decides.

"You know nothing about us or our relationship!" Sheldon finally speaks up. "Can we please just agree to give each other wide berths, a couple of middle fingers, and go our separate ways?"

"Fine," Amy agrees as she turns her back to Ramona and starts to follow Sheldon to the car.

Taking three steps, Amy stumbles as Ramona shoves her in the back, barely able to reach out and grab Sheldon's arm to keep herself from falling to the ground.

"That was uncalled for!" Sheldon yells at Ramona. "I have tried being civil but apparently I'm not getting through to you... Either of you! You are both victims of my twisted game! It was my decision that caused this mess! What is beating each other up or trading insults going to accomplish? Absolutely nothing! I want nothing to do with you, Dr. Nowitzki, and I'm not so fond of Amy right now either. Stop acting like spoiled toddlers who had their favorite toy taken away and start acting like the intelligent, rational women I know you are!"

"You know where to find me once she's back in Paris," Ramona offers as she walks away.

"Are you alright?" Sheldon asks Amy.

"Fan-fucking-tastic," she replies with gritted teeth.

"Why did you slap me?" Sheldon asks as they reach the car.

"It's one thing for our friends to know we have had coitus but I never discussed the details of our very _vanilla_ exploits with them! That was just between you and me and apparently Kripke. I'm a freak? What does that even mean? What did you tell him?!"

"Nothing! Several years ago, years before we were actually intimate, he made some assumptions that I neither confirmed or denied. He assumed that we use model rockets during our bedroom proclivities," Sheldon explains.

"Lovely. You refused to touch me, ridiculed me any time I so much as insinuated wanting a physically intimate relationship with you, but boy, the second you think someone's cock is bigger than yours, you make up some twisted lie about me? I am the laughing stock of CalTech! Have you paid any attention to the looks of pity and disgust we've been receiving all evening from your colleagues? Everyone knows you cheated on me!"

"I never meant to embarrass or humiliate you, Amy," he apologizes.

"Well, you did! You may never mean to, but you somehow manage to hurt me time after time after time! You were staring at her the entire evening!"

"I asked you to leave. I wanted to be alone with you and when you refused, I have been keeping tabs on her location in order to avoid a confrontation."

"You need to catch a ride home with Penny and Leonard. I'm going to the hotel."

"Amy, wait!" Sheldon pleads. "You said we can talk through this."

"I need time alone, Sheldon! The last 48 hours have been a living hell for me! I need time to process everything, to grieve, to cry... I just... I can't take anything else!"

"Okay. I really don't want you to drive. Would you please let me drive you to the hotel? I'll have Leonard and Penny meet us so I have a ride home,," he pleads with her.

"Fine," Amy agrees as she tosses her keys to him.

She gets in the back seat behind him, much to his surprise. Sheldon's not sure what to make of that other than she doesn't want to be near him. The drive is silent and as they're waiting at a stoplight, Sheldon turns on the radio for her, cringing as he hears Carrie Underwood singing "maybe next time he'll think before he cheats." Quickly turning the station, he groans as he hears Hank Williams sing, "your cheatin' heart will tell on you." Turning the station again, he sighs in relief as the song sounds like any normal pop song. That relief is short-lived, however, when the male singer croons, "unkiss me, untouch me untake this heart. I'm missing just one thing, a brand new start so unkiss me." Frustrated, he jabs at the buttons to turn off the radio and looks into the mirror, catching Amy's eye.

"I'm sorry I slapped you," she apologizes.

"It's alright. I've deserved it for everything I've done," Sheldon reassures her.

"No, it is not alright. Violence is never acceptable no matter the circumstances. I'm at... beyond... my breaking point right now, Sheldon, and I just... I don't know how to deal with all of this. I'm not strong enough to deal with all of this," she whispers.

"Yes, you are. You amaze me with how resilient you are in the face of adversity. Just one of these things alone would break most people, but not you. You will keep going because that's who you are. You'll take life a day, an hour, a minute at a time if that's all you can handle and just... you'll do the next thing that needs to be done, then the thing after that and the task after that. You are strong, a dedicated, loving daughter and scientist, friend... You are Amy Farrah Fowler and you might bend but you don't break.I'm not going to push. If you need anything from me I am only a phone call away, but, I think for right now, you need me to keep my distance," he decides as he pulls into the parking garage for the hotel.

"I don't know what I need," she admits.

"Sleep," Sheldon suggests. "I'll um... Can I see you to your room?" he asks.

"No. I'll make it from here. We need to talk again before I leave for Paris. Let me get through the funeral," she requests.

"Alright," he agrees as Penny and Leonard pull up.

"Sheldon?" Amy calls as he's opening the car door. "Thank you."

* * *

The songs in this chapter are "Before He Cheats" by Carrie Underwood, "Your Cheating Heart' By Hank Williams and " Unkiss Me" by Maroon 5.

As always, thank you so much for the incredible reviews!


	44. Chapter 44

Well, that was disappointing, Ramona decides as she enters the conference hall once again. She wanted a smackdown, verbal or otherwise, with Sheldon and Amy. Instead, she got a few schoolyard insults that any first grader could come up with. Pity.

She needs to get to the tall Brit, she decides as she scans the room looking for him only spotting Sheldon and Amy's friends, the Legion of Gloom if there ever was one. Leonard's wife is cute. She definitely settled, Ramona decides. Good for Leonard, not that she would think of trying anything with wheezy. She likes her men above 5'8" thank you very much.

Ah, there he is over by the bar, Ramona realizes as she spots Dave and makes her way towards him. He is cute, she decides, and if everything is equally proportioned... Damn. She'd need a wheelchair afterward. She watches as he orders a beer and saunters up to him, flashing him a megawatt smile.

"Dr. Slutbunny is hitting on Dr. Dumbass," Bernadette points out from across the room.

"That would be rather serendipitous. Do you think she knows who he is?" Raj wonders.

"I'd put nothing past her," Bernadette decides as her cell phone buzzes. "Please don't be the sitter," she prays as she picks it up, seeing it's Penny. "Amy slapped Sheldon."

"Wow. Not that he didn't have it coming," Howard decides.

This is the woman Dr. Cooper had an affair with? Dave wonders as Ramona blatantly flirts with him. She's duller than a butter knife. He nods politely as she continues talking about CERN, looking for an opening to excuse himself.

"You know who I am, right?" she finally asks.

"Yes," he confirms.

"Seeing her so easily forgive him must be a bitter pill to swallow. I was certainly shocked," Ramona questions as she reaches out to touch his bicep.

"It was rather surprising," he agrees. "I thought Amy had more self-respect."

"What if I were to offer you a way for both of us to get exactly what we want?" she wonders.

"Which is?" he asks, playing along. Amy's made her choice and although he's disappointed it's not him, he's going to respect that decision. Whatever nefarious plans Ramona has in mind, he'll alert Amy to. He owes her that much.

"Revenge."

"I'm listening," Dave replies as he leads her back to his table.

Entering her hotel room, Amy finds it to perfectly match her current mood; dark, lonely, empty. She quickly locates the light switch, turning on the small lamps attached to the walls as she secures the deadbolt lock and kicks off her shoes. She immediately makes her way to her suitcase and pulls out the small black bag containing her toiletries as well as her most comfortable pair of pajamas and goes to take a long hot shower. As she's removing her bra, she notices that Sheldon left a very small love bite on her chest, in violation of Addendum 7 Article 2 paragraph J of the Relationship Agreement: Kissing and Physical Intimacy, which prohibits leaving marks or scratches of any kind.

He pissed her off tonight in his reaction to seeing HER. Alright, he has a point that he chose to be unfaithful but SHE kissed him, SHE tempted him, SHE KNEW he had a girlfriend! It makes Amy wonder if it hadn't been HER if Sheldon would have found someone else to "experiment" with. Just an experiment. Ha, he's trying to protect her, Amy decides, which leaves the not so small matter of what happens next. She can't worry about that now. Now, she needs to swallow her pride, apologize to her mother and bury her father.

It's just after 9 pm, too late to pay a visit to her grandparents tonight, Amy decides as she steps into the shower. She needs to talk to them as well as Saul. Somebody knows who her biological father is. The thought that it's Saul sends a chill down her spine. If that's the truth she will never forgive her parents for lying to her. How could they allow him to be in her life as her "uncle?" Maybe she should just let it go, she thinks. Sheldon's right; her Dad will always be Larry Fowler. What if her biological father wants nothing to do with her? Is it worth going down that rabbit hole just to risk disappointment and potential heartbreak?

Yes, she decides. She needs to know.

"She slapped you?" Leonard questions as soon as Sheldon gets into the car.

The convention was buzzing with rumors of an epic showdown between Amy and Ramona, which, sadly in Leonard's opinion had to take place in a very public venue. He's a little surprised by Amy's reaction, truth be told, not that Sheldon didn't deserve it. He was drooling over Ramona's slutty blue dress all evening. Penny would've thrown her drink in his face if that had been him, he decides.

'Yes," Sheldon quietly mumbles in confirmation.

"Not that you didn't totally deserve it," Penny adds. "Amy seemed troubled all evening. Did you fight again?" she wonders.

"No. We spent last night talking. She demanded I tell her everything in very graphic and explicit detail...'

" Oh, Sheldon, really? You did that to her? The pictures weren't enough?" Penny questions.

"She insisted," he points out.

"If she asked you to jump off a bridge, would you?" Penny asks.

"Assuming the depth of the water below was sufficient to avoid bodily injury and I was wearing a life jacket, yes," Sheldon decides.

"She meant it metaphorically, Sheldon," Leonard explains. "Just because someone asks something of you, doesn't mean it's a good idea. With everything that has happened recently, Amy did not need any more stress."

"I know," Sheldon agrees. "She asked to talk again before she leaves for Paris. I think... I think we need to resume zero contact. She needs to move on. I need to leave CalTech... maybe leave California altogether," he adds as Penny gasps at that unexpected comment.

"Is it just to get away from Dr. Slutbunny?" Penny wonders.

"Partially. I've also tarnished my reputation at CalTech and... Amy haunts every inch of my apartment... your apartment... Pasadena. If I'm going to move on, I need a fresh start too," he explains.

"Don't make any kneejerk reactions," Penny advises. "Amy stayed the night with you, even after you told her everything. That means something, Sheldon."

"I'm worried about her, Penny. Please keep in touch with her?" Sheldon requests.

"I will," Penny promises.

Amy awakens a little after 9 the next morning to the sound of her cell phone ringing. As she reaches for it, she groans as she sees that it's Penny calling her and sends the call to voicemail. She made the decision last night to have minimal contact with anyone connected to Sheldon for the time being. She's taking the day to take care of herself and that starts with breakfast at her favorite cafe, The Blue Butterfly.

Opening the door, she inwardly groans as Dave opens his door. If this is any indication as to how her day is going to go, she may be better off staying in bed, ordering room service and watching tv.

"Can we talk?" Dave requests, gesturing towards his room.

"I'm not going in there," Amy sharply replies as she secures her purse around her shoulders.

"Alright. Can I buy you breakfast?" Dave offers.

"No," she replies as she barges past him on her way to the elevator.

"It's about Ramona," he exclaims just before Amy presses the button.

"What about her?" Amy asks as she spins on her heels and goes back to where Dave is still standing by his door.

"She approached me last night hellbent on getting revenge against you and Sheldon," he begins. "She's going to make Sheldon believe she's pregnant with his child so he'll marry her out of obligation."

"Great," Amy replies, "and how does this involve you?"

"Devastated, you'll come running to me. All I have to do is inseminate her," he explains.

"Dave, tell me you didn't..." she whispers.

"No! God no! I was afraid of getting an std just by being in her presence," he reassures. "She's fucking nutters, Amy. Be careful."

"Thanks, Dave."

Grabbing her cell phone from her pocket as she steps into the elevator, Amy texts Sheldon, "we need to talk asap. Where are you?"

Sheldon's just stepping out of the shower when his phone dings with an incoming text message. Grabbing his phone from the counter next to the sink, he is shocked that Amy texted him. He deletes the message and turns his phone off, not wanting to talk to anyone. He's made up his mind that he's leaving California in disgrace. He just needs to decide on his final destination. So far, Texas is the one location he has ruled out.

He grabs his black duffel bag from the closet and opens the safe to get his passport and emergency credit card. He sees the packet of important papers that belong to Amy and pulls them out. Amy's birth certificate is the first paper as he opens the envelope. He scans it for any information that may help to find her biological father, not finding anything. Her name, birth date, father's name, everything indicates Larry Fowler is her father.

Her father's will is next. He left everything to Amy. Again, nothing out of the ordinary. Amy's college acceptance letter to Harvard. Amy's car title. Amy's high school diploma. Amy's vaccination record. Her childhood Bible. A small envelope labeled 'Amy's baby teeth.' All symbols of a child who had a loving and happy childhood which makes the mystery of who her biological father is even greater. Sheldon sets the packet on the counter, placing a letter he wrote for Amy on top and locks the door on his way out, slipping another letter under the door of Apartment 4 A for Leonard.

It's not like Sheldon to ignore his phone, Amy worries as she finishes the last of her tea and reaches for her purse as the waitress brings the bill to the table. As she waits to get her change, she decides to text Leonard, "is Sheldon with you?"

"No. He said he had something important to do today. We thought he was with you," Leonard instantly replies.

"Tell him to call me," Amy requests as she calculates the tip in her head and leaves it next to her empty mug. Going to her car, she inserts the key in the ignition but doesn't start the engine. She has a choice to make; continue with her day as planned or go find Sheldon and warn him. She texts him again, "Sheldon, call me. We need to talk" then starts her engine. As she approaches the interstate exit to Pasadena, she changes her mind and quickly switches lanes to proceed to her grandparents home.

Her Aunt Linda is just returning from her morning walk with Buddy when Amy pulls up in the driveway. Quickly getting out of the car, she scratches Buddy's soft chocolate brown head as he happily wags his tail and pants.

"I didn't think you liked dogs," Linda questions as she unlocks the door.

"I'm becoming more accustomed to them," Amy replies as she enters the kitchen to find her grandparents drinking tea and watching the news.

"Good morning, Sweetheart," her grandpa greets as Amy hugs him hello. "We weren't expecting you."

"I um... I need to be here," Amy requests.

"You're always welcome, Dear. Is Sheldon with you?" Elizabeth wonders.

"No. He had to work," Amy quickly replies before they catch her in her lie. "Have funeral arrangements been made?" she wonders as she tries to avoid the elephant in the room.

"Your mother... I swear, Amy, sometimes I wish she'd take a long walk off a short pier. This is a 3-ringed circus. Your Dad is going to haunt us all for this," Elizabeth warns. "I don't hate. It's against everything I believe in, but your mother is making me question my morals."

"We had everything planned until your mother called the funeral home and canceled it all," Harold explains. "We don't know when or where he's going to be buried, if she's having a Jewish or Gentile service, if she's going to cremate my son... it's not right that a father should have no say in how to bury his son!"

"I agree. This isn't what Dad would want," Amy whispers. "Um... Saul said something interesting the other night, which is why I left early. He said that Dad couldn't have loved me more if I was his own."

"What?" Elizabeth gasps. "Amy, we have no idea what he's talking about. If Larry wasn't your father, nobody ever told us."

"Do you... have you asked Saul who it is?" Harold wonders.

"No," Amy confirms. "Part of me doesn't want to know. I'm a Fowler. I'll always be the daughter of Larry Fowler... but there is a part of me that wants to know who he is and why he was never in my life."

"I understand that. We support whatever you decide," Elizabeth reassures, "both with finding your biological father and with regards to your relationship with Sheldon."

"Thanks but I slapped him last night and now he won't talk to me."

"Why would you do that?" Harold wonders.

"He humiliated me. His colleague made a very crude remark about me and she... the woman he had an affair with... he couldn't stop staring at her and that slutty blue dress..." she stutters, her arguments sounding weak to her own ears.

"Have you spoken about why you slapped him?" Linda wonders.

"No, not really," Amy admits. "I am so stressed but that was wrong of me, especially since he was already injured. We... we stopped for gas and were victims of an attempted robbery. He was pistol-whipped while protecting me."

"Oh my God," Elizabeth gasps.

"It sounds to me like the two of you don't talk all that much, at least about the important things. Do you want to reconcile?" Harold wonders.

"I'm... I'm not entirely sure. I love him but I think the challenges we are going to face, rebuilding that trust... I think it's insurmountable," Amy admits.

Wherever he decides to settle must be reachable by train, Sheldon decides as he stands looking at a large map of Amtrak train routes within the United States. It should be at least two days journey from Los Angeles, which rules out everything west of the continental divide. It should be large enough that he can blend in as another face in the crowd. The man has no name he thinks with a soft chuckle. It needs to be large enough to have a physics program. East Coast?

He labels each state on the East Coast and nearby bordering states 1 through 20, then brings up his dice rolling app, letting the fates, or in this case Steve Jobs, decide where he goes. 14.

"One ticket to New York City, please," Sheldon requests as he steps up to the ticket counter.


	45. Chapter 45

Hey guys! Thanks again for the wonderful reviews and kind messages. Things are getting back to normal(ish) here. I hope to be able to get back to a regular update schedule but I'm not going to be able to keep up the daily updates. If it's been several days between updates, please check the reviews as I (or Mr. W) have probably left a note as to what's up.

* * *

W _here is he?_ Amy wonders as she checks her phone again. It's been hours since she messaged Sheldon and she has yet to receive a response, which is completely unlike him.

"Expecting someone to call?" Her grandma questions as she notices Amy sneaking her 10th glance at her phone in an hour.

"I messaged Sheldon early this morning and haven't received a response. Even when we fight, which is very rare, he'll always respond within minutes, even if it's just a smiley face blowing a raspberry." _Oh, he pisses her off when he does that_. "Something's wrong. Even our friends haven't heard from him."

"He's probably licking his wounds. You seemed pretty cozy the other evening so for you to suddenly turn on a dime and slap him... I can't say I blame him at all for assuming you want nothing to do with him," her Grandpa reasons.

"I'm not entirely sure what I want with regards to my relationship with Sheldon," she admits.

"Really? I think you've already made up your mind that you want to reconcile," her grandma replies. "Your ego and pride are standing in the way."

"I need to believe I can trust him. Right now, I don't and that is our biggest hurdle," Amy admits. "I can't know where he's at or who he's with 24 hours a day."

"The other woman works at the same university?" her grandpa questions.

"Yes," Amy confirms as the front door forcefully closes. "They would um... Sheldon told me last night that they would... be intimate in his office," she mumbles as she looks up to see her mother entering the living room carrying a large bankers box which she sets in front of Amy.

"These are photos and important papers of your father's," Rita explains. "His will is on top. He's left everything to you."

"I don't want anything... well, actually... I want two things. I want the watercolor that hangs in his office and I want the CD of him playing the saxophone with the LA Philharmonic," Amy requests.

"Why would you want that of all things?" Rita wonders.

"My happiest childhood memories are reading in Dad's office while he played his saxophone," Amy explains. "Funeral arrangements. I understand you canceled everything?" she questions, not even making an attempt to hide her disgust.

"It's not as it appears," Rita argues.

"It is exactly as it appears!" Harold yells. "You will let us bury my son! You will stop treating us as if we are dead! You will tell Amy who her biological father is and explain why you lead all of us to believe she is Larry's daughter!"

"I do have one question," Amy quietly requests. "Did Dad know?"

"Yes," Rita whispers, looking at her shoes as she does so. "Your biological father was married. He... he was my boss. I was already pregnant with you when I started dating your father. He insisted on taking responsibility for you, raising you as if you were his. He was a great man, your father."

"Yes, he was," Amy agrees as her phone rings. Quickly glancing at the screen, she sees it's Leonard calling. "I need to take this. Excuse me," she requests while going to the back deck.

"He left," Leonard says as she answers. "There's um, he left a letter for me. 'Thank you for being the brother I never knew I wanted. Take whatever of my possessions you want, sell the rest, and give the money to Amy."

She's stunned into silence as she looks up to see a jet flying overhead. It's really, truly over for them. She's not going to chase after him, begging him to not leave her. Not again.

"Okay, thanks, Leonard," she murmurs as she disconnects the phone takes a shuddering breath and wills herself not to cry.

Sitting on the hard wooden bench awaiting his train, Sheldon stares at the paper ticket he's clutching in his hands. Once upon a time, Amy rightly called him a quitter, a coward who easily gives up the moment something becomes even the slightest bit challenging for him. When the going gets tough, the tough get going... right out the nearest exit. This wouldn't be the first time he's proved Amy right. 25 cats. 25! They weren't even dating! Not to mention his 45-day cross-country train adventure. He threw a big boy sized tantrum. All that was missing was his bottle of apple juice, a blanket, and his teddy bear.

Beverly said that he was using his old room as an escape hatch, a contingency plan for if his relationship with Amy failed. When Raj moved in, that option was taken away from him. Was Ramona his escape hatch? It certainly appears that way.

If he leaves, he can absolutely without a shadow of a doubt guarantee that Amy will fall into Dave's bed in the next few days. It shouldn't but that both enrages Sheldon and makes him want to vomit. If he leaves, Dave wins. Ramona wins. Not happening.

He picks up his bag and marches up to the ticket counter, forcefully slamming the ticket down and explaining, "I've changed my mind. I'd like a refund."

She needs a safe place to store the box of her dad's photos and papers so she receives Leonard's permission to store it in Sheldon's old room. Carrying it up the stairs, she can't help smile as she hears the guys arguing over who gets some comic book of Sheldon's.

"I'm his best friend and put up with more crap from him than anyone! I've earned it!" Leonard argues.

"I'll fight you to the death for it!" Raj challenges.

"Boys! It's just a comic book!" Penny points out.

"It's a comic book worth $250,000," Howard explains.

"Take no prisoners!" Bernie yells as Amy sets the box just inside the door of the apartment she once shared with Sheldon.

"Hi, Sweetie. How are you doing?" Penny quietly asks as she rubs Amy's back.

"I'm fine," she lies.

"I think Amy should get to decide who gets the most valuable items.l," Penny decides, yelling over the still bickering guys.

"I know that he has several comic books that are valuable. I don't know, nor do I care to know, which ones those may be. I think each guy should get one high-value comic," Amy decides.

"What's in the box?" Raj wonders.

"My dad's important papers and photos. I need a safe place to store them while in Paris," Amy explains.

"You boys have fun fighting over the comic books. Us girls are going to go through Amy's box," Bernie decides.

"He left you a letter," Howard points out as he hands it to Amy.

Taking it from Howard, she stares at her name written across the front in Sheldon's impeccable script, unsure what to do with it. She's tired of the lies, the excuses, the pathetic attempts to grovel for forgiveness.

"I don't care what he had to say. I don't. He has proven just how much he cares about me by cheating on me the moment I left town. I'm done," she decides as she tears the letter in half then rips it in half again before throwing it in a moldy jar of spaghetti sauce sitting on the counter so as to avoid anyone else reading it. "Burn it all for all I care," she decides as she grabs the box and goes across the hall to 4 A.

"Wow. I can't believe she did that," Bernadette murmurs to Penny

"I read it. I'll tell you what it said later," Penny whispers as they enter 4 A to find Amy pouring herself a glass of wine, filling it to the brim as she taps on the bottom of the now empty bottle to get every last drop.

"Whoa! Getting sloshed is probably not the best idea right now," Bernie cautions.

"We're celebrating! I'm free! To Sheldon, may rabid dogs feast on his testes!" Amy toasts as she finishes the entire glass in a few gulps.

"Oh-kay! How about we get some food, huh?" Penny suggests as Amy grabs the bottle of strawberry lemonade vodka from the liquor cabinet. "Without Sheldon here, we can finally try that new taco truck on the corner. You like tacos right, Ames?"

"Yeah, I love Mexican food," she replies. "So, um... it looked like Sheldon's fear of his tongue getting permanently glued to the envelope lip won out and he didn't seal the envelope. Who read the letter?" Amy wonders.

"I did," Penny replies. "It was really sweet. He..."

"I don't want to know. It will make what I have to do next much more difficult," Amy whispers.

"Which is?" Bernie wonders.

"Move on by giving Dave a chance," Amy decides. "He told me that Dr. Slutbunny approached him last night."

"Yeah, we saw. They talked for quite awhile," Bernie points out as they go sit on the floor.

Amy pulls the box down off the coffee table, taking three large piles of papers out at random and setting them in front of each of them.

"I'm trying to thin out the papers and toss anything that doesn't seem important," Amy instructs as she holds up an envelope labeled "receipts 1984." "I'm going to double check because my Dad was great about hiding important things in what I'd otherwise consider junk, but this can likely be tossed."

"We still have totes full of Debbie's papers we haven't gone through," Bernie sympathizes. "Did Dave say what they talked about?" she wonders as she opens an unlabeled envelope, finding a bunch of old black and white photos of a old rundown shack and rusted tractor.

"That's my great great maternal grandparents' homestead in Wyoming," Amy explains as Bernie holds up the photo. "Ramona wants to trick Sheldon into marrying... Oh, no. Is that what he's done?" she suddenly realizes as Bernie and Penny's jaws drop to the floor in shock.

Pulling out her cell phone, Penny tries calling Sheldon, immediately receiving his voicemail, indicating his phone is turned off. She then pulls up her contacts and calls Mary, growling as it goes to voicemail after the 5th ring. "Hi, Mary, it's Penny Hofstadter. Could you please call either myself or Leonard? Thanks."

"We're getting hungry," Howard says as he pokes his head in. "Hey, cool photo!" He exclaims as he sees Bernie looking at a photo of a Gothic style church.

"Flip it over, there might be writing on the back," Amy requests.

"This is the Synagogue du Quai Kleber in France. Your Great Uncle, Richie, took this photo the day before it was destroyed by the Nazis," Bernie reads. "He died in France while trying to hold Dunkirk."

"Wow," Howard exclaims as he takes some of the photos from Bernadette. "That would be your grandpa's brother?"

"Yes," Amy confirms.

"I can't even imagine what must have been going through his mind. Being a Jew, seeing and hearing about thousands and thousands of fellow Jews being killed just for existing... he must've been angry and terrified at the same time. I know I would've been," Howard comments. "Sorry. This suddenly got very deep. So, dinner?"

"We're going to try the new taco truck on the corner," Penny decides.

"Um, no. Sheldon pulled their health department inspection. We'd be safer eating out of the trash cans behind The Cheesecake Factory," Howard jokes.

"We haven't been there in awhile. Should we call in an order for pick up?" Penny suggests.

"Sounds good," Howard decides as he grabs an envelope from Bernadette's pile and sits on the floor next to her. Opening it, he pulls out several old cards that have slightly yellowed with age and opens the first one, a white card with a stork carrying a baby in a blanket. "To my precious Sarah, I hope some day you'll understand. Love, Dad. Who's Sarah?"

"I don't know," Amy admits. "Set that aside. I'll ask my Mom."

Picking up the next card, a Winnie the Pooh face, Howard opens it and reads aloud, "Happy birthday my Dear Sarah. I hope you enjoy the rocking horse I sent for you. Love, Dad."

Howard then picks up the photo that fell out of the card and shows Amy the photo of her on a wooden rocking horse that her Mom had painted brown and attached white yarn to for hair.

"My Grandpa and Dad built Bullet for me," she murmurs in disbelief. "Um... I must be Sarah."

Howard picks up the next card, "Congratulations! I am so proud of you!" with a diploma and graduation cap on the front. "Enjoy Harvard! Best wishes, Sam. It's the same handwriting as the other cards. Do you know a Sam?"

"No," Amy realizes after a few seconds as Howard opens the next card and a photo falls out. He picks it up and stops breathing as he sees the man in the photo, the same photo he has at home of his father. He flips it over, confirming his suspicions, "Amy's father, Sam Walowitz." His hand is shaking as he hands it to Amy and wraps her in a hug.


	46. Chapter 46

_Thanks for the great reviews of the last chapter! Having Howard and Amy be sibs was actually Mr. W's idea and I loved it! We're glad Y'all do too!_

* * *

As his Uber parks in front of his apartment building, Sheldon is relieved to see Amy's car parked in her spot along the side of the building. He picks up the bouquet of red roses he purchased at the grocery store across the street from the train station and dashes to the lobby door before realizing he left his key on his counter and he can't get in. Buzzing Apartment 4 A, he bounces from foot to foot as he awaits a response.

Inside apartment 4A, Amy is hyperventilating as she processes the revelation that she and Howard are siblings. Gently leading her by the elbow, Howard guides Amy to sit in her spot on the couch as he and Bernie take up the seats on either side.

"I can't believe this," Amy murmurs as she looks at the photo once again, hoping the writing on the back will have magically changed in the last 60 seconds. She swats at the tears rapidly rolling down her cheeks as Howard whispers to her, "I always wanted a sibling. If we have to find out like this, I'm glad it's you," as he grasps her hand and squeezes.

"Can you get her some water?" Howard requests of Penny as Bernie takes Amy's other hand and squeezes.

"We're here for you, whatever you need from us," Bernie softly reassures.

The phone's double ring signaling that someone is wanting to be buzzed into the building disrupts the delicate situation as Penny answers the phone. "Not interested!" she exclaims, assuming it's either missionaries or somebody trying to sell something.

"Penny, wait! Let me in," Sheldon requests, fearing she already hung up.

"Sheldon?" she questions.

"Yes, it's Sheldon! I left my key on the counter. Please let me in?" he requests again.

"Hold on," she requests as she covers the bottom of the phone with her hand. "Do you want to see him?" she asks Amy.

"No, not right now. He needs to go to 4 B," Amy requests.

"You need to go to your apartment. Do not come over here until I tell you it's alright," Penny demands as she buzzes Sheldon in and the line disconnects.

Sheldon bounds up the stairs, taking them two at a time and enters apartment 4A without knocking to find everyone blubbering, shocking him.

"I know I'm the glue that holds this social group together but it's nice to see that everyone missed me," Sheldon praises as he walks to the couch. "Howard, you're in my spot."

"First of all, Sheldon, you're a schmuck. I, for one, wish you hadn't come back. Secondly, I am comforting Amy and will sit anywhere I damn well please!" Howard exclaims in anger, suddenly embracing the roll of protective big brother.

"But that's my spot!" Sheldon whines.

"Howie, move!" Bernadette demands, causing Howard to immediately comply as he sits on the floor.

Lifting the cushion, Sheldon calls out, "lights please" as he pulls his pocket blacklight out and shines it upon the padding of the couch to show he wrote, "Property of Sheldon Cooper in perpetuity." Sheldon replaces the cushion and reaches for the roses which he placed on the coffee table, attempting to hand them to Amy. She won't accept them and keeps her head down, not daring to look at him as she dries her tears with a wadded up kleenex. Setting the roses on the coffee table, Sheldon drops to his knees in front of her and grasps both hands, firmly entwining their fingers.

"I am so sorry," he whispers.

" What, exactly, are you apolgizing for this time? I need to know so I can add it to Sheldon Cooper's greatest lies right next to the relationship agreement!" Amy yells.

"I never lied to you!" Sheldon argues before amending, "up until I made the choice to be unfaithful."

"You are the root cause of all my problems, my heartbreak, my sorrow and unhappiness! My father is dead because of you!"

"I did NOTHING to cause that!" Sheldon yells as he lets go of her hands and rises from his knees to tower over her as he breathes heavily.

"Yes, you did! You fucked her, Sheldon! That set off the chain of events that lead to my father's death! If you hadn't been unfaithful, I wouldn't have been in Paris. I wouldn't have arranged a dinner with my parents. My parents wouldn't have made a quick trip to the store, they never would've been in the car accident and my father would still be alive!" Amy yells at him.

"I know you're angry and hurting but how dare you burden me with that. It is not my fault, Amy. It is not your fault, nor your mother's. It is entirely the fault of the drunk driver that hit them," Sheldon whispers to her.

"Did you marry her?" Amy wonders.

"Marry who?" Sheldon asks, completely confused.

"The Queen of Crazytown!" Amy yells in frustration.

"What are you cater walling on about? Can we get Beverley on the phone?" Sheldon requests of Penny. "I think Amy needs to be evaluated."

"Very nice, Sheldon!" Penny exclaims in disgust before explaining, "Ramona is trying to trick you into marriage by claiming she's pregnant with your child."

"Oh, I see," Sheldon murmurs. "Um, how do you know this?" he wonders.

"Dave warned me after she approached him asking he impregnate her," Amy explains.

"I want nothing to do with her, Amy. I want to marry you. I want smart and beautiful babies with you. Only you," he whispers.

"You were undressing her with your eyes!" Amy points out.

"No, I wasn't! I wanted to keep tabs to avoid a confrontation but the only woman I was mentally undressing was you," he promises.

"I don't believe you. I don't believe you, I don't trust you and I don't love you. We are done! I want zero contact! Leave!" Amy insists.

He's stunned. Not that Sheldon expected her to fall in his arms or drag him to his air mattress, but this is definitely not the way he expected this to go. He sits next to her on the couch, refusing to go as he reaches for her hand which she slaps away.

"You're lying. You love me. You hate both me and yourself for it, but you love me. I will be here for you whenever you calm down enough to have a rational discussion," he promises as he quickly leans in and kisses her cheek before she can pull away.

Leaving Amy, he decides to go to 4B to reclaim his comic books before the guys make off with his entire collection. As he enters 4B, he finds Leonard and Raj glued to their phones, four large piles of comic books in front of them.

"Sorry, gentlemen, but I retain the rights to all of my comic books and other collectibles," Sheldon decides as he enters the apartment.

"That's fine," Leonard replies. "It sounds like things didn't go very well over there?" he questions as he reads the chain of incoming texts from Penny.

"Amy's acting so irrationally! One minute she loves me and wants to work through this, the next she hates me, blames me for her father's death and wants zero contact!" Sheldon huffs.

Looking at his phone as Sheldon rants, Leonard becomes very quiet, shocked by what he's seeing on his screen. Without saying a word, he hands the phone to Sheldon who looks at the first photo, of Howard's father. That's strange, he thinks as he scrolls down to the second photo, "Amy's father, Sam Walowitz."

"Howard is Amy's brother?" Sheldon softly questions.

"Yeah," Leonard confirms.

"That is crazy. Is she alright?" Raj questions.

"No, she's most definitely not alright. Can you... could you... if I pay, could you please get her El Pollo Loco? She always wants chicken and mashed potatoes when she's sad," Sheldon requests as he reaches for his wallet.

"Sure," Leonard offers. "Give her time to process this. She's been through so much already. She did not need any more stress. Give her time, Sheldon. Don't push. Let her come to you," he advises.

"It's so hard to see her hurting. I know I'm responsible for 60 percent of her pain but not being able to comfort her... to try to reassure her... it's hurting me too," he confesses.

"Oh, wah wah," Howard mocks from the door. "Poor Sheldon with his inability to understand human emotion! How about poor Amy?! Do you have any sympathy for what she's going through?" he wonders as he slams the door.

"Of course I do! Any one of these horrific events would break most people! Amy experiencing all of this at once is unbelievable. I love her. I want to support her in any way I can but I am respecting her wishes right now. I will maintain zero contact but that doesn't mean I won't ask after her or request the three of you care for her. We were just discussing dinner. Amy always wants El Pollo Loco when she's sad. I was just about to place an order for her," Sheldon points out.

"Stay away from her or so help me, Spock, I will destroy you," Howard warns as he leaves once again.

"I'm going to confer with the girls about dinner. I'll pay for Amy. It's probably better if you don't come over," Leonard advises.

"I'll order a pizza. Howard will likely spit in my food if I order from the same restaurant as all of you" Sheldon worries.

"I think you'd get creamy, tangy mayo," Raj decides, causing Leonard to snort and Sheldon to look at them in confusion.

"Semen," Leonard explains as Sheldon turns green at the gills from the very thought. "I'll text in a few minutes," he promises as he shuts the door.

As the guys leave, Sheldon decides his safest option is to prepare his own dinner this evening. He has a go-to dish when he's sad too, spaghetti and hot dogs. He spots the jar of sauce on the counter and notices large sauce-covered white chunks. Upon closer inspection, he realizes that it's the letter he wrote for Amy. She didn't read it, he concludes. If she had, he's certain Amy would've had a much different reaction to seeing him. Sighing, he pitches the jar in the trash and retrieves a brand new jar from the cupboard as he starts the water to boil.

"Tell me about him," Amy requests as Howard returns and sits next to her. "What was he like?"

"Dad?" Howard confirms as Amy nods. "My opinion of him has dramatically shifted in the last hour. He um... you're the second mystery sibling to pop up out of nowhere. We have a brother in San Diego as well. Dad... he was a good dad. He would spend hours building things out of legos with me, he helped me build my first robot when I was 8. He was a huge fan of Neil Diamond, which is probably where we get that from. Neil Diamond and Frank Sinatra. I remember this one time when I was about 7, my mom got tickets to see Frank Sinatra Jr. Dad was excited until he realized it was junior. I still remember him saying the only time he wants to see 'junior in the title of something is if it's junior mints." He made me promise to never name my child Howard Junior."

"Where did he work?" Amy wonders.

"He worked for CBS, at least that's the only job I remember," Howard replies.

"Sorry to interrupt but Sheldon wants us to order El Pollo Loco for you, Amy. Is that what you would like for dinner? He's buying," Leonard points out.

"We were discussing going to the Cheesecake Factory," Amy replies.

"Do you feel up to going out?" Penny wonders.

"I do, actually. I need to relax and eat cheesecake," Amy decides. "I um... I'm not ready to face Sheldon. Can we do this without him?"

"I'll try explaining it to him," Penny decides as she goes across the hall and knocks on the door.

Sheldon looks hopeful as he answers the door, only to have his hopes dashed as he realizes it's Penny rather than Amy. He places one arm along the frame of the door, the other hand on the knob to keep her out.

"Yes?" he questions.

"So, um... what made you come back?" Penny wonders.

"If I had left, Ramona wins. Amy would be in Dave's bed tonight. I can't let either scenario happen. Did she read the letter?" he wonders.

"No," Penny confirms, "but I did. Sheldon, have you ever told her any of that?"

"No," he whispers. "It's too... sappy," he comes up with at last.

"I think you need to tell her everything that you wrote," Penny encourages. "Not tonight. She's had a huge shock today and cannot take anything else upsetting her but before she leaves for Paris, you need to tell her."

"I also need to put Ramona in her place once and for all. That needs to be done with witnesses if at all possible," Sheldon decides. "Do you think the guys would be my witnesses?"

"I'm sure they would. If not, I will Facetime Amy in during the confrontation. Give her some space and let her come to you, alright? I'll do my best to keep her out of Dave's bed."

"Thanks, Penny. Did everyone decide on dinner?" he wonders as he reaches for his wallet and pulls out $40.

"Amy wants The Cheesecake Factory. Do you want me to bring back something for you?"

"No. Howard will spit or ejaculate into it if given 30 seconds alone with my food."

"30 seconds, about right from what Bernie told me. Hey, um... Are you alright?"

"I will be once I talk with Amy. Make sure she eats more than cheesecake and has something to drink other than alcohol?" he requests.

"No promises, but I'll try."


	47. Chapter 47

_How did my life become such a cheesy lifetime movie?_ Amy wonders as she finishes the last bite of her cheesecake and places the plate on the edge of the table before wiping her mouth with her napkin.

She's been quiet tonight as she takes in the conversations around her, primarily concerning Halloween and the Lego Ninjago movie, both of which she has zero interest in. She takes another sip of her flying gorilla, instantly feeling the alcohol go to her head. Getting drunk isn't going to fix her life, she knows, but it helps numb the pain, if only momentarily.

"You've been very quiet," Penny points out as she softly talks with Amy, keeping her voice down in order to have as private a conversation as possible. "Are you alright?"

"Not really," Amy admits. "This is a lot to take in."

"I know, Sweetie. I think that after the funeral, you need to take a few days and go somewhere by yourself so you can relax and process it all," Penny encourages.

"I think so too," Amy decides.

"Sorry, but I have to say it. It's unfair of you to blame Sheldon for your father's death, even if you were just lashing out. That's not right," Leonard points out.

"Not now, Leonard," Penny reprimands as Amy clinches her jaw in anger, holding back her retort.

"I agree," Raj chimes in. "Sheldon cheating on you is inexcusable but it did not cause your father's death. It's easy to point fingers but he did nothing to cause this, just like you did nothing to cause this. It's easy to lash out. I get it. You want him to hurt even a fraction of how badly you're hurting right now, but ir's not right. He's been nothing but loving and supportive since you returned from Paris."

"Guys! Sheldon is a lying scumbag who deserves everything he's getting!" Bernie speaks up. "And it kinda is his fault that Mr. Fowler died. If he had kept it in his pants, Amy never would've gone to Paris. She never would've been invited to the conference. She never would've arranged the dinner with her parents so the car accident wouldn't have happened! He set off the butterfly effect!"

"Not to mention the fact that he looked like that Warner Brothers wolf who can't stop drooling over that pin-up girl," Howard adds.

"It's actually created by Tex Avery and was a take on Little Red Riding Hood" Amy supplies. "You read the letter," she points out as she turns to Penny. "What did it say?"

"It's not my place," Penny insists. "If you want to know, you'll need to ask Sheldon."

Does she want to know? She asks herself as the checks are delivered to the table. Sheldon wanted to buy her dinner tonight, even after she said those horrible things to him. The guys are right, he's been nothing but loving and supportive since she arrived. Amy's sure he's just as hurt and confused as she is right now. She's in no condition to deal with any more stress tonight but she decides she's going to apologize by text message. He deserves that much. She pulls out her debit card to pay for dinner, telling Leonard, "give the money back to Sheldon."

"Are you sure? He was pretty insistent that he wanted to pay," Leonard points out.

"After what I said, it's not right for me to take his money," Amy decides.

"Then you won't. Hand it over," Howard demands.

"I know you're just trying to be protective, but I really need you to stay out of this. Let Sheldon and me figure it out," Amy requests of Howard.

"He's an idiot and you're an idiot for taking him back," Bernie responds.

"Let me ask you something. If Howard cheated on you tomorrow, would you divorce him? Would you move out? Would he move out? Would you keep him from seeing Halley? You don't know how difficult this has been for me. Despite my best efforts, I still love Sheldon. I see how remorseful he is..."

"Only because he got caught!" Bernie yells.

"He tried to confess while I was at Princeton. At the time I didn't know the extent of it but he apologized for betraying my trust by spending time with Ramona," Amy shares. "It is ultimately my decision with regards to my relationship with Sheldon. Stay out of it," Amy warns. "We don't interfere with yours."

She rode with Howard and Bernadette, the former of whom lays cash on the table as Bernadette checks the straps on the baby's car seat and they quickly leave without another word.

"So um... Can you give me a ride?" Amy asks of Penny who nods.

"They love you a lot and don't want to see you hurt again," Raj explains. "None of us do."

"Thanks. What do you guys think? What has he said about all of this?" Amy wonders.

"He refuses to talk about it or you. We're afraid to say anything that even remotely sounds like your name," Leonard explains. "My honest opinion is I think you can work through it but you both need time apart. It's like that old saying 'if you love something, set it free.' I think you need to go back to Paris with the intention of healing, not necessarily counting down the days until you are home. Date other guys... NOT Dave. That's a whole different Pandora's box you don't want to open. Just date casually and once you're home, then you can decide on what future, if any, you want with Sheldon."

"I agree, except for the part about dating other guys. You've been with Sheldon for 7 years. That's a long time. I think you need to focus on yourself and your career right now," Raj suggests. "Going back to Paris just to count down the days will make you miserable."

"Bestie?" Amy questions.

"Nope, I'm staying out of it. I love both of you and I'll be there for both of you no matter what you ultimately decide," Penny promises. "Are you going to talk with him tonight?"

"I'm not sure. That drink went straight to my head and I make very stupid decisions when intoxicated," Amy points out.

"So um... you can stay with us but I don't think you'll want to sleep in Sheldon's room so..." Leonard offers.

"Thanks. The couch is fine," Amy replies.

Thankfully the short ride back to Penny and Leonard's is very quiet as they listen to the radio, much to Amy's enjoyment. As they make their way upstairs, she glances towards Sheldon's door, debating her next move. She's frozen in place just to the right off the last step, unable to decide.

Sheldon hears them coming up the stairs and mutes his movie as he waits in nervous anticipation. Overhearing Penny say, "you had a lot to drink. Maybe you should sleep on it," Sheldon vigorously nods in agreement. That's why he's shocked when Amy knocks on his door a few seconds later. He knows opening the door would be a huge mistake. Amy becomes incredibly flirty when she's had a lot to drink and it's oftentimes difficult for him to resist her. Add in trying to prove a point to her about her sexual desirability and it's a lethal combination.

He wants to be that man, the man who doesn't care about such things, the man who takes the first kiss as consent but he isn't and he can't. No matter what, he will not take advantage of her emotional state, and so, he digs his nails into the blue couch cushion and takes deep breaths through his mouth to calm his racing heart. He cannot open that door.

"Sheldon?" she calls out, "I know you're there. I know you can hear me. I owe you an apology and I don't want to do this through the door or by text message. Can we talk? Please?" Amy requests.

 _Don't give in. Don't give in,_ Sheldon repeats as his personal mantra.

"Sheldon, please? You don't have to open the door. Just acknowledge that you can hear me?" she pleads as she sits sideways next to the door, her back to the stairwell and sighs heavily as she lays her head against the door.

He's giving her the silent treatment as punishment, she concludes as she sees a brief shadow appear under the door. Hearing material shuffling, she hears a very soft, "I'm here, but I'm not opening the door," as Sheldon sits on the other side and lays his head against the door, unbeknownst to either of them, in the exact same spot.

"Why?" she wonders.

"We'll fight and-slash-or be physically intimate, both of which have to stop," he explains. "You want to talk?"

"I do. I um... I was lashing out at you earlier today and I wanted to apologize. You did not cause my father's death. Logically I know that. It just... Um... everything hit all at once and it feels like you cheating was the catalyst. I found out who my father is today. It's Sam Walowitz which makes Howard my brother. Can you believe that? 7 billion people in the world and my brother found me by pulling a prank on you on that dating website. How crazy is that?"

"Pretty crazy. Are you happy about Howard being your brother?" Sheldon wonders.

"I am," she immediately replies, "I don't think I've fully processed it yet but it being Howard, someone I already know and care about, that makes it easier somehow."

"I'm glad you know the truth now, Amy," Sheldon softly murmurs. "Have you told your mom?"

"No, not yet. I think I need to get through the funeral first. Hell, I might not ever tell her that I know. I um... I want to find him, Sam. I want him to look Howard in the eyes and explain why he left. I want to know why he wasn't a part of my life, especially once I turned 18. I just want answers," she admits, "from you as well. Why did you leave? What did the letter say?"

"I left because I have done nothing but humiliate you. I tarnished my reputation at CalTech. If I'm going to move on, I needed it to be in a new university where no one knows you, or me, or our history. I need to get away from Ramona one way or another. I promise you, Amy, I do not have any romantic or sexual feelings towards her. I want nothing to do with her. I made the biggest mistake of my life by becoming involved with her. I hurt you and I lost you. I'm getting exactly what I deserve."

"The letter... um... why didn't you read it?" he wonders.

"Anger. You left again. You abandoned me again when I need you the most," she explains.

Penny has left the door of Apartment 4A slightly cracked for Amy as she and Sheldon talk. Penny knows she shouldn't but she can't help but to eavesdrop on Amy's side of the conversation. Sitting at Leonard's desk she quickly turns around to see Amy laying her head against Sheldon's door as she places her palm against it. She looks so sad and defeated, Penny thinks as she watches Amy. _Just open the door,_ she pleads of Sheldon.

"Do you want verbatim or a general summary?" Sheldon asks as he wonders how he's going to get through telling her. He was a mess while writing it, his tears splashing onto the paper the entire time.

"Verbatim," Amy requests.

"Okay," Sheldon agrees before clearing his throat. "I remember the day I realized I loved you like it was yesterday. It was a Saturday, June 25, 2016, to be exact. You had been in New Orleans for a conference and I will admit I missed you. We had texted and Skyped every day and I kept feeling this strange twinge in my stomach whenever I heard from you. I thought maybe I had pulled a muscle, but it was strange that it didn't occur at other times of the day. I spent several hours Googling my symptoms but could not find a rational explanation. I concluded it was an alien parasite. On Saturday morning, you arrived at the airport shortly after 10 am. I tracked your flight and calculated to the minute when you would arrive at my apartment based on traffic. When you arrived, you were wearing a dark purple blouse and it made your eyes sparkle even more. Your eyes are my favorite part of your body, Amy, followed by your smile. I violated the relationship agreement by hugging and kissing you hello. We made out on the couch for 45 minutes and I had that feeling in my stomach the entire time. That's when I knew it wasn't an alien, it was love. It would be 3 1\2 more months before I would declare my love for you aloud but from the moment I realized it, I wanted to make certain everyone knew you were mine."

"Unbeknownst to you, I asked my mother for the engagement ring on June 25th, 2016. I had it in my pocket the night of prom, the night I said I loved you for the very first time. I always carried it with me from the day I received it, just waiting for an opportunity to ask you. Nothing ever felt right. I did consider slipping it on your finger while you slept in my arms after we made love for the very first time, but you were overwhelmed by the emotions of our special night and I didn't want you to think I proposed or had coitus with you out of guilt or obligation. I realize now it wouldn't have mattered where or when I asked. You would've said yes."

"You're likely wondering if I left to be with her. The answer is an unequivocal, resounding NO. I left because I have done nothing but humiliate you. I left because I have tarnished my reputation at CalTech. I left because the thought of a life without you is unbearable and I need to get away from all reminders of you and the life we could've had together, the life I foolishly threw away."

"I want you to promise me something, Amy," Sheldon requests as his voice cracks. She's no longer sure if he's still reciting the letter so as she whispers, "anything," she braces herself for a punch to the gut.

"I want you to move on with your life and be happy. I want you to fall in love again with a man much better than me. I want you to put your wants and needs first. You were always submissive with me at the cost of your happiness. Don't do that. You deserve to be treated so much better than this. Promise me you'll find someone better than me," he begs.

"Sheldon, open the door," Amy pleads as she hears him sniffle.

"No," he insists. "Promise me, Amy."

"I love you. I want you," she insists.

"You want the idealized version of me, not the reality."

"Open the door, Sheldon, please," she pleads.

"I'm not opening the door," he immediately replies.

"I thought we were going to work through this?" Amy questions. "Why are you giving up on us? I haven't! 90 seconds, Sheldon. You have 90 seconds to open that door. If you do, all is forgiven and we are starting over with a clean slate. If you don't then I will move on. That will likely involve me falling into Dave's bed tonight," she warns, knowing that will anger Sheldon.

"Come on, Sheldon, open the door," Penny pleads from across the hall.

"You're bluffing," Sheldon replies, making no move to open the door.

"Try me," Amy challenges.


	48. Chapter 48

Waiting with bated breath, Penny turns around and watches Sheldon's door as she hears Amy issue her ultimatum. While she doesn't necessarily agree with this tactic, Penny completely understands Amy's frustration with the situation. _Open the damn door, Sheldon_ , she silently pleads with him.

 _What if he doesn't open the door?_ Amy wonders as she watches the seconds tick away on her watch. _Can I really go through with zero contact and moving on?_ It's been 45 seconds since she last spoke and there have been zero movements from the other side of the door. _Open the door, Sheldon. Please, open the door._

Sheldon sits motionless, laying his head against the door as his brain wages battle against his heart. They better hurry up and make a decision. What if he doesn't open the door right now and this really is his last chance? What if she falls in love with someone else because he didn't open the door? But she's intoxicated. Opening that door under these circumstances is asking for trouble. He's made his decision he realizes.

"Amy, I am here for you no matter what. I love you and I want to work towards reconciliation but I cannot open that door tonight. You've had a lot to drink and I refuse to put us in a compromising position. I'll stay here and talk with you all night long, but it has to be through the door or by phone. Please, stay and talk with me?" he pleads.

She served the ball and he returned it right over the net, she realizes. It's now her decision as to what happens next. Does she stay and talk or leave and end their relationship by walking away right now? Or, is there a third option? Should she go to Penny and Leonard's with the promise to talk tomorrow?

"Amy?" he softly questions when she doesn't say anything for over a minute. He just lost her he realizes. Damn his good intentions.

"I'm here," she reassures as she hears him sniffle, breaking her heart a little bit. "Is that it or is there more to the letter?" she wonders.

"I printed out a copy of my favorite picture of us," he replies. "It's one I don't think you've seen before. Penny took it the day after our special night. We were sitting on the couch getting ready to watch Empire Strikes Back and we couldn't stop grinning at each other. We were holding hands and facing each other with the biggest smiles on our faces. That night..."

"Which you have forever sullied," she reminds him.

"I know," he whispers, barely audible through the door. "It was special for me too, Amy. Sharing that with you... I poured every ounce of my love for you into each kiss of your lips, everyone whispered 'i love you', each gentle caress and moan of pleasure was me saying how much I love you. What we experienced was lovemaking in its purest form."

"So, was what happened between us in the past few days lovemaking or you proving a point?" she wonders, catching him off guard.

"Um... in the hotel it was to prove a point, but had it progressed further, it would've been lovemaking. Our kisses when you stayed the night here, that was lovemaking," he decides.

"How do you know the difference? The mechanics are the same. Why is it different for you?" she wonders.

"I never experienced anything even remotely similar with her. With her, the only objectives were our respective orgasms. Neither of us cared if the other was enjoying it. Honey bees have better coitus. I much prefer lovemaking," Sheldon explains.

"What was supposed to happen at the end of the 60-day experiment?" Amy wonders.

"We'd have one last weekend together at a hotel. I'd then have 72 hours to contemplate my next move; propose to you when you returned from Princeton or break up with you to be with her," he explains.

"So essentially she was auditioning to be your next girlfriend," Amy sums up.

"I guess you can look at it like that," Sheldon decides as he hears Amy sniffle.

Hearing her cry is tearing him apart inside. More than anything he wants to open that door, hug her, and wipe away her tears. It's not right that she's sitting in the hallway, probably cold and uncomfortable as she leans against the door. His heart finally chimes in and yells at his stupid brain to shut up, open that door and comfort his woman. That's the best idea he's had since this whole debacle began.

"Move away from the door," Sheldon requests as he stands up and unlocks the deadbolt.

Amy quickly scrambles away as she uses her arms to support herself on her asleep legs as Sheldon opens the door. They stare at each other for several seconds, each taking in the tear-stained cheeks of the person they love and have hurt the most. He has to make the next move, Sheldon decides as he steps into the hall and wraps Amy in a tight hug as she takes a shuddering breath and attempts to regain her composure.

"With every new detail that comes out, you manage to hurt me even more," she whispers. "Are you over me? Do you want to move on?" she asks.

"No," he immediately reassures. Tilting her head up to him, he lightly brushes his lips against hers in the most gossamer of kisses. "If I live to be 103, I will still remind myself daily of what I did to you. I will love you until my last breath," he vows,

"How can you say that? How can you be so sweet and loving to me when you wanted to end our relationship?" she wonders. "You were having a romantic..."

"It was not a romantic relationship," Sheldon immediately protests, cutting her off.

"You made out with her. You had a weekend away at a hotel. That is romantic, whether or not it was your intention," Amy points out.

"I see," Sheldon whispers in response. "I opened the door, albeit on a rather lengthy delay. Are we working through this or am I saying goodbye to you right now?" he wonders.

Watching Sheldon and Amy, Penny reaches for a Kleenex as she hears Sheldon ask that question and wipes away the tears springing to her eyes. He sounds scared, she notices. As well he should be. Watching as Sheldon uses his thumb to wipe away Amy's tears, Penny catches Sheldon's eye and gives him a thumbs up for finally doing the right thing.

"You called my bluff," Amy admits.

"This 'I love you, I hate you, I love you' game has to stop. I'm getting whiplash, Amy. If you want to be with Dave, then go let him fuck your brains out, but if you want to be with me, if you really want to give me one last chance, then I need for you to stop using him as a weapon against me," he pleads with her.

Okay," she agrees. "You're right. I have been wanting to make you jealous. I've been wanting to hurt you the way you hurt me. No more hurting each other. We need to try to rebuild that trust and friendship that was the foundation of our relationship. I don't like this feeling that I can't trust you."

"What can I do to help you with that?" Sheldon wonders.

"Short of 24/7 surveillance, which is unrealistic, I'm not sure," she admits. "It's going to take time."

"Would it help if I leave CalTech?" he wonders. "Is it because she's still at CalTech?"

"I think that's very likely part of the problem, but Sheldon, you lied to me for weeks on end. You don't lie. That's one of the things I love about you. You're honest to a fault. Now that I know you're capable of lying and keeping secrets... that changes things. I'm afraid to trust you again. I'm afraid to trust you with my heart," she admits.

"I will be completely honest with you. You can Facetime me 24 hours a day and I will show you where I'm at and who I am with," he promises.

"Knowing where you're at and who you're with is just one facet of a larger problem. What if another woman catches your fancy? Will you cheat again or will you stay physically faithful but have an emotional affair?"

"I will tell you the moment a woman enters my life, introduce you at the first opportunity, and make it known I love you and am faithful to you. If I find myself attracted to another woman, I will tell you so we can talk about what I find attractive and address any underlying issues in our relationship," he promises.

It's a full moon tonight. While the state park Amy wanted to go to is closed for the evening, there is one location they can go to so Amy can look at the stars.

"Would you go up to the roof with me?" Sheldon quietly questions.

"I'd love to," she murmurs.

Tilting her head up, Amy surprises him with a kiss as she gently moves her lips over his. Grabbing around her hips, Sheldon turns and pushes Amy against the wall as the kiss becomes hungrier and tongues meet. She moans into his mouth and moves her hands down to cup his ass, making him growl as he lifts her up and she wraps her legs around his hips as he carries her into his apartment and kicks the door shut behind him.

"Shamy gonna get some!" Penny exclaims as she shuts and locks the door for 4 A.

He can't keep supporting her weight so he presses her against the door for assistance as they continue the long kiss of healing. Realizing Sheldon's dilemma, Amy unwraps her legs and slides down the door. Immediately, Sheldon wraps his arms around her and pulls her as close as humanly possible as Amy's hand snakes under his shirt to caress his back while she simultaneously plays with the tiny hairs on the nape of his neck, making him shiver in excitement. As she moans into his mouth and starts fumbling with his belt, Sheldon realizes they are getting carried away and breaks the kiss as they gasp for air.

"We... um... we need to slow down. As great as it would feel, it would just be a bandage on much larger issues. I promise I won't make you wait for 5 years again..."

"You better not," Amy warns with a smile. "Just kissing for now?" she confirms.

"Hugs, kisses, and cuddling," Sheldon counters.

"Deal," Amy agrees. "So, we were going to the roof?"

"Is that alright?" he wonders. "It's a full moon and I thought that since we didn't make it to the bluff, this would be a nice consolation prize."

"It sounds great, Sheldon," she reassures. "It's been awhile since we've been up there."

"I'll be right back. I'm just grabbing a blanket from the closet."

"Do you have any popcorn?" she wonders.

"There is a box in the cabinet by the microwave. I have a couple cans of Diet Coke in the fridge as well. Make the popcorn while I get us a blanket?" he requests.

"Okay," she agrees.

As Sheldon goes into the bedroom and walks into the closet, he takes deep breaths, slowly inhaling and exhaling as he tries to calm himself. She's his kryptonite and what's worse is she knows it. Amy Farrah Fowler has the playbook for how to wind him up and get exactly what she wants from him without him having a clue that's what she's doing. They're playing a dangerous game of chicken right now by going to the roof. Looking at the stars under a full moon is romantic. He never was much good with the traditional romance but as Amy pointed out, he had no problem unknowingly being romantic with Ramona. He owes Amy romance, he decides. Going into the bathroom, he relieves his bladder and as he washes his hands he decides he better play it safe by grabbing two condoms and sticking them in his pants pocket. He grabs the bottle of Amy's favorite cologne and gives a quick spritz on his neck before turning out the lights as the microwave beeps.

"Ready?" he questions as he slings the blanket over his arm.

"Yeah," she replies. "Did you put on cologne?" she asks.

"Yes," he replies. "I know it's your favorite. I've never been much good at the romance, Amy, but tonight, I'm going to try to give you a romantic evening under the stars."

"Are you only doing this because I pointed out you were romancing her?" Amy questions.

"Partly," he admits, "but I also want to spend time with you, to talk, to kiss... to heal. Once you leave for Paris again, it's going to be difficult for us to spend a lot of time talking through everything. I imagine most of our communication will be via email."

"Raj and Leonard warned me to not go back to Paris just to count down the days until I come home, but that is precisely what I'll be doing. I have to go back. I'm contractually obligated to do so. I was hurting while there but by maintaining zero contact..."

"Please, Amy, please don't suggest zero contact for the next four months," Sheldon pleads.

"I'm not suggesting that at all. I'm simply pointing out that it made it a little easier when we weren't speaking," she points out. "Having to leave while we're trying to save our relationship is going to be very difficult. I'm worried about the added strain from the long distance."

"We'll figure it out," Sheldon promises.

Grabbing the popcorn and sodas, Sheldon waits as Amy turns out the lights and locks up the apartment. She follows him up to the roof and holds the door open as Sheldon tries to locate the large brick they always use to prop the door. He finally finds it a few feet away and places it to hold the door in place. As he's doing so, something flies past his head, coming within inches of landing on Amy and goes into the stairwell. Sheldon, seeing this, let's out a less than manly scream.

"No, don't shut the..." Sheldon warns as Amy kicks the brick away from the door and it slams shut, trapping the animal inside. "Door. It doesn't open from outside."

"Great. So we're stuck on the roof and there's a bat in the stairwell?" she confirms.

"Looks like it," Sheldon replies as he pulls out his cell phone and texts Penny.


	49. Chapter 49

Well, this was definitely a bad idea, Amy decides. At least with the door propped open, she had a viable escape route should they begin to fight, or more likely, get carried away again with the physical intimacy. Now, short of jumping to certain death, she's stuck on the roof of his apartment building with her ex-boyfriend.

Sheldon is standing by the door, staring at it, as if he can somehow melt it or make it open. He glances down at the cell phone in his hands as he awaits a response from Penny.

"I have 5 percent battery," he explains in disbelief as he puts the phone on standby and sticks it in his pocket.

"I left mine in my purse."

"Did the bat touch you?" Sheldon asks as he goes to where Amy is standing near the edge, looking out in the distance at something. Following her line of sight, Sheldon sees she was looking at the little dipper.

"No," she reassures. "I was just thinking about the last time we were up here... prom night. If I hadn't tried to say I love you that night, were you ever going to tell me?" she wonders.

"I decided I was going to tell you on your birthday," Sheldon explains as he reaches to hold her hand, then stops, second-guessing himself. He promised her romance. Time to turn it on. "Can I um... can I wrap my arms around your waist?" he softly asks, hearing her surprised gasp as she nods.

Shuffling over a few steps, Sheldon stands right behind Amy and runs the pads of his fingers along her bare sun-kissed arms, igniting goose pimples as she closes her eyes and leans into his chest. Wrapping his arms around her waist, Sheldon lightly sways with her and drops a soft kiss on the crown of her head.

"You know I love you, right?" he hears Amy softly ask.

"I know. I don't completely understand how you can still love me after everything, but I'm not going to question it. I love you too, Amy."

She's tense like a rubber band stretched to it's limit. Willing herself to relax and enjoy being in Sheldon's arms, Amy closes her eyes and takes in a slow breath, counting to five as she releases it.

"Are you alright?" Sheldon wonders after noticing her breath hitch.

"No, I'm not alright, Sheldon. I'm really, really not alright. I'm sad and angry and confused and... I'm not this person, Sheldon. I'm not needy and insecure. I feel like all I do lately is cry... that's not me. Seriously, how much more can I take? It's like... it's like I'm trapped in a dark tunnel and I walk and walk and walk thinking I'm getting closer to the light at the end but I never reach it. I just can't see the light at the end of this tunnel. I'm losing myself... I'm drowning."

"You are incredible, Amy. You've been through so much in the past few days, more than any one person should ever have to go through. I am amazed by your strength. Everything you are feeling is completely normal. I'm here for you, all of our friends are here for you. You are so strong," he whispers as he feels Amy take a shuddering breath. "So brave, so courageous. It's going to be alright. I promise." he calms as Amy turns in his arms and lays her head against his shoulder, closing her eyes and breathing him in as he rubs her back.

Feeling bold, Sheldon leans his forehead against Amy's and brings her right hand over his heart as he entwines their fingers. Two tears roll down her cheeks, landing on Sheldon's blue t-shirt as Amy sniffles and turns her head away from him.

"Do you want to talk about it?" he wonders.

"I need to read your agreement with her,," Amy requests.

"Why would you want to do that?" Sheldon wonders. "We're moving on, working through it."

"I feel like I still don't know everything... like you're still hiding something from me. A few minutes ago you admitted she was auditioning to be your next girlfriend. I need to know absolutely everything," she demands as she lifts her head to look into his eyes.. "What haven't you told me?"

"Let's go sit on the blanket," Sheldon suggests.

"No. What are you keeping from me?" she asks again. "Why don't you want me to read it?"

"I don't want to keep hurting you. I want to just put this behind us and move on," he explains. "I've said you can read it but I really wish you wouldn't. It's only going to upset you and you're already going through so much."

"Is it on your phone?" she asks.

"No, I deleted it from my Google Drive account. There's a hard copy in with the photos."

"Which is another issue I have! Why do you still have those? Are you turned on by them?" she acuuses.

"No! I have them so I have evidence should she continue to harass us. I don't look at them. When I masturbate, it's always you that I'm thinking of... well, you or Wonder Woman," he admits, his cheeks turning a deep scarlet as he blushes.

"During the non-sexual encounters, was it always strictly kissing? At any time was clothing removed? Was there genital stimulation?" she rapid fires while pulling out of his arms and going to spread the blanket.

 _Here we go,_ Sheldon decides as he looks longingly to the closed door. Going over to help Amy with the blanket, they're soon sitting on opposite ends, reclining against the cool brick wall of the storage shed. Sheldon glances at Amy out of the corner of his eye as she clenches her fists at her side and takes slow deep breaths. He reaches for her hand which she jerks away with the rapid shaking of her head. "Just tell me," she whispers as Sheldon sighs.

"I propositioned her on a Monday. Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday were strictly kissing on the lips. On Thursday, we went to her apartment and immediately into her bedroom. While we were making out, she ground herself against me and when she wasn't able to achieve orgasm that way, she masturbated as I watched. I remained fully clothed. We went to the hotel on Friday," he explains. "See? I keep hurting you," he whispers as Amy hangs her head and closes her eyes as she sighs heavily.

"Yes, but I just... I don't understand what lead to this, Sheldon, and I desperately want to understand why this happened... how this happened. I thought things were great between us. We seemed to be becoming closer every single day. You seemed happy living with me, you broke our once a year agreement the night before I left for Princeton. I thought you loved me?"

"I did. I do," he reassures.

"But?" she prods.

"What do you mean? There is no but, Amy. It's a yes or no question." he whispers.

"Did Penny respond?" Amy wonders as she realizes they are in dangerous territory and the last thing they need is to fight while trapped on the roof with no place to escape.

Pulling out his phone, Sheldon frowns when it won't power on before quickly shoving it in his pocket. "It's dead," he explains.

"Lovely," Amy replies, her frustration building.

She needs some space before they end up in a fight, Amy realizes. Looking around, she realizes her options are rather limited right now. She takes a deep breath and closes her eyes, trying to calm her racing heart.

"Amy?" Sheldon questions after several minutes of near-deafening silence. Amy's sad and angry, the clenching of her fists and jaw clueing Sheldon in on her mental state. He wants to reach out for her, to comfort her, to make sure she knows he loves her and is deeply remorseful. Just as he's about to scoot over she looks up, quickly catching his eyes, before looking back down and intently studying her light pink painted nails.

"How did it go from just a kiss in your office to you considering leaving me for her? To me, that indicates that there was something occurring in our relationship that you felt was a dealbreaker, but I don't have a clue what that may be other than the once per year agreement."

"I don't know if there was anything that was a dealbreaker for me, Amy. I think..." he sighs and runs his fingers through his hair in frustration. "Whether I want to admit it or not, the facts point towards you not being my first girlfriend. Ramona was, even though I didn't realize it until much, much later. I think, I needed closure, Amy. For me, a romantic relationship progresses through four stages: infatuation, love, sexual relations, and, finally, marriage. We have progressed to the point where the next logical step for us is marriage, however, with... her... I never got the chance to see if the infatuation could turn into love. I'm pleased to say it didn't, thus, my closure. Can you ever forgive me?"

"I don't... I honestly don't know," Amy admits. "I want to try. I think... once I read the agreement with her, I'll know if we can work through this."

"Is there anything, in particular, you're looking for in order to determine our fate?" he wonders.

"I can't say without seeing the agreement," she replies.

"Okay," Sheldon agrees.

"I do believe you're remorseful, Sheldon, and I know you love me. I'm clinging to that... the love we feel for each other... 7 years... everyone is telling me to walk away..."

"Do you want to walk away?" Sheldon whispers, his voice containing a slight tremor of fear which Amy picks up on as she reaches for his hand.

"My brain is telling me to walk away but my heart... I understand the science of love. I've read that chapter of my intro to neuroscience book well over 50 times... but to have actually experienced love for myself... it's more than just a chemical reaction in my brain. They say love is blind, and I don't know, maybe it is, maybe I do have rose colored glasses or blinders on but... my heart is telling me to work through this with you."

"Is Dave a threat? Do I need to worry that you'll be another notch on his bedpost?" Sheldon wonders.

"No. I'm not prepared to call myself your girlfriend at this point, but while we are trying to save our relationship, neither of us is permitted to date someone else," Amy insists.

"Agreed," Sheldon replies while breathing a sigh of relief. "I do love you, Amy and I'm glad that... we're talking. I've missed you."

" I've missed you too," she whispers as she scoots closer to Sheldon. "It looks like we're going to be up here for awhile. Would it be alright if we cuddle?"

"Come here," Sheldon requests as he bunches the end of the blanket into a makeshift pillow and lays on his back. Once he's comfortable, Amy settles in next to him, on her side as she lays an arm across his chest and closes her eyes as Sheldon lightly plays with her hair. He's worried, she realizes. He always plays with her hair when he's sad or worried.

"Amy, why did you choose Paris? If I had remained faithful, were you going to Paris next rather than coming home?" Sheldon wonders after several minutes of silence.

"I'm not sure if I would've still gone. It was offered to me the Tuesday of the week I found out. I was going to discuss it with you and then everything happened. Dr. Singh read the paper we published where we tried to prove the moment of conscious awareness and thought it could have implications for the project we're currently working on," she explains.

"My name is on that paper too. Why wasn't I contacted?" Sheldon wonders.

"One of my conditions for accepting the position was that they not contact you. Seeing you at the airport... getting on that plane after our kiss... that was one of the most difficult things I've ever done," she admits.

"I wish I hadn't gone. I wish... well, I wish a lot of things, Amy..."

"I wish you'd kiss me," she blurts out, instantly slapping her hand over her mouth as she groans. "I didn't mean to say that out loud," Amy apologizes as she quickly scrambles out of Sheldon's arms and soon disappears out of sight.

"Amy?" Sheldon calls out in concern.

"Just... give me a few minutes to think?" Amy requests as she crouches down and leans against the side wall of the storage shed.

 _He doesn't like this,_ Sheldon decides as he quickly makes his way to where Amy is hiding from him and gets on his knees in front of her. Not giving her time to react, Sheldon grabs around her waist and pushes her back against the brick wall as his lips crash into hers, hungry, demanding. His hands are resting on her hips as Amy wraps her arms around his shoulders and pulls him closer to her. They kiss for what feels like hours, until a blaring police siren startles them and they jump apart, gasping for air.

"That was... nice," Amy whispers as Sheldon bashfully smiles at her in response.

"Good," he whispers as Amy lays her head against his shoulder for a hug.

"What's wrong?" she whispers as he flinches at the contact. Pulling back, she puts as much distance between them as possible, hurt that Sheldon no longer wants physical affection.

"I'm... this... this is nice, Amy, but I um... I'm trying to show restraint... to not let it go too far..."

"You flinched at my hug. Do you not want me to touch you?" she whispers. Picking up on the hurt in Amy's voice, Sheldon rapidly shakes his head 'no' and wraps his arms around her once again.

"Just the opposite. I want to hold you, kiss you... talk with you... but I'm scared... I'm scared that I'm letting myself become too confident in our ability to overcome this and reconcile. I'm scared that once you read the agreement I had with her, you'll decide to walk away."

"I'm scared too, Sheldon. I'm scared to trust you again. I'm scared that all it will take is one little fight between us for you to run back to her arms... I'm scared that I will never be capable of satisfying you sexually..."

"That's not true, Amy. Can I have your hand for a moment?" he requests.

As she reaches out for his hand, Sheldon curls her fingers towards her palm as he brings it to his lips. Slowly, he covers her hand with his much larger one and guides it to the front of his jeans, where he has a very prominent erection as Amy gasps. She doesn't remove her hand as Sheldon let's go of her hand.

"She had to stimulate me with her hand and mouth for several minutes... had to supply me with erectile dysfunction medication... all you had to do is kiss me. I love you. I want you. You are my vixen. Not her. YOU," he whispers before removing her hand. "Let's go cuddle on the blanket. I can see that you're exhausted."

"I am," she admits as Sheldon wraps his arm around her waist and leads her around the corner to their blanket.

He stops suddenly at the edge of the blanket and stares down at it as if having second thoughts. Noticing his reaction, Amy holds back her scathing retort as she notices his discomfort. "We don't have to cuddle. You don't have to touch me again."

"No, it's not that. I want to cuddle, Amy, I really really do. I just, I don't want you laying on the hard cement nor do I want you putting pressure on your knees if you are on top. I'm contemplating our options, that's all," he reassures as he once again wraps his arms around her waist. "I think having you sit between my legs while I lean against the wall will be the most comfortable for both of us.," he decides before covering his mouth as he yawns. "What time is it?" he wonders.

"12:15," Amy replies. "We're spending the night up here."

Sitting against the wall, Sheldon jokes, "the best seat in the house," as he pats the pavement between his spread legs. Shyly smiling at him, Amy settles as Sheldon wraps the blanket around her and lifts her glasses atop her head.

"Good night. I love you," he whispers against her lips.

Their kiss instantly becomes heated as Amy opens her mouth and lightly runs her tongue against his bottom lip as he moans and grants entry, surrendering control to Amy. He rests his hand upon her cheek as she turns sideways in his lap and lifts the hems of his tshirts, caressing his abdomen.

"Clothing stays on," he demands between kisses.

"I think... we need to stop," Amy reluctantly whispers.

"Yes," Sheldon agrees.

"You're very aroused. Is it going to become painful?" Amy wonders as he pokes against her.

"It will go away. May I ask an intimate personal question?" he wonders.

"Yes, I'm aroused too," she whispers.

"Good," Sheldon whispers. "That part of our relationship is still intact. So, it seems the fate of our relationship hinges upon my agreement with her."

"Yes, it does... but for tonight, let's not think about that."

"I want to remain friends no matter what, Amy. Is that a possibility?"

"Yes. No matter what, we are friends," she promises, sealing it with a kiss.


	50. Chapter 50

Thank you so so much for your patience and beautiful messages! Your kindness has moved me beyond words and is more appreciated than you'll ever know.

So, I am very *slightly* spoiled about 2 season 12 plotlines thanks to my mom discovering Comic-Con and asking questions about the panel. There is a **very small season 12 spoiler alert** for this chapter, although I'm certain my guess about how it plays out is WAY off (and that's okay! I'm sure what the writers come up with will be much better!)

I do intend to remain spoiler free again this season and appreciate your consideration. :)

* * *

It's significantly cooled off in the last hour, Sheldon worries as he presses the button on Amy's watch to illuminate the screen. It's a little after 3 am, which means at least another 4 hours up on the roof before Penny wakes up to find his text message and rescue them. Sheldon tucks the blanket tighter around Amy, hoping she's warm enough as she sleeps against his chest. He hasn't been able to stop himself from over-analyzing every minute detail. There's been a very subtle shift in his relationship with Amy in just the past few hours. She's been initiating physical affection; hugs, kisses, cuddling. It may seem like a very small thing to most people, but Sheldon sees it as something more. To Sheldon, it's a sign that she has forgiven him and wants to reconcile but her brain and heart are waging battle, much as his have been. He tucks a few strands of hair back behind her ear as she snuggles further into his chest and starts snoring. He's missed this, he decides with a small, sad smile.

As something wet drops into his hair, bringing out of his ruminations, Sheldon looks up, getting pelted in the face with another drop of water and then another and another.

"Amy?" Sheldon murmurs as he shakes her shoulders attempting to rouse her. "Amy? It's raining."

"I can't stop the rain, Sheldon," she sleepily mumbles.

"I know, but I want you to stand against the wall. I'm going to wrap the blanket around you and use my body to shield you as best as possible. We need to hurry before the downpour starts."

Quickly scrambling from between Sheldon's legs, where she was having a great dream about walking through the streets of Paris with Sheldon, Amy makes her way to the wall where Sheldon wraps the blanket around her like a poncho and tucks a few strands of hair back into the hood. He holds her to his chest and rubs her back as the rain starts to pick up.

"You're going to catch a cold!" Amy worries. "Get under the blanket with me."

"Then we'll both get wet. Since I'm taller, this makes the most sense," Sheldon reassures.

"Did you sleep?" Amy wonders as she relents.

"No," he admits. "Too much on my mind."

"Talk to me," Amy requests. "What's on your mind?"

" There is so much I should... need to say to you... and I'm... for once, I can't find the words, Amy. How do I fix this? How do I get you to trust me... to love me again? I honestly don't have the answers and I'm not worthy of your love. Maybe... maybe we need to just be friends."

"We can't be 'just friends." I don't want to be "just friends," she whispers.

Amy leans up on her tip toes, pulling Sheldon to her for a slow, loving kiss as a torrential downpour unleashes upon them. The sounds of the raindrops pelting the roof drown out the tiny moans and whimpers as tounges meet. Sheldon holds her arms at her sides as he works to protect Amy from the storm and keep her as dry as possible. The cold rain has drenched his backside and hair and as it finally lets up a few minutes later, Amy breaks the kiss and whispers, "let's get you out of these wet clothes."

"I don't think that's a good idea," Sheldon protests.

"I've seen it all before, Sheldon. I promise I won't touch you unless you want to be touched. Who knows how long we'll be up here and you're going to get sick if you stay in your clothes. Crawl under the blanket with me," Amy insists.

He can't argue with that logic, Sheldon decides as he tries to locate a dry patch of pavement on which to sit. There is a small semi-circle where he and Amy were standing. It will have to do, he decides as he peels off the soaked t-shirts that are clinging to his body, followed by his shoes so he can remove his pants. Of all days to wear his Spiderman underoos, he inwardly groans as he sees Amy raise an eyebrow and blush once she realizes she's been caught staring. His underwear are dry, thankfully, as he decides to leave them on but remove his damp socks. Task complete, he turns his back to Amy as she wraps the blanket around him, leaving the ends open on either side as Sheldon sits. Deciding it's only fair, Amy quickly strips to her beige bra and white panties before crawling under the blanket and wrapping it around her as she leans against Sheldon's chest.

"It didn't seem fair for me to remain fully clothed," she explains as she kisses his cheek. "Thank you for protecting me from the rain."

"Certainly," he replies as Amy lays her arm across his abdomen.

"If we're going to talk, then let's talk... let's do this. Let's stop being polite and afraid of hurting each other. We need to get honest with each other, even if it hurts. It's the only way to get past this," Amy reasons. "Fixing this is going to take a lot of hard work from both of us."

"Tell me what to do and I will do it," Sheldon promises.

"It doesn't work like that, Sheldon. You will have to make some fundamental changes to your behavior in order to regain my trust. It's unsettling for me that you were so easily able to lie to me, to sneak around behind my back... to betray me... throw away 7 years together and for what? Sex!"

"I made a mistake!"

"A mistake? A mistake is using centimeters instead of millimeters or leaving the milk out after pouring your cereal... not sticking your cock in another woman! You want to know what really hurts the most, Sheldon? It took me 5 years to get the same level of intimacy that you shared with her in a matter of hours. If you want to fix this, you will need to prove to me that I can trust you, that you love me, are physically attracted to me, desire a future with me... nobody else but me."

Reaching over to his now soaked pants, Sheldon locates the right pocket and pulls out something , closing his fist around it to keep the item hidden from view.

"I um... I don't expect you to accept a proposal now but I'd... I'd like you to accept the ring," Sheldon whispers.

"Sheldon..."

"I'm not proposing... not in the way I had planned, that you deserve. Take the ring with you back to Paris. We'll Skype regularly. When I see you wearing the ring, then I'll know that you've forgiven me and plan a proposal... a real proposal complete with that romantic hippy nonsense that makes you so happy. I love you, Amy and I will do anything to prove that to you. My life means nothing without you in it. I will never love anyone but you. I had a clause in my agreement with her that I would never say... those words... to anyone but you."

"I um... I've been thinking... about your agreement with her. I know it's going to upset me and make me angry, which is exactly what she wants. I'm giving it too much weight and significance. It will not determine the fate of our relationship. We've already decided that we're going to work through this and it's not fair of me to keep changing my mind," she apologizes.

"Why do you keep changing your mind?" Sheldon wonders.

"My brain and my heart are waging battle against each other. Add in everything else I'm going through and... I'm a mess, Sheldon. You've been in my life for 7 years and, current circumstances notwithstanding, you are the most stable relationship I have with anyone. I think... we're a lot alike. As angry as I am at you, I also need that sense of normalcy, of comfort, right now. It's like your spot on the couch. When you sit there, you feel calm and at peace. You're my spot," she whispers.

"I've missed this. I've missed you... the real you, not angry, yelling, crying Amy... as understandable as it is under the circumstances. We never really cuddled or sat and talked like this. I think if we had, we may not be in this situation right now," he admits.

"We both made mistakes, Sheldon," she points out.

"No. I made mistakes. I was... am... a selfish, egotistical, callous bastard. You... Jesus, Amy, look at everything I have put you through... pretending I didn't care about you as much as I did and then once I finally have you, I'm cold, withhold all forms of affection because if some asinine agreement... the truth is I was terrified of how much I cared about... loved you. Emotions... I feel emotions much stronger than I portray, but I find it difficult to put my emotions into words. When I was a child, in order to help communicate my feelings, my Mom had a laminated chart with..."

"The smiley faces. We had one in school," Amy reminisces.

"Yes. We did as well in the elementary classes. I still found it difficult to communicate my emotions. Eventually, I developed a system of picking out the happier faces to point to for my mom. I hid my true feelings; fear, nervousness, sadness... anger."

"Why?" Amy wonders.

"It made my Mom happy. My parents started to have marital problems not long after we moved to Medford. By my 11th birthday, my Dad was sleeping in the basement. I think... if my Dad hadn't passed away, they eventually would've divorced once Missy left home."

"When did you start using kohlinar?" Amy wonders.

"I started studying the art of kohlinar when I was 10, however, my first successful use was at 14. I came home to find Missy and my best friend, Tam, kissing on our couch. I knew he had a crush on her. He had written me to ask if he could date my sister and I expressly forbade it."

"You've never mentioned Tam before. I always assumed you never had childhood friends."

"Tam was my only friend. Missy betrayed Tam a few months later by making out with the captain of the football team under the bleachers. I wanted to remain friends but Tam cut off contact with me. We haven't spoken in 15 years. Getting back to the ring, does my... forgive me for this... proposal sound acceptable?"

"It's not a matter of forgiving you, Sheldon. I think I already have. The initial shockwave... when I found out... it was a flash of hurt, anger... quite honestly I wanted your... well... I wanted to castrate you and be served her head on a golden spike. Now that I've had time to get over the anger, the logical question becomes where do we go from here?"

"May I ask a question?" Sheldon wonders.

"Given the current state of our relationship, I encourage you to ask as many questions as possible," Amy replies.

"During our first break up, you called me on Thanksgiving, wishing to reconcile. Why was that?" Sheldon wonders as he feels Amy slightly shiver. "But before you answer that, I'd like an explanation as to why we've been naked together more in the last 4 days than in the entire 7 years of our relationship."

"That's... that's a good question. Currently, it is to conserve our body heat... but um... I feel vulnerable... sad... scared of what's going to happen next... and the release of oxytocin, the cuddle hormone, is... comforting for me but if you're uncomfortable..."

"I'm not. I simply needed clarification. I like... I like cuddling with you," he whispers, afraid of bursting their safety bubble if he dare speak much louder.

"Our first breakup... try as I might to move on...to get over you... you were always in the periphery of my life; girls night, Dave Gibbs being your biggest fan...life always somehow found a way to remind me of you and what I was walking away from. I tried moving on, I tied being happy... but honestly, Sheldon... I could've faked being happy with Dave... he was a nice enough guy... but it wasn't you. We have something so... unique, so inimitable... everyone else pales in comparison."

"We did score an 8.6 after all," Sheldon points out as Amy smiles at him.

"Indeed. Being in Paris has been a mixed bag. On the one hand, having the distance has allowed me to work through some complex emotions surrounding how our relationship ended but by the same token, it has also been a stark reminder of how lonely my life was before I met you. I work, go home and eat a bowl of cereal or a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and then read until it is time for bed. Wash rinse repeat. I'm thankful for the opportunity but I'm ready to come home. What that means for us... I think it would be for the best if I lease my own apartment upon my return."

"But why?" Sheldon wonders as he tries to keep the panic at bay.

"I want us to work through... really work through this and not just sweep it under the rug or slap a band-aid on it. That work is going to be difficult to accomplish while I'm in Paris."

"Difficult but not impossible," Sheldon points out. "It feels like you're pulling away in anticipation of us not working through this or... my... continued infidelity despite my promises and reassurances it will not happen again."

"I'm not pulling away..."

"You want a safety net."

"Yes," Amy admits. "I can't just jump back into playing house like this never happened, Sheldon. There are consequences for your actions, one of which is a lack of trust."

"Fine," Sheldon sighs, not liking the idea at all, "Any other consequences of which I need be aware?"

"Do not get snippy with me," Amy warns, "You brought this on yourself."

"Sorry. I just... I want things to go back to how they were prior to... her... reentering my life, but I'm realizing that won't be happening."

"No, it will never be the same. I was completely blindsided by this, Sheldon. I didn't see it coming... maybe I should have. We had one argument when first moving in together and you ran off to find another mate. Were you thinking if cheating then?"

"No," Sheldon adamantly replies. "NO. That... that was me throwing a tantrum because I didn't get my way. You completely blindsided me by going to Princeton. I was... am still shocked that it seemed to come out of nowhere. Why didn't you talk to be about it before you applied?"

"I regularly apply for projects in different universities but was never selected so it never occurred to me to talk to you about that," Amy admits.

"Yet, you had the audacity to become furious with me when I wanted to go to Mars."

"This is completely different!" Amy argues.

"No, Amy, it's really not. Yes, you'd still be on planet Earth, but otherwise it's exactly the same. You left with little more than a kiss goodbye."

"Is that why you went to her? Revenge?" Amy forcse herself to ask, barely able to form the words.

"I... I don't know. I'd like to say no, but honestly... I may have been motivated by feelings of revenge," Sheldon admits. "As I told Leonard, 'my baby done left me to go play with some shiny new toys 3,000 miles away."

"I was coming back, Sheldon. I always intended to come back home... to you, to our future together," she whispers.

"Do you see a future for us now?" Sheldon wonders. "Marriage, children..."

"I don't want children," Amy admits as she feels rather than hears Sheldon's shocked gasp."You're surprised," she notices.

"Yes. I always assumed you wanted to gift humanity with our progeny. May I ask why?"

"A child requires constant nurturing, patience, flexibility in daily routines, and most importantly, parents who are fully present 24 hours a day. I love my job, Sheldon. Science is my first love. I wouldn't be able to raise a child in the manner I wish and also continue with my career."

"But you'd have me. If your career is the only reason for this choice... I can stay home with our child," Sheldon offers.

"I couldn't ask you to make that sacrifice."

"It wouldn't be a sacrifice. We don't have to make a decision tonight, but please, consider it?" He requests.

"Alright," Amy agrees as she stifles a yawn.

"Go to sleep," Sheldon whispers.

Leaning her head against Sheldon's shoulder, Amy is shocked when she feels Sheldon's lips brush against her cheek a few seconds later. Opening her eyes, she reaches for his hand and entwines their fingers as they fall into an exhausted slumber.

The sun has been up for hours when Penny awakens to the smells of coffee and bacon wafting through the confines of Apartment 4 A. Taking her time, she slowly stretches each limb followed by her back and then finds her fluffy pink robe knotting it around her waist as she goes to the kitchen in search of the magical elixir. Leonard already has a cup waiting for her as she sits at the island and takes a long slow sip, letting the warm liquid slide down her throat.

"I knew there was a reason I married you," Penny teases.

"It's not my killer dance moves or ability to clear a room after consuming ice cream?" Leonard jokes.

"Nope. You're the only person I know who can make a decent cup of coffee."

"I knew that working at Starbucks while putting myself through college would some day pay off," Leonard replies while sliding a plate of scrambled eggs, bacon and toast in front of Penny before grabbing her cell phone from the wireless charging station. Picking up a slice of toast in one hand and unlocking her phone with the other, Penny almost chokes while laughing at Sheldon's text.

"I need help decoding this," Penny requests as she passes her phone to Leonard who sees the message, "s " ( [, =[[$."

"It looks like a pocket text," Leonard decides, dismissing it. "I'll go check on him after I eat."

"I'm surprised we didn't hear them. It looked like it ws going to get loud."

"It?"

"Coitus," Penny clarifies. "I hope they didn't have another fight."

"Me too."

Up on the roof, Sheldon's been awake for hours trying to solve the issue of how to void his bladder, with, most unfortunately, no viable remedies. He shifts again which hard Amy awake with a startled gasp.

"Sorry," Sheldon apologizes. "I need to urinate."

"Me too. Obviously, Penny has not yet checked her phone. Is there a fire escape we can climb down?"

"Why didn't I think of that?" Sheldon cries out as he quickly tosses Amy's clothes to her. Frowning, he picks up his sopping wet black Superman t-shirt and wrongs it out, the water coming from it reminding him of his very urgent dilemma. Picking up his pants, he finds them to be slightly damp as well but under the circumstances, they will have to do.

"I know this wasn't the romantic night I had promised you..." Sheldon apologizes.

"We needed to talk, Sheldon. Getting locked out afforded us that opportunity. I have to spend the next few days with my family and then I am going to take a five days to drive up the coast, to relax... to grieve, by myself. Can we get together on Friday for dinner before I leave Saturday morning?"

"Of course," Sheldon agrees. "May I... may I kiss you... on the lips?" He shyly wonders as he casts his eyes downwards to where his hands have gravitated to resting on Amy's hips.

"Sheldon?" Leonard calls out as he knocks on the door of Apartment 4 B again. "He should be watching Dr. Who."

"Amy's car is still parked in Sheldon's spot. I bet they're either sleeping or doing it," Penny stage whispers as she pulls out her key ring and goes to open the door.

Covering his eyes with his left hand, Leonard slightly peaks through two fingers as he looks down at the floor. The apartment is silent, very odd indeed for his neighbor. Hearing Penny knock on the bedroom door and call out, "cover up your nasty bits!" Leonard holds his breath in anticipation.

"They're not here," Penny points out as she shuts the bedroom door.

"That's weird," Leonard decides as they shut the door of 4 B. Turning around, they see Mr. Prady and Ms. Malaro, the landlord and tenant in Apartment 3A, respectively, coming up the stairs.

"I've told you kids hundreds of tines, no more experiments on the roof! We had s bat in here this mornin'!" Mr. Prady exclaims.

"We haven't been on the roof in over a year," Leonard swears.

"Yeah well it didn't open that door by itself," replies.

Taking three steps into the apartment, Penny exclaims, "they're on the roof!"

"That was nice," Amy whispers as Sheldon brushes his thumb against her cheek and swallows hard before mouthing, "good." He blinks wildly and for a moment, Amy swears he's trying to fight tears as he lingers with a kiss on her forehead.

"Amy, I..." He begins, being cut off by the squeaking hinges of the stairwell door opening.

Amy immediately recognizes Ms. Malaro and she comes through the door and points at Sheldon and Amy accusingly, "See? See,? They did it! I've been telling you for years to evict these hooligans, Bill! I know they're behind the elevator!"

"What, exactly are we being accused of?" Amy wonders.

"There was a bat in the building this morning by you'd know nothing about that, would you?"

"No," Amy immediately replies before Sheldon can answer. "We came up here to witness the sunrise. There wasn't a bat when I came up the stairs this morning."

Waving towards the door, Mr. Prady allows the women to go first, stopping Sheldon at the door as he asks, "where is your shirt?"


	51. Chapter 51

Thanks again for the awesome reviews! Sorry for the short chapter. It was starting to get too long so I split it up.

* * *

Sitting in his spot on the old brown sofa in Apartment 4A three days later, Sheldon releases yet another heavy sigh. He's been on his phone for the better part of 2 hours conducting research, to no avail. Catching Penny's eye as she looks up in concern from the kitchen island,where she and Leonard are prepping vegetables for stir-fry, she asks, "are you alright, sweetie?"

Sheldon and Amy have both been unusually tight-lipped about what took place up on the roof on Friday evening. Penny suspects, although she cannot confirm, coitus was had, and Sheldon and Amy are now in the all too common phase of chicken, waiting to see who makes the first move after casual sex. But it was never and will never be "casual sex" with the Shamy, will it? _Not when the heart is involved,_ Penny decides.

"May I ask your opinion on a matter of utmost importance?" Sheldon wonders.

"Yeah, of course. What's up?" Penny asks as she sees Leonard perk up, listening in for cues as to which beverage to prepare.

"I can't decide whether I should attend Mr. Fowler's funeral tomorrow. On the one hand, I want to go to support Amy, but, on the other... her family hates me and I don't want to bring them additional emotional turmoil. What should I do?" Sheldon questions as he fiddles with something in his pocket.

"Oh, wow, sweetie. Um... I don't... I don't know. Have you asked Amy?" Penny wonders.

"No. We haven't spoken since Saturday morning. She asked that I not contact her so that she can focus on spending time with her family," Sheldon explains

"It's great that you're considering Amy and her family's feelings in this. That shows real maturity," Penny praises. "I think... jeez, I don't know, Sheldon."

"I just want to do the right thing," Sheldon softly murmurs to Penny who nods in understanding.

"Let me ask you something; if the situation was reversed, would you want Amy at your father's funeral?" Penny wonders.

"What exactly do you mean by 'reversed,?" Sheldon wonders as Penny sits in the beige chair.

"If she had cheated on you," Penny clarifies.

Taking a moment to ponder Penny's question, Sheldon closes his eyes and takes a deep breath through his mouth, releasing it slowly. _Amy would never be unfaithful_ , Sheldon decides. _She's a much better person than I._ Quickly shifting his focus, Sheldon decides the best way to test Penny's inquiry is to imagine that he and Amy never reconciled after their first break up and she married Dave Gibbs. Just the thought alone is enough to clog his throat with unshed tears and he quickly swallows hard, chasing away the mental image of Amy smiling widely as Dave lifts her veil.

 _So, that didn't work_. What if he had known Amy when his father passed? Would he want her near? Would he have accepted her attempts at comforting him such as... a hug? He inwardly cringes as he recalls that he once told Amy her hugs were akin to being strangled by a boa constrictor. In reality, her hugs are warm, with just the perfect amount of squeezing tight so he feels secure and... _loved_.

Penny and Leonard spare a brief glance at each other as they take in Sheldon's reaction to the question at hand and give silent nods of understanding as Sheldon takes a calming breath and decides, "yes, I would want her there. I find Amy's presence comforting in times of crisis. That being said, what is the proper social convention in situations such as these?" He wonders.

"Why do you want to go, Sheldon?" Leonard wonders. "You've said you want to, quote, 'do the right thing.' My concern is that it's for the wrong reasons. If you're going simply to spite Amy's mother..."

"I'm well aware of Mrs. Fowler's opinion of me and my continued presence in Amy's life. I made a promise to Amy. I promised to be her anchor during the rough times. I intend to keep this vow," Sheldon explains.

"If you go, all you need to say to anyone is 5 simple words, 'I'm sorry for your loss.' That's it. Don't talk about religion, especially the fact that you don't believe in a supreme being or heaven, don't talk about burial rituals or customs, don't complain about the food or the incense or the weeping or... in fact, don't talk at all," Leonard advises.

"I see. You're advising I not attend," Sheldon deduces.

"I'm... I'm advising you ask Amy what her preference is," Leonard counters.

"Amy has asked _not_ to be disturbed and I am respecting her wishes," Sheldon reiterates with a smidge of frustration tinting his voice.

Before he has a chance to protest, Penny takes her phone out of the back pocket of her jeans and has called Amy, who answers on the second ring.

"Hey, Sweetie. We were just wondering how you're holding up?" Penny asks.

"I'm... adequate," Amy answers before sniffling.

Reaching into her pocket, Amy removes one of the dozen or so crumpled up kleenex and gently dabs at her eyes as she leans against the solid oak door of her father's office. Bringing her knees to her chest, she takes a deep breath as she attempts to regain her composure.

"Amy?" Sheldon calls out. "Are you crying?" He questions, spotting Penny rolli rolling her eyes at him.

"Yes," she admits before sniffling again. "I came into my Dad's office to write my eulogy and the moment I entered and smelled his cologne... I... it finally became real. He's dead. I mean, I knew that, I'm not delusional but... I hadn't let myself process it... mourn for him. I've been trying to remain strong, stoic... as I will have to be tomorrow. It... I'm alright, Sheldon. I am curious though; what is the appropriate beverage to make me feel better?"

 _That is a most unusual question_ , Sheldon thinks as he looks over at Penny, who is pressing her closed fist against her mouth. Not quite sure what to make of this strange turn of events, Sheldon racks his brain for an appropriate response.

"As this is an unprecedented situation, it is recipient's choice," Sheldon answers after a few indecisive moments.

"A large mug of your homemade hot cocoa spiked with some of my bestie's peppermint schnapps," Amy immediately answers as Penny laughs.

"I have trained you well, young Padawan," Penny declares. "Are you coming over?"

"I wish I could but..." She cuts off with a sigh.

"We understand," Penny reassures.

"Amy? Who are you talking to?" Her mother questions as she knocks on the door and attempts to open it, pressing hard against Amy who doesn't budge. "What have you placed against the door? There's no need to lock me out."

"I'm speaking with Penny. You can't open the door because I am leaning against it. I couldn't sit in Daddy's chair," she admits as a lone tear rolls down her cheek at the thought.

"Alright, well dinner's ready. We're waiting on you, dear," Rita replies.

"I'm not hungry," Amy replies.

"Are you starving yourself in order to appear more attractive to Sheldon?" Her mother wonders.

"No!" Amy yells. "Please, Mom, _stop_ making everything about Sheldon. I just spent the last hour sobbing over the loss of my father and I don't think I can keep down food at the moment. I will make myself something if and when I am hungry."

"Alright," Rita decides as she walks away.

"Sorry," Amy apologizes when it's clear her mother has left.

"No apologies necessary, but that does lead in to the reason for our call," Penny explains.

"Oh?" Amy hums, obviously surprised.

Handing the phone to Sheldon, Penny watches as he takes it and grasps the edges while closing his eyes and taking a calming breath. When he opens his eyes, Penny mouths, " _tell her you want to do the right thing."_

"I've been seeking advice on the social convention for attending a funeral as the ex-partner of the daughter of the deceased and have been advised that the proper course of action is to ask said daughter if my presence tomorrow would bring about any unnecessary emotional turmoil amongst you or your immediate family?" Sheldon explains in a rush.

"Oh. I didn't anticipate that you or any of our friends would want to attend," Amy replies with shock in her voice.

"If you don't want us there..." Penny interjects.

"I do want you here... _all_ of you," Amy insists. "As to your concern about your presence upsetting my mother, I believe her need to pretend we have the idealistic Mother/daughter relationship will outweigh her penchant for drama. Are you sure you want to come? You'll have a front row seat to one of the worst days of my life and I know how much you hate when people cry. There will be lots of crying," she warns.

"I want to do the right thing, Amy," Sheldon softly murmurs into the phone.

"I appreciate that, Sheldon," she replies. "Will Howard and Bernadette be coming as well?" Amy wonders.

"Yes, of course. We love you, Ames," Penny replies.

"I love you all too. I um... I really need to be going," Amy hints.

"Of course. We'll see you in the morning. Try to eat?" Sheldon requests.

"I will," Amy promises as she ends the call.

"She sounds so sad," Penny worries as Sheldon hands the cell phone back to her. "I wish she had a better relationship with her mother. She needs someone besides us to talk with."

"Amy is particularly fond of her Aunts, Karen and Linda. I hope they are supporting her through this," Sheldon replies.

"What's the deal with you two? What happened on the roof?" Penny wonders as Leonard speaks over her to insist, "we need to call Howard and Bernadette to make sure they're going."

Thankful for his little buddy's interruption, Sheldon sighs and requests, "could you speak to Bernadette? Oddly, I believe her to be the more reasonable of the Walowitz's."

"Consider it handled," Penny promises as Sheldon makes his way to the door to leave. "Where are you going?"

"I need to iron my suit. The service starts at 11. I'd like to arrive by 10:30 so we can find seating next to Amy," Sheldon requests.

"Sweetie, traditionally the first several rows are reserved for family. We'll probably be seated towards the back of the church and may not even be on the same side," Penny explains.

"That's... not acceptable," Sheldon whines.

"Is this about Amy or about you trying to make a point about your importance in her life?" Leonard wonders again.

"It's about being available to comfort the woman I love as she mourns the loss of her father. How can I hold Amy's hand for emotional support or pass her my handkerchief when she cries if not seated near her?" Sheldon answers. "Why are you questioning my motives?"

"The death of a loved one, especially such a sudden, unexpected and traumatic loss such as a car accident, leaves the surviving loved ones very vulnerable. I'm concerned that you may be taking advantage of Amy's fragile state," Leonard explains.

"In what way?" Sheldon wonders as he turns from the door and crosses his arms over his chest.

"You've spent every possible moment together since her arrival. She's lonely in Paris and then Dave was an ass and... you're taking advantage of her by being physically intimate. She's trying to fill that void.. that loneliness, that anger at you for what you've done...with sex... with physical intimacy in order to make it not hurt as much, but sweetie, trust me when I tell you that sex is not a cure-all. It might feel good now, but it's not a bandage for the bigger issues," Penny warns.

"Whether we have made love is nobody's business but ours. For the record, we have factory reset our relationship to girl-slash-friend slash boy-slash-friend status..."

"You can't just erase the past 7 years like they never happened!" Leonard points out from the island.

"I made a mistake, a costly mistake for which I am now paying the consequences. At my core, I am still the man Amy fell in love with. I am still the man who moved in with her, made love to her, had a ring for her... I'm the man who has loved her from the moment she asked for tepid water at that coffee shop. I lost myself in a moment of weakness but Amy can see that man, the man she loves... the man who would do anything for her. Do not question how much I love Amy. That's never been in doubt. We're working through this. I am not going to let someone else's opinion on how I need conduct myself dictate my life. If we want to hug or kiss or... have wild passionate coitus... it's no one's business but ours!" Sheldon yells before slamming the door.

"Where's this Sheldon been for the last 7 years?" Penny wonders as she glances over to see Leonard smiling.

"You just have to know which buttons to press in the correct order. Did you get the confirmation you needed?" Leonard wonders.

"Yes. I'm glad he's remorseful. Did you notice how many times he said he loves her?"

"No. I was too busy picking my jaw off the ground when he said 'make love' instead of coitus. Do you think they're talking through the issues?" Leonard wonders.

"I do. Amy is not going to let him off the hook easily. I'm sure they've had a few heated discussions... and a few heated make-out sessions."

"Still ship the ShAmy?" Leonard teases with a quick peck of her lips.

"The cat is alive," Penny replies.


	52. Chapter 52

Rolling over and grabbing her phone as her 7 am alarm goes off, Amy groans. It's going to be a long day. She awakened a little after 2 am from a nightmare and had been unable to fall back asleep, alternatively crying and mentally rewriting the eulogy for her father.

She reaches for her glasses, and in doing so, knocks the glass of water on her bedside table to the floor, shattering it to a million shards, much like her life at the moment. She's in a foul mood today, the second worst day of her life. Sitting on the edge of the bed and frowning at the slight tremor in her hand, nerves she suspects, Amy sighs, knowing she has to get moving but wanting nothing more than to crawl under the covers and hide from the harsh reality. She has to bury her father today. She has to stand at the front of the church and use every last ounce of willpower and strength, the strength instilled in her by her father, to not break down into an inconsolable mess.

 _One thing at a time. One step at a time like a checklist for a scientific experiment. Right now, you need to go take a shower. That's all you need to worry about. Easy enough, right?_ Giving a tiny nod of affirmation, Amy slips on her shoes to protect herself from the broken glass and makes her way across the hall from her childhood bedroom to her/the guest bathroom.

 _He's had it all planned for months and now the day has finally arrived. Sheldon enters the tiny bistro Amy has told him so much about and takes a seat at a table in the far corner, hiding him from the view of pedestrians as they walk by the large pane glass window. He removes his sunglasses, clipping them to his t-shirt as he's seen many times back in Pasadena. As Miss Esme approaches, she gasps and mutters something under her breath. Sheldon's certain it was a string of French swear words unbecoming of someone of Esme's standing._

 _"I apologize for my reaction. You are Amy's Sheldon, no?" She questions in her heavy French accent._

 _"Yes," he confirms._

 _"She isn't home yet. Always working, that one," Esme explains._

 _"That's perfect, actually. May I trouble you for the spare key to her apartment? I am going to surprise her with a homemade dinner," Sheldon requests as he gestures towards the bag of groceries sitting on the floor next to him._

 _"Of course. Does she know you're in Paris?" Esme wonders._

 _"No," Sheldon confirms. "It's her birthday and I wanted to surprise her."_

 _"Wonderful. She is in Apartment 2."_

 _Momentarily setting the groceries down, Sheldon jumps as he hears a dog barking across the hall. Of course, his nemesis would have a rabid flea ridden mini ball of terror, Sheldon decides as he opens the door. Amy's apartment is much different from how he imagined it. She hasn't placed a single decoration or photo. She has a desk, a single wooden chair, and a bed in the otherwise empty small studio apartment. Making his way to the "kitchen" which is really just a stove, fridge and sink jammed into a former closet, Sheldon opens the single cupboard in search of pots and pans, finding it empty. Amy said she eats take out most nights, so that's not surprising. If he were Amy, where would he store pans? He checks in the oven, exclaiming "aha!" at his success._

 _After starting the pasta dough and leaving it to rest, Sheldon finds an empty glass milk bottle next to the trash can and rinses it before placing a bouquet of red roses in the bottle and setting the arrangement on Amy's desk. He then returns to the stove to start the brown butter sage sauce to go over the pasta. His pasta water is just reaching a rapid boil when he hears voices outside the door. Pulling his reason for flying 5,000 miles to surprise Amy out of his pocket, Sheldon opens the black ring box and drops to one knee as the door opens. Looking up expectantly, he is stunned to see Amy passionately kissing Dave Gibbs as he carries her to the bed._

 _"_ Mutiny!" Sheldon yells, waking himself from his nightmare as he holds a hand to his chest and bolts upright. Gasping for air as his heart races in his chest, Sheldon reaches for his phone as the Imperial March, his Mother's assigned ringtone, reverberates off the walls of his bedroom.

"Hi, Mom," he answers, wondering what possible reason his mother would have for calling him.

" I'm sending over a nice platter for the funeral today and need the address of the church. I apparently wrote it down wrong. The lady at the deli just called and the address I gave her is for an animal shelter."

"It's at Saint Mary Magdalene's..."

"Well, I'd hardly call her a saint," Mary scoffs.

"Magdalene is commonly incorrectly identified as Mary of Bethany or the unidentified, 'sinful woman' of the Gospel of Luke," Sheldon points out. "In several books of the Bible, she is actually portrayed as the 13th apostle."

"How about that? My son's giving me Bible lessons."

"Please give me just a moment to Google the address," Sheldon requests as he sits up in his bed and places his mom on speakerphone.

"I can Google the correct address. I'll talk with you in a few."

"Mom? Mom!" Sheldon frantically yells, hoping to catch her.

"I'm here, Shelly. There's no need to yell."

"The platter...it needs to be kosher," Sheldon requests.

"Amy is Jewish?" Mary questions. "Then why is the service at a Catholic church?"

"Amy is not particularly religious, however, her family on her father's side are observant Jews who keep kosher, as was your Lord and savior and his 13 apostles, might I add. Mr. Fowler converted in order to wed Amy's mother."

"I see. Let me get this taken care of and I'll call ya back in a jiffy to confirm. Get a move on lamb chop. It's almost 9 am your time."

"Oh, good lord!" Sheldon exclaims in panic as he quickly mumbles, "Gotta go, Mom. Love you. Bye!" into the phone and rushes to the shower.

Dumping her cold mug of untouched tea down the sink, Amy turns on the tap to wash away the remaining traces and rinse her cup. She looks out the tiny window overlooking the backyard, spotting a hummingbird at the feeder her dad hung from the olive tree they planted on her 12th birthday. The tiny bird's constant flapping of its wings in order to remain in flight reminds her of herself in a strange way, frantically flapping her wings just to stay afloat. She sighs and takes one more brief glance out the window before grabbing her car keys off the kitchen counter to make her way to the church.

Standing in front of his bedroom mirror, Sheldon slings his four ties over his shoulders as he considers each option. He quickly dismisses his black tie with the Storm Trooper masks for obvious reasons and holds his navy blue tie against the buttons of his white dress shirt. He does the same with his emerald green tie, tossing it to land aside his beloved Star Wars tie. That leaves navy blue or silver. Typically, he'd ask Amy for her assistance with selecting and properly tying the silken noose around his neck, but realizing she can't be bothered with such trivial matters today, Sheldon holds each tie in front of him. There's only one person's opinion Sheldon values even more than Amy's.

Grabbing his cell phone from his pocket, Sheldon quickly dials Meemaw and waits as it connects.

"Hello?" Meemaw answers.

Nerves have the best of Sheldon as he begins pacing his bedroom and running his hand through his hair as he quickly explains his dilemma without taking a breath, "I can't decide on a tie to wear. Amy usually helps me but Amy can't help me today. She wants me at the funeral but whether it's for emotional support or an act of defiance against her family, I have not yet been able to ascertain. She does not need additional stress today and as I realize I will be under a microscope, I must dress, and more importantly, behave accordingly."

"Whoa! Take a breath, Moon Pie," Meemaw encourages. "I'm having the bats cleaned out of the basement so I don't have long to talk..."

"Bats? Meemaw, bats carry a myriad of diseases and one single dropping..."

"Not literal bats, Sheldon. I'm having the plumbing checked."

"Mom said the issue with the plumbing was fixed. Do you need me to wire more money? I can..."

"Sheldon! I'm having my southern borders invaded and he didn't even buy me dinner first."

"Are you having a stroke? I don't understand..."

"I'm having a pap smear, Sheldon!" Meemaw exclaims into the phone, glad that she's still in her car. "Now, wear a black tie and make sure you have a hankie in your inside pocket. By God, do not make this day any more difficult for Amy or her family. You hold her hand and wipe away her tears. You bring her a hot beverage and anything else she might need. I don't know where ya'll stand but give her a hug and whisper that it will all be okay in her ear. You shake hands with her family and _discreetly_ use your hand sanitizer by going into the bathroom and closing the door. You express sympathy for their loss by saying, " I am sorry for your loss. You do whatever it takes to get Amy through the day. Understood?"

"Yes, Ma'am," Sheldon immediately answers. "I only have a navy blue or silver tie."

"Wear the navy blue tie. Wait, does it have any cartoon characters or other designs?"

"No. Amy purchased it for me because she said it reminds her of my eyes."

"You do have quite a pair of peepers. Send Amy my love."

"I will. Love you, Meemaw. Thank you."

"You're welcome, Baby. I love you too."

* * *

Sheldon picks at a loose string barely holding the button clasping the wrist of his dress shirt in place as they arrive at the small brick church. The small parking lot is filled to capacity so Leonard parks across the street where a small city park resides. Sheldon looks over at the trees just beginning to change color and notices a small hunched over figure sitting on a nearby bench. He'd know her anywhere. Quickly retrieving the hot chocolate they stopped at Starbuck's to get for Amy, Sheldon double checks that the green stopper is in the cup before rushing to Amy's side.

"Amy?" He quietly questions as he sits next to her and sets the cocoa on the bench to the right of him.

"Hi. You came," she raspily replies before clearing her throat.

"Of course. I um... for you. Hot chocolate."

"Thank you," she replies with a smile before taking a long sip. "I...I needed air."

Remembering what Meemaw told him, Sheldon casts a quick sideways glance at Amy as she cradles her cup in both hands. She has been crying, her eyes red and puffy but as she's not currently crying, there's no need for his handkerchief.

There are times, admittedly, and Sheldon thankfully decides, very rarely, in which Sheldon wishes he were more like Penny. As ditzy and irritating as his blonde neighbor can be at times, she does have an uncanny insight into human emotion. He wishes he knew the correct thing to say or do to comfort Amy now when she so obviously needs him to do the right thing. Sheldon hesitates briefly before reaching out, gently cupping her cheek in his hand as his thumb caresses the soft skin. Amy seems to lean into his touch, relishing it as her eyes flutter shut and she releases a barely audible sigh.

"Everything will be alright, Amy. I promise," he whispers.

"I know," she whispers back.

The moment feels incomplete to Sheldon. He feels the need to say more, to do more. Leaning into Amy, he lightly brushes his lips against her forehead in a chaste kiss, which Amy decides is undoubtedly a declaration of love and devotion. He rests his forehead against hers as his eyes flutter to half mast. Nothing else needs to be said. The love in that simple kiss is palpable.

"I need to speak with Howard privately," Amy requests after a few minutes of silence between them.

Giving a brief jerk of his head, Sheldon kisses Amy's cheek as he pulls back to notice the slight up turning of Amy's lips at the corners of her mouth.

Without another word, Sheldon walks the short distance to where their friends are watching and frowns in confusion as Penny wipes away a tear from her eye.

"That was very sweet," she explains to Sheldon.

"She requested to speak with Howard privately," Sheldon relays, unsure of what this talk could possibly entail.

"Why me?" Howard wonders as he hands his coffee to Bernadette.

"You owe her an apology, Howie," Bernie explains. "We both do. Go talk to her and then I'll apologize after you."

Walking the short distance to the bench, Howard stops and looks down at his feet as he folds his hands behind his back and quietly murmurs, "I'm sorry, Amy."

"Thank you," she replies as she motions for him to take a seat. She takes another sip of her hot chocolate as they sit in silence, wishing Penny had spiked it for her. As if reading her thoughts, Howard reaches into the inside pocket of his suit and removes a small silver flask.

"Penny told Bernie you asked for hot chocolate with peppermint schnapps. As I know Sheldon wouldn't provide the alcohol, allow me."

"Thanks. I need it," she replies with a smile. "I thought I should warn you that... our father is here."

"What?" Howard asks in shock as he simultaneously turns white as a ghost and balls his fists in anger. "Did you talk with him?"

"No. I... my mom introduced him as her friend and I... I ran here. How dare he?! How dare he think it appropriate to intrude today of all days! 'Oh hi. Sorry for your loss. By the way, the man you just buried, the man who took a piece of your heart with him when he died is not your father. I am.' Um, no, you're not! Larry named me, he rocked me to sleep, he cried when he took me to my first day of preschool, he applied calamine lotion when I came down with the chicken pox, he helped me with science fair projects and book reports and college applications and was the proudest Dad in the audience when I graduated from Harvard. Where was Sam for all of that? What makes me even more furious is that he bailed on you and your Mom without any explanation! If he couldn't be in my life, alright, fine, but to just disappear like that? How fucking heartless and self-absorbed and... a piss poor excuse for a human being, do you have to be to walk out on not one, but two of your children? Sorry."

"No, no. Don't apologize. You're right. You're absolutely right, Amy. I look at Halley and I can't ever imagine just walking out the door, never to return. What kind of father... what kind of man does that? But, you had a great dad. A dad that loved you. His world revolved around you. You are saying goodbye to your Dad today. That's the only thing that matters. The rest of this... Sheldon, the drama with your Mom, Sam Walowitz... none of that matters today. All that matters is that you say goodbye to your dad in whatever way is most comforting for you. When my Mom died, I didn't realize that. I thought I had to be strong, that I wasn't allowed to cry or grieve for her. I learned very quickly that holding that in... well, it can only stay bottled up for so long before it comes spewing out, and when it does, it's ugly and intense and raw. It's better to release it in small doses. Don't be afraid to cry, to grieve, Amy. You're so much like Sheldon... like me. You try to stay detached and emotionless but you feel emotions very deeply. That's okay. That's normal. All of your friends are here. We've got you."

"How do you want to handle this? As far as I know, he has no idea we're friends."

"Ideally, I'd confront him but as that is not appropriate given the solemnity of the occasion, I choose to be the bigger man. I'm ignoring his presence. If I run into him, I will glare at him but no words will leave my mouth. I can't promise the same from Bernie..." He pauses as they share a laugh.

"She is a feisty one," Amy agrees. "Can you and the guys handle Sheldon? I'm sure he'll feel obligated to share his opinion once aware of Sam's presence."

"He realizes he's under a microscope today and will be on his best behavior. He promised Meemaw."

"Good," Amy replies as she smiles at the mention of Sheldon's beloved grandmother.

Wiping her eyes one more time, Amy stands up and is surprised when Howard offers his arm.

"You seem a little unstable in your heels," he explains.

Linking arms, Howard squeezes her hand as he leads her back to where their friends are congregating and passes her off to Sheldon by placing her hand in his. Sheldon wraps his arm around her waist as she leans her head against his shoulder and closes her eyes briefly.

"Sam Walowitz is here," Amy explains. "We've decided to ignore his presence."

"Howie? Are you alright?" Bernadette worries.

"Yeah," he reassures. "Just stay close, okay?" He requests while taking Bernie's hand.

"Ames?" Penny wonders.

"I'm regretting purchasing heels but I'm alright for the moment. I need to get inside. Come with me?" She requests of Sheldon.

"You... you want me?" He questions.

"I need you close. You're my anchor," she whispers in his ear as they make their way across the street to the early 20th-century gothic style cobblestone church. Sheldon takes in the red rose bushes lining the walkway to the heavy wooden doors as they queue in line to enter the sanctuary.

"My dad planted all of the flowers," Amy explains. "The roses were his favorite. Every time we talked he'd spend 15 minutes talking about his roses," she reminisces with a smile as they take the three steps to the door.

"Amy. We've been looking for you," her Uncle Harry greets her at the door.

"I needed some air. Uncle Harry, this is Dr. Sheldon Cooper," she introduces as Sheldon immediately holds out his right hand.

"The infamous Sheldon," Harry greets with a hearty hand shake.

"I'm sorry for your loss," Sheldon replies remembering the instructions from Leonard and his Meemaw.

"Thank you. You're needed in the chapel, Amy," Harry explains as he turns to shake hands with Amy's friends.

As they enter, Amy dips two fingers into the baptismal font and crosses herself as she enters the chapel still on Sheldon's arm. He cringes at the overpowering smell of incense burning at the front of the church and watches in fascination as Amy let's go of him in order to genuflect as she enters a pew. Sheldon gives a slight bow of his head as he enters and sits next to Amy who immediately reaches for his hand. Intriguing.

"You're sitting with me during the service. It took a long, tense negotiation, but my mother finally agreed," Amy explains as she puts the ring Sheldon gve her on her left ring finger.

"She thinks we're engaged?" Sheldon questions.

"I never said we were but I needed to stress your importance to me. I know an omission is just as bad as telling a lie but I need you close today, I need your strength and I didn't know how else to achieve it," she rambles.

"You are strong, Amy. Stronger than you believe. I don't wish to have an argument with you so I am going to ignore this and focus on being here for you today. You get a reprieve."

"Thank you. Just for clarification, once today is over, I will not wear the ring again until we have worked through our issues."

"Understood," Sheldon tersely replies.

"Sheldon, I..." She begins, being cut off as Hurricane Rita enters the room ahead of the rest of Amy's family.

With two swift claps of her hands, Mrs. Fowler has all attention on her at the front of the church. As it doesn't directly involve him, Sheldon tunes her out, instead replaying the conversation with Amy in his head, looking for anything he may have missed. What was she about to say and why did he say he'd otherwise argue with her but for it being her father's funeral? He must've made a sound because all eyes turn to him.

"Yes, Sheldon?" Mrs. Fowler questions. "Is there something you'd like to share with the class?"

"No, Ma'am. Sorry," he instantly replies.

Turning their attention back to what Mrs. Fowler was saying, Sheldon is thankful everyone is ignoring him... well, everyone except Amy, who raises an eyebrow in question. He shakes his head 'no' and mouths, 'you. Me. Later.' as someone come to take a seat next to him.

"Rita sure commands a room," the short gray-haired scranny man seated next to Sheldon comments.

"Indeed," Sheldon replies, having no interest in small talk.

"How did you know Larry?" The stranger wonders.

"I'm Amy's husband, Dr. Sheldon Cooper."

If she can embellish their relationship status than so can he, Sheldon decides.

"Sam Walowitz," he says as he holds out his hand to shake Sheldon's.

* * *

Part 3 coming up! I hope to get through the funeral in it.


	53. Chapter 53

_Sorry for the delay guys! Going through a divorce totally sucks._

* * *

 _Sheer terror_. Sheldon isn't much good at recognizing facial expressions but it doesn't take a genius with an IQ of 187 to figure out that is what Amy is feeling at the moment.

He's only seen this look on her face twice before. The first time he saw that look was right before they called her mother on Skype and he was coerced (by Amy promising him she'd watch Star Wars with him) into saying all of those vile things he was supposedly doing to Amy. He suspects Mrs. Fowler's hatred of him stems from that conversation.

The second time he saw that look was was when Sheldon drug Amy on the Ghost Rider roller coaster at Knott's Berry Farm during a particularly fun date night. She held onto his hand for dear life, almost breaking his fingers. It wasn't until Amy threw up seconds after the ride ended that he discovered her fear of heights and hatred of roller coasters, particularly if they go upside down. He apologized profusely before he took her to Camp Snoopy. Much more relaxed, Amy laughed like a school girl as they watched Snoopy's magic show. When they had their picture taken with Snoopy, Woodstock and Charlie Brown, Amy threw her arms around his neck and kissed his cheek as he blushed and pretended (they do have a PDA clause in the Relationship Agreement after all!) to want her to cease with the affection. That photo was her lock screen for her cell phone for over a year before being replaced by the photo of them at prom.

He has to do something to fix this, Sheldon decides as Amy keeps glancing in his direction every 37 seconds as she half-heartedly listens to her mother's instructions. The chapel is still mostly empty, thankfully, Sheldon notices as he glances behind him. Turning back to face the front of the chapel, Sheldon decides he has to act quickly.

"You need to leave," Sheldon demands.

"Excuse me?" Sam questions.

"Your presence here today is wildly inappropriate and has unnecessarily added to Amy's stress and emotional upset on what is already the worst day of her life. I refuse to allow you to upset her further. You will quietly excuse yourself and leave before the service begins," Sheldon demands.

"You have no right to make demands of me," Sam argues as he holds firm.

"When it comes to protecting the woman I love, I most certainly do!" Sheldon replies, keeping his voice low so as to not echo.

"She doesn't need protection from me. I'm her father," Sam points out.

"You've had 32 years to be her father!" Sheldon yells.

Realizing his mistake too late, Sheldon looks up as Mrs. Fowler looks from Amy, who suddenly finds her shoes incredibly fascinating, to Sheldon, and back to Amy.

"You know?" Rita finally asks Amy.

"Yes. I found a picture in Dad's things. On the back was written, 'Amy's father," Amy confirms.

"I see. Well, how nice of Sheldon to air our dirty laundry," Rita replies.

"Mom..."

"No. Don't 'Mom' me. How dare he come in here all holier than thou after what he did!"

"Mom..." Amy warns as Mrs. Fowler steps off the altar and marches over to the front pew.

Sheldon isn't backing down to her as he looks her right in the eyes, his strong jaw clinched in anger and arms folded across his chest.

"Reality has a way of bursting the bubble of illusion. I suggest you not say you will take care of Amy while someone else is catering to your... 'needs," Rita advises.

"This is not about me," Sheldon points out.

"What is this about then, hmm?" Mrs. Fowler questions as she pokes a well-manicured finger directly into Sheldon's chest, making Sheldon flinch. "I think it's about your ego, your pride, trying to pretend you're an alpha male when you're really just another sorry piece of shit who will unzip his pants for anything with a pulse!"

"That's enough!" Amy yells from where she is watching at the altar. She feels rooted in place as though watching this through somebody else's eyes. As much as she should, she can't put a stop to this.

"I made a mistake, but for whatever reason, reasons I am not going to question, Amy has given me a second chance. I know I don't deserve it. I am trying to be a better man... a better boyfriend to Amy. This is me trying. Maybe you're right. Maybe it is about my fragile ego but maybe, just maybe, it's also about being by Amy's side through the worst day of her life and trying, in whatever way I can, to minimize and eliminate any additional psychological stressors. Have you failed to notice how Mr. Walowitz's presence has upset Amy?" Sheldon wonders.

"Amy's always been overly emotional. She's a big girl and needs to learn how to appropriately show those emotions," Rita replies.

"Appro... really? Rita, the girl looks close to hyperventilating!" Mr. Walowitz points out.

"Stop! Just stop!" Amy yells as she finally is able to take control of the situation. Going to Sheldon, she slaps her mother's finger away from his chest and requests, "I need for you to leave the room for a few minutes."

"Amy..." Sheldon protests.

"It's alright," Amy promises as she takes his hand and squeezes. "I'm not upset with you. Please go find Halley's parents and bring them to talk with me?"

 _Ah, so that's her plan for getting him to leave,_ Sheldon realizes as Amy leans up and kisses his cheek. He squeezes her hand before exiting the chapel through a side door into a long hallway leading to the fellowship hall.

"I suggest not being so quick to cast those stones," Amy advises as she turns on her Mom.

"What did Sheldon say to you?" Rita asks instead as she turns to Sam Walowitz.

"He asked me to leave. I'm sorry, Amy. I didn't stop to consider how you might feel about my being here. Your Dad was a good man..."

"He was a _great_ man," Amy corrects. "Leave, stay... I really don't care at this point."

Barging past her mom who attempts to stop Amy from leaving by grabbing around Amy's wrist, Amy runs out the side door and is thankful to find the long hallway to the fellowship hall empty. She makes herself small by tucking into the corner of the wall as she hugs herself and pleads with her brain to stop being so emotional.

"Amy? Amy!" Rita yells as she rushes out the doors to find her daughter. Seeing Amy in the corner, Mrs. Fowler turns on her daughter. "I raised you better than that! Stop having a tantrum and acting out because I hate your boyfriend!"

"I'm not... your opinion of Sheldon is so far down on my list of concerns at the moment that it barely makes the list! I'd like for my mother to stop being hypocritical, however, they say you can't teach an old dog new tricks and I guess that's true in our situation. It's seared into our brains exactly how this argument goes. You always win because I don't stand up to your manipulation, and passive aggression and abuse."

"Abuse?! I never..."

"Yes, you did. Locking me in the sin closet was physical abuse. I heard the arguments you had with Daddy. He thought so as well which is why I was always let out and sent to my room 10 minutes before he was due to arrive home. The worst thing I ever did was steal that tube of lipstick from you. Was that deserving of 10 hours in the closet, begging you to let me use the restroom and when you wouldn't, having an accident in my pants for which I was further punished?" Amy wonders.

"How else was I to punish you?" Rita wonders.

"Send me to my room? Take away my tv privileges or... or dessert... or the book I was reading? You were the adult. Daddy made me promise that I wouldn't cut off all communication with you but now... 32 years, Mom. You had 32 years to tell me the truth. I want to know why you didn't tell me?"

Not that Amy expected a response to her questions, but when her Mom turns her back on her, Amy's blood reaches a boiling point and an urge, an urgency she can no longer ignore takes over as she forcefully grabs her mom's shoulders and turns Rita to face her.

"Answer me!" Amy growls.

"I'm ashamed, Amy. I didn't tell you because of the guilt and shame. You had a great father and I was protecting you. I'm sorry. I only did what I thought was right," Mrs. Fowler whispers, on the verge of tears as she sniffles. "Can you ever forgive me?"

Well, that was not what she was expecting as the fight leaves Amy's body. Sighing, she releases her grasp on a stunned Mrs. Fowler.

"Give me time to process all of it, alright? I've been through more in the past week than most experience their entire lives. I'm hurt, I'm angry, I'm sad... just... give me time," Amy requests. "There's... there's something you should know. My friend, Howard... he's Sam's son."

"What?! How did you find each other?" Mrs. Fowler wonders.

"He works at CalTech with Sheldon," Amy explains. "We've been friends for several years."

"That's..."

"I'm having difficulty wrapping my mind around the statistical improbability," Amy replies.

"Do you want Sam to leave?" Mrs. Fowler wonders.

"Sheldon is very protective of those he cares about, especially me. I had indicated to him earlier that Sam's presence upset me so he took it upon himself to resolve the issue. Additionally, Howard hasn't seen his father in 20 years and is distraught. I think for all involved, Sam should leave."

"Okay, I'll make it happen," Mrs. Fowler promises. "I do love you, Amy."

"I know. I love you too, Mom."

"Go wash your face and calm down, " Rita suggests. "We have 45 minutes until the service."

"Mom, " Amy calls out as Rita starts to open the door to the chapel. "You owe Sheldon an apology."

Huffing, Rita spins around on her heels and sneers. "I do not owe him anything."

"Yes, you do. You know it and I know it. For all of his faults, and believe me there are many, Sheldon has been by my side through all of this. He's been protective, and... loving. He made one mistake. ONE. We all have something in our past that we regret or wish we could do differently. I love him and am choosing to forgive him."

"Mark my words, Amy. This will be your biggest mistake and regret, " Mrs. Fowler warns.

"Should that come to pass, I will eat crow while you say, 'I told you so.' Until that happens, I need for you, at the very least, to be civil with Sheldon."

"What is it about him, Amy? What does he possess that no other man can give you?" Rita wonders

"Many things, Mom. His intelligence, his childlike jubilance when telling me about his latest game or comic book or movie he wants to see, how he always smells of talc, how my hand fits perfectly in his, how he tries to be the perfect boyfriend for me. Every Sunday morning when we lived together, I'd wake up to him making breakfast. He calls his Meemaw and asks for her recipes on Saturday afternoon and he'd always prepare them for me on Sunday mornings. He's not perfect, nobody is, but he tries. All I ask is that he tries."

"Any man can give you that. Why is he different?"

"I tried dating again in Paris. It just... I suppose I could be happy with Dave but... I don't know what it is, exactly, Mom. I can't put my finger on it. I have tried telling myself that I should... that I can move on... but my heart... Sheldon owns my heart and he's not giving it back. I love him. It doesn't make any sense after what has happened. Having... having a loaded gun pointed at us, hearing each click of the trigger... thinking one or both of us were going to die... he was so brave, Mom. I could see the fear in his eyes when Sheldon pleaded with the gunman to shoot him, hurt him, to leave me alone. He was willing to die to protect me. I'm still hurt, still angry at him, but that night changed my perspective on things. He's the best man I know and the only one I want to be with."

"I see. And is he prepared to make an honest woman out of you?" Rita questions.

"Yes, " Sheldon immediately replies from midway down the long hallway as he and Penny come to check on Amy. "When Amy is ready, I will give her a ring, forever binding us in marriage. I will be the father of her children and co-owner of a cat with a cute little bell on its collar. I'll give her game nights and family movie nights, nights we make love by our fireplace and nights we can barely tolerate being under the same roof. I'll support her and laugh with her. I'll hold her and cry with her. I'll try to be the man she envisions me to be, knowing I'll eventually fail her but she will love me still. I will give her a home, a family, a marriage... everything she wants, when she's ready."

"Very well, " Rita whispers as she opens the chapel door.

Wiping away her tears with the back of her hand, Amy smiles at Sheldon as he quickly makes his way to her and pulls his handkerchief from the inside pocket of his suit jacket. Holding it out to her, Amy laughs before accepting it and dabbing at her eyes.

"That was beautiful, Sheldon, " Penny praises as she rubs Amy's shoulder encouragingly. "How are you doing, Sweetie?" She asks of Amy.

"I'm... numb, I suppose?" Amy offers as Penny engulfs her in a hug, "and being suffocated."

"Sorry, " Penny apologizes before stepping back.

"Howard refuses to confront Sam out of respect for your father, " Sheldon shares as he rocks from foot to foot nervously.

"It's fine, " Amy sighs. "I need to make an appearance in the fellowship hall. I need to stand there and try not to scream as people, most of whom I have no clue who they are, say they're sorry for my loss or they know how I feel. It's social convention, I know, but... nobody knows how I feel. I don't even fully understand how I feel. All of this polite... bull crap!... a week from now, a month from now... I'll still be mourning and they will be nowhere to be found."

"Life will go on, people will move on, that's just a fact, " Penny points out. "You'll now divide your life into two periods, before and after. I know it's hard, Sweetie. When my grandma died, it didn't really hit me until a few months later. It was her birthday and I picked up the phone to call her only to get the message that her number was disconnected. It will come in waves for awhile, a song on the radio, a birthday or anniversary, driving by someplace you used to frequent together... but eventually, you learn how to live without them, eventually the memories don't hurt."

"How do you get through it?" Amy wonders.

"Time and leaning on the people who love you, " Penny replies. "We've got you."

Her mom kept her promise to make Sam Walowitz leave, Amy is surprised to learn as she and Sheldon enter the sanctuary of the church once again. It's starting to fill up with people there to pay their respects. Amy spots Howard and Bernadette taking their seats near the back of the church and catches Howard's eye as she gives him a grateful smile which is returned.

"Remind me to keep breathing, " Amy whispers to Sheldon who nods once in response as her father's urn, a simple oak box, is brought to the altar by her grandparents and their rabbi. As Amy's Jewish family gathers around, Sheldon helps Amy up the stairs as the rabbi delivers a prayer in Hebrew over the remains of Larry Fowler.

"Sheldon, I wanted to thank you for your thoughtfulness in having kosher deli trays delivered, " Amy's grandmother, Elizabeth, offers after the prayer.

"I will pass your thanks on to my mother. It was her doing, " Sheldon explains.

"Oh, well, Amy, make sure I get Mrs. Cooper's contact information so I can personally thank her?"

"Of course, " Amy reassures.

"May I help you down the stairs?" Sheldon asks as he offers his arm to Amy's grandmother.

"You're a fine young man, Sheldon, " Elizabeth praises after taking her seat. "Thank you for supporting Amy and our family through this."

What is there to say to that other than an insincere, you're welcome, Sheldon wonders. It's simply what one does for the person they love. Knowing he needs to say something, he decides on just that as Amy steps beside him and takes his hand.

She's right. Her petite hand does fit perfectly into his, Sheldon decides as he guides Amy to her seat on the other side of the first row of pews. She's teary-eyed and before taking his seat, Sheldon retrieves his handkerchief from the inside pocket of his suit jacket and gently dabs at her tears. He hears several softly murmured, "awws" in the chapel and looks apologetically to Amy who seems unfazed by them sharing a semi-intimate moment publically. Shrugging it off, he takes his seat and immediately reaches over for Amy's hand.

It's mind-boggling to Sheldon how an act that he once abhorred and resisted as long as possible now brings him so much comfort. Holding Amy's hand is one of the first small modifications to the otherwise iron-clad (and strictly enforced) "all forms of physical contact up to and including coitus are off the table" clause of their relationship agreement, and he secretly looked forward to each date night when Amy would reach over and with a small shy smile at him, lay her hand palm up on the table between them. As their hands rest on his thigh now, Sheldon uses his thumb to caress the top of her hand, an act she often did when they watched movies together.

She squeezes his hand in response as she closes her eyes and with a shaky shuddering breath wills herself to remain composed as the first notes of "Taps" blare out from the trumpet of one of the soldiers as they present military honors to Larry Fowler. As the American flag is folded and presented to Rita Fowler, there is not a dry eye in the house, save one person's, Sheldon Cooper. Amy is shaking as she cries silently and lets go of his hand to twist the ring upon her left hand, trying to distract herself. Sheldon quickly decides to take Amy's cues, but leaves his hand palm up on his leg in invitation should she change her mind.

"Baruch atah Hashem Elokeinu melech haolam, dayan ha'emet," Blessed are you, Lord our God, Ruler of the universe, the true Judge, " her Uncle, Harry, begins as those gathered answer with the obligatory, "Amen."

"I remember the day my parents brought my baby brother, Larry, home from the hospital. I thought he looked like Bozo the clown with that bright red hair of his. Being a big brother was pretty cool... for a few hours. Larry cried constantly. I, in all my 4-year-old wisdom, decided that the hospital gave my parents the wrong baby and I was going to go find my real baby brother. So, after school one day, I got my dad to tie my little red flyer wagon to my trike. Getting Baby Larry out to the garage proved to be a bigger challenge. I couldn't carry him so, my brilliant plan was to drag him from the living room on a blanket. I got all of three steps before Ma asked me what I thought I was doing. Plan to get rid of my baby brother foiled, I decided to make lemonade out of lemons. Larry soon became my best friend and partner in crime. Ma still only knows a fraction of some of the shenanigans we got up to... and I ain't gonna be responsible for her having a heart attack."

"Amy, you were the love of Larry's life... Daddy's little princess. When he told me Rita was pregnant with you, he was the proudest and happiest man on the planet. The day you were born, he was passing cigars out to complete strangers as he excitedly told them he has a baby girl. You went everywhere with him, the zoo, the aquarium, the science center, in fact I remember one time you had a fit because you had to stay home while your dad went to the dentist. Larry left, got two blocks away and looked in his rearview mirror to see you chasing after his car. So, you sat in his lap as he had a filling."

"Larry wanted to be a grandpa so badly. He always talked about how he couldn't wait to spoil his grandchildren. I'm sorry he won't get the chance to watch them grow up or walk you down the aisle on your wedding day."

Oh, she is fuming now. Gritting her teeth, she glares at Harry, silent fury burning behind her emerald orbs. Sheldon leans over and cups his hand around her ear as he whispers, "that is on me, not you. Are you okay?"

Silently, she takes his hand and lays her head against his shoulder as her uncle wraps up his eulogy. As Sheldon kisses the crown of her head, she can't hold back her tears any longer and soaks the shoulder of his suit jacket.

Sheldon wraps his arm around her shoulders and holds her close during the Bible readings and sermon, gently rubbing her back, which seems to calm her. After the congregation sings, "Adon Olam, " Amy rises and makes her way to the pulpit for her eulogy.

 _"Grief_ _is a river you wade in until you get to the other side._

 _But I am here, stuck in the middle, water parting_

 _around my ankles, moving downstream_

 _over the flat rocks. I'm not able to lift a foot,_

 _move on. Instead, I'm going to stay here_

 _in the shallows with my sorrow, nurture it_

 _like a cranky baby, rock it in my arms._

 _I don't want it to grow up, go to school, get married._

 _It's mine. Yes, the October sunlight wraps me_

 _in its yellow shawl, and the air is sweet_

 _as a golden Tokay. On the other side,_

 _there are apples, grapes, walnuts,_

 _and the rocks are warm from the sun._

 _But I'm going to stand here,_

 _growing colder, until every inch_

 _of my skin is numb. I can't cross over._

 _Then you really will be gone."_

Taking three steps back from the pulpit the sudden sob ripping through her throat shocks Amy as she cries heavily. Going to her Dad's urn, she rests her palm upon the lid as she sobs. Immediately, Sheldon, the priest and the rabbi rush up the stairs to comfort Amy and she clings to Sheldon as she continues to sob.

"I wish I could take away your grief. I would do anything to bring him back to you, " Sheldon murmurs which is unfortunately picked up by the microphone. "I love you. You are not alone."

She silently nods and takes his hand as the priest signals the organist to begin playing, "Amazing Grace, " concluding the funeral as the family walks out first. Feeling shaky, Amy leans into Sheldon as he protectively wraps his arm around her waist. She needs time to compose herself, he decides, so they keep walking across the street to the park and sit on the same bench as earlier in the morning.

"Amy, I don't want to upset you further..."

"Then don't, " she suggests.

"But I need to know if you asked your uncle to mention how much your father wanted grandchildren?"

"No. Dad would tease me from time to time asking when I was going to give him a grandbaby, but he understood that our relationship is unconventional. He always said we'd get there eventually."

"Where are you going on your trip?" Sheldon wonders.

"My uncle owns a vacation home in Northern California. I'll come back Saturday morning and we can have dinner before I fly back to Paris on Sunday."

"Alright. Please text me to let me know you've arrived safely?" Sheldon requests.

"I will. Sheldon, I can't thank you enough for being by my side through this."

"Like I said earlier, it's what one does for the person they love."


	54. Chapter 54

_Why won't it balance?!_ Sheldon wonders as he stares at an equation on his whiteboard. Quickly turning around to his desk, Sheldon grabs another handful of M&Ms and pops one in his mouth. Delighted by the sound of an incoming Skype call interrupting his already unproductive work day, he rushes to his desk and accepts the incoming call from Amy.

"This is a pleasant surprise. Is everything alright?" Sheldon wonders.

"Yes, " Amy quickly reassures. " I hope I'm not interrupting?"

"No. It's been a rather unproductive day, " Sheldon reassures.

 _She looks happy and relaxed,_ Sheldon notices as Amy adjusts the brown fleece throw blanket on her lap, which makes the wooden swing she's sitting on slightly creek.

"Is that swing safe?" Sheldon worries as Amy smiles in response.

"Yes, it is perfectly safe. The swing was salvaged from my family's homestead in Wyoming. When my great grandparents married, my great-grandfather made this as a wedding gift for his new bride, my grandpa's mom, " Amy explains as Sheldon pops another M&M in his mouth. "You and your sweet tooth! I hope that you had something more nutritious for lunch?"

"I did. I had a bread bowl filled with potato soup, " Sheldon shares.

"That sounds delicious. I had peanut butter on graham crackers."

"That's hardly a snack, let alone a meal. Are you sure you're alright?"

"Yes. I haven't been hungry but I am going to try to catch my dinner and if that fails, I will roast hot dogs and marshmallows over the fire pit."

"You're going to fish?" Sheldon confirms, trying to hold back his laughter.

"I can fish! I also am quite the frog catcher but they require more intensive cleaning than fish."

"You eat frog?" He's turning green at the gills thinking about it.

" Every summer during our family reunion, it was a tradition for us to catch frogs so Grandma and Grandpa could cook them. I hold the record for catching 6 in one day."

"I've never pictured you as the outdoor type, nor very adventurous in your food choices. What other icky squishy foods have you tried?" Sheldon wonders.

"Dave tried, unsuccessfully, to get me to try escargot. I suppose I should try it since I may never have an opportunity to travel to Paris again."

"Oh. Are you still going to see him?" Sheldon questions, a hint of incredulity in his otherwise calm demeanor.

"I may run into him from time to time in the hallway or a work function, but I won't be seeking to spend time with him, " Amy reassures as she takes a sip of her merlot. "I meant that I should order it sometime."

"I see. I may agree to try both dishes... Provided I have no clue beforehand what I'm about to ingest, " Sheldon adds as Amy laughs.

Her laughter is music to his ears and he grins at her in response as she smiles back at him.

"In Texas, if it can be chicken fried, we eat it, " Sheldon shares.

"Your fried chicken is amazing. It's a shame you won't give up the recipe."

"It's a family secret."

Those four words are a stark reminder of how so much has changed between them. The awkward silence dragging on between them has Sheldon tapping his leg with his fingernails, waiting for Amy to change the subject. Amy nervously brushes a strand of hair behind her ear and is about to suggest she cook dinner for them on Saturday when they're interrupted by a knock on Sheldon's door.

"Enter!" He calls out, expecting it to be the guys.

As the door opens and he sees Ramona entering he angrily questions, "what do you want?"

"Hello to you too, " she greets as she goes to shut the door, being stopped by Sheldon forcefully grabbing it and flinging it backwards towards the wall with a thud.

"My door will remain open. What do you want, _Doctor_ Nowitzki?"

"Now that _she_ has returned to Paris, I thought we could pick up where we left off?" Ramona suggests while reaching for Sheldon's hand which he jerks away from her.

"I thought I left no room for doubt before but allow me to make it crystal clear to you; you are a second-rate scientist who unzips her pants for anything with a pulse and I have _zero_ interest in contracting whatever STDs you may be carrying. Get out of my office and do not contact me again, " Sheldon warns.

"Cut the bullshit, Sheldon. We both know you enjoyed it and you can't wait to have me again, " Ramona coaxes.

"Neither of the statements are true, " Sheldon counters. "I wouldn't have needed Viagra if I enjoyed it. I don't need Viagra with Amy."

"No, you just give her a pity fuck once a year. I can't believe that lab rat agreed to that!"

"That 'lab rat' is a world-renowned neurobiologist and possesses more brilliance in her pinky finger than you have in your entire body! Not only that, she is the woman I love. You will treat her with respect!" Sheldon growls.

"Have you told her everything? Have you told her that you were the one that pursued me? How you begged me to convince you to not marry her? Have you told her what it felt like to make me scream as you became completely unhinged? I'm sure she'd love to see the tape of you fucking me, " Ramona threatens, unable to hide her smile as Sheldon's fists clench in anger.

"She knows everything, " Sheldon replies.

"Have you ever fucked her like you fucked me?" Ramona wonders.

"No. I love her too much to treat her like some common whore... to treat her like I treated you."

"So you had to seek out someone who would let you try out the sick twisted fantasies that your perfect little Amy refused to do, " Ramona sums up.

"You're right about one thing, Amy is perfect in every way. I don't know what you're trying to accomplish but it's not going to work. I love Amy. I choose Amy. I want nothing to do with you! Do not contact Amy or me again or you will regret it!" Sheldon warns.

"Keep wasting your time on Yang-Mills while Howard beats you to that Nobel!" Ramona yells back.

Pushing Ramona out the door, Sheldon slams and locks it before leaning against it. His blood pressure has risen several points and his pulse is thudding in his ears, making him feel ill. Going to sit at his desk, he's not surprised to see that Amy is still connected to Skype, having listened in on everything. She grabs the merlot bottle and takes a large swig, not even bothering to pour it into the glass as Sheldon sits and asks, "are you alright?"

"Was that a show for my benefit?" Amy questions.

"What do you mean?" Sheldon wonders.

"I want to know if it was a ruse and you still plan on seeing each other behind my back?"

"Amy, no, of course not! I love you. I want to be with you, only you, for the rest of our lives. Do you want me to leave Caltech? I'll take my letter of resignation to Gabelhauser right now. Just say the word."

"I don't... I don't know what I want, Sheldon. I don't like that you still see her at work but it doesn't feel fair for me to demand you quit your job."

"What do you need to feel as though you can trust me, especially if I have to interact with her at work?" Sheldon wonders.

"Let me think on that, " Amy requests. "I should let you get back to work."

"Happy fishing. Send me a picture of your catch?"

"I will, " she promises. "I love you, " Amy murmurs.

"I love you too, " Sheldon replies as Amy disconnects the call.

It takes quite a bit of searching online, but Sheldon eventually locates a restaurant which serves both frog legs and escargot and makes a reservation for Saturday night. He then makes a reminder on his phone to take his suit to the dry cleaner and move up laundry night to Friday. Tasks complete, he returns to mulling the Yang-Mills Theory while imagining Amy trying to catch a fish.

Going inside to change into more appropriate clothes for fishing, Amy pulls on the black Batman t-shirt she picked up while at Princeton, a Harvard sweatshirt and an extra pair of socks. She goes into the garage and quickly locates a fishing pole, tackle box, a net and a cooler. She walks out the garage door, the brown and yellow leaves crunching beneath her feet giving her a sense of satisfaction and quickly casts her line into the river which runs behind the house. It's calm today and all Amy hears in the distance is crickets chirping. She definitely needed this, she thinks with a smile as she watches the red and white bobber float on the water.

Pulling out her phone, she takes a picture of her pole cast into the lake, the cabin behind her and a selfie of her sitting on a log. She just shoves the phone into her pocket when the bobber disappears, indicating she's having fish for dinner. Slowly reeling her line in, she's surprised by the fight the fish is putting up as she lets out some slack and tries again. With one strong tug, she gets it ashore to see she caught a rainbow trout, one of her favorites to eat. She takes a picture of the catch of the day before taking the fish to the outdoor sink on the porch so she can clean it.

Quickly completing her task, she seasons the fish filets and adds a potato and ear of corn to the foil packet before starting the fire pit. Deciding to make Sheldon jealous, Amy roasts a marshmallow to a perfect golden brown then makes herself the perfect s'more, sending only that picture to her sweets-loving friend.

He's more than just her friend though, isn't he? Amy wonders as she sits next to the fire. He openly declares his love for her, even to her mother of all people. She's not his girlfriend, though, at least, not officially. Friends with benefits is too crude to even consider, so... what do they call this weird dating but not dating stage they currently find themselves in? Even more importantly, does she want to be official knowing they're about to be separated for 4 more months? And what to do about not trusting him around HER? She knows with absolute certainty she cannot demand Sheldon leave Caltech. Oh, he would if she asked, Amy has no doubt, but it's too controlling In Amy's opinion.

After dinner, Amy goes inside and grabs a book she started reading on the flight over, _All the Light we Cannot See,_ and becomes so immersed in the book, she reads until it is too dark for her to see. Killing the fire, she looks up at the starry sky and whispers, "night, dad, " before heading inside.

Waking Wednesday morning, Amy stretches beneath the maroon down-filled comforter and lays in bed as she watches two squirrels chasing each other through the large walnut tree outside the window. Laughing as one of the squirrels stands on its hind legs and uses its tiny hands to swat at the other squirrel, Amy records a few seconds of the game of tag and then posts it to Facebook with no caption. Going into the kitchen, she retrieves the carton of eggs and decides to make an omelet. Taking it to the back porch, she casts her fishing pole before enjoying her breakfast.

Back in Pasadena, Sheldon enters Beckman Auditorium at Caltech and takes a seat in the 5th row. It's the quarterly all staff meeting, which in Sheldon's mind, is a waste of a day he could be spending doing science. At least he gets paid for it and some of Howard's snide remarks can be pretty funny. Among the first to arrive, Sheldon pulls out his cell phone to check his social media accounts and is chuckling at Amy's video when the guys arrive.

"What's so funny?" Leonard wonders as he tries not to trip over Sheldon's feet on his way to a seat.

"This video Amy shared of two squirrels fighting is delightful, " Sheldon replies.

"How is she?" Howard wonders as he sits next to Sheldon and leans over to watch the video.

"She seems happy and relaxed. She was going to fish yesterday afternoon but I haven't heard if she caught anything, " Sheldon replies.

"I can't picture Amy fishing, " Raj chimes in.

"Me either and I said as much to her. She fishes, she catches and eats frogs... there's a whole side to Amy that I never knew existed, " Sheldon replies, the remorse evident in his voice.

"It sounds like things are good between you two though?" Leonard wonders.

"Yes, we seem to be moving past it, " Sheldon confirms. "We're having dinner Saturday night. She leaves for Paris on Sunday."

"We'll stop at the pharmacy on the way home, " Leonard offers.

"Why? Are you ill?" Sheldon questions as he covers his face and mouth with the crook of his arm.

"No, I'm fine. I just thought... you might need some... _protection?"_ Leonard hints. Sheldon isn't picking up on the euphemism so Leonard continues, "you might want to prevent the creation of little benign overlords?"

"That won't be necessary, " Sheldon replies.

"You have it covered?" Leonard wonders as Raj and Howard snicker.

"Oh grow up. It's not necessary because Amy won't be letting me anywhere near her baby factory anytime soon, " Sheldon explains.

Deciding she needs to get out of the house and do something, Amy checks her fishing pole and reels it in. Not even a nibble. Taking her fishing gear to the garage, Amy spots the kayak and briefly considers taking it out. Remembering when she was 14 and her cousin purposely rocked the kayak so it would flip, Amy decides that may not be the best idea since she's alone here.

She could go for a bike ride, she ponders as she looks at her aunt's bike. There's a nice trail not too far away that her dad would take her to in the summers they spent here. Decision made, Amy goes inside to change into the single pair of jeans she owns and soon sets out.

"Incoming, " Leonard warns Sheldon when he spots Ramona approaching them.

"Good morning, " she cordially greets the guys.

While Leonard, Howard and Raj mumble "morning" in response, Sheldon stays preoccupied with his cell phone and refuses to look up at her.

"Aren't you going to say good morning to me, Sheldon?" Ramona wonders.

"My mother raised me that if I don't have anything nice to say, it's best to say nothing at all, " Sheldon replies as Leonard and Howard bite their lips to hold in their laughter.

"I was wondering if you had reconsidered my proposition?" Ramona asks.

"As I told you yesterday, I am not interested, " Sheldon replies.

"I thought you'd say that, " Ramona replies as she sets her laptop on Sheldon's lap. "I'm going to make you an offer you can't refuse. This is an email to Amy, containing an attachment of the video of our encounters. In order for me to not send this to her, you must submit to me a copy of the email you will send to Amy ending your relationship no later than 5 pm today. Additionally, you will pay me $100,000 to buy my silence. Once I receive the cash, I will destroy the video."

"That's blackmail! and extortion!" Sheldon exclaims. "No, I refuse to do it."

"Hold on. What do you gain from him breaking up with Amy?" Leonard wonders?

"Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. If I can't have him, I'm going to make damn sure no one else wants him, " Ramona explains. "Tick tock, Sheldon."

With that, she goes to sit in the back row of the auditorium so she can sneak out early.

"What are you going to do?" Leonard wonders.

"I'm going to win and get rid of Ramona once and for all, " Sheldon decides, "but first, I need to warn Amy. Excuse me."

Quickly realizing she left her cell phone on the kitchen counter, Amy debates turning around to get it. Deciding she could use a day off the grid, she waits for the light to change to allow her to cross the street and parks her bike along the wooden boardwalk of the old grey shops lining the street.

Her first stop is The Candyman, a quaint little candy shop. As she enters she sees bin after bin of salt water taffy and she grabs a brown paper bag to fill with her favorite flavors. This was their first stop on summer vacation, Amy fondly recalls. Her dad would bring her in here and with a joking, "warning! Kid loose in the candy store!" He'd whisper in her ear, "Get me a few orange creamsicles?" She spots the orange creamsicle taffy and throws in two handfuls into her bag before moving on to the chocolate covered selections.

"Hi, Amy. I'm sorry to disturb your alone time but there's an extremely urgent matter we must discuss at your earliest convenience. I'm about to go into the all staff meeting so please text me when you get this?" Sheldon requests in his voicemail.

Realizing that for his plan to work, he's going to need some help, Sheldon rushes back inside to take his seat. President Siebert has already begun speaking. That's, Sheldon thinks as he silences his phone.

He texts Raj, Howard and Leonard, _"I need your help, "_ and places his phone screen down on his leg as he waits for them to respond.

" _Before I commit to one of your hair brain schemes, I need to know what this oh-so-brilliant plan of yours is?"_ Howard instantly questions via text.

 _"The email Ramona claims contains the video of our encounters is on the university server. It should be in her draft folder. I need to get to her office and send that email to the entire university. She will then be fired for viewing and sending pornography through the university server, "_ Sheldon explains.

 _"That's actually brilliant, "_ Leonard replies. _"Did you reach Amy?"_

 _"No. Voicemail, "_ Sheldon answers.

" _I'm in, "_ Howard immediately decides.

 _"Me too,,_ Leonard responds _._

 _" Team Shamy, GO!"_ Raj texts back.

Coming out of the candy store $50 lighter, Amy sticks her purchases in the backpack she grabbed on her way out the door and takes a long sip from the bottle of water she purchased in the store. There used to be a cute little craft shop up ahead and Amy wonders if it's still there. Reaching the shop, Amy is delighted that it's still there. She parks her bike and as she walks by the door, she notices a box nearby advertising, "free kittens."

"You look like you could use a new best friend, " the elderly gentleman sitting on a bench next to the box comments.

"If I wasn't currently working in France, I'd consider it. Sorry, " Amy replies as she goes into the shop.

As she walks around the shop looking at hand-painted seashells, homemade soaps, locally harvested raw honey and canned goods, Sheldon's words come back to her, " _I'll be co-owner of a cat with a cute little bell on its collar." We're moving forward. I need to show him through my actions that I want to move on, together._

Not seeing anything worth purchasing in the shop, Amy goes out to look at the kittens. There's one left, a long-haired grey kitten with the cutest smashed face Amy has ever seen. A Persian, Amy immediately identifies the breed. He sure is cute. Darn it. She owns a cat.

"My boyfriend and I have been discussing getting a cat once I return from France, " Amy explains."I'm sure he'd love some company while I'm gone. He loves cats, we both do, and I promise this little guy will have a great home."

"I'm sure he will. Where are you staying? I can follow you so you don't have to come back to get him."

"My uncle owns a house on Blackberry Drive, " Amy shares.

"I thought I saw lights on last night at the Fowler place. I live one street up on Peach. I'm Jerry Newhouse."

"Amy Fowler, " she replies while holding her hand out.

"You're little Amy? The last time I saw you, you must've been about 8 or 9 years old and had your nose buried in a book! My how time flies! How are your folks? I need to get your dad over to play cards sometime."

"My dad passed last week, " Amy shares. "He loved spending time here so I decided to come here one last time to remember him, to connect with him."

"I'm sorry to hear that. He was such a nice guy. So I'll bring your little fella over in a few. Do you need food and litter for him?"

"I need to make a trip to the store anyway so I can pick some up and leave the rest with Sheldon, my boyfriend."

"Great."

Giving the kitten, which Amy has decided she will name Spock in an attempt to win Sheldon over, one last scratch under his chin, Amy places him back in the box and makes her way back to her Uncle's home.

Waiting until a break is called, Sheldon and Howard make their way back to the offices in the physics building. The coast is clear and Sheldon turns the knob on Ramona's door, surprisingly finding it unlocked. He locks the door behind them as Howard goes to the desk and moves the mouse to wake up Ramona's computer.

"Any idea what her password is?" Howard wonders.

"No, " Sheldon replies.

Seeing a bunch of sticky notes stuck to the edge of the screen, Howard scans them for anything that could meet the university's requirements for a password.

"Got it!" He whispers in excitement.

The email is loaded on the computer.

"There has to be a catch. This is too easy!" Howard cautions.

"I want to make sure that attachment is what Ramona claims. Can you search the hard drive for it?" Sheldon requests.

It takes just a few seconds for Howard to locate the file and open it. He turns away, not wanting to see any part of Sheldon getting lucky. Grabbing the mouse, Sheldon clicks through the video, confirming it hasn't been altered.

"It's good. Send it "

Are you sure? This doesn't paint you in the best light and if Amy sees it..."

"It's the only leverage Ramona has. I need to take that away, " Sheldon explains.

It takes just a few seconds to send the email to the entire university. Wiping the keyboard and door handles on their way out, they stop at a vending machine and get sodas before making their way back to the conference.

"It's done, " Sheldon replies as his phone lights up with an incoming text from Amy.

Sheldon opens the text to see a photo of Amy holding the kitten, and smiles at the next message, " _meet your new best friend, Mr. Spock. You sound worried in your voicemail. What's wrong?"_

 _"I fail to understand how the cat is my new best friend?"_ Sheldon wonders before explaining the situation with Ramona and his response. Amy goes silent for over an hour, worrying Sheldon. As he's supposed to be listening to the conference he tries to sneak occasional glances at his phone, confirming she has yet to respond.

When she does respond, Sheldon has to read her message several times.

 _I want to watch it with you on Saturday._


	55. Chapter 55

Sitting on the couch later that night with Spock curled up on the blanket covering her lap, Amy reaches for another handful of popcorn as she watches a movie she found among her uncle's collection. Picking up the DVD case, she tries to commit the title to memory, _10th Kingdom._ It seems to be a mash-up of fairy tales set in modern-day New York City and Amy laughs as Wolf says, "No, no! 'Rare' implies dangerously overcooked! When I say rare, I mean just let it look at the oven in terror, then bring it out to me." This movie is delightful! She wonders if Sheldon has ever seen this?

Just as she thinks that, her phone rings. Pausing the movie, she picks up her cell phone and tells Spock, "it's Daddy!" _Oh, she must nip that in the bud immediately. Sheldon will hate it._

 _"_ Hi, " Amy greets as she answers the call. Tilting his head inquisitively, Spock meows in response and Amy laughs as she pets his back. "Spock said hello too, " she shares.

"Why did you name him Spock?" Sheldon wonders.

"I don't know, it's the first name that came to mind. I think it's his cute little pointy ears, " she talks in high pitched baby talk to the cat, making Sheldon laugh. "What you said at my dad's funeral came to mind and... I don't know it seems like something you might name our pet, plus I thought you might like the company while I'm in Paris."

"I would, very much so. He is cute, " Sheldon agrees.

"Why aren't you at new comic book night?" Amy wonders.

"Stuart closed early because Halley has the chicken pox. Howard never had it as a kid so he is staying at Raj's. Bernadette is out of town at a conference."

"Poor baby, " Amy sympathizes. "I thought she would've been vaccinated?"

"Me also. Chicken pox is the worst. Missy and I were 3 when we contracted it. Georgie tried to convince us we were turning into chickens. Meemaw had an old feather pillow that was falling apart so during nap time that day, Georgie grabbed the bottle of calamine lotion and slathered it on Missy and me then ripped open the pillow so the feathers would stick to us. This was in September. Meemaw was still finding feathers on Easter, " Sheldon shares as Amy laughs uproariously.

"I was 7 when I had the chicken pox, " Amy recalls. "I went to a sleepover for Girl Scouts and we all caught it."

"Is that why your mom made your own 'Girl Sprouts' troop?" Sheldon wonders.

"I don't know, maybe."

"This... this is nice, Amy. I've... you're my friend, first and foremost, and... I've missed my friend, " Sheldon softly confesses.

"I've missed you too, Sheldon, " Amy replies. Knowing she's blushing, she's glad Sheldon can't see her right now. "How was the conference?"

"Mind-numbingly dull. That's actually the reason for my call. As I told you this afternoon, Ramona was threatening to send the video to you. Our friends seem to believe I skipped over some important details of that altercation, but first, a question. Why do you wish to watch me have coitus with another woman?"

"You sent that video to everyone at the university, Sheldon! It went to my colleagues, my bosses... people who know that _we_ were a couple. I should at least know what's on it!"

"I agree. It shocks me that you want to watch it though. You said that the screenshots are permanently seared into your brain. It's only going to hurt you."

"Is there something on the tape you don't want me to see or hear?" Amy wonders.

"I'm not sure if it has sound. I haven't watched it. I don't want to watch it... but um, I called out your name twice. I know that is going to greatly upset you."

"Yes, " Amy agrees, closing her eyes. "So... today. What haven't you told me?"

"Ramona made some demands in exchange for not sending the tape to you. She wanted a significant amount of money and..."

"How much?" Amy interrupts to ask.

"$100,000."

"Money hungry bitch, " Amy mutters. "What else did she want?"

The line suddenly goes silent and Amy thinks maybe the call dropped. She quickly pulls it away from her ear, confirming they are still connected and smiles as she hears Penny in the background, "tell her what else Psycho Slutbunny wanted!"

"Sheldon?" Amy questions. "Whatever it is, it can't be any worse than what you've already done to me."

Sheldon heavily sighs and Amy imagines him running his hand through his hair, one of his nervous habits. She knows better than to push him to speak, so she takes a sip of her soda and waits.

"For me to send an email to you by 5 pm today... severing our relationship permanently, " Sheldon softly explains.

She was wrong. That feels like a knife in her heart.

"Oh, " she softly murmurs. "Alright, we fool her into thinking I've had enough, " Amy decides.

"No. It's not happening, " Sheldon insists.

"Sheldon, just listen to me..." Amy pleads.

"WE FIND ANOTHER WAY TO END THIS!" Sheldon yells.

"I can't talk to you when you're like this. I will call you tomorrow, " Amy promises before quickly hanging up.

"Why are you being a jerk to Amy?!" Penny yells at him as soon as it's evident Amy hung up. "It's entirely your fault that you're even in this position!"

"I KNOW! I have been berating myself for not keeping it in my pants or, oh I don't know, not rocking my girlfriend's world more than once a year! We're finally in a place where I'm optimistic that we can get past this and Amy has this... cockamamie idea that we are going to give Ramona exactly what she wants!"

"Did you listen to Amy at all?" Penny wonders.

"No, " Sheldon admits with a heavy sigh.

"Give me your phone, " Penny demands as she sits on the couch next to Sheldon.

"Absolutely not!" Sheldon replies.

"I have tried to stay out of this, to remain neutral, but Sheldon, _I_ am **done** watching you hurt my friend! You will call her back right now and fix this or so help me God, I will go into your room and gleefully destroy every last comic book you own!"

"You wouldn't, " Sheldon dares.

"Alright, I wouldn't, " Penny relents, "but I am warning you, Sheldon. Amy is sick of this one step forward, 10 steps back bullcrap. If you don't make amends very quickly and make her feel loved and cherished and that you are sincerely remorseful for everything you have ever done to hurt her, you are going to lose her for good. If she leaves for Paris feeling as though you don't respect her enough to at least hear her out, she will move on from you. Dave Gibbs is waiting in the wings ready to scoop her up the second you fuck up again..."

"She can't date Dave! He's..."

"Not as brilliant as you? I suggest you reconsider your brilliance in light of recent events, " Penny advises.

"I was going to say he's not good enough for her, " Sheldon explains.

"And you are?" Penny wonders. _The ego on this man!_

"No... but I want to be, " Sheldon remorsefully confesses.

"Call her back, " Penny suggests.

"AAARRRGGGHHH!" Amy yells as she hangs up on Sheldon. Scared, Spock scrambles off her lap and crawls under the couch, hiding from her.

"It's okay, Buddy. Come here, " Amy calls as she clicks her tongue. "Come on."

Reaching for the laser pointer they had been playing with earlier, Amy shines it near her knee and sure enough, Spock's little paw appears from under the couch, trying to catch it. Amy moves the dot so it's under the coffee table, and soon her kitten comes charging out at full speed, running head first into the metal leg of the glass coffee table.

"Ouch!" Amy exclaims as the kitten shakes his head then "gets" the red laser dot.

"Ready for dinner?" Amy asks as Spock jumps up on the couch and rubs his back against her hand as he purrs.

Picking up the kitten, Amy laughs when he begins nuzzling her neck and chewing on a strand of her hair as she carries him to the kitchen.

"Sorry, Buddy, but you're not getting any milk from there, " Amy apologizes as she sets Spock down at his water dish.

She grabs one of the small plastic containers of wet cat food and scoops it onto a plate before grabbing the kitten formulated bag of dry cat food and reading the instructions on how much to give Spock. Scooping out the appropriate amount, Amy uses a spoon to mix it, then sets the bowl next to Spock. He immediately climbs into the bowl and attacks his food, getting it all over his paws, chest, and face as Amy laughs and grabs two hot dogs from the fridge.

She doesn't feel like starting the fire pit tonight so she fills a pot with water and boils the hot dogs. As Spock finishes eating, Amy sets him on the counter and takes pictures of her kitten covered head to tail in cat food. She's just using a washcloth to wipe his paws when her phone rings. She's surprised that it's Sheldon and not wanting to talk to him, she lets it ring until it goes to voicemail.

Sheldon hates leaving messages on voicemail, especially when he knows the person is ignoring him. He hangs up without leaving a message as Penny asks the obvious, "voicemail?"

"Yes, " he confirms with a heavy sigh.

Pulling out her phone, Penny dials Amy and is surprised when it is answered on the first ring as she quickly turns on speakerphone.

"It's my turn to talk now, " Amy begins without saying hello. "I talk. You listen. You do not get to treat me like _any_ of this is my fault! I did nothing but love you, Sheldon, and I do not deserve this! I made a choice to forgive you and try to work through this but right now... I am questioning that choice. I am questioning my sanity, " she lightly chuckles. "I'm tired. I am tired of her coming between us."

"I know. I am too, " Sheldon replies.

"You took away her leverage and most likely her job. She's coming for blood, " Penny warns.

"What are you suggesting we do, Amy?" Sheldon asks.

"I think you need to take a sabbatical and go to Texas while you finish your book. I'm certain she stalks our social media accounts religiously, so, after I leave on Saturday, we have a very ugly, very public airing of our dirty laundry and I will post the termination agreement on your Facebook wall. We'll establish new email addresses so we can secretly stay in touch while I'm in Paris. Raj is traveling to India in a few weeks and is going to spend a few days in Paris with me on his way home. We'll take a few photos suggesting that we are a couple, " Amy suggests.

He doesn't like it, not one bit. Gritting his teeth he takes deep breaths trying in vain to keep his composure.

"Sheldon?" Amy questions after more than a minute of silence.

"He's doing that twitchy face thing, " Penny explains.

"Let's say you do this. What's to keep Ramona from demanding more and more of Sheldon?" Leonard wonders as he brings Sheldon a mug of tea.

"I'll draw up a contract giving her $25,000. In exchange, I buy her silence and she will cease and desist any harassment of myself or Amy, " Sheldon decides. "Amy, I want... I need..."

"Draw up a contract for us, " she agrees, knowing he's scared she will use this as a way to end their relationship, "as well as one for the care of Spock while I'm in Paris."

"Who's Spock?" Leonard wonders.

"Amy adopted a kitten, " Sheldon explains with a grin as he shows Leonard the lock screen of his phone, Amy holding Spock. "We'll review the contracts on Saturday?"

"Agreed, " Amy replies.

"I've made reservations for 6 o'clock at Le Petite Paris, " Sheldon shares. "You've convinced me to try frog legs and escargot."

"Great. I'd... I'd like to watch the tape and go over the contracts before dinner. I think... if we get the unpleasantness out of the way early, we can enjoy the evening together, " Amy suggests.

"Alright, " Sheldon agrees. "I'll see you at 3 on Saturday?"

"3 it is, " Amy agrees. "Can you give the phone back to Penny? It's been awhile since we've had a chance to gab."

"Sure. I love you, " Sheldon replies.

"I love you too, " Amy responds.


	56. Chapter 56

_Sorry for the delay, yet again! Guess who drew the short straw for 12 hour grave yard shifts? Yup, yours truly. I think there are 10 chapters (or less) left in this story. I hope to get it wrapped up by the series finale in May._

* * *

 _Saturday morning. Doomsday_. Rolling over, Sheldon silences his alarm and sits up on his air mattress. It's 6:15 am. In 24 hours, Amy will be boarding her flight to Paris and he'll be... _trying to pretend I'm fine when all I will really want to do is get on that plane with her._

He knows they have a plan, and following Amy to Paris like a lovesick fool is definitely _not_ a part of the plan. He's already spoken with Dr. Gabelhauser about his need for a sabbatical. It can't be approved on such short notice, but, Sheldon has accrued 4 weeks of paid time off, which should be plenty of time for the sabbatical to be approved by the appropriate department heads. He'll leave for Texas Monday evening after spending the day taking care of personal business necessities and a trip to the vet for Amy's kitten.

Deciding he needs to quell his nerves as much as possible, Sheldon starts this Saturday as he begins any other, with a bowl of cereal and Dr. Who. He soon finds his mind wandering to thoughts of Amy and that damn tape. He needs to know what's on it ahead of time, he decides. Amy will be here at 3, and Sheldon has already decided on engaging in a round of precautionary self-gratification in the shower at 2. He's certain coitus with Amy tonight is a nonstarter, and if he shows any signs of arousal while watching that tape, all hopes of full reconciliation with Amy will be over in an instant.

After double checking that his front door is locked, Sheldon goes to his laptop at the kitchen table and plugs in his headphones. Concerned about noises escaping them, Sheldon runs to his bedroom and grabs his death star pillow from the closet. After placing his headphones over the pillow, Sheldon tests the decibel levels until he is satisfied no sound is escaping the headphones. That's great for now, but what about watching it with Amy? She'll expect him to hook it up to the tv via the HDMI port. Drats! Well, let's hope it doesn't have sound, Sheldon pleads, as he brings up his work email. It's strange, Sheldon decides, that not a single person has mentioned the sex tape to him in the past two days. Even Kripke has been suspiciously quiet, which has been most unexpected but quite welcome. As for Leonard, Howard and Raj, they all promised Sheldon that they would never watch it, with Howard adding, "I'd need to gouge out my eyeballs."

Upon opening the video, Sheldon confirms that it does indeed have sound. How in the world did he never notice the camera, he wonders as he tries to figure out the placement based on his recollection of the room and the video. Fellatio occurred at the foot of the bed, making it appear that the camera was placed by the tv. Ramona placed her purse on the microwave directly across from the bed. That sneaky, conniving... bitch! Sheldon thinks.

Jumping as his phone vibrates on the table, Sheldon pauses the video and smiles as he sees that Amy texted him, _I'm just now leaving Carmel-by-the-Sea. See you soon! Xo_

 _Drive safely! Xo_ Sheldon texts back.

It takes just over two hours to watch the entire tape and Sheldon makes special note of the two moments he called out Amy's name. He'll definitely want to be holding her hand during those moments. He didn't become turned on during the viewing but will it be different with Amy next to him? He hopes not. Needing to keep himself busy, Sheldon grabs his brown jacket and decides to go to purchase a bottle of wine at the grocery store down the street. Reaching the liquor section of the store, he stares at the pretty labels at a complete loss for where to even begin. He knows Amy prefers reds so he quickly Googles 'best sweet wines.' He decides on a winner in short order then makes a detour to purchase a tray of brownies as well.

Coming back up the stairs at 2311 Los Robles, Penny is coming out of apartment 4 A as Sheldon reaches the 4th-floor landing. Without asking permission, she peeks into the cloth green grocery bag in Sheldon's hand and pulls out the wine.

"A 2009 Chateau Coutet? You're going all out tonight!" Penny praises. "This is like $75 a bottle!"

"Will Amy like it?" Sheldon questions.

Sensing his nerves over how important it is for today to go well, Penny smiles at Sheldon and reassures, "I'm sure she'll love it, and if she doesn't, well, you know where to bring it! You need to let something like that breathe, " Penny reminds him. "Make sure she stops by to say goodbye to me?" Penny requests.

"I will, " Sheldon promises as he hears footsteps on the stairs followed by an insistent meow.

"I know. Almost there, Buddy, " Amy reassures as she reaches the last of the stairs.

Looking over, his jaw hits the floor as Amy appears, wearing a black 3/4 sleeve dress with swirls of purple and accented by pink flowers. She cut her hair as well and added some light brown highlights, but the most notable change is she is now wearing cubic zirconia earrings.

"Wowza. You look... wow, " Sheldon attempts as he takes it all in.

"Ames! You look hot!" Penny exclaims. "I love those shoes!" She adds while pointing to Amy's new black ankle boots with a two-inch heel.

"Thanks. I have a bunch of conferences and donor dinners starting the day after I get back and I only had one 'nice' dress to wear, " Amy explains.

"Wow..." Sheldon tries again as Amy blushes and laughs at his inability to say anything else.

"I think all of his blood has drifted south, " Penny teases with a wink. "Come say goodbye to me before you leave?"

"I will, " Amy promises as Penny puts the wine back in Sheldon's bag.

"Oh, he purchased it, " Penny explains at Amy's raised eyebrow. "He wanted to make sure you'd like it."

"I'm sure I will, " Amy reassures as Spock meows and scratches at his cage again.

"He's been wanting out for the last hour, " Amy explains as Sheldon opens the door and allows her to enter ahead of him.

"You're early, " Sheldon points out as he shuts the door.

"Traffic was lighter than I expected, " Amy explains. "Do you want me to go to Penny's until 3?" She wonders, knowing how unsettling a change in plans is for Sheldon.

"No!" Sheldon exclaims as he bends down next to Amy where she is letting Spock out of his plastic carrier. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean that I don't want you here. Stay. Please? Introduce me to your new best friend, " he quietly requests as she squats down to open the cage.

"Come here, Spock, " Amy coaxes as the kitten peeks his head out of the cage.

Getting on her knees, Amy reaches in and grabs Spock, cradling him to her chest as she scratches under his chin.

"Hi, buddy. That cage is no fun, huh? I bet you need a drink, " Amy talks to the kitten as she reaches for Sheldon's hand to help her up.

A tingle of excitement shoots through Sheldon when Amy takes his hand and he squeezes it before letting go as Amy takes the plastic bag she set by the door to the kitchen table. He can't stop staring at her. She really looks... _pretty, sexy..._

"You look drop-dead gorgeous, " he blurts out suddenly.

"Thank you, Sheldon, " Amy replies while blushing. "Can you hold him?"

"Sure, " Sheldon agrees as he takes the feline from Amy.

"Do you like that?" Sheldon asks as he scratches under Spock's chin, setting the kitten purring almost instantly. "You're very cute. I see why your Mommy couldn't say no once she saw you."

 _Mommy? Huh._ Amy thinks.

"Thank you for agreeing to watch him. Your mom is alright with him going to Texas?" Amy confirms.

"Yes, but only after I promised I would not be adopting a few buddies for Spock, " Sheldon replies as Amy laughs at the memory.

As Amy bends over to pick up the sack of cat food, Sheldon unabashedly stares as her delectable ass. He's certain this was a precisely calculated strike to make him trip all over his tongue by wearing a brand new dress rather than her traditional layers. He recalls her cry of pleasure the first time he spanked her and her moans as he grabbed her rear when she was riding him. He needs a cold shower he decides as he comes out of his lust filled stupor.

"I got him his own bowls, " Sheldon suddenly remembers, running into his bedroom to grab the bag he set atop his suitcase.

 _Get your mind out of the gutter! Coitus is off the table!_ Sheldon berates himself as he leans his head against the wall and breathes heavily. He adjusts himself in his pants and starts practicing kohlinar, using the equation he's been struggling with to distract himself as he takes the bag to Amy.

"I've also set up a litter box in the bedroom, " he explains as he sets the bag next to her and sets Spock down on the floor as Amy places his water dish on the side of the island.

 _He smells amazing. I promised myself no physical contact. A hug leads to kissing which leads to sex. All forms of physical contact are off the table. They have to be if I don't want to be a blubbering mess when I have to leave. Stay strong, Amy._

"So, um, are you hungry? I haven't had lunch yet. We can go out or over to Penny and Leonard's if you'd like and order a pizza?" Sheldon suggests.

"I think I'd like to go over to Penny's, " Amy decides.

"Sure. Will he be alright alone?" Sheldon wonders.

"I think we should let him explore his new home. I'll just show him where the litter box is."

"Let him eat, " Sheldon whispers in her ear as he leans into her, his hot breath making her shiver in excitement.

He pulls away and searches her eyes for something; fear, happiness, desire... he's not quite sure as he gently cradles her cheeks in his hands and tilts his head down to lightly brush his lips against hers. Amy's arms wrap around his neck as his gravitate to her hips, pulling Amy closer as they deepen the kiss and turn so Amy is leaning against the door of the fridge. As her tongue enters his mouth, she grabs his head and presses his lips more forcefully against hers. He feels dizzy as her tongue teases and retreats before teasing him again and again. Not wanting it to end but desperately needing air, Sheldon pins her arms above her head while trailing wet kisses along her neck.

She has a decision to make, Amy realizes. They can either keep fighting against the strong and overwhelming feelings of love, lust, longing or they can give in and share in a night of healing and recommitment and passion.

"I'm ready, " she declares.

"For?" He whispers in her ear before continuing his assault on her neck.

"Sheldon, look at me please, " she requests .

As he reluctantly pulls back, he did not expect to see Amy smiling. Reassured by her reaction to their fumbling make-out session, he adjusts her slightly askew glasses and tenderly brushes his thumb down her cheek.

"I'd very much like to officially be your girlfriend again... that is if you want..."

"Yes, " he immediately replies. "Yes."

"Good, because I love you..."

"I love you too, " he replies, grinning at her.

Turning her head three inches, Amy finds Sheldon's lips again and softly massages them with her own while his hands wrap around her waist, holding her to him while she rubs his shoulders as they make out in the kitchen. This kiss is slow and gentle, passionate, which takes Amy by surprise. Sheldon's arms are wrapped tightly around her, leaving no room for even a piece of paper to fit between them. Her arms, on the other hand, grasp onto his strong shoulders to keep her upright. Her knees feel like they could buckle and if he does that thing where he nibbles on her lip...

"Mmm, " she moans into his mouth as he does just that.

Deciding she has to know Sheldon's reaction, she draws his bottom lip between her teeth and is rewarded with Sheldon literally gowling her name.

"Amy... " he pants while shifting so she can feel his erection straining against his pants. "My sweet... beautiful Amy... I love you... I want you... I _need_ you, " he mumbles as he attacks her neck with warm wet kisses once again.

Stumbling along, they jump apart guilty as Spock let's out a loud painful meow and a hiss before he takes off running, dumping ice water on his humans' reconciliation.

"I stepped on his paw, " Sheldon explains as he reluctantly lets go of Amy so she can check Spock's paw.

He watches as she gets on all fours and has to avert his eyes as he tries to calm himself. Good Lord, the things she does to him.

"Come here, Spocky. It's all right, " Amy coos to the kitten who is hiding under the kitchen table. "Can you grab the laser pointer in my purse?" She asks Sheldon. "It's his favorite toy. Come here, Baby. Let me see your paw."

 _She's going to make an amazing mother some day,_ Sheldon decides as he watches Amy draw Spock from his hiding spot and check his paw.

"I think he's alright, " Amy reassures as she gently checks each paw.

"I'm sorry, Spock, " Sheldon apologizes as he reaches over to pet the kitten's back as Amy holds him. "I am still in disbelief you named him that. I would've bet money on you naming him something mundane like Fluffy or Baby or..."

"Zazzles?" She teases.

"Hey!"

"Alright, what would you have named him?" Amy wonders.

"He's your cat."

"He's _our_ cat, " Amy corrects. "I'm not ready for us to get engaged. We need time to heal but I want you to know that I want it all; marriage, a family, and a cat with a cute little bell on its collar."

"You'll tell me when you're ready?" Sheldon questions.

"I will, " she promises.

Taking the cat from Amy, Sheldon jokes, "avert your eyes, Spock, " as he leans over and gently lays Amy down on the silver area rug next to the kitchen table while they tenderly kiss. Amy snakes her hands under his t-shirts to caress the warm skin of his back and ignite goose pimples everywhere she touches. When Sheldon's tongue slides against her own, Amy wraps her legs around his hips bringing his very evident desire for her in direct contact with where she wants him the most.

"We're getting carried away, " Sheldon pants as he breaks the kiss. "I... I want you... but not like this... not on the floor."

"The only other option is your air bed which is going to make a lot of noise and may even pop."

"You... you want to?" He asks in disbelief.

"I want for us to be intimate tonight, " she confirms. "But first, I believe I was promised pizza?"

"You like the chicken spinach alfredo, right?" Sheldon asks.

"Yes, but we always order a Hawaiian and an ultimate pepperoni, " Amy confirms.

"I'm paying, therefore, we are ordering whatever you'd like."

* * *

"Hey, bestie!" Penny opens the door already wiping at her eyes with a wad of kleenex.

"Stop that!" Amy scolds. "It's way too early for that!"

"I know, but I miss you and you've been through so much and I feel like I haven't been there for you..." Penny tries to explain.

"Everyone was here for me. I miss you all so much but it's only a few more months and then I'll be right back here creeping you out, " Amy promises.

"Sweetie, you got a little something..." Penny informs Sheldon as she taps her lips to indicate he has a smudge of lipstick on his lower lip.

"Sheldon and Amy sitting in a tree k-i-..." Leonard starts to sing while grinning at them.

"Grow up, Leonard!" Sheldon growls while reaching for Amy's hand as they settle into their spots on the couch.

"You look happy, " Leonard points out.

"Amy has asked me to officially be her boyfriend once again, " Sheldon shares.

He looks over at Amy who returns his grin ten fold as her emerald eyes sparkle behind her glasses. He leans over and gently pecks her lips. As he's about to settle back into his spot, Amy places her hand on the back of his head and surprises him with another peck of the lips.

"Hey hey hey, get a room!" Penny teasingly exclaims.

"Sorry, " Amy apologizes as she sits back in her spot. "Later, " she stage whispers.

"Are you moving back in when you come home?" Penny wonders.

"I'm not sure. We haven't discussed what happens next, " Amy explains before sighing heavily. "Hopefully our plan works and she will no longer be an issue."

"Tell them, " Penny demands as she sits on the edge of Leonard's chair.

"Tell us what?" Sheldon questions, sensing betrayal.

"Oh, my God, you're pregnant!" Amy exclaims as she jumps off the couch to hug Penny.

"Noooo, " Penny immediately corrects as she looks to Leonard who has gone as pale as Casper the ghost. "No! I'm not pregnant!"

"The tape, uh... Howard had a last-second change of heart and only sent it to you rather than the entire university, " Leonard explains.

"What?! Why?!" Sheldon yells.

"He said that Ramona is someone's daughter, maybe someday somebody's mother and he kept thinking 'what if that was Halley?' He wouldn't want complete strangers seeing his daughter... getting it on., " Leonard explains.

"So he's protecting her? She recorded me without my knowledge or permission then sent images to Amy. She's hardly innocent in this whole ordeal!" Sheldon argues.

"Two wrongs don't make a right, Sheldon! Howard was protecting you as well! Do you really want someone like... Kripke watching you have sex?" Penny wonders.

"Well, no, but..."

"But what, Sheldon?" Penny questions.

"It's a small price to pay in order to get rid of her, " Sheldon argues.

"You're paying her $25,000!" Leonard chimes in.

"As long as there are three people in this relationship, Amy and I don't stand a snowball's chance in a cat scanner of getting through this! Unlike my father, _I_ am a one-woman man, and that woman is Amy, " Sheldon replies as he turns to Amy.

"I hate everything about our plan. I hate that we are paying her to go away. I hate that you are soon to be the better half of Koothrapamy, but, most especially, I hate that you believe the only way out of this mess I created is for us to continue to hurt each other. I realize it's a ruse, but words hurt and there are no take backs. I'm afraid that by tearing each other apart, we are going to tear _us_ apart. There has to be another way, " Sheldon softly murmurs to Amy who nods in agreement.

"Ramona's acting like the head cheerleader who got dumped for the band geek. Sorry, Ames. She's jealous and seeking your attention. As long as you keep playing into her hand, she's not going away. Ignore her. You go back to Paris, Sheldon goes to Texas and life continues as normal. Four months from now, she'll have hopefully moved on to making someone else miserable, " Penny advises.

"That makes sense, " Amy agrees.

"And if she's still hellbent on revenge 4 months from now?" Sheldon worries as there's a knock at the door and Howard and Raj come in.

"Then we'll play 'Who Wants to Marry an Astrophysicist, " Leonard jokes.

"Who are you marrying me off to this time?" Raj questions.

"Ramona, " Penny, Leonard and Amy answer simultaneously.

"I have no friends, " Raj whines as the pizzas arrive.

As they eat and the conversation moves on to other topics, Sheldon notices that Amy hasn't uttered a single word. Sheldon hopes she's not having regrets or second thoughts about them but unwilling to risk public humiliation, he takes her plate as she finishes eating and asks, "did you get enough to eat?"

"Yes, thank you, " she softly replies.

"You're being very quiet, " Sheldon whispers in Amy's ear as their friends move onto discussing their strategy for the Magic the Gathering tournament later tonight, "Are you alright?"

"Yes. It's beginning to set in that I'm leaving and just how much I miss all of you, " she explains. "Can I have some time alone with Penny?"

"Of course. You can go to my apartment if you'd like, " Sheldon offers.

"Thanks, " Amy replies. "We'll discuss the tape and contracts after dinner?"

"Agreed. I will need a few minutes to change my clothes before we leave. The reservation is for 6 so we should leave by 5:30."

"Perfect. I told my mom I'd be there by 11 so I need to leave here by 10."

"Okay, " Sheldon replies, not sure what else to say.

"Do you think Bernie would have a few minutes to Skype with us?" Amy asks Howard.

"I can check, " Howard replies as he takes his phone out of his pocket.

Leaning down to hug Howard, Amy whispers in his ear, "What you did with the tape? Thank you."

* * *

Dinner and their goodbye in the next chapter. Will they have coitus?


	57. Chapter 57

Happy New Year! Thanks again for all of the continued support for this novela! We're almost at the end of this monster story!

* * *

The next few hours are critical to the success or failure of their relationship, Sheldon realizes as Amy and Penny prepare to go across the hall, presumably for intervention if the comment Bernie made about Sheldon's air mattress is any indication. With a slight tremor in his hand, Sheldon reaches into his pocket for his keys and ends up dropping them on the floor. Crouching down at the same time as Amy, he feels that electric shock down his spine once again as their hands brush and she shyly smiles at him.

"Have fun and don't let Penny drink all of the wine, " Sheldon softly murmurs to Amy while placing the keys in the palm of her hand.

"Does that mean I can have a glass?" Penny wonders from the doorway where she is watching the adorable way Amy and Sheldon are smiling at each other. _Like two teenagers with their first crush._

"No, " Leonard answers for the group. " It's for their date night, Penny."

"Date night? I feel like I missed something?" Raj questions as the girls leave.

"Amy and I have reconciled, " Sheldon explains as he settles back into his spot.

"Who asked whom?" Raj wonders as he smiles at the news.

"She asked me, " Sheldon replies.

"For a guy that just got back together with his girlfriend, you seem pretty down in the dumps. What's wrong?" Leonard questions.

"She asked for coitus tonight."

"You're going to get laid and you're acting like that's the worst thing in the world? What kind of man are you?" Howard questions.

"How am I supposed to say goodbye to her after that? It's... with everything we've gone through, it's not just coitus. It transcends being simply the physical act and becomes... I don't even have the words for it. I've been struggling to keep my emotions in check as it is, but if I share that with Amy, only to have her walk out the door within a half hour of us... doing _it..._ It's going to..." Sheldon stutters as the guys look at each other astounded at what they just heard.

"It's going to break you, " Leonard summarizes as Sheldon nods in agreement. "You can tell her no."

"After what I've done I will never be able to say no to her about anything ever again, " Sheldon replies. "Not only that, when we were kissing, I lead her to believe that I want it too."

"So, what are you going to do?" Raj wonders.

"I don't know, " Sheldon admits.

Human behavior often baffles Amy just as much as it baffles Sheldon. Honking when traffic is at a standstill? Rude. Clapping at the end of a movie? Ridiculous and unnecessary. Leaving dishes in the sink overnight? Ugh. Gross. But there are some moments where things make complete sense. Love for example. Loving Sheldon makes complete sense and no sense at all.

The rush of endorphins and that tingle down her spine as they kissed have left Amy feeling euphoric as she opens the door of his apartment and is met with the smell of talc, filling her nostrils and warming her heart. Looking for Spock, she finds him curled up in a ball on Sheldon's pillow, sound asleep.

"Oh, he's so cute!" Penny exclaims as she spots the kitten.

"I'm sure Sheldon is just gonna love that the kitten has claimed his pillow, " Bernie adds from Facetime.

"Let's find out, " Amy decides as she takes a picture and sends it in their group text.

 _I wish it was Amy sleeping in my bed,_ Sheldon thinks upon opening the photo. He can't send that as a reply, even privately to Amy, of course. Instead, he sends a simple smiley face before pocketing his phone as Leonard deals the cards for Mystic Lords of Ka'ah, having decided they need to distract Sheldon before he drives them all crazy.

"Sheldon finally wore you down, huh?" Bernadette asks as Amy and Penny sit in the white plastic chairs Sheldon purchased after his breakup with Amy.

"I shouldn't even justify that with a response, but I am sick of the snide and disparaging remarks. First of all, _I_ asked Sheldon to reconcile of my own free will. He did not in any way force my hand or coerce me into this decision. I know you think I'm crazy for forgiving him, as does my entire family, and I don't know, maybe you're right, but I have tried to fall out of love with Sheldon, I have tried to move on and have my own life without him and that didn't work either time..."

"Yeah, but he wasn't a cheating bastard last time!" Bernie interrupts.

"Watch it, " Amy warns. "I know you mean well but I have made my decision. I want to be a part of Halley's life as her biological aunt, but I will not tolerate you insulting Sheldon, our relationship, or me."

"Speaking of which, " Penny interjects, hoping to change the topic before it turns into a standoff of dirty looks and thinly veiled insults, "have you decided what you're going to do about Sam?"

"No. Any decision on what, if any, involvement I have with him is a decision Howard and I need to make together. This affects him too, " Amy points out. "I'm going to mull it over while in Paris. I need some time to think and to process everything. The past two weeks have been... there's not a word in the English language to describe how difficult it's been. I needed a little happiness after this, and Sheldon makes me happy... along with Spock, " she adds as she turns to check on her slumbering kitten.

"I think I hear Halley crying, " Bernie says suddenly. "Have a safe flight!" She wishes before quickly ending the call.

"It was brave of you to stand up to her. The old Amy wouldn't have done that, " Penny praises as she watches Amy take a deep breath to get her emotions under control.

"The old Amy?" She questions.

"You've changed a lot over the years, Sweetie, especially after the first breakup. You don't take shit from anyone anymore, including us and Sheldon. The old you never would've stood up to Bernie. You would've gone quiet and silently fumed. I'm proud of you."

"Do you think I'm an idiot for taking Sheldon back?" Amy wonders.

"Wow, that's a loaded question, " Penny exclaims with a heavy sigh. "First of all, you could never be an idiot. You're the smartest woman I know, hell, I think you might be smarter than Sheldon, " she adds as Amy blushes at the compliment. "I think... Sheldon made a huge mistake. I don't know his reasoning, but I assume it has something to do with body snatchers or being roofied or..." She pauses, unable to get through it as both she and Amy crack up.

"Those are two excuses he knew better than to even try, " Amy shares as she regains composure.

"Good. The real Sheldon, the Sheldon you know and fell in love with is in there. I've seen flashes of the real Sheldon over the past two weeks when he's with you. It's like... having you back here caused Sheldon to factory reset into the adorable geek we all know and love. I know he hurt you, badly... but I also see how happy you make each other, how much you love each other. So, no, I don't think you're an idiot. I think falling in love with Sheldon is the best thing that has ever happened to either of you."

"Thank you, Bestie, " Amy softly murmurs.

At precisely 5:15, Sheldon knocks on the door to his apartment before entering to find Amy and Penny clucking away like a couple of old hens. Quickly returning Amy's smile, Sheldon makes his way into the bedroom to change into his suit so that they can go to dinner. As he opens the door after changing, Penny whistles at him before teasingly exclaiming, "hubba hubba! Looking good, Sheldon!"

"Back off, Bestie. He's all mine, " Amy teasingly warns with a wink at Sheldon as he takes his phone out of his pocket and hands it to Penny.

"Would you mind taking a picture?" He requests while picking up Spock and handing the kitten to Amy before wrapping his arms around Amy's waist.

Pictures taken and promptly shared on Facebook, Penny tears up as she declares, "well... it's about that time."

"Thank you, Penny, for everything, " Amy softly murmurs while embracing her bestie in a warm hug.

"You're welcome, Sweetie. Message me more than once a week, okay?" Penny requests while patting Amy's back.

"I will, " Amy promises.

"Don't worry about Bernie. She'll come around. You two have fun. I expect all the details after you land tomorrow!" Penny demands as she opens the door.

"It'll be well after 2 am by the time I clear customs and make it home, " Amy reminds her.

"Oh, well, details when you can. Love ya, Ames."

"Love ya too, Bestie, " Amy replies as Penny shuts the door and goes across the hall. "You're looking particularly yummy, " Amy compliments as she turns to Sheldon.

"Yummy?" Sheldon questions as Amy smirks at his purposely horrible attempt at tying his silver tie and begins unknotting it.

"In this context, it means dashing or handsome, " Amy explains as she lifts the collar of his dress shirt up. "I've always thought you look quite fetching in the black on black look ever since seeing the Chancellor's Awards video."

"I wish you hadn't seen that, " Sheldon groans. "It's humiliating."

"You're privy to my most humiliating moments too, Sheldon, " Amy reminds him as she finishes fixing his tie and smooths it down. "There. Handsome and appropriately dressed for dinner, " Amy declares while kissing his cheek.

"You look..."

"Wow?" Amy teases, interrupting him with a teasing smirk.

"I was going to say beautiful but 'wow' works too, " he whispers.

"Thank you, Sheldon, " Amy softly murmurs in reply while blushing at his rare compliment. "Ready to go?"

"Just let me open the wine so it can breathe while we're gone."

"May I ask a question?" Amy requests while Sheldon goes into the kitchen and uses the special tool Leonard lent to Sheldon so that the cork doesn't need to be removed from the bottle.

"Of course, " Sheldon reassures.

"Last week, you mentioned that you were heavily drinking as a coping mechanism for our breakup, " Amy begins.

"Yes. I... I spiraled out of control, " Sheldon admits, not liking where this line of questioning is going.

"Are you still drinking?" Amy wonders.

"No."

"Good. What happened to make you stop?" Amy wonders as Sheldon fills the first wine glass.

Penny intervened, " Sheldon explains while pulling his phone from his pocket to show Amy the photos Penny took. "She caught me in a rare moment of sobriety and made me realize that I do not want to be my father."

Taking the phone from Sheldon, Amy instantly feels tears coming to her eyes as she takes in the filth of the apartment, garbage and bottles of alcohol everywhere, and Sheldon's appearance. It's clear that he shut down and stopped caring about everything. Even in the photos his hair appears greasy and unwashed. It hurts her to see this and she hands the phone back to Sheldon as she brushes away a stray tear from her eyes.

"It was entirely of my own doing, Amy, " Sheldon softly reminds her.

"I know, " Amy reassures.

"May I ask a question?" Sheldon wonders while embracing Amy in a comforting hug.

"You can ask me anything. You know that, " Amy softly replies before kissing Sheldon's cheek.

"Yes. However, that seems to be the socially accepted precursor for a question that may make the other party uncomfortable, " Sheldon explains. "Penny told me that you had made it abundantly clear to her that we would not be reconciling. What changed? Why are you giving me another chance?"

"I did say that... but, I was trying to build a wall around my heart to protect myself from even more heartbreak. When we hugged at the door, that wall crumbled. You have been so loving... so protective... you were _my_ Sheldon, the Sheldon I fell in love with. When I went to my Uncle's, I asked myself three questions to determine our fate: Do I believe this was a one time mistake and you are sincerely remorseful? I do. Secondly, I asked myself if I can forgive you? I can and I have. Finally, I asked myself if our relationship is worth saving? It most definitely is."

"Thank you for giving me one last chance, " he whispers, overcome with emotion. "I love you."

"I love you too. Are you alright?" Amy wonders as she feels Sheldon take a shuddering breath.

"I'm experiencing a strong emotional reaction over your imminent departure for Paris."

"It's making me sad too, " Amy confesses, "but I'd like to enjoy a special date night with you and try not to think about that for a few more hours. We need to get going so we're not late for our reservation."

"Alright. Care to play counterfactuals during our drive?"

"I'd love to, " Amy agrees with a small smile as Sheldon pecks her lips and takes her hand to lead her down the stairs.

The drive to the restaurant reminds both of them of old times, instantly relaxing them as they play the game they invented one rainy Saturday many moons ago. Stopped at a red light, Sheldon asks the one question that has been on his mind for weeks now.

"In a world where... none of _this..."_ Sheldon hesitates.

"By this you mean...?"

"Me cheating, you working in Paris. If none of that had occurred, what would our lives be like?" Sheldon wonders.

"Oh, well, uh... I think it would be rather normal. I'd have come home from Princeton and resumed work at Caltech."

"With one notable difference; we'd be engaged and planning our wedding, " Sheldon adds as Amy nods once and swallows hard around the lump forming in her throat as the light turns green. Seeing this reaction, Sheldon lays his hand on her thigh and promises, "I am going to marry you, Amy. I'm sorry I've made you wait so long."

"Sheldon, do you see marriage as a requirement for us to have a future together?" Amy wonders. "Is it possible for us to be committed to each other and never marry?"

"I suppose it is possible. Is that what you want?" Sheldon wonders.

"I'm not sure, but I do know what I _don't_ want and that is a marriage born out of perceived expectations or social convention. There is no pressure on you to propose marriage anytime in the foreseeable future, alright?"

"What if it's what I want?" Sheldon wonders.

"I'm not ready for that. Yes, we reconciled and yes, I've forgiven you, but I am still deeply hurt by what has happened. I just... I'm asking we don't rush anything."

"Understood. Dr. Cohen has advised that we need to work on establishing both a physically intimate and emotionally intimate relationship. He posits, and I concur, that while we are very close, it was a lack of trust, a lack of feeling safe and secure in our relationship, that lead me to stray. I couldn't talk to you about my desires or that I found another woman attractive."

"Would you have told me?" Amy wonders, suspecting the answer is no.

"Knowing it would hurt you? Most likely, I would've kept it to myself. Would you have preferred I told you?"

"Yes, if it could've prevented all of this. I'd have been hurt and jealous but after I calmed down, I would've appreciated that honesty... that level of trust I thought we had."

"I want us to have that. Can we work on that?"

"Absolutely, " Amy agrees with a smile. "How do you define an emotionally and physically intimate relationship?"

"This... this is emotionally intimate for me, Amy. Being completely open and honest... completely in synch... baring our souls to each other as you put it. That is what I want with you, what you deserve. As for physical intimacy, to me, that isn't just coitus. It's reaching for your hand, it's hugs and kisses, cuddling on the couch, taking you dancing and holding you close... all the things I should've done all along."

"I'm not asking this in order to rake you over the coals, Sheldon. I always thought we were on the same page but it turns out we were in completely different books. I want us to be in the same book, on the same page, reading the same sentence."

"I want that too, more than anything, " Sheldon softly murmurs. "How would you define it?"

"Exactly as you have, " Amy reassures. "I'm going to miss you. I'm not sure how we work on our relationship while I'm on another continent."

"I planned on asking for daily emails and twice weekly Skype calls, " Sheldon explains while they pull into the parking lot for the restaurant.

"Wednesdays and Sunday's?" Amy asks as Sheldon opens his car door.

"Sure if that works best for you, " he easily agrees before coming around to open her door for her.

Reaching for Sheldon's hand, Amy laces their fingers and squeezes as she leans up and whispers in his ear, "I love you. We're going to get through this, stronger than ever."

"I love you too, " Sheldon replies before kissing her cheek.

He seems distressed, Amy worries as Sheldon guides her to the large brown wooden door of the restaurant. As he opens the door for her, Amy flashes him a megawatt smile, hoping it will help Sheldon to relax. Returning her smile with a tiny uplifting of the corners of his mouth, Sheldon wraps his arm around Amy's waist as they wait for their table to become ready.

"Tell me about your research, " he requests, hoping if they keep the conversation light, they can have an enjoyable rest of the evening after their very heavy conversation.

"It's fascinating, " Amy summarizes. "We currently have five patients who have sustained amputations. All have recently had electrodes implanted into their brains and we're seeing promising results. It appears that the neural networks are able to rebuild themselves even years after amputation in order to allow the brain complete control of motor function."

"That does sound fascinating, " Sheldon agrees. "Have you noticed any anomalies between an implant ipsilateral to the amputated limb as opposed to one that is implanted contralateral?" He wonders as Amy gapes at him slackjawed that he's taking an interest in her work.

"All of our implants are ipsilateral, but that is a very interesting question that should absolutely be explored, " Amy replies as they're called for their table.

"Has there been any conversation with regards to extending your stay in Paris?" Sheldon wonders after they are seated.

"Yes, actually. I have been asked to extend my stay by two weeks to March 15th in order to make up for the time I have taken off. I also won't be able to come home over Christmas as I had planned. Speaking of Christmas, I can't afford to exchange gifts this year, Sheldon, so please, don't purchase anything for me. This unexpected vacation has drained my savings and it's going to be a few weeks until I get my next paycheck. I'll barely scrape by."

Reaching into his back pocket for his wallet, Sheldon opens it and pulls out the $140 in cash he currently has as well as his emergency credit card and hands them across the table to Amy, who refuses to accept them.

"I can't..."

"Please take it?" Sheldon begs. "I worry about you being so far away and not having anyone there for support."

"Okay, but it is only a loan. I will pay you back, " Amy promises, having zero intention of using his credit card.

"It's a gift. If nothing else, treat yourself to more snails, " he replies, making Amy laugh as he crinkle's his nose in disgust.

"Watch you be the one who loves escargot, " Amy teases as Sheldon pours two glasses of water from the carafe left upon the table.

"I highly doubt that will happen, " Sheldon replies.

"You grew up in Texas. I'm sure there's an unconventional food that you love other than spaghetti and hot dogs."

"Well, Meemaw has an affinity for fried chicken gizzards and the alcoholic beverage Bloody Mary, both of which are disgusting."

"I agree. My dad loved catfish. It tasted like mud to me."

"Are you doing alright? It's been a rough few months and I know how close you were to your father."

"I'm... struggling but I'm sure that things will get better once I return to work and a routine."

"Please make time to stay in touch with Penny and Bernadette? I know how easy it is for you to become so consumed by your work that..."

"Pot calling the kettle black, " Amy teases. "I'll make time to keep in touch with Penny but I want you to promise me you will also make time to check in with the guys."

"Okay, " Sheldon agrees as the waiter comes to take their order. "It's a long flight. You really should order something in addition to the frog legs."

After placing their orders, Amy reaches across the table and laces her fingers through Sheldon's as he smiles at her in return. The soft glow of the lit tea candle on the right edge of the table adds a romantic element to their date, Amy thinks as Sheldon lays his right hand on the table, silently inviting her to hold both his hands. Surprised, but touched by him trying to be romantic with her, she takes his other hand and returns his smile. It's only as their appetizers, escargot and frog legs, are delivered that they stop holding hands and start talking once again.

"Which do you want to try first?" Amy wonders as she divides up the food onto two smaller plates.

"Let's try the escargot first. It's probably best to eat it while still hot, " Sheldon decides as he picks up the tiny fork to take the meat out of the shell while Amy does the same.

"It smells delicious, " Amy comments as she takes another whiff of the garlic and herbs emitting from the plate.

"Luckily neither of us are vampires."

"Oh, I'm not sure about that. I love kissing your neck. One of these days, I may bite, " Amy softly teases so as to not be overheard as she pops the meat out of the shell.

"On 3?" Sheldon wonders as he holds his fork up.

Counting down together, Sheldon and Amy take a bite of the brown morsels at the same time. Watching Sheldon's face for his reaction, Amy's surprised when he doesn't immediately spit it out. It's probably one of the most disgusting things she has ever had the misfortune of eating, Amy decides as she quickly swallows, tasting like a garlicky piece of tire. Reaching for her water glass, Amy drains it as Sheldon watches her with rapt attention.

"Verdict?" Amy questions as she pours herself more water.

"While I would definitely not order it again, it wasn't as horrible as I expected. It had a texture similar to oysters or scallops. Raj described it as, 'eating a large booger, " Sheldon shares as Amy smiles and laughs at Raj's description.

"I can definitely see that being an accurate description, " Amy agrees. "I thought it was much like chewing a tire."

"Also an accurate description. Shall we move on to the frog?" Sheldon suggests.

Carefully cutting a small piece of meat off the drumstick, Sheldon pauses with the fork midway to his mouth in order to watch as Amy savors her bite as she closes her eyes while chewing. She looks happy Sheldon decides as Amy opens her eyes and raises her eyebrows in question when she finds Sheldon intently watching her.

"Good?" He questions before taking his own bite. _A little gamey but not bad,_ he decides.

"Delicious, " Amy concurs. "I was just thinking about my grandpa. Do you remember that frog in the old Looney Tunes cartoons? The one with the cane and top hat?"

"Michigan J. Frog, yes."

"You don't know who May-Britt Moser is but you know Michigan J. Frog, " Amy replies, half teasing.

"I only know his name due to being forced by my mother to rot my brain with Saturday morning cartoons in exchange for weekly trips to Radioshack, " Sheldon explains.

"It was only rotting your brain if it wasn't Captain Planet or Ninja Turtles. Anyway, my grandpa had a tradition every time we had frog legs. He'd come into the kitchen, kiss my grandma and sing, 'Hello ma Baby.' Did you try it?" She wonders.

"I did. It's actually quite good, " Sheldon replies as Amy helps herself to another piece.

"Would you like more?" Amy questions.

"No, that's quite alright. Enjoy."

* * *

The energy surrounding this date has taken a nose dive straight into melancholia since leaving the restaurant, Amy notices as she puts her car into park. They are stuck in standstill traffic, less than a half mile from their exit. With nothing to do but wait, Amy places her right hand on the arm rest between the front seats and smiles at Sheldon as he immediately reaches to hold it.

"You've been very quiet since leaving the restaurant, " Sheldon points out. "Are you alright?"

"Not really, " Amy softly admits, "but I'm trying to stay strong and remind myself it's just for a few more months."

"Is there anything I can do to help?" Sheldon wonders.

"You're doing it, " Amy replies as she squeezes his hand in emphasis. "How long are you staying in Texas?" She wonders as a firetruck passes them on the right side median.

"Must be an accident ahead, " Sheldon surmises. "My current plan is to stay in Texas until March 14th but that is subject to change based upon my ability to tolerate my mother's rules regarding church attendance while living under her roof as well as Missy and Georgie's constant harassment."

"I see. What happens next for us, Sheldon?" She wonders. "Once I come back from Paris. What's next?"

"I think... as much as we will want to put the previous 9 months behind us and move full steam ahead into living together and marriage, I realize that would be a mistake. Our relationship is fragile at this stage and will continue to be for quite some time. For that reason, I think you need to find your own apartment."

"I agree. I um... I've changed my mind about having coitus tonight. I'd like to wait, " Amy softly murmurs.

"Is it something I did?" Sheldon questions.

"No. I just don't want us to rush into anything, " Amy reassures. "Every time we have made love, it's been... not just intercourse but a... an emotional experience for both of us, lasting all night. We spend hours on foreplay and in the afterglow we kiss and talk before falling asleep in each others arms. I want that whole experience with you, Sheldon. I want..."

"You don't want it to be like it was with _her._ You want to feel special and not as if I'm just using your body for my sexual pleasure, " Sheldon sums up.

"I wasn't thinking about her at all but yes, I want us to make love to each other. I want it to be special. Does that make sense?"

"Yes. I more or less said the same thing to the guys earlier this evening. It's going to be difficult enough to watch you walk out my door. I don't know how I could say goodbye to you immediately after coitus."

"Me either, " Amy admits. "So, we agree? We'll wait?"

"We'll wait but the moment you walk in my door on March 16th, you're mine, Doctor Fowler, " Sheldon warns.

"Hoo, " Amy replies. Nothing else needs to be said. They both know what that sound means.

* * *

It's 9:50 when they pull into Sheldon's parking spot and Amy kills the engine, keeping a white-knuckled death grip on the steering wheel as she tries to keep her emotions at bay. She thought they'd have some time to talk after dinner before she had to leave for her mother's, but alas, it's not meant to be. She glances over at Sheldon as he sits in the passenger seat with his hands neatly folded in his lap as he looks to the floorboard, fighting his emotions as well, Amy suspects.

"I feel that I need to say something profound... meaningful... romantic... but words are failing me, " Sheldon softly murmurs as he turns to face her with tears pooling in his eyes.

"Don't...don't say anything, " Amy whispers as she reaches to cup his cheek in her hand.

Closing his eyes, Sheldon leans into the warmth and softness of Amy's hand as the first tear rolls down his cheek. Leaning forward, Amy wipes it away before planting a lingering kiss on his forehead. Tilting his head up, he finds her lips for a loving and gentle kiss. Not able to get at the optimum angle for a prolonged make-out session in such cramped quarters, Amy pulls back much sooner than she would like and swats at the tears cascading down her cheeks.

"Text me when you get to your Mom's?" Sheldon requests.

"I will, " Amy promises as Sheldon opens the passenger door.

"I love you, " Sheldon whispers in her ear as he kisses her tear-stained cheek.

"I love you too, " she whispers back.

Leaning in for one last kiss, Sheldon pulls back when he feels Amy take a hiccuping breath. The tears are coming faster now and he's not sure what, if anything, he can do to comfort her. Brushing away a strand of hair near her mouth, he whispers, "Goodbye, Dr. Fowler."

"Not goodbye. Goodbye implies finality. See you later, " Amy corrects.

"See you later, Aligator, " Sheldon replies while pecking her lips.

"After awhile crocodile, " Amy murmurs with a soft smile.

With that, Sheldon knows it's time for her to go. With a final, "I love you, " he forces himself to exit her car and doesn't watch as she pulls out of her parking space. Making his way upstairs, he opens the door for 4B and immediately goes to dump the glass of expensive wine down the sink.

Spock is at his water dish and comes waltzing over to Sheldon, rubbing against the tall human's leg before meowing inquisitively to ask where the other human is.

"Well it looks like it's just us boys for the next few months, " the tall human replies.

"Meow?" Spock questions.

"I miss her too, " Sheldon agrees as he scratches Spock's head.


	58. Chapter 58

Thank you for all of the awesome reviews!

3 active WIP's are proving a bit much for me right now. Apologies for the long delays between chapters! My plan is to rotate through each of the 3, updating in the following order: Infidelity Feasibility, Pugnacious Transmogrification, and finally, Simulation Cessation. If you want to know what's next to be updated, please look at the "last updated" dates for these stories. The oldest date is next in line.:)

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" _Wake up early. Drink coffee. Work hard. Be ambitious. Keep your priorities straight, mind right and head up. Do what you love and love what you do, "_ Amy's dad wrote in the beautiful graduation card he gave to her the day she received her doctorate from Havard.

 _Keep your priorities straight and mind right._ It's almost as if her Dad somehow knew she would someday find herself in this predicament. Amy loves her job. She loves knowing that her research is having real-world implications and changing lives for the better. She also loves that every day is just a little bit different and sometimes she plans for result A only to be shocked and delighted by result B. As a child, she dreamed of working in labs all over the world, of winning awards and prestige, of being in the science textbooks of her childhood bullies' children and grandchildren. She daren't dream of doing so while having friends and a boyfriend waiting for her back home. _Priorities._ Her mind needs to be here in Paris, even if her heart is 5,000 miles away.

142 days. 3,424 hours. In the grand scheme of things, it's an insignificant amount of time remaining, and yet, Amy realizes that it is going to be the longest 4 months of her life. She may as well start Day 1 with some coffee. Grabbing her phone, she checks the time _7:03 am._ With the 9 hour time difference between here and Pasadena, she imagines Sheldon to be somewhere over Arizona right now. He hates flying so the least she can do is make sure he has a text message upon landing. Needing to think on what to say, Amy rolls out of bed to start her day.

If he didn't have bad luck, he'd have no luck at all, Sheldon grumbles to himself while locking his knees together in order to allow the mini-terrorist he was unfortunately seated next to enough room to pass by on her way to the bathroom once again. The child, who Sheldon estimates to be 8 years old, threw a tantrum until Sheldon finally conceded and gave up his window seat. Now stuck in the aisle seat, the mother mumbles a quick, "sorry, " as she rushes past. It's the cumulation of his terrible, horrible, no good very bad day, which started by waking up to worship the porcelain God at 3 am. He suspects mild food poisoning and hopes Amy isn't ill as well. The day was made worse when Spock scratched and clawed Sheldon's chest, arms, and back over a fight about taking the sedative and flea medication tablets the vet prescribed. He hopes that after that big of a fight, the little guy is resting comfortably. To cap off his bad day, he missed a Skype call with Amy and she'll be at work when he lands in Texas. He should text her when he lands, Sheldon decides. Pulling out his cell phone, Sheldon plugs in his headphones and settles back to watch Spongebob Squarepants.

After a quick shower, Amy makes her way downstairs to the small cafe and smiles at Miss Esme as the elderly woman places a tray of freshly baked pastries in the display case. Even from feet away, they smell divine and Amy decides to treat herself to a sweet pastry for breakfast.

"Sweet Amy. How are you, mon cher? I am terribly sorry to hear about your dear Papa, " Esme greets Amy as she finishes wiping down the front counter with a damp cloth.

"Thank you, " Amy quietly replies. "I'm alright. It's been difficult."

"To be sure, to be sure. Back to work?" Esme wonders.

"Oui, " Amy confirms before pointing to a muffin-shaped caramelized croissant in the case. "ç'est quoi?" (What's that?)

"Very good, " Esme smiles at Amy's attempt to speak the local language. "It is Kouign-amann. Fattiest pastry in all Europe."

"It smells delicious, " Amy praises as Esme retrieves one from the display case. "I'd like a large coffee too, please."

"No tea?" Esme asks in concern as the front door of the small bistro opens and Dave enters.

"Jet lag, " Amy explains as she returns Dave's smile.

"Ah. David could help with that you know, " Esme teases with a wink at the two scientists.

"Uh... I'm... Didn't you get back together with Sheldon?" Dave finally asks as Amy takes her pastry and coffee and goes to sit at a small table near the large pane glass window.

"I did, " Amy confirms with a large smile at the mention of Sheldon.

"And as I have no interest in a love triangle or of being on the enemies list of a man I admire, I daren't offer my... services, " Dave explains to Esme.

"Oh, Amy, really? Two heartbreaks by the same man are not enough?" Esme questions, clicking her tongue against her teeth thrice in shame.

"What Dave apparently forgot to mention is that I broke up with Sheldon the first time. Sheldon had a ring but couldn't work up the courage to propose to me, " Amy explains as she pulls on something around her neck to remove it from where it had been tucked into the collar of her green blouse, exposing the ring Sheldon gave her. "Secondly, I made it abundantly clear to you that I wasn't ready for a relationship. I do think... if you had just been patient with me..."

"Don't toy with me, Amy, please, " Dave pleads. "You know how I feel about you."

"I know, " Amy quietly replies while looking at the table and biting her lip.

It is just after midnight when Sheldon finally steps into his childhood bedroom. Looking around the room, he groans at the giant poster of the Saved by the Bell cast taped in the center of the far right wall. After he left to teach in Germany at the ripe old age of 14, his twin sister, Missy, took over the bedroom they once shared. That poster is, most decidedly, on "his" side of the room. Knowing there's only one way to fix this, Sheldon goes to his desk and pulls out the old glossy magazine photos of his favorite scientists and beloved cartoon characters. There's a small yellow cube of rubbery poster tack still in its original packaging next to the photos. Opening it up, Sheldon soon fixes the problem, laughing to himself when he puts Albert Einstein's head on Mario Lopez's buff, white tank top wearing body.

Problem solved, Sheldon retrieves the plastic Walmart bags that his mom set upon his bed and soon sets up food, water and a litter box for Spock. Going to the plastic blue cage that Amy left for transporting Spock, Sheldon finds the tiny kitten still sleeping on an old towel that Amy put into the cage. After opening the metal door, Sheldon reaches in and gently removes Spock, bringing the kitten to his chest as he scratches under its chin.

"We should let Mommy know we've arrived safely, " Sheldon decides as the kitten starts purring.

Setting the kitten on the floor next to the food bowls, Sheldon gets into his suitcase and finds his Monday night pajamas. After completing his evening ablutions, Sheldon finally turns on his cell phone, which immediately pings with an incoming photo from Amy, which she captioned as "Day 1" of a muffin and large paper cup next to a computer monitor. Sheldon can make out two photos in the picture Amy sent him. The first is of their group of friends sitting around the living room of Apartment 4 A. Amy is seated next to him, turned as they talk. Sheldon remembers the night that this photo was taken by his Meemaw. Amy had just found out that he had an engagement ring for her and he was desperately trying to find excuses for not putting said ring on Amy's finger right then. He finds it fascinating that Amy chose this photo and wonders if she recalls when it was taken.

The second photo is of a much younger Amy in a red graduation cap and gown as her parents stand on either side of her smiling proudly. Larry Fowler was a man of few words, but the pride he had in his daughter's accomplishments is something he always made known. When Sheldon met Larry for the first time, the first hour was a listing of Amy's accomplishments as a child, as well as a tour of the den where every spelling bee trophy, science fair ribbon and knowledge bowl participation certificate was proudly displayed. It's no wonder this photo means so much to Amy.

Looking over to the food bowls, Spock is nowhere to be found, nor is he using the litter box. Reassured that the frightened kitten is still in the room and simply hiding, Sheldon texts back, "looks yummy. We're in Texas."

"Sweet dreams, " Amy texts back a few minutes later.

Waking up feeling quite refreshed the next morning, Sheldon can't help but smile at the small grey ball of fur curled up on his chest. Slowly reaching for his phone, Sheldon brings up the camera before holding it an arm's length away so Amy can see both of her "guys." Sending the picture, along with the message "your daily Spock photo" Sheldon carefully moves the kitten to lay on a pillow.

Smelling bacon frying, Sheldon makes his way to the kitchen and immediately helps himself to a glass of apple juice. Coming to the table, he's stopped by Meemaw holding her Joe the Camel coffee cup up in the air.

"You know how I like it, Moonpie, " Meemaw instructs as Sheldon takes her cup.

"Strong and sweet, just like your men, " Sheldon and Missy recite together as Sheldon adds the two sugar cubes and stirs the drink.

"Alright, baby brother, is what I've heard true? You cheated?" Missy asks as Sheldon places the mug of coffee in front of Meemaw and takes his spot at the end of the table.

"Yes, " Sheldon confirms as Missy immediately reaches over and smacks him with her palm upside his head. Almost immediately, Meemaw does the same on the other side of his head.

"Ow!" Sheldon cries out.

"Oh, quit it!" Meemaw exclaims in disgust. "I didn't hurt ya none! Your Mama raised you better than that, Sheldon Lee. How could you do this to the person you claim to love the most?" She wonders.

"Especially after seein' the hell Dad put Mom through!" Missy adds.

"I fail to see how this is any of your business, " Sheldon replies as the back door opens and his mother enters, arms loaded down with groceries.

"Oh good, you're up. I could use some help hauling in the rest of the groceries, " Mary requests of Sheldon and Missy.

"Can't. Just got my nails done, " Missy replies as she holds up one hand.

"But you had no worries about smacking me upside the head, " Sheldon points out.

"That was for your own good, Shelly. I'm tryin' ta slap the dumbass right outta ya, " Missy explains as if it makes complete sense.

Using any excuse to get away from a menstruating female, even if it does involve physical labor, Sheldon beelines for his Mom's car. A few of the grocery sacks lost their contents so Sheldon spends a few minutes repacking the bags and shakes his head in dismay at the obvious lack of care that went into weight distribution of the bags.

"What was that all about?" Mary wonders as she leans into the backseat to grab the eggs.

"Nothing, " Sheldon replies while picking up a few bags by the handles.

"Sheldon... don't lie to me, young man, " Mary warns. "Now, you finish hauling those groceries in and then you and I are gonna go for a drive, alright?" She demands.

"Alright, " Sheldon reluctantly agrees.

After going to his room to retrieve his phone and brown jacket, Sheldon finds Mary waiting for him in the car. The drive is silent for the first few miles as Sheldon tries to determine their destination. When Mary makes a right turn onto a gravel road, Sheldon knows exactly where his Mom is taking him.

"It's been a while since I've been up to see Pop Pop and your dad, " Mary explains as they reach the gates of the cemetery.

"Mom, may I ask you a question regarding a rather difficult subject matter?" Sheldon wonders as Mary parks the car in front of George Cooper's grave.

"Of course, Baby. You can ask me anything, " Mary reassures.

"Why did you stay with Dad after you found out he was having an affair?" Sheldon wonders.

Mary feels all of the air leaving her lungs in an instant at that most unexpected question from her youngest son. She had a feeling Meemaw and Missy confronted him about his affair, and this just proved it. He looks sad and physically exhausted, Mary worries, gaunt, like his clothes are wearing him. Though of his own doing, this breakup has taken its toll on him, Mary worries.

"Well, Sheldon, to be completely honest with you, in hindsight, my reasons for staying seem quite foolish now. I was in denial about it for quite awhile. I kept telling myself that your Dad was just helping out Brenda after her husband left her. He was being a good neighbor and a good Christian. That worked for a while until I contracted an STD from him. After that, I blamed myself for pushing him away. I thought if I just tried to be a better wife, more loving, more patient, more... I don't really know, to be honest. I just thought I needed to do more. I prayed a lot for God to save my marriage. I didn't believe in divorce. But the main reason stayed was financial. I made very little money at the church and still had three kids to feed and clothe, " Mary explains, brushing away a few tears from her eyes.

"Did you forgive him?" Sheldon wonders.

"Not until years after he was gone, " Mary admits. "I was reading the Passion in my Bible one night and the words of Jesus were stuck in my mind; ' Forgive them, Lord, for they know not what they do.' I knew that I needed to come to peace with it."

"Yes, but the key part of that verse is, 'they know not what they do.' Dad and Brenda knew what they were doing. I knew what I was doing, " Sheldon quietly mumbles while looking at his shoes.

"That's also true, " Mary agrees. "Has Amy forgiven you?" Mary wonders.

"She says she has but I don't know how... after what I did... how is she going to forgive and forget the horrible things I did?" Sheldon questions.

"The heart that truly loves never forgets, " Mary counsels. "But love... love is powerful, Sheldon. It's the greatest gift God gave us. Love conquers all. Is Amy wanting to work towards reconciling?" Mary wonders.

"Yes, we've reconciled... but I'm scared, Mom. What if it was just the emotions of the past few weeks causing her to make a rash decision? What if she changes her mind or... or... when we broke up two years ago, Amy briefly dated a mathematician. He's now working at the same university as Amy and is her next door neighbor. There's still a mutual attraction between them. What if she wants to get revenge against me?" Sheldon worries.

"She asked you to reconcile?" Mary asks.

"Yes, " Sheldon confirms.

"Then you're worrying over nothing, Lamb Chop. She chose you, " Mary reassures as she opens her car door.

Getting out of the car, Sheldon slowly walks to his Pop Pop's grave a few rows down from where his father rests. As he approaches Milton Tucker's grave, Sheldon notices the fresh flowers by the headstone, which he is certain came from Meemaw's garden. While not believing in an afterlife, Sheldon is well aware of the custom of speaking to the deceased as though they can hear you. Sometimes, Sheldon dreams of long conversations with his Pop Pop while they play trains or over a frosty root beer float. It's not much different than talking to him while awake, Sheldon decides while picking up a small heart-shaped pebble from atop the headstone and fiddling with it between his fingers.

"Hello, Pop Pop, " Sheldon starts, unsure what to say.

When on their date a few days ago, Amy suggested that rather than 142 days of constant "I love you. I miss you" text messages, which they both concluded were painfully obvious and go without saying, they'd do something a little different to pass the time by sending a picture each day of something they did or saw, in addition to a daily photo of Spock. Taking his phone out of his pocket, Sheldon takes a picture of his grandfather's headstone. He'll send it to Amy later in the day so as to not disturb her.

"I um... I could really use your advice, Pop Pop, " Sheldon mumbles as he twists the rock in his hand. "You gave such great advice when I needed it. I recall when I was four and attempted to build a trap to catch Santa. I intended on using a slip knot rope which he would step into when going to eat the cookies Missy baked for him, but you suggested fishing line to trip him, and a net which would fall from the ceiling when the fishing line was tripped. I woke up Christmas morning to find a net on the floor, but no Santa. Although, my father had a sudden unexplained foot injury which he claimed was just plantar fasciitis. I could use your advice and wisdom now, Pop Pop. I hurt the woman I love by having an affair. Don't worry, I've gotten smacked upside the head by Meemaw and I'm sure I'm in for quite the earful. Amy and I are trying to move past this but I don't see how it's possible."

As Sheldon fully expected, visiting his Pop Pop is utterly worthless in relieving his anxiety. In all honesty, he was more emotional than Amy on Saturday night when saying their goodbyes to one another. That realization shocks him and sends his head spinning as he over analyzes just what that means.

"I'm worried about Sheldon, George, " Mary softly confesses to her husband while looking over to see her son standing at his grandfather's grave. "Remember that bet you had with Meemaw? Well, you were right. Our little Shelly had sex! I know you thought it'd just be the one time out of curiosity but apparently, he liked it. He cheated on his girlfriend! I know, right, our germophobe son had sex with more than one woman! Anyhoo, he's lookin' like hell right now and I'm not quite sure how to reach him. Watch over our baby, George, " Mary whispers while looking up to the heavens.

Upon returning to his childhood home, Sheldon is surprised to find Meemaw petting a very content Spock as she sits in her rocking chair.

"He was meowing his head off lookin for ya, " Meemaw explains. "What's the little fella's name?

" Amy named him Spock, " Sheldon explains.

"Sure, sure. Amy named him. Cop a squat, Moonpie, " Meemaw demands as she points to the couch.

"I refuse to answer any questions related to..." Sheldon protests.

"SIT!" Meemaw forcefully commands while snapping her fingers.

"Yes, Ma'am, " Sheldon meekly replies as he settles in his spot.

"Mom, I don't think..." Mary begins as she goes into protective Mama Bear mode.

"Hush it. You need to make yourself scarce while I get to the bottom of this, " Meemaw orders.

"Mom, it's not really any of our business, " Mary protests, knowing it's no use. Looking to Sheldon apologetically as she leaves the living room, Mary leaves her bedroom door cracked so she can hear the conversation.

"Now, I don't want any of the details about what you did or who you did. I ain't interested in that. I'm worried about ya, Sheldon. Your clothes are wearing you and you look like you haven't had a good night's sleep in years. What's going on with you?" Meemaw gently questions?

"When Amy found out, she took everything; dishes, pots, pans, the bed, which I am led to believe she set on fire... she left me one towel and a roll of toilet paper. I... I spiraled out of control. I began drinking heavily just to numb the pain and utter disgust at what I had wrought. I've been sleeping on an air mattress... when I sleep. Most nights I lay awake guilt-ridden and full of anxiety. Ramona... the other woman... has been hellbent on destroying my life, my career, any hope of reconciling with Amy. It's why I came to Texas. I need to let this situation calm down. I need a safety bubble while I rebuild my relationship with Amy, " Sheldon explains as Meemaw nods in understanding.

"So, Amy forgave you?" Meemaw questions.

"Yes, " Sheldon confirms as the corners of his mouth slightly upturn in an attempt at a smile.

"Sheldon, she's forgiven you, but have you forgiven yourself?" Meemaw wonders.

And just like that, Meemaw gets right to the heart of the matter, Sheldon thinks to himself as he looks at his folded hands in his lap and takes a shuddering breath.

"No, " he admits. "I will never be able to forgive myself."

"Can I tell you what I think?" Meemaw wonders.

"Of course, " Sheldon responds.

"You're too hard on yourself, Moonpie. You're your own worst critic. You hold yourself to a higher standard and now that you've seen that you're only human, it scares the hell outta ya. Your Dad and I had a bet about you and your uh... sex life. Your dad thought you'd try it just once out of intellectual curiosity. I said no way, you're going to stay celibate because you have zero interest in human emotions or relationships. So, do me a favor will ya? When I die, stick two cans of Lone Star beer in my casket so I can make good on my bet, all right?" Meemaw teases with a wink. "Forgive yourself, Moonpie. Let Amy's love for you be enough."

"I'll try, " Sheldon promises.


	59. Chapter 59

Day 61 of his 123-day separation from Amy begins just like any other day as Sheldon awakens in the much too small twin sized bed from his childhood. Spock is curled up at his feet and as Sheldon stretches, he predictably feels a small claw poke through the blanket in an attempt to attack.

"Spock, no claws, " Sheldon warns as Spock meows in acknowledgment, part of their morning routine as Sheldon goes to open the bathroom door so the kitten can use the litter box.

Going back to his room, Sheldon retrieves his cell phone from the charger and finds his "Good Morning" email from Amy waiting for him.

 _Good morning, My Love,_

 _It's just past 3am in Texas and I'm imagining that you are fast asleep, Spock curled up on your chest. It's a cold, rainy day in Paris and this California girl longs for her hunky boyfriend to keep her warm. ;-)_

 _I've been pondering the answer to your question; how do I perceive your actions as showing me love and affection? I do find it interesting that after close to a decade of knowing each other and being pair bonded, we are only now discussing our respective love languages. This question has caused me to reminisce and to, dare I hope, understand you a bit better._

 _One of my favorite memories of spending time with you is the night we played Dungeons and Dragons. Even though you were obviously uncomfortable by having a girl in your room, nevertheless, you saw the storyline through. I saw a different side of you that night, Sheldon. Gone was my naive, arrogant, and (what I wrongly presumed) asexual boyfriend. You were adorably shy, yet confident in your detailed story telling. You never touched me, and still, up to that moment at least, it was the most erotic and intimate moment of my life. You gave me hope that night, Sheldon. Hope for what could be between us._

 _Never in a million years did I ever dare dream that you would declare you love me without prompting or me saying those three magical little words first. While that was a monumental milestone for us, it's actually the aftermath, later that night after prom, that I recall the most. Leonard had already gone to bed and you were sitting in your spot nursing a mug of tea. You flashed me a megawatt smile as I exited the bathroom in my Harvard t-shirt and grey sweatpants and said I looked, "cute" as you patted the cushion next to you on the couch. You sat your mug on the end table and so tenderly tucked a strand of hair behind my ear as you whispered, "good night, Amy. I love you." I wanted so badly to kiss you, to follow you to your bedroom. Instead, I stayed on the couch and dreamed about dancing with you._

 _It's the small moments I cherish the most, Sheldon. Grilled cheese at 2 am after making love to you, an unexpected lunch date in the middle of the work week, you feeding me a bite of your banana split, shared mugs of tea, laughter during counterfactual's... a life together._

 _Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around. You tell them things that you've never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more. You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you._

 _When something wonderful happens, you can't wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement. They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself. Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful. There is never any pressure, jealousy or competition but only a quiet calmness when they are around. You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are._

 _The things that seem insignificant to most people such as a note, song or walk become invaluable treasures kept safe in your heart to cherish forever. Memories of your childhood come back and are so clear and vivid it's like being young again. Colours seem brighter and more brilliant. Laughter seems part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn't exist at all. A phone call or two during the day helps to get you through a long day's work and always brings a smile to your face. In their presence, there's no need for continuous conversation, but you find you're quite content in just having them nearby. Things that never interested you before become fascinating because you know they are important to this person who is so special to you._

 _You think of this person on every occasion and in everything you do. Simple things bring them to mind like a pale blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon. You open your heart knowing that there's a chance it may be broken one day and in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible. You find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that's so real it scares you. You find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal to the end. Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile. Your only hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your life._

 _These are the words of Bob Marley, but I cannot so elegantly express how I feel about you, Cuddles. I miss you._

 _All my love,_

 _Amy_

Taking a quick glance at the clock on his phone, Sheldon calculates that it is early afternoon in Paris and Amy will be unable to talk on the phone. He quickly sends her a text asking to Skype when she returns home and pockets his phone before scooping Spock up as he makes his way to the living room where Meemaw is playing solitaire on her iPad.

"Mornin' Moon Pie. You're in a good mood. Finally figure out that equation?" Meemaw wonders.

"No, I'm still hopelessly stuck... But..." He pauses for dramatic effect, "today marks the halfway point in my forced separation from Amy."

"I feel like her name has become taboo in your presence. How's she doin'?" Meemaw wonders as Spock leaps from the edge of the couch to perfectly land square in the middle of the light blue afghan covering Meemaw's lap.

"She seems happy and to be enjoying her time in Paris."

"Ah... She doesn't want you to worry, Moon Pie. I'm sure she misses you just as much as you miss her, " Meemaw rassures as Mary opens the front door and enters ahead of Missy and her sleeping son.

"Amy?" Mary wonders while plopping on the couch.

"Yes " Sheldon replies.

"Isn't her birthday comin' up soon?" Mary questions as Sheldon nods and confirms, "next week."

"Sheldon, can you explain somethin' for me? Your ponn far coincides with Amy's birthday, right? So, since you've already ponned this year, are ya still gonna feel your blood boil on Amy's birthday?" Missy questions as Sheldon's cheeks turn a deep crimson and he suddenly finds his shoes fascinating.

"What's that all about?" Meemaw wonders.

"Sheldon and Amy..." Missy begins to explain Sheldon glares at her, willing her to not say it. "They fuck, once a year, on Amy's birthday."

"Melissa Rae!" Mary yells at her, "that's enough!"

"I suppose... in its simplest terms, what I experienced could be summed up as nothing more than pon Farr, blood lust, but, and this is crucial for both Amy and myself to understand, human emotion... the human experience is much more complex than that. There is something... something I'm not consciously aware of that led to me making this mistake. I'm continuing to work with my therapist and Amy and I have delved into this through our emails to each other. To be perfectly honest... I'm... I'm afraid of not being capable of... performing without the assistance of a certain little blue pill, " Sheldon confesses.

"Sheldon, I don't want any details now... but... everything functions... down there... as it should under normal circumstances?" Meemaw wonders as Mary groans, holds her head in her hands and shakes her head.

"Yes, " Sheldon confirms.

"Then when you're with your gal, get out of your head. Don't think about it. Feel and let it happen naturally. My first time with John..."

"La la La la la, " Mary hums while sticking her fingers in her ears.

"Oh, grow up! I had sex! How do ya think you got here?" Meemaw questions?

"A shooting star like on The Flintstones, " Missy teases.

"Anyhoo, we wanted it to be perfect but we got so in our heads that it... well it was a comedy of errors. But once we relaxed and just let it happen, it ended up being amazing. Just let it happen. Don't force it but don't fight it either, " Meemaw suggests." Anyhoo, you are gonna be my muscle to get the Christmas totes down from the attic."

"Are we making cookies?" Sheldon hopefully asks.

"I'll whip up a batch for ya, " Meemaw promises with a wink.

 _Amy loved Meemaw's cookies._ "I'd like to send them to Amy."

"Oh, sugar, sending them all the way to France... it's a nice thought, but it'll take weeks to get there. They won't hold up, " Mary explains.

"Then I'll just have to hand deliver them, " Sheldon decides.

"On her birthday... so you can get laid, " Missy teases.

"I don't want her to know I'm coming. I want to surprise her. I need to obtain her address without it being suspicious, " Sheldon explains.

"I'll tell her I need it so I can send out my Christmas cards, " Meemaw decides. "Now, you go book that flight then it's up to the attic for you."

"Yes, Ma'am, " Sheldon eagerly replies as he rushes to his bedroom to book his flight.

Keeping this a surprise and secret from Amy is going to be a huge undertaking for him, Sheldon immediately realizes. Luckily, he'll only have to keep it a secret for 10 days... Well, 9 really, considering the time difference and a 10 hour non-stop flight. Deciding he needs to find a way to confirm that Amy will be in Paris without her becoming suspicious, Sheldon takes his laptop to the living room and sets it on the coffee table.

"I need to find out if Amy has any conferences between her birthday and New Year's Day without her becoming suspicious, " he explains.

"You leave that to me, Moon Pie. Turn that Jetsons thing a ma jig on and go into the kitchen so I can try it out, " Meemaw insists.

"By 'Jetsons thing' you mean...?" Sheldon questions.

"Facebook or Face Time or whatever it is. Teach me how to Dougie."

"That's not what that means, " Missy explains while trying to hold back laughter. "I'll teach you how to use Skype and then introduce you to the magical world of Youtube. Can you simultaneously use desktop and mobile accounts?"

"I've never attempted it, " Sheldon admits.

"No problem, " Missy replies while handing Sheldon her phone with Skype already loaded right as Skype begins to ring and a pop up appears showing that Amy is calling.

"It's Amy. What do I do?" Meemaw questions?

"Answer it. I'm in the attic. Don't spoil my surprise, " Sheldon warns.

Waiting until Sheldon disappears around the corner, Meemaw clicks the accept button and a few seconds later Amy's grin turns to a confused frown.

"Sheldon? All I see is that old clock Georgie made in shop class, " Amy explains.

"Hang on, Amy. I'll try ta fix it, " Meemaw replies as Missy tilts the screen for here. "There, I can see myself in that tiny box. How ya doin', Sweetheart? Sheldon is elbow deep in cobwebs right now."

"Oh my. Is he alright?" Amy worries.

"Yep. He's digging out the Christmas decorations from the attic. Only his scrawny ass can still fit up there, " Meemaw replies. "How's Paris treating ya? Done any sightseeing?"

"Our friend, Rajesh, is here for a few days. We plan on going to the Eiffel Tower and shopping at the Saint Ouen flea market and Champs Elysees. I'm hoping to find Sheldon's Christmas present, but as I'm sure you know, he is impossible to shop for, " Amy complains as Meemaw nods in agreement/sympathy.

"Oh, I know, dear. Speakin' of Christmas, I'm late as usual, but while I got ya on the horn, can I get your address so we can send a Christmas card?"

"Of course, " Amy replies while seeing Missy hand Meemaw a pen and what appears to be a recipe card.

 _That was almost too easy,_ Sheldon breathes a sigh of relief from the kitchen as he hears Amy giving her address. Now he needs to set his plan in place, making Amy believe he forgot her birthday, only to show up at her door. He promised Amy, no more lies, but is it still unacceptable to lie to her about his whereabouts in the commission of surprising her? He knows that he will instantly be forgiven but the knowledge that he's going to break a promise to her while they are trying to rebuild trust between them weighs heavily on his heart. There's no time to fret about that now though as Missy loudly calls out,"hey, lover boy!" as she walks towards the kitchen.

"You bellowed?" Sheldon questions.

"All part of the deception. Got her address and Meemaw is confirming she'll be in Paris over the holidays, " Missy reassures. "I can hardly believe my brother, the robot, is about to fly 5,000 miles just to get some."

"Get some?" Sheldon questions.

"Do the mattress mambo, the dance with no pants, hide your snake in her garden..."

"Alright, alright, I get the picture, so to speak. Yes, it is likely we will engage in coitus..."

"Spoken like a man in love..."

"BUT, and I cannot stress this enough, I am not going to Paris simply because I'm 'horny, " he insists while using air quotes. "Penny said that Amy is sad about spending the holidays alone. I don't want her to be alone, especially after everything that has happened this year."

"Sheldon, I'm teasing! I think it's sweet and incredibly romantic. You're trying to right an enormous wrong, and this is going to go a long way towards helping the two of you heal."

"You think so?" Sheldon questions, the insecurity in his voice pulling at Missy's heartstrings.

"I _know_ so, Sheldon. You'll be in the most romantic city in the world on her birthday, after flying 5,000 miles just to be with her. That is every woman's dream, baby brother. Are you gonna seal the deal?" Missy questions.

"I don't understand."

"Pop the question?"

"What question?"

Oh, my God. How can you be so smart and yet dumber than a box of rocks at the same time?" Missy wonders. "Are you going to propose?"

"No, " Sheldon immediately decides. "While it would be romantic, and dare I say, even expected, we are not ready for that step right now. My actions have derailed our engagement by an estimated 1.5 years."

"Really? And how do you figure that?" Missy wonders.

"It's Amy's projections for the natural course of our relationship. Her calculations in the initial stages of our relationship estimated that I would propose exactly 4 years to the day that we first met. When that didn't happen, Amy's models predicted an engagement on our 5th anniversary, which I had secretly planned, but it all went horribly wrong and we broke up for 6 months. That pushed our engagement date to Christmas of last year. Again, I didn't propose. Then I did this and the computer models now have our engagement occurring on or around May 16, 2019."

"And you don't plan on proposing before that date?" Missy confirms.

"I... I'm open to it but it's... with Amy in Paris... we're not having the conversations that we need to have. We're not..."

"You're afraid that if you say the wrong thing, she won't come back."

"Yes, " Sheldon admits.

"Can I give you some advice?" Missy wonders as Sheldon nods his consent. "Stop being afraid. Have those conversations, even the difficult ones. The fact is the two of you are back together after all that. She loves you, Sheldon. Show Amy you love her by manning up."

The next week goes by in a blur of activity for Sheldon. Everything from getting a haircut, to making cookies with Meemaw, to submitting his 2nd rewrite of his manuscript to Caltech. Now, with just minutes to go before he leaves for the airport, he finds himself sitting on his bed holding two boxes in his hands. Should he take the ring, just in case? His doubt stems from the fact that Amy asked him if marriage is a necessity for them to be together. He's sure she loves him but after what he's done, there is a part of him that expects Amy isn't coming back from Paris. Tossing the ring box onto his pillow with a heavy sigh, Sheldon decides to leave it behind.

That brings him to the purple box marketed as, "ribbed for her pleasure." They've never used condoms and this is just one more reminder of what he's done. He is Amy's only lover, hopefully forever. They used to tout that fact over the other couples in their social group. Amy seemed very proud of it and often said how she was glad they waited for each other. He has to take these with him, at Amy's insistence that they will be using prophylactics. Ughhh, why did he fall into temptation? If he had just listened to Penny...

"Shelly?" Mary calls out while knocking on his door before opening it. "Ready to go?"

"Yes, " he confirms, his voice sounding full of tears, even to his own ears, which his mother instantly picks up on.

"Baby, what's wrong?" She questions while coming to sit next to him.

"Nothing, " Sheldon reassures as he tucks the box under a few t-shirts and zips his suitcase shut.

"Alright, but I hope you know that you can talk to me about anything, Sheldon, even... sex."

"I know. We um... have never used... protection... before. Amy is... _was_ on the pill and since we were monogamous and gave our virginities to each other... it just felt unnecessary... but now... Amy insisted that we will be using them and it... I mean, I'll do it because I love her and I am the one who betrayed her trust... but..."

"It's one more reminder of what you did, a metaphorical slap in the face."

"Yes, exactly."

"My advice, Shelly, talk to Amy before things get hot and heavy between you, but don't be surprised if she insists on it, just for a little while. You're going to need to prove yourself trustworthy once again. That's going to take time, " Mary advises.

"I know."

"Are you excited to see her?" Mary questions, hoping to cheer Sheldon up.

"Yes. I spoke to Amy this morning and told her that I didn't meet my deadline so I will be busy until further notice. She never mentioned that her birthday is tomorrow. Penny said Amy keeps saying, " it's just another day." I hope I can make it special for her."

"It will be, Sheldon. I promise you, this will be a birthday Amy never forgets."

Amy, for her part, is none the wiser that she is sharing a gorgeous sunrise with her boyfriend as she awakens the morning of her birthday and looks out the window at the purple and orange hues lighting up the Eiffel Tower.

She has a meeting today with a Japanese marine biologist who has incredible research into how the melon of dolphins, which is used to send sound waves could explain how the human brain processes pain and pleasure receptors. Amy thinks that's a bit far fetched, but as this meeting was arranged by her boss, far be it from her to reject this meeting.

Wondering if she were with Sheldon right now, would they be making love in the middle of the night, too eager to wait, or would it be after a night out on the town, Amy chides herself for "going there."

"It's just another day, " she sadly attempts to convince herself as roughly pulls the curtain shut before heading to the bathroom to shower.

20 minutes away, Sheldon tosses his suitcase into the trunk of the taxi cab and shuts the lid before crawling into the back seat. It's just after 7 am and he is ahead of schedule, having landed 90 minutes early. Stifling a yawn, he pulls out his cell phone and powers it on so he can text his mother to let her know he's arrived safely. He hopes he doesn't awaken Amy. Maybe he should text her first, he decides.

 _Good morning and happiest of birthdays, my precious Amy. I love you._

Frequently checking his phone as they get closer to Amy's apartment, Sheldon worries she may still be sleeping as he pulls his black beret and sunglasses from his backpack.

" Touristes fous pensant que nous portons tous des bérets et des moustaches (Crazy tourists thinking we all wear berets and have moustaches), " Sheldon hears the taxi driver mutter.

"Je ne crois pas que ce soit vrai (I don't believe that to be true), " Sheldon replies in perfect French.

Caught, the driver is silent for the last three blocks before pulling over in front of the infamous bistro that prominently futures in most of Amy's stories. The area is nothing like he has pictured it as Amy regales him with nightly tales. For one thing, he never imagined the trees and emerald grass along the sidewalks or the smell of freshly baked bread wafting through the air making his mouth water and tummy grumble.

He's surprised by the instant roar of conversation as he enters Esme's bistro and finds an empty table in the far corner away from the large pane window. Looking around, he doesn't see Amy and checks his phone once again, confirming she hasn't replied.

A few feet away, Dave Gibbs stands at the counter chatting with Esme as they quickly steal glances at the mysterious stranger in the corner of the room.

"That's Sheldon, " Dave whispers.

"Sheldon? Amy's Sheldon?" Esme questions.

"Oui, the very same. Amy never mentioned he was coming to visit, " Dave shares.

"You two are not exactly friends at the moment, " Esme reminds him. "The last time you spoke, Amy requested you go to hell."

"Yes. It's all part of my 999 part plan to win her over, " Dave jokes. "Should I talk to him?"

"Does he know who you are?" Esme wonders.

"Yes."

"Then no, you do not speak to him. Understood?" Esme warns.

"I understand, " Dave promises.

 _Good morning, my love. Thank you for the birthday wishes. The sunrise over the Eiffel is beautiful. I wish you were here to share it with me,_ Amy texts Sheldon including a breathtaking photo of said sunrise.

 _How to respond?_ Sheldon ponders as he looks at the photo. Does he say, _maybe I am?,_ his first thought, or should he still lead her on, making her believe he's in Texas?

 _It's nearly as beautiful as the woman who took the photo,_ Sheldon responds to her text as Amy finishes putting in her ear ring, picks up her black leather coat and smooths her hand down the front of her cream blouse and black skirt as she checks her appearance in the mirror. Raj has excellent taste in fashion, she will give him that. Briefly considering giving Sheldon a heart attack (or a raging erection) Amy decides against taking a selfie as she glances at the bedside clock. She needs to leave now if she wants time to eat breakfast before her meeting.

Sheldon sees Amy approaching before she sees him as she walks to the east so her back is turned to him. She is breathtaking in her new clothes and the light curls of her new perm add a youthful charm to her face. She waits, 3rd in line to order. Perfect. Slowly, so as to not be noticed, Sheldon rises from his chair and gets in line behind Amy.

She has Sheldon on the brain today, Amy decides as she catches a whiff of talc from the person standing behind her in line. Hopefully he can find time to talk to her tonight before she has a prolonged session with Gerard. It's as if her body knows she should be having sex today and is hypersensitive to any stimuli. She almost wants to curse Sheldon for ever setting the expectation of coitus on her birthday. Almost. As the woman in front of her pays and steps aside so Amy can order, the hairs on the back of Amy's neck stand on edge and a delicious shiver runs down her spine as the baby powder smelling person leans in to softly ask,

"May I buy you a beverage? Tepid water perhaps?"


	60. Chapter 60

_Tonight is the taping of the series finale. This show, and this fandom in particular, has seen me through some of the best, and worst, moments of my life. I am going to miss the show terribly. Luckily, I still have fanfiction, all of you, and the endless reruns. Here's an extra long chapter to help us mourn the loss of one of the greatest show of all time._

* * *

 _No, it can't be. She's dreaming. Sheldon wouldn't fly half way around the world just to be with her on her birthday. Wake up!_ Amy demands of herself as she digs her nails into her palm. _Okay, that hurt. She's definitely awake. That means..._

 _"_ Sheldon?" Amy tearfully whispers as she turns around to face him.

"Happy birthday, Amy," Sheldon replies.

 _That smile, slightly crooked and brighter than the sun. That is what he's been dreaming about for the past 2 months,_ Sheldon decides as Amy whispers, "thank you, " around a huge lump in her throat as tears stream down her cheeks.

 _Amy never smiled like that for me,_ Dave Gibbs realizes as he watches Sheldon and Amy from across the room. It shocks Dave, they have yet to have any physical contact; a hug, a kiss, even holding hands, and yet, somehow, he's left to feel as though he is intruding on a most private and intimate moment between his crush and her paramour. Reading Amy's lips, _I'm so happy you're here,_ words uttered years earlier enter his mind, _kiss her you brilliant fool._

Instead, Amy grabs the two mugs of tea from the counter and follows Sheldon back to his table, gasping in surprise and gracing Sheldon with a dazzling smile as he holds her chair for her before sliding into his chair on the same side of the table.

"When do you need to be to work?" Sheldon wonders while Amy stirs a packet of sugar into her tea.

"I have an hour."

"And how long does it take you to walk to the university?"

"15 minutes."

"Perfect. That gives us 15 minutes to eat and a half hour to make out before I walk you to work, " Sheldon whispers in her ear, making Amy softly blush.

"There's one problem in that otherwise perfect plan. Once I start kissing you, I won't be able to stop, " Amy warns before winking at him, making him chuckle.

"You look... you're a vision, Amy. I really like this new look."

"You do?" Amy shyly questions, biting her lip.

"Mmmhmm. You're very pretty."

"Thank you, Sheldon. You've put on some weight. You look great. Handsome. Healthy. Happy. Tired, " she adds when he hides his yawn behind his hand.

" The jet lag is starting to catch up with me, " he agrees before changing topics. "You're meeting with Doctor Flipper today, correct?"

"Dr. Nakamura is a highly respected marine biologist, Sheldon."

"Amy, he married a dolphin, " Sheldon points out.

"I'm sure their babies will be beautiful, " Amy jokes as Sheldon gapes at her in shock. "I'm joking. I realize he has a reputation for being a little... unorthodox, shall we say but his understanding of the attachment between humans and animals is unparalleled. You really should read some of his work, Sheldon."

"Alright. Amy, do you prefer working with humans over animals?" Sheldon wonders as their breakfast is brought to the table.

"Hmm, I've never given it much thought, " she admits while slathering orange marmalade on her English muffin. "They both have their merits. Why do you ask?"

"I... uh... it just seems to me that... well..."

"Total honesty, Sheldon. We promised each other complete and total honesty, no holding back, " she reminds him.

Alright, " he agrees, "I think you became bored with your work and have been looking for something that catches your interest, your next adventure, whether it be at Princeton or Los Angeles... or Paris"

"Sheldon, my boss set this meeting up. My honest opinion is that this theory has absolutely no merit and was influenced by outside factors, i.e. Dr. Nakamura's infatuation with dolphins. I'm not at liberty to refuse this meeting. As for being bored with my previous lines of work, that is not what lead me to Princeton or to Paris. I went to Princeton because I feel a necessity to maintain professional contacts in my line of study and I came to Paris because I was headhunted. I am coming home, Sheldon. I promise, " she whispers. "I love you."

"I love you too. I'm sorry, it's just... I get into my head and my fears and insecurities get the best of me. You've got a little something..." He explains before licking his thumb and using it to remove a dollop of jam at the corner of Amy's lip.

Puckering her lips, Amy kisses his thumb, quickly darting the tip of her tongue to lick it clean. They have an audience, she realizes, but when Sheldon looks at her like that, his _I want to devour you_ look, the look that instantly makes her wet and willing to break every public decency law on the books, well, they're just lucky Sheldon's still wearing pants.

 _The way her eyes darken, going from the most beautiful emerald to onyx, is fascinating._ He recognizes that look; hope, desire... lust. She used to look at him like this often, silently pleading with him but never pushing, never demanding more than he was capable of giving her. Tonight though... he just hopes it's everything she's imagined.

He can't resist any longer, he needs to kiss her NOW. Amy apparently has the same thought as she whispers, "upstairs?" and he mutely nods. Placing a few euros next to his teacup (because Meemaw would wring his neck for not tipping) he grabs his suitcase and wraps his free arm around Amy's waist. Feeling Dave Gibbs' eyes on them, Sheldon kisses Amy's cheek as she opens the door, just for good measure. Yes, he's marking his territory, yes it's immature, but does Amy seem to mind? Hardly, Sheldon decides as he feels her hand come around his waist and slide into the back pocket of his jeans.

As they turn the corner and go into a small side door, Amy lets go of him so she can unlock her door. He takes a look around, trying to locate the insistent yapping from a nearby apartment.

"Os is harmless. He'll just lick you to death... if I don't do it first, " she whispers in his ear as the deadbolt clicks to grant entry.

Amy's apartment is much smaller than he imagined as he looks at the small grey loveseat next to her desk. Her entire living room and kitchen area is the size of his bedroom back in Pasadena. Hopefully, they'll find plenty of time to play tourist so he doesn't feel like a caged animal. Setting his suitcase down, he happily sighs into Amy's hair as she wraps her arms around his waist and lays her head against his shoulder.

"I love you, " he whispers.

"I love you too, " she whispers back, just as softly. "I'm so happy you're here."

"Good, " he whispers while cupping her cheeks in the palms of his hands.

"I have to go to work."

"I know. I'm going to come back here and sleep for a few hours."

"Mmm. I love to watch you sleep. You're making it even more difficult for me to leave."

"Sorry, " he apologizes.

"Don't be. This is the best birthday surprise ever, " she declares.

"Good, " Sheldon murmurs against her plush lips.

Oh dear lord, how did she ever think she could survive without kissing her sweet baboo ever again, Amy wonders as Sheldon wraps his arms around her shoulders and hips, holding her as though he never wants to let her go. He's pouring every ounce of desire, fear, happiness... love... into this kiss, making her knees weak and heart pound in her ears.

Oh, dear lord, how could he have been so stupid and thrown all of this away? How he's missed this. _This woman. This feeling of completeness. This... peace... that comes from her mere presence in his life._ Wrapping his arms around Amy even tighter, he feels her respond in kind by slowly rubbing his back as she gives a tiny playful nip at his lip, making him release a low growl from deep in his throat. Unable to contain her laugh, Amy pulls back and rests her head on his shoulder as she continues to shake with laughter.

"Sorry, sorry," she manages to get out between giggles.

" it's alright. I love hearing you laugh, " Sheldon mumbles before kissing her forehead.

"I love your real laugh, not the breathy one but that deep belly laugh that I rarely get from you, " Amy confesses. "You smell so good. Like home, " she murmurs as she plants a wet kiss along his carotid.

"I've been in Texas for 2 months," he reminds her.

" During which time nothing has changed about your personal hygiene habits or the laundry detergent you use. This, to me, is the smell of home. Of comfort, safety... my spot. Does that make sense?"

"Yes, " Sheldon replies. "I um... I forgot your birthday present in my mom's car. She's going to mail it."

"You flew halfway around the world to be with me! That is... I don't have the words, Sheldon... wait, you just went from being a level 1 boyfriend to epic levels, " Amy decides which makes Sheldon chuckle.

"Level 1?" Sheldon questions.

"You lost levels after what you did, " Amy explains.

 _There it is. The entire reason she's in Paris right now_ , Sheldon internally fumes. Externally, he simply nods and pulls Amy closer. Being careful to not tangle her hair, he brushes his fingers through the soft ringlets.

"Sheldon?" Amy whispers, knowing she just struck a nerve.

"We need to talk. I uh... I need to complete step 8, which is making amends, and I want to start with the person who means the most to me."

"You're in a 12 step program?" Amy asks, obviously shocked.

"Yes. I've been going to AA meetings with Meemaw, " he admits.

"Sheldon, that's wonderful. I agree, we do need to talk but I _have_ to go to work right now."

"I know. It's okay. Do you have a favorite restaurant here? I'll make reservations."

" I'm craving Mexican, but haven't been able to find any restaurants nearby."

"I'll make that happen, birthday girl."

"Thank you. I don't want to go. I want to stay home and snuggle all day."

"I'll make you a deal, " Sheldon proposes. "You go to work and let me get some sleep, and in return, I will snuggle with you as much as you wish this weekend."

"This is going to be the longest Friday ever, " Amy complains. "Don't wash your t-shirt."

"Airplane germs, " Sheldon mopes.

"I know, but I want to sleep in your t-shirt tonight. I'll take the risk..." She stops him by holding up a single finger when he starts to protest. "We need to be going so I'm not late."

"Okay. Happy birthday, Doctor Fowler, "Sheldon whispers in her ear before kissing her one last time.

Maybe he's just tired, but Sheldon seems a little... _off,_ Amy's brain supplies as she pecks his lips one last time before opening the door. Gone is the adorable yet bullheaded man she knows and loves. This version of Sheldon is pensive, contrite and oddly, very affectionate. Not that she's complaining about that last one. He's right, they definitely need to talk.

" How long are you staying?" Amy wonders as Sheldon takes her backpack and slings it around his shoulders before immediately reaching for her hand.

"Until January 5th... if that's alright?" He worries.

"If I had my way, you'd stay until I go home, " Amy confesses. "Sheldon, I'm sorry for..."

"Stop. Don't apologize to me for that. I am facing my consequences. Please hold me accountable for my actions rather than sweeping it under the rug as we usually do, " Sheldon requests of her.

"Okay, " Amy agrees. "This is going to be good for us, Sheldon. We can heal, away from the pressures of everyday life, away from our well-meaning but intrusive friends and family. We can fall in love again in the most romantic city in the world."

"You don't love me?" He whispers.

 _Shock. Panic. A sliver of resignation._ These are all things Amy picks up on in those four little words as Sheldon immediately drops her hand and takes a large step to the left, leaving a space between them that feels like the opposite sides of the Atlantic Ocean to Amy.

"Of course I love you, " Amy immediately reassures. " I strongly disliked you for quite awhile..." She admits as Sheldon nods in understanding, "but I never stopped loving you. I don't know how to stop loving you," She whispers as she looks into his soft blue eyes, seeing the hurt her words have caused him. "I want us to rediscover all of those little reasons why we are in love with each other. Does that make sense?"

"No, " Sheldon admits. "If you love me, then you are already aware of the reasons why."

"That's a valid argument, " Amy concedes. "For the record, there is no _if._ I love you, Sheldon."

"I love you too. We'll continue this conversation later?" He requests as Amy makes a right turn and the university comes into sight.

"Of course, " Amy agrees.

 _Eggshells,_ Amy thinks to herself, _as in walking upon._ It shouldn't be this difficult to be around each other, to talk to each other. Kissing, flirting... coitus... that will not fix their relationship. Only deep, honest conversation will work. That being said, she can't leave him worrying about the status of their relationship and their upcoming talk for the next 9 hours.

"I can't wait to unwrap my present, " Amy confesses.

"I told you, I left it in my mom's car."

"That is not the present of which I speak."

"It... Oh."

 _I gave her the expectation of birthday coitus,_ Sheldon realizes while smiling at her, hoping it's reassuring of his desire for her, rather than betraying his nerves.

"Looking forward to it. You're going to be late."

Walking the last block in silence, they steal small shy glances at each other as they walk down the cobblestone path to the university science labs. There are a few people, professors and researchers mostly, Sheldon notices, mulling about as they talk on their phones and sneak in a quick cigarette or caffeine fix before the start of the work day. Opening the door, Amy leads Sheldon to the stairs and they quickly make their way up the three flights.

"I'm no longer used to stairs, " Sheldon points out as he breathes heavily after the third flight of stairs.

"Are you alright?" Amy questions in concern.

"Yes, " Sheldon reassures while following Amy to her office.

Unlike her office back home, which is decorated with Amy's diplomas, various awards and accomplishments and a few photos, this office looks unused, save a coffee cup and a single photo on Amy's desk, belaying the fact that she plans on this being a temporary space. Setting her bag by the door, Amy shuts it for privacy while motioning for Sheldon to take a seat in one of the spare chairs across from her.

"It's..." Sheldon pauses.

"Empty? Dark? Claustrophobia-inducing? Amy supplies. " My choice is temporary."

"Where are you jetsetting off to next?" Sheldon wonders.

"Home. I'm interviewing with Harvey Mudd via Skype on Tuesday. I was going to tell you last night but you didn't answer your phone, " Amy explains.

"It's 45 minutes from Pasadena. That's acceptable."

"Sheldon... I um... I'm taking you into consideration, but if an opportunity comes along outside of L.A.I _am_ going to consider it, " Amy explains.

"I don't... I don't know what to say to that..." Sheldon admits. " If you're not coming home, then why are we even trying to save this relationship?'

"I want to go home but I can't just concentrate my search to a specific geographical area. I don't have the option of not working while I wait for the right position. I may end up taking something simply because it pays."

"Okay. I understand."

"It's not about you or us, " Amy promises.

"Please keep me apprised?"

"I will. You look exhausted, Sheldon. Will you be alright going home?" Amy worries.

"I will, " he promises. "I wish you were coming with me, " he softly confesses. "I'm looking forward to holding you once again."

"I'm looking forward to being held... and kissed... and... _touched, "_ Amy whispers as she reaches across her desk for Sheldon's hand.

Gently grasping her fingers, Sheldon lays their entwined hands in the middle of her desk and watches Amy with rapt attention as she stares at their hands, seemingly in disbelief that he's actually there before shyly smiling at him as she lifts her head. It's only the beeping of the intercom to announce Dr. Nakamura's arrival that snaps them out of the spell several minutes later.

"I'll pick you up at 5?" Sheldon confirms.

"Great, " Amy agrees while handing him her key. "Sweet dreams."

"Have a good day, " Sheldon replies before kissing her cheek as he passes her through the open door.

He ducks around the corner just in time to watch Amy greet Dr. Flipper and her boss, Dr. Singh, as they approach from the opposite direction. Niceties are exchanged but Sheldon immediately senses that Amy is being professional rather than having any real interest in this theory. Relieved, he makes his way to Amy's for a few hours of sleep.

As Sheldon enters Amy's apartment, he takes a moment to take it all in. He and Amy had a conversation the day they met, Sheldon fondly recalls, regarding the way the brain processes information and retains memories. Amy was fascinated by Sheldon's eidetic memory and tested him with some science trivia. Of course, he answered every question correctly. Amy told him that she forms memories based on smells or sounds or a certain object she was holding or looking at. Sheldon notices two mugs, one blue and the other yellow, sitting in the dish rack. Certain Amy purchased them, he makes a mental note to have a mug of tea with her tomorrow morning, regardless of what does...or doesn't... happen tonight.

The apartment is void of any personality, reminding Sheldon of a large prison cell. He knows better than to refer to it as such in Amy's presence. Crawling into her bed, he notices she only has two pillows. This will never work. With a heavy, exhausted sigh, Sheldon gets out of bed and goes around the apartment cataloging the various items he will need to purchase. Luckily, it's a very small list. Deciding to make tacos for dinner, Sheldon opens Amy's fridge and is shocked to find nothing more than a box of baking soda and half a bottle of diet coke. This will never do! He's going to make sure Amy has some home cooked meals for the duration of his stay. Grabbing his phone, Sheldon googles the location of nearest big box store and sets off to explore Paris on his own.

It's one of those days where the clock doesn't seem to move at all. Finally, at 5 pm on the dot, Amy clocks out on the interoffice time clock program before shutting down her computer for the weekend. With a heavy sigh, she pushes herself away from her desk and goes to get her phone from her backpack, checking for messages from Sheldon. Finding none, she assumes he's on his way and opens up Facebook, responding to all 12 birthday wishes from friends and family in a matter of minutes. Becoming concerned that Sheldon still hasn't arrived, Amy dials his number. It immediately goes to voicemail, signaling it's off. Deciding she'll take the same route home as they took this morning, Amy locks up her office and beelines for her apartment, for once excited about going home.

It's silent as she enters her apartment and looks to the bedroom where Sheldon is frantically tying his shoes, which are on the wrong feet, Amy notices. His hair is also adorably sleep tossed. Smiling at him, she sits on the edge of the bed and happily sighs as Sheldon hugs her.

"My phone died but I couldn't find your charger. I must've fallen asleep. Sorry, " he apologizes.

"It's alright, " Amy reassures. "What's in the bags on the counter?"

"It's called food. You should try it sometime."

"Very funny. Why did you purchase the contents of aisle 7?"

"Aisle 7 is pet supplies. I looked in your fridge and cupboards. What do you eat?"

"I eat out for most... all... of my meals, but if you're offering to cook..."

"I am, " Sheldon agrees.

"I will find ways to thank you, " she promises while loosely wrapping her arms around his shoulders. "Hi."

"Hello, " he whispers while smiling at her. "How did your meeting go?" He wonders while moving so they can stretch out and snuggle.

"You were right. It was nothing more than junk science wrapped up in the brain of a former Rhodes scholar. Dr. Singh apologized profusely. He was unaware of Dr. Flipper's personal life choices and thought that if they took on the study, I may extend my stay in Paris. I made it clear that I'm not extending my contract."

"Good, " he whispers while brushing the tips of his fingers along her arms. "You're tense. Are you uncomfortable with physical affection?"

"No. It's just... unexpected. Nice, but unexpected, " she amends.

"Nothing will happen without your consent. I don't want us rushing into something we're not ready for."

"I don't want that either, especially tonight. Let's just take it slow and see what happens. No expectations."

"Agreed. So uh... since we're on that topic... are you still... I mean I will if... Do you want..." He stammers. Why can't he just say it?

"Sheldon?" Amy questions. It's so unlike him to be nervous while talking with her. It's cute but also worrisome. "Whatever it is, it won't upset..."

"Do you want me to use a condom?" He blurts out, interrupting her and making all the air leave her lungs.

Wow. She wasn't expecting that and it bowls her over like a runaway semi slamming into her at 100 miles per hour. Sensing she's upset, Sheldon kisses her forehead as he reassuringly rubs her back, giving her time to articulate an answer. What does she say to that? He used a condom their first time for "mess containment, " but after that, they chose to forego the condom in the ultimate expression of trust and love... and Amy doesn't have the words to describe how much better sex felt the second time. He is supposed to be HERS. Sex is something he was supposed to only share with her. Damn him. Damn that blonde whore. Damn it all.

"Yes, " Amy whispers while wiping at her eyes. "I want to use condoms."

"Okay, " Sheldon softly whispers in reply. "Talk to me? I've obviously upset you."

With a heavy sigh, Amy snuggles in even closer as she closes her eyes and rests her head in the crook of his arm. "It's not just for mess containment this time, and that makes me very sad."

"It makes me sad, too. It's another slap in the face, one more reminder of what I've done. Would you be more comfortable if we abstained from all forms of physical contact?"

"No. I need this, Sheldon. Even if it doesn't go any further, I need to be held by you."

"Okay. I can do that. How about kissing?"

"Yes, please, " Amy whispers as Sheldon rolls her onto her back and lays a blistering kiss on her that leaves them both panting for air.

"I've missed you so much. I love you so much, " he whispers, immediately leaning in to capture her lips in a slow and tender kiss.

Wrapping her arms around Sheldon's back, Amy pulls him down so he's laying on top of her as they finally say a proper hello to each other. Lifting up just slightly, Sheldon works on removing Amy's jacket and tosses it towards her dresser, where it falls to the floor. Not giving Sheldon time to go pick it up, Amy lifts the hem of his t-shirts and lightly caresses the warm skin beneath, making Sheldon moan into her mouth. Sitting up, Amy helps Sheldon remove her blouse, tossing it in the general direction of her jacket, before quickly removing Sheldon's shirts and dropping them to the floor.

"So beautiful, " Sheldon whispers as he kisses a trail down her neck to her breasts and suckles her erect nipple through the silk cup of her beige bra. The feeling of silk and hot wetness of Sheldon's mouth is a fascinating contrast as Amy arches her back and softly whimpers as Sheldon switches sides.

"May I?" He questions while tracing the strap of her bra.

He sees it then, _fear._ Immediately pulling back, he tucks the flat sheet around Amy then gets out of bed to locate her clothing. Coming across his t-shirts first, he tosses them upon the bed.

"What's wrong? You look scared," he points out while standing at the window.

"I think... I think we need to slow down. I'm sorry, " she apologizes while reaching for his shirts and handing them to Sheldon.

"Don't be sorry. What happened?" He wonders as he separates his t-shirts and pulls his red Flash t-shirt over Amy's head.

"Do you have condoms?" She wonders.

"I do, " he confirms. "Do you want to...?"

"I don't know, " Amy admits.

"Okay. I'm taking that as a no, " Sheldon decides.

"Sheldon..."

"I'm not going to do something we may regret, Amy. I will respect that you're not ready."

"I'm overthinking it. It's sex, not brain dissection."

"Why are you hesitating?" Sheldon wonders as he reaches for her hand.

"Sex isn't going to fix the very deep and serious issues we have in our relationship. I don't want to use intimacy as a bandage and avoid those difficult conversations."

"I agree, but I also don't want us to become so afraid of physical intimacy that we avoid it entirely."

"Me either, " Amy agrees.

"You look cute in my shirt, " Sheldon murmurs before kissing Amy's blushing cheek. "I'm making tacos. Are you hungry?"

"Starved, " Amy admits. "We'll figure this out. For what it's worth, I am turned on."

"You're in control. Tell me when, where and how to touch you, " Sheldon requests before bringing her hand to his lips then to the front of his jeans so Amy can feel the effect she's having on him. "That is for you. _Only_ you." Bringing her hand to his lips once again, he kisses the top and presses their clasped hands against his heart."This has always been yours, " he whispers. "Even before I was fully aware of it, my heart belonged to you."

"You knew, you were just too stubborn to admit it, " Amy teases while grinning at him.

"That's an understatement, " Sheldon agrees. "What would you like to do after dinner?"

"Every Friday night, the theater down the street has $2 admission. They're all movies that have been out for many years but it's a nice way to spend an evening."

"What's playing?" Sheldon wonders.

"I'm not sure. How about I look while you start dinner?" Amy suggests.

"Sure. I need to use the bathroom."

"Right through that door."

Leaning down to peck Amy's lips, he soon finds himself crawling up onto the bed as Amy wraps her arms around his shoulders and lays back onto her pillow. She's playing with the downy hairs at the nape of his neck as they kiss, instantly relaxing him as he follows Meemaw's advice to simply _feel and stay in the moment._ Cupping Amy's jaw, he caresses it with his thumb. This is what was missing before. He was in such a hurry to get to the endgame that he was ignoring how it feels to be kissing Amy once again. She's always needed that build up, several minutes, possibly hours, of kissing before they become more intimate. Relinquishing full control to her, he reminds himself to take slow deep breaths through his nose.

He's letting her have control, just as he promised, Amy realizes. Lightly nibbling on his lip, she moans into his mouth as Sheldon's tongue meets hers. She feels the exact moment that their brains shut off and they decide to simply enjoy this for what it is as Sheldon moans into her mouth and the kisses become more heated. Lifting the hem of his t-shirt, Amy lightly scratches her nails down his back, making him buck his hips, and very evident arousal, against her core.

"Amy. My Amy. My love. My Vixen," Sheldon whispers while peppering her neck with kisses. "I need to stop. I don't want to stop."

"Then don't, " Amy replies.

"Have to, " he pants into her ear. "No regrets. I have to stop. You're not ready yet. I have to stop, " he repeats as though trying to convince himself. With a final peck of her lips, he gets out of bed and rushes for the bathroom.

 _Oh no, we're not going down this path again,_ Amy decides as she immediately jumps out of bed and rushes to the bathroom door, turning the handle. Luckily the lock has been painted over so the door easily opens to a startled Sheldon splashing cool water on his face. Normally, walking in on Sheldon, pants around his legs, would be comical, but right now, she needs to fix this.

Going to him, she sinks to her knees in front of him and rocks forward, taking his full length in her mouth before Sheldon can react and stop her. Leaning forward to brace his hands against the counter, he's at the perfect angle to watch as Amy slowly swirls her tongue along his shaft and tip before fully engulfing him once again. Locking eyes, it's immediately evident what this moment means for them, for their future. He tries to remain quiet as he runs his fingers through her hair, but damn it feels amazing and he can't contain his moan of pleasure any longer. If he didn't know any better, Sheldon would swear Amy's done this before as he once again hits the back of her throat.

"Holy shit, " he exclaims on a moan, making Amy giggle as she takes a breath and uses her hand to pump him.

"Good?" She questions.

"You have... no idea... Little Lady, " he pants as Amy gently sucks on his tip.

Bringing his hands to her head, Amy invites him to control speed and depth as he thrusts into her mouth. Being careful to not become overzealous, Sheldon brings her hands to his hips and locks eyes with her.

"Tap my hip once if it's too hard or uncomfortable, " he requests.

Grasping onto his hips, Amy rocks forward once again, setting a comfortable pace and depth for both of them as Sheldon's moans echo off the walls of the small bathroom. Looking down to watch, it's his undoing as he becomes completely unhinged and roughly finishes in her mouth. Coming to his senses, he looks down to see Amy grinning from ear to ear as she kisses his tip before reaching for the packet of wet wipes she keeps on the toilet.

"What brought that on?" He questions while helping Amy to her feet and holding her as tight as he dares.

"Lessons learned. I wasn't going to let you get into your head again... to beat yourself up over wanting sex."

"Hmm. I very much wish to return the favor. Will you let me taste you?"

"Yes, please, " she parrots her earlier plea as she reaches for his hand and leads him back to her bed.

Kicking his clothes off as he goes, Sheldon is only wearing his white undershirt as he reaches the foot of the bed, which Amy immediately pulls over his head, tossing it to the floor as she crawls backward on her bed and Sheldon pounces on her, finding her lips. She expected more passion in this kiss, but instead, it's tender and full of love and so very very good. Plans to make dinner forgotten, Sheldon decides that he's going to take his time tasting all of her, not just the sweet nectar of her womanhood.

"I love you, Amy Farrah Fowler, " he whispers in her ear, just as he did the night they made love for the very first time. She grins at him in response, just as she did the first time he used her full name when professing his love for her and leans forward to tenderly kiss him once again. He leans all his weight upon his elbows while cupping her cheeks in his hands as he soundly kisses her.

Waiting until Sheldon pulls back to gasp for air, she sits up and brings his hands to the hem of the red t-shirt, requesting he remove it. Pulling it over her head, Sheldon tosses it to the floor then groans as he sees that her bra hooks in the back.

"I am going to master removing your bra, " Sheldon promises.

"I have no doubt you will, " Amy replies, "but until you can make it pop open just by looking at it..."

"Like on Friends?" Sheldon questions, making Amy's jaw hit the floor.

"Yes, exactly. How'd you know that?"

"Meemaw loves that show. We watch reruns every night, " Sheldon explains as he reaches behind Amy to find the hooks of her bra and unclips them one at a time. Unhooking the last clip, he softly questions, "may I?"

"Of course, " Amy agrees, bringing them back to the moment.

Laying Amy back on the bed, Sheldon kisses a trail from her kiss-swollen lips, across her clavicle and to her shoulder, slowly kissing down her arm as he removes her bra strap. Repeating this on her right arm, he stops as he reaches the palm of her hand and kisses each fingertip before bringing the hand to his cheek as he looks into her eyes. The fear is gone, replaced by love, desire and... happiness, Sheldon notices.

"This stays off for the rest of the weekend, " Sheldon decides as he tosses her bra over his shoulder, making Amy laugh when it lands on her tv set.

That laughter is short lived as Sheldon draws her nipple into his hot mouth and sucks greedily. He made her climax just by breast stimulation their first time together, surprising both of them. Hoping he can achieve it again, he rolls her right breast in his hand while Amy pants and moans beneath him. He can smell her and it's driving him crazy. Wanting to remove her pants, wanting her in her birthday suit, he kisses down to her belly button and dips his tongue in, suggestively teasing her a few times and making her hips buck off the bed.

This it it. One button stands between them and starting anew. Reaching for Sheldon's hand, together they draw down the fly, the zipper sounding unusually loud in the otherwise silent room. Amy places his hands on the button of her black slacks, inviting him to remove the last barriers between them. Slipping the button through the fly hole, .Sheldon slowly slides her slacks down her legs and lets them drop to the foot of the bed. She's wearing sensible white panties, he notices when Amy lifts her hips and removes them .

"I um... can I just hold you for a few minutes? I'm... I'm finding myself overwhelmed by the emotions of this moment," he confesses.

"Of course," Amy agrees, she too feeling emotional.

Waiting until Sheldon settles beside her, Amy lays her head on his chest and plays with the wiry hairs, kissing his chest when she feels a kiss drop on the crown of her head.

"This is not how I imagined spending my birthday this year," she admits.

"What did you plan on doing tonight?" Sheldon wonders while playing with a strand of her hair.

"Talking with Penny... Oh crap! I was supposed to call Penny and Bernadette tonight."

"They know I'm here," Sheldon confesses, "and they both gave me a ton of grief for flying halfway across the world for the birthday booty spectacular."

"I'm sure, but that's not the only reason you came, right?"

"No. I didn't like the thought of you spending the holidays alone and I was becoming, 'a royal pain in the ass' with all my moping about how much I miss you, according to Meemaw. They wanted to get rid of me almost as much as I wanted to see you."

"I've missed you too, Sheldon. We talk all the time, but it's not the same. I've missed this, the quiet contentment of being together, the peace I feel from your mere presence... it sounds silly..."

"No, it doesn't. I've missed this too. I want to go home, our home, together."

"Has she made contact since you went to Texas?" Amy wonders.

"She asked Leonard where I was a few weeks after I left, but I haven't had any personal contact with her. I think Penny was right, ignore her and she'll go away."

"I hope so. So... How'd I do?" Amy wonders while trailing her hand down the trail of hair from his chest to his now flaccid member.

"The fellatio?" He confirms as Amy nods, "Wowza. I mean... it was... incredible. Watching you... I can't describe how it felt to watch the woman I love do that to me. It's... I feel as though that is going to be the moment I recall when we speak of forgiveness and healing. Right now, though, I need to finish what I started."

"You do, huh?" Amy teases as Sheldon rolls her onto her back.

"Mmmhmm," he hums while kissing a path down her body.

Her scent is intoxicating, Sheldon realizes as Amy spreads her legs for him. He looks up to see her smiling through tears. Happy tears, she calls them. Reaching for her hand, he squeezes it as he whispers, "I love you."

"I love you too. Oh, I love you!" She gasps as Sheldon uses a single finger to tease her swollen nub a few times.

Satisfied she's ready, he holds her lips open to him and blows, making Amy moan at the sensation. Licking straight up, he focuses his attention on her clit, making Amy cry out as she climaxes almost instantly. Adding his fingers, he is thrilled by the little whimpers and moans of pleasure from his vixen.

"Mine," she moans. "Mine. Mine. Mine."

"I'm yours, I'm yours. Cum for me, vixen," he demands. "Cum for me my love."

"Oh, I love you," she pants, "I'm cumming!" She screams as her orgasm slams into her.

Outside in the hallway, Dave Gibbs stops in shock as he hears Amy announcing her orgasm. He never imagined that she'd be loud in the sack. Glad they don't share any walls, he opens his door and greets Os.

"Another lonely night of microwaved tv dinners and internet porn," Dave laments, certain he'll be wanking to fantasies of his brunette neighbor once again.

"Wow," Amy sighs as she pants for air.

"You are welcome," Sheldon chuckles while Amy wraps herself and blanket around him. "Happy birthday."

"I'll say," Amy happily sighs as she settles in his arms. "You're thinking about something," she realizes as Sheldon doesn't make a move to touch or hold her.

"I am," he confesses. "Alcoholics Anonymous has a strong religious component, which, as an avowed athiest, I have admittedly struggled with during the course of the program, particularly during step 2; 'we acknowledge that there is a power greater than ourselves.' I've chosen to call this power, 'love.' You've always shown me unconditional love, Amy, even when I haven't deserved it. Teach me how to love you, unconditionally, as you love me. You deserve nothing less. I also need you to help me accept that you can love me after what I've done," he pleads.

"Of course," Amy promises. "How can I show you? What's your love language?" She wonders.

"While I think all are important, I respond most to quality time and physical touch, even if it's nothing more than holding hands or having tea while we play a game. How can I best show you love?"

"Talk to me, Sheldon. Let me in. I need you to share everything with me; your hopes, your fears, your desires, your regrets... I need to feel that you trust me."

"I don't understand," Sheldon admits while turning to look at her.

"You've said more than once that you don't believe I love you or that I am coming home. Why is my word not enough?" Amy questions.

"I feel that I deserve to be alone. It'd serve me right to end up alone after what I've done. I don't deserve your love or forgiveness, Amy."

"Let me decide who is worthy of my love," Amy pleads.

"Okay," Seldon agrees. "Sorry. That got far too serious for pillow talk,", he apologizes with a soft kiss before wrapping his arms around Amy. " Are you warm enough?" He worries while rubbing her arm where goose pimples have formed.

"Mmmhmm. Don't think about it. I want to hear 3 things you love about me," Amy insists.

"Just 3? I love when you smile at me. I love how you always reach to hold my hand when we're alone and you give that little squeeze, barely detectable. I've always assumed that was your way of saying you love me. Most of all, I love your brain, but you already knew that. I fell in love with your brain, your intellect, first."

"I love how you love me for my brain, not my body..." Amy softly murmurs while brushing her fingertips along Sheldon's chest.

"Oh, I don't know about that. You are an incredible, amazing, beautiful... _sexy..._ woman," Sheldon replies as he leans in for another kiss. "You also taste incredible. I could spend the rest of my life with my head between your legs and die a very happy man."

"You could, hmm?" Amy questions while smirking at Sheldon, who has rolled her onto her back and is slowly kissing down her body.

"Oh, yes," Sheldon hums. "In fact, I'm a little envious because unlike me, you can enjoy multiple orgasms during one session of lovemaking. I plan on seeing just how many times I can make you cum, and you are going to love every minute of it," he whispers.

"Mmm, while I am very much in support of this plan, I am in need of sustenance before I completely crash. Food, then sex."

"I do not wish to endure grumpy, hungry Amy," Sheldon reluctantly decides.

"How about horny, hungry Amy?" She wonders.

"That I can handle. No, don't move," he requests. " I want to capture how gorgeous you look right now."

Reaching for her phone, Sheldon brings up the camera as Amy immediately gets on her knees and reaches for it, laughing when she loses her balance and falls face first into the bed.

"You are not taking a photo of me while I'm naked!" She protests while reaching for the phone, which Sheldon holds above his head.

Getting to her feet, Amy jumps, trying to reach the phone, failing each time. Momentarily distracted by the bouncing of Amy's breasts, Sheldon is stunned when Amy warns, "i know how to win this one," as she firmly grabs ahold of his firm butt and plants a bruising kiss on him.

"Come here," Sheldon requests as he turns Amy towards the window and wraps his arms around her, holding her against his chest while they look out at the Eiffel Tower. "That is the second most beautiful sight in Paris."

"Hippy," Amy teases. "I love you."

"I love you, too, Amy, more than I will ever be able to fully express. I will spend the rest of my life making this up to you."

"You can start by making me tacos."


	61. Chapter 61

So sorry for the delay! Thank you for sticking with this story!

* * *

"There are no roadmaps for recovering from infidelity. Each relationship is different, . Each _person_ is different," Dr. Cohen advised Sheldon several weeks prior. "Talk to Amy. Listen to Amy. Be aware of the moments when everything feels almost too easy, too perfect."

 _Moments like this,_ Sheldon realizes when Amy squeezes his hand as she returns from the bathroom and snuggles into his side so they can watch a movie, having decided they don't want to leave the apartment. _That bubble will burst. It has to in order for you and Amy to truly begin to heal._ Not yet, Sheldon decides while wrapping his arm around Amy's shoulders and pulling her closer.

"A kiss for your thoughts?" Amy offers.

"Leonard was right, " Sheldon admits before kissing Amy's forehead when she lays her head against his shoulder.

"Oh?" Amy hums, wondering how this relates to them cuddling on the couch.

"I once asked him if he worried that Priya would stretch out the collar of his shirt if she slept in it. He advised that a stretched collar will be the last thing on one's mind. He was right. I'm trying to decide if my shirt looks better on you or on the floor."

 _Sexual Sheldon is an enigma,_ Amy decides while shyly smiling at him.

"That's quite a quandary. May I offer my opinion?" Amy wonders.

"Of course."

"Crumbled up on the floor wins in a landslide."

"I'll concur with that, " Sheldon agrees. "You look sleepy, " he whispers while pulling her closer.

"I am, " She admits. "Sorry."

"It's alright. We still have 5 hours in which we can have birthday coitus. Rest, " he whispers before kissing her cheek.

 _Pop._ Sheldon can almost hear the bubble burst. Pulling away slightly, Amy turns to face him as she nervously gnaws on her lip and bows her head, closing her eyes.

"Amy?" Sheldon softly whispers, not daring to say anything more.

"I'm sorry. I... what happened earlier... I'm not emotionally ready... I thought I was but... I'm overwhelmed right now. I'm not ready for anything more than snuggles and kisses tonight. Are you alright with that?" Amy softly questions, sounding nervous to Sheldon.

"Of course. You are in absolute control, Amy, " Sheldon reassures. "It... while being intimate with you felt wonderful, I too, am overwhelmed by emotions I wasn't prepared for. What do you need from me tonight?" He wonders, surprising Amy that he's being so thoughtful.

"This is perfect. This is enough. I want our physical intimacy to be an extension of our emotional intimacy. If we only focus on the physical aspect, we're doing our relationship a grave disservice. I wish we could just move on... but... it still hurts, Sheldon. I think it will hurt for quite some time."

"I know. I'm so sorry I deliberately and intentionally hurt you. You've always been so loving and forgiving of my faults... but this... sometimes I think that you're too forgiving." Sheldon softly admits.

Looking into Amy's tear filled eyes, Sheldon rests his forehead against hers and swallows hard as he hears Amy take a shuddering breath.

 _Well, that quickly killed the mood,_ Amy berates herself as Sheldon uses his thumb to wipe away a stray tear.

"Please talk to me? I hate seeing you so upset, " he whispers.

 _This is such a fascinating role reversal,_ Amy decides. Usually, she's the one begging Sheldon to talk to her, to let her in. _How does she put words to the complex emotions she's feeling right now? How does she make him understand that she wants to keep working towards sexual intimacy and this is just a minor setback?_

"I'm... processing. I don't think I can put it into words right now. Can you just hold me while we watch a movie? Let me process it. I promise we'll talk when I feel ready, " Amy vows, sealing her promise with a tender kiss.

"Okay. I love you." _As much as she loves hearing it, it's been said almost too much in the 12 hours that Sheldon has been with her in Paris. She's not going to tell him that, however._

"I love you too, Cuddles. Even though I'm emotional, I am so happy you're here. I've missed you so much."

"I've missed you too, so much so that Meemaw's teasing that I'm not allowed back in Texas without you."

"Oh, I don't think that's a joke, babe."

"Babe?" Sheldon repeats while crinkling his nose in disgust as he shakes his head to signal his displeasure.

"Stud muffin? Pulchritudinous? Dr. Sexybottom?" Amy teases, making them both laugh.

"You consistently beat me at Scrabble but can't come up with anything better than Dr. Sexybottom?"

"Oh, I can, but I gotta keep you guessing, baboo."

""Why, Dr. Fowler, are you trying to seduce me?" Sheldon whispers in her ear, making Amy grin at his teasing, flirty tone.

"What if I am?"

"I will be forced to wipe that smug smile right off your pretty little face, " Sheldon warns while wrapping his arms around Amy and pulling her closer.

"Oh yeah? I'd like to see you try, " Amy challenges as her lips meet Sheldon's.

 _She'll never tire of kissing him,_ Amy decides as Sheldon angles his head for better access. She hears him take a slow deep breath through his nose as he hums his appreciation when she leans into him, brushing her fingers against his bare chest. _Oh yeah. At least this part of their relationship isn't broken._

 _Just what exactly is going on here?_ Sheldon wonders as Amy lightly caresses his chest. She's giving all the signals that she wants to engage in coitus; that soft moan that just escaped her lips, her increased pulse and respiration rates, the way she's kissing him. This is her _I want you now_ kiss. With his brain soaked in goofy juices, Sheldon knows there's only one thing he can do while he tries to sort through this. Just as he's about to pull back, Amy suddenly breaks the kiss and seems on the verge of tears once again.

"It's alright. We were getting carried away. I know you're not ready, " Sheldon reassures. "It's alright. We'll figure this out. Shhh, " he whispers as he brings her to rest against his chest.

"I'm sorry, " she hiccups while swatting at her tears.

"There is nothing to apologize for, Amy. The excitement of finally being together combined with the knowledge of what has become our tradition on your birthday is leading to us acting rashly. I don't want to force it simply because it's your birthday, but let's not fight it either."

"Please pick a movie?" She pleads. "I can't get into this right now."

"Your choice, birthday girl."

"I want to watch Ghost in the Shell, " Amy immediately decides. "I recently read the first book and it was really good."

"I've been wanting to watch it as well. Penny and Bernadette hated it so it has to be good."

"Ah, your Siskel and Ebert theory, " Amy fondly recalls. "The couch has a hide-a-bed. I just laundered the sheet after Raj left."

"I'll pull the bed out if you get pillows and a blanket?"

"Deal."

 _What the frackus? He is attached to another object by an inclined plane wrapped helically around an axis. In other words, royally screwed, to borrow a turn of phrase from Penny. If he cuddles Amy, she may feel pressure to take the physical intimacy further than she's truly comfortable with. If he refuses, Amy will feel rejected_. With a heavy sigh, he silently admonishes his penis to stay down.

In the bedroom, Amy heavily sighs as she sits on the edge of the bed. She wants to have sex with Sheldon but her stupid brain is ruining everything! With every kiss she sees him kissing Ramona. With every touch, she imagines Sheldon touching Ramona the same way. He is trying so hard to fix this, to prove his love and devotion and she's ruining everything by rejecting his advances. Ughh! She moans.

Grabbing the blanket and pillows, she returns to the living room to find Sheldon lighting a single candle atop the cupcake he purchased for her from Miss Esme's.

"Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday, my dearest Amy, happy birthday to you, " Sheldon sings as he carefully carries the cupcake to where she's standing by the fridge. "Make a wish."

Blowing out the candle, Amy coyly smiles when Sheldon asks, "what did you wish for?"

"A billion dollars, " Amy jokes, "and barring that, falling asleep in your arms tonight."

"Your wish is my command, " Sheldon promises as Amy sets the bedding aside. "It's carrot cake, your favorite."

"Thank you, Sheldon. You hate carrot cake."

"I got myself a vanilla cupcake with raspberry jam, " he explains.

"That's delicious. Miss Esme makes her own jam from scratch. Sheldon, I need to say one more thing tonight regarding our relationship and then I want us to just enjoy each other's company for the rest of the evening. Alright?" She questions as he nods in agreement. "One mistake does not define you as a person or us as a couple."

"I um... I don't know who I am anymore, Amy. I never imagined I'd be... this. The man who hurt you. The man who cheated on you. I feel that's all I am to your family, to our friends..."

"To me?" Amy wonders as Sheldon nods yes. "Sometimes, " he admits.

"I want you to listen to me very carefully, Sheldon. You are the man I love, the man I am _in love_ with. You are my Cuddles, my protector, my best friend, the love of my life. Did I mention the man who broke my heart anywhere in that list?"

"No, but it's still there in the periphery."

"Where it belongs. Pretty soon, it will be a tiny dot in the rearview mirror. Recovering from this is going to be difficult, but we are going to get through this, Sheldon. I'm not giving up without fighting for us. Are you giving up?"

"I didn't just spend 10 hours on an airplane to give up now."

"I really can't believe you're here, " Amy confesses with a soft smile. "Was your manuscript approved?"

"It's undergoing editing. Have you done any sightseeing?" Sheldon wonders.

"Not as much as I had hoped. I have a list but no interest in going by myself. Now I won't have to."

"I'm looking forward to it. Your apartment is much smaller than I imagined."

"It is, but all I need is a bed and a bathroom. I'm surprised your mother let you come here for Christmas."

"If we go to Notre Dame I will fulfill my yearly obligation to attend church. Ready to snuggle?"

"I've been looking forward to it all day, " Amy replies with a warm smile.

Waiting until Amy settles on her side, Sheldon slides in behind her and wraps his arm around her waist as she clicks a few buttons to order the movie. Gently removing the small clip from her hair, Sheldon momentarily rolls away to place it on the end table before once again holding her close.

"Is this alright?" He wonders while tucking her hair behind her ear.

"Perfect. Can you see the tv?"

"Yes, " he replies as he grasps her hand and entwines their fingers.

She's asleep in a matter of minutes, Sheldon notices as he reaches around her and pauses the movie. The English subtitles are not clearly visible to him from this angle anyway. Closing his eyes, Sheldon goes through his nightly routine of flexing and relaxing each muscle group in his body as he tries to relax enough to fall back asleep. The night of the robbery excluded, it's been 8 months since they've last shared a bed and Sheldon is finding the process of reacclimating to Amy's body heat more difficult than he anticipated. Not wanting to cause any movements that might awaken her, Sheldon gently moves the blanket off of his back and lays it loosely over his side. Closing his eyes, he lays awake working through the equation he's been stuck on for weeks.

Sheldon is still awake when Amy awakens a little past 10 and carefully lifts his arm, thinking he's asleep.

"I'm awake, " he explains as he moves his arm to his side and sits up.

"I'm sorry for falling asleep. How was the movie?" She wonders?

"I paused it soon after you fell asleep."

"Sorry."

"Don't be. You're a much better snuggle partner than your cat."

" _My cat?"_ Amy questions. "No way mister. He's your cat."

" Oh really? How do you figure that?" Sheldon challenges?

"First of all, he did not need that $100 cat house you purchased him. Secondly, he is a cat, not a baby. You take him everywhere in that little carrier you strap to your chest! Finally, is it really necessary to sing Soft Kitty when you brush him? You're worse than Raj!"

"How do you know about Soft Kitty?" Sheldon questions.

"A confidential source sent a video to my phone this morning in a ruse to make me believe you were still in Texas."

"Missy?" Sheldon questions, already plotting his revenge.

"Your mom, " Amy explains. "I didn't know you were coming to Paris. That was a complete surprise. I asked her to keep me apprised of how you're really doing, fully expecting that you wouldn't be honest with me."

"It was challenging to find a balance between honesty and not worrying you. It's been..."

"Difficult, " Amy supplies. "For both of us, Sheldon. I've missed you too. I am mostly teasing about Spock. I think it's cute how attached to him you are. Has it helped ease some of the loneliness?"

"No, " Sheldon admits. "So much has changed, Amy. I just want to go home, with you, to our friends, to our lives. I despise change."

"I know, but maybe, the only constant in life is that it changes, " Amy advises before rolling over and resting her head in the crook of his arm. "I often find myself wondering what our lives would be like if none of this had happened. What would we be doing right now?"

"It's 4 pm Friday in Pasadena. We'd be at work and I'd be finalizing my plans for the night. I'd make you dinner. I think... something themed. You love Little House so maybe some Amelia and Cooper roleplay would be involved, " Sheldon decides.

"That sounds wonderful. When I get home, we need to plan a trip to Disneyland. We live so close. It's a shame we don't go more often."

"I wonder what would've happened if I had worked up the courage to kiss you when you dressed as Sleeping Beauty?" Sheldon ponders.

"I would've died from pure shock, " Amy jokes. "You weren't ready yet and I didn't respect your boundaries. For that, I am so very sorry, Sheldon."

"Thank you. I'm sorry that it's taken me so long to get to a point where I'm able to be physically and emotionally intimate with you. I'm sorry... for every time I've hurt you. There are too many times to list."

"I'm sorry for all the times I complained about you and your... eccentricities to Penny or Bernadette without speaking to you of my frustrations... my desires, my needs. Penny said you were devastated when she shared that I thought you were a terrible boyfriend," Amy shares.

" I was devastated... but I also am a terrible boyfriend. I'm so sorry I haven't been more supportive of your career. I was incredibly selfish when you announced you were going to Princeton."

"Yes, you were... but you also went and purchased a suitcase to show your support. You wanted me to travel inside it so I'd be safe. That... that was the loving gentle side of you that I want to see more of. I urgently need to use the bathroom. My other bed is much more comfortable. I'll meet you there in a few minutes?" She requests while rolling to sit up.

"I'm going to make tea before going to bed. Come share a mug with me?" Sheldon requests.

"Of course. Would you like for me to change out of your t-shirt?" Amy questions as she stands up.

"No!" Sheldon shouts a little too loudly and quickly, making Amy raise an eyebrow. "No. Please don't. I find it... extremely sexy."

"Noted, " Amy replies with a shy grin.

"Where do you keep your tea?" Sheldon wonders as he picks up the electric pot to fill it.

"It's in the cupboard above the microwave. I found a blackberry tea that I just love. I know you don't care for blackberries but will the scent bother you?"

"No, it's fine, " Sheldon reassures.

He's lying through his teeth which, luckily, Amy doesn't seem to notice as she darts to the bathroom. _The things we do for love._ Granted, this is very minor in the grand scheme of things. All of these lies and omissions need to stop, he realizes as he spots a box of Earl Grey and removes a bag for himself. Why is he finding it so difficult to talk with Amy, to be 100 percent honest with her? _Because I was a shitty boyfriend who never took her needs and desires into consideration. Things have to be different now._

 _He's lying,_ Amy fumes as she shuts the bathroom door. Sheldon is very sensitive to scents and blackberry is one he absolutely detests. The question now is does she call his bluff or wait to see how he acts first? The lies and walking on eggshells has to stop if they have any hope of saving the relationship. That goes for both of them. It's time she stands up for herself; her wants, her desires, her needs, and that starts tonight with a mug of blackberry tea. She's taking her power back.

After washing her hands, Amy cracks the door and watches in fascination as Sheldon holds the blackberry tea bag to his nose and sniffs. Humming, "hmm, " he opens the cupboard and places the red packet of Earl Grey back in the box before getting another bag of the blackberry tea and placing it in the blue mug, _his_ mug.

"Are you going to spy on me all night?" He wonders while looking over in her general direction, an easy teasing smile playing on his lips.

"I may lay awake watching you sleep, " Amy admits as she wraps her arms around his waist from behind and kisses his bare shoulder. "You're trying the blackberry tea?"

"If you don't mind, I'll take a sip of yours before setting mine to steep. It smells good. "

"That's fine."

"Did you purchase the mugs?" He wonders while pouring the hot water into her mug.

"I did, " she confirms. "I noticed you drink tea almost every time we Skype. It's silly, but I leave the blue mug in my dish rack. It... it makes me feel closer to you, like I'm not 5,000 miles away. This has been difficult for me as well, Sheldon, very much so."

"You're just much better at hiding it, " Sheldon replies.

"No, I'm not. Okay... I hide it from you... but just ask Penny..."

"I shouldn't have to ask Penny if my girlfriend misses me, " Sheldon fumes.

"You're right, " Amy admits with a heavy sigh. "Why can't we just be honest with each other? Why all these lies and omissions? I feel like I'm walking on eggshells once again, afraid that if I say or do the wrong thing, you're going to flip out. I hate this feeling, Sheldon."

"I hate it too. I hate feeling like I'm twisting myself into a pretzel to please you."

"So, to sum up, we're both afraid of doing the hard work to fix this relationship?" Amy questions.

"No, I'm not afraid of that. I... in taking a true accounting of the many, many wrongs I've committed in this relationship, it quickly became clear that I am a piss poor excuse for a boyfriend."

"Sheldon..."

"No, let me... please, just hear me out?" He requests while turning around to face her. "You said it yourself, Amy, you walked on eggshells around me, afraid that I'll flip out if you say or do something I don't like. That... that's abusive behavior. It has to stop. It must stop, immediately. Your wants, your needs, your desires, they matter. _You_ matter."

"I've often asked myself, especially immediately before our first breakup, just how much I'm willing to sacrifice in order to be with you. I thought... after we reconciled, it seemed like you valued me and my place in your life. I genuinely felt loved and cherished and... heard. We've reverted back to that last horrible week before our breakup. We barely talked. I was walking on eggshells around you. It was a sad, lonely, confusing time for me. We need to talk, we need to get past this... but I don't know where to begin."

"We start with a mug of tea, just how our relationship began, " Sheldon decides.

Reaching for Amy's mug, he takes a small sip. Scrunching up his face in disgust, he exclaims, "blech! That's horrible!" making Amy laugh as he chugs milk straight from the jug to reduce the taste of the blackberry tea.

"Earl Gray?" Amy questions as Sheldon nods.

As Amy reaches up into the cupboard to retrieve the teabag, Sheldon takes the opportunity to embrace her, holding her against his chest. Laying the tea bag on the counter, Amy lightly caresses his arms which are wrapped around her waist.

"What happened earlier?" He wonders. "Your body language signaled consent to proceed towards coitus."

"Those pictures... every time you touch me I find myself thinking about them, wondering if you touched her the same way, if you moaned the same way when she touched you. It just... I'm..."

"Hurt, angry, sad, " Sheldon supplies as Amy nods in agreement. "Do you feel loved, desired... beautiful... when I touch you?" He wonders.

"At this point, no. I feel like you're only trying to initiate coitus because it's my birthday."

"Okay... that's fair. It's not the only reason, Amy, but if that's your perception, far be it from me to argue. How about when you were with me in Pasadena. The night of the attempted robbery, or up on the roof?"

"Fear... fear and comfort. I don't believe you are capable of lusting after me the way..."

"The way I lusted after her?" Sheldon questions as Amy nods. "That is where you're wrong. I know I have no way to prove that to you Amy, but..."

"Start by letting me feel you pressing into me when you wake up with an erection. I know it's biology... but it's a small step towards making me feel desired."

"Okay. Would it help if we try that sensate touch program Leonard mentioned? We'll build up to having coitus two weeks from tonight."

"We can try that, " Amy decides. "Two weeks from today is New Years Eve. What a way to ring in the new year."

"Here's to starting over, " Sheldon toasts as they clink their mugs of tea.

They stayed up all night talking. No kissing, no cuddling, just talking. It was precisely what they needed. Amy feels a million pounds lighter as she awakens Saturday afternoon. True to his word, Sheldon is snuggling her. Also true to his word, there is something poking into her tailbone. This is a first for them. Smiling as she feels three wet kisses along her neck, she hums, "good morning... well afternoon, " making her sleep mate chuckle behind her.

"I haven't slept this well in close to a year, " Amy comments as she tries to roll over. His arms aren't allowing her to budge.

"Stay like this for just a few more minutes. Please?" He requests.

"Alright. Any particular reason?" She wonders while making herself comfortable.

"My second favorite place to kiss you is right... here, " he mumbles against her neck before lightly kissing it "and if I'm on my back, I can't reach it."

"You could if you used your imagination, " Amy teases.

He seems to be working the physics out in his mind as his fingers lightly dance across her abdomen, his makeshift whiteboard for the moment. While she has a rudimentary understanding of physics, she has several physicists in her life after all, Sheldon's fingers are causing her mind to drift in other, more salacious directions.

"It would require acrobatics and bodily injury, both of which I'm opposed to, " Sheldon decides after a few moments.

"Yes, we don't want that. Did you sleep well?"

"Like a baby once I fell asleep. Our talk last night was... I want to use the term liberating, but I'm not certain that fits this situation."

"To liberate is to release someone from a state or situation that limits freedom of thought or behavior. I think it makes absolute sense. Your guilt has been eating away at you."

"It has, " he agrees. "I feel lighter this morning... unburdened."

"Good. Do you want to go somewhere today? It looks beautiful outside."

"You look beautiful inside... wearing my shirt... or nothing at all..." He whispers in her ear before lightly kissing his favorite spot along her neck.

They came to an agreement last night regarding sexual intimacy. In addition to their nightly sensate touch sessions, spontaneous acts of physical intimacy are also acceptable and strongly encouraged. They'll use a stoplight system and frequently check in with each other.

"Green?" He whispers in her ear as his hand rests at the hem of the t-shirt, awaiting permission.

"Nothing below the waist."

"Okay. Breasts?"

"Yellow." _Proceed with caution._

 _Red_ _light_ , Sheldon decides as he loosens his grasp on her waist and flops onto his back.

"Sheldon?" Amy questions as she rolls onto her side, facing him.

"You gave a red light."

"Now, I didn't say that. Kissing is green... very very green, " she whispers against his lips. "Kermit would be jealous."

"It's not easy being green, " Sheldon jokes as Amy moves so she's hovering over him on her hands and knees, straddling his hips but leaving just enough space between them so as to not encourage anything more risque than some light kissing. "You look happy, " he notices as Amy grins at him.

"I am. We turned a corner last night. We needed that talk, even the parts that made me cry. It was healing."

"I'm glad we're in agreement. As for the other... stuff, it's going to take time. Please keep being honest with me about your comfort level with physical intimacy?" He requests.

"I will. I've actually been thinking about that and I'd like to propose two amendments for discussion."

"This sounds like it may take awhile. How about we discuss this over breakfast... lunch... brunch?"

"This isn't a discussion we should have in public, even if Europe as a whole is much more liberal when it comes to matters of sexual relations."

"I want to cook for you. How does an omelet sound?" Sheldon wonders?

"It sounds like I may be hiding your passport so you have to stay here."

"Other than your cat, " he replies, which gets him a raised eyebrow in return. "Our cat, " he amends as Amy nods her approval, "there's no reason why I can't extend my stay, if that's what you really want."

"I... I was joking but uh... we can discuss that, " Amy decides. "What do you plan to do about... this?" She wonders as she gestures south towards the tent in his Batman sleep pants.

"Ignore it for now... or take a long cold shower."

"Does it hurt?" Amy questions in concern.

"No. It's a gentle throbbing and a... pleasurable tingle. That tingle keeps building as I approach orgasm."

"It sounds similar to the female experience... without all the mess."

"Yes, it can be quite... messy, " Sheldon agrees as Amy leans down and pecks his lips.

"Which brings me to amendment 1. One or both of us are going to be left... frustrated... shall we say after our nightly touching sessions or a spontaneous make-out session. Rather than ignoring it or trying to discreetly take care of the problem in the privacy of my bathroom, I want us to be honest that we need release. I'm proposing we engage in mutual masturbation when this happens."

"Just so we're clear, you mean... we'd separately pleasure ourselves while in bed? We wouldn't touch each other?" Sheldon clarifies.

"Correct. I'm not opposed to kissing during this but you'd be responsible for your orgasm."

"But I thought that the whole point of sensate touching is to get us to a point where we can intimately touch."

"Which brings me to amendment 2. The primary purpose of this touching experiment is to help us... me... feel desired. I need to find a way to stop torturing myself with those damn photos. The Masters and Johnson experiment was designed primarily for men with erectile dysfunction, which you don't have. Exhibit A. To that end, I'm proposing a change. We agreed on an hour every evening. I'm proposing 2 hours broken into four 30 minute sessions. We'll each have a half hour of guiding our partner's hand to where we want to be touched, followed by a half hour of free exploration. It'd end with a masturbation session."

"That sounds reasonable but I want breast and genital stimulation to be a part of the program, permissible only if our partner guides us to touch them there. It's prohibited during free exploration."

"That's reasonable, agreed."

"Hearing no objections?" Sheldon questions as Amy bites her lip and shakes her head no, signaling she's content. "Now, we need to discuss getting you out of my germ infested t-shirt. As cute as you look, I have several clean t-shirts that haven't been worn for two consecutive days."

"I am in need of a shower, but I'd also like to leave the apartment at some point today and I'm not wearing your t-shirt in public, " Amy declares as Sheldon strikes a dramatic pouty face, making Amy crack up.

"It's for your eyes only, cuddles. I don't want to go far. The Saint Michael fountain isn't too far from here. I've heard rumors that the dragons on Game of Thrones were inspired by the dragons carved into the fountain."

"Intriguing. It's a date, " he decides.

Looking down, he's still rock hard and ignoring it no longer seems like an option. Amy seems to notice this too as she catches his eyes and slightly blushes.

"Can I... help you with that?" Amy whispers as she stretches out on her side next to him.

"You're not going to... touch yourself?"

"I can't while it's daylight. Years of hiding in my room after dark, laying on the floor and biting the arm of my teddy bear to keep quiet have conditioned this behavior, but that doesn't mean you should suffer."

"If you're not, then I'm not, " Sheldon decides.

Pecking Amy's lips one more time, he brushes her hair away from her face as he gently cups her cheek in his hand and smiles at her. She's grinning at him in return. Small intimate moments are what she needs right now. Baby steps, he reminds himself.

"Do you remember the morning after our first time, we spent hours just like this. Talking, kissing... it was perfect," Amy reminisces.

"I remember. The sunlight from the window brought out some red highlights in your hair that I hadn't noticed before. You have that little scar on your shoulder blade that looks like Harry Potter's. I kept caressing it until you asked me what I was doing. How did you get that scar?" Sheldon wonders.

"Every summer, we'd spend the week of the 4th of July at my Uncle's cabin, the same one I stayed at after the funeral. When I was 11, I went for a bike ride along a popular trail. I'd been on it dozens of times, but never alone. I'd had a fight with my mother and stormed off in a huff. When I got on the trail, I took a wrong turn and immediately ended up going down a 30 foot drop. At some point, I went over my handlebars and slid down the slope. The scar is from when I hit some barbed wire as I was coming to a stop."

"Ouch. Did you break anything?" Sheldon worries.

"Luckily, no. I just badly sprained my arm and ankles. My dad was right behind me and had to carry me out. Do you have any scars I haven't noticed?"

"It's covered by my ear, " Sheldon shares as he leans down and points to his left ear, giving Amy permission to look. He has a tiny one inch scar near his hairline. "I burned myself with hot glue when trying to assemble my Mr. Spock ears."

"Assemble then apply, " Amy teases as her tummy audibly grumbles, requesting food. "I love waking up next to you."

"I love waking up with you in my arms, " Sheldon replies. "Even if your bottom is a consistent 99 degrees, " he whines before lightly smacking said bottom, making Amy yelp in surprise.

"I love you too. Now earn your keep by making me brunch."

"Yes, ma'am, " Sheldon replies with a mock salute, making Amy giggle as she swats his cute butt.

"Mmm, keep doing that and we won't be leaving this bed, " Sheldon warns.

"You like that?" Amy questions, sounding slightly shocked.

"I do. Is that weird?" Sheldon worries.

"No. I mean... you like spanking me, I just didn't realize it was a mutual thing."

"Do you not like it?" Sheldon worries.

"I love it but only if it's light, playful swats with your hand. I'm not into causing each other any physical pain or leaving marks."

"I will never physically harm you, Amy. I promise."

"I know you wouldn't, Sheldon. I'm just... wanting to set my boundaries beforehand, " she explains.

"Have you ever considered contacts?" He questions out of the blue. "You have the most beautiful eyes but they're hidden behind your glasses."

"I tried contacts in college but I have chronic dry eye so they didn't work for me. Why are you being so sweet all of a sudden?" She accuses?

"As you rightly pointed out last night, I'm often oblivious or indifferent to your physical appearance or when you dress up for me. I notice, Amy. I just didn't consider it important enough to mention. I'm trying to be a better boyfriend now. This is me trying."

"I appreciate the effort, Sheldon, but I want you to just be yourself."

"You don't want for me to compliment you?" He questions.

"I do, but you're trying too hard right now. The trick is to compliment me when you think I least expect it. To give an example, when you said I look pretty yesterday morning. That was flattering becase I didn't expect it."

"I see. Is it alright to compliment you when you are expecting it?"

"Okay and strongly advised," Amy warns. "Do you have your Green Lantern t-shirt?"

"I do."

"That is my favorite of your shirts. Please wear it today?"

"It's not Tuesday."

"Okay, can I wear it?" Amy wonders.

"Of course. Why is it your favorite?" Sheldon asks, making his girlfriend's jaw drop in shock.

"You don't remember?" Amy questions as Sheldon shakes his head no. " Do the words, 'kiss her you brilliant fool' ring a bell?"

"No."

"I can't believe you don't remember this!"

"Bazinga," Sheldon whispers while kissing the tip of her nose.

"Not funny," Amy pouts.

"Maybe not but that was sound advice which I plan to take," Sheldon decides.

"What was?" Amy wonders with a knowing smirk.

"Kissing you."

"My brilliant fool," Amy whispers as she loosely wraps her arms around Sheldon's neck when he rolls her onto her back.

He wants to tease her, Amy notices as Sheldon gives soft pecks, pulling away each time she's about to melt into the kiss. _Two can play at this game._ Rolling away from him as he pulls back from the latest teasing peck, Amy reaches the edge of the bed and stands up, pulling Sheldon's t-shirt over her head as she makes her way to the bathroom.

"Where are you going?" Sheldon whines from the bed.

"I thought you wanted to makeout, but since you're being a funny man right now, I'm going to take a shower. Before you ask, I'm not ready to have you join me yet. Penny may call. We talk every Saturday at 3:30."

"I don't want to talk with Penny right now. She's going to ask... and make wrongful assumptions, along with many crude jokes... about last night."

"It's our business, Sheldon. They can assume all they want..."

"I wish they wouldn't. I don't like them talking about you in such a crude manner."

"Not once have they gotten crass or crossed what I consider to be a line. Dave crossed a line with me. _You_ have crossed the line with me. Our friends have not. Hand me my phone. I'll warn Penny to be nice. Why won't you look at me?" she wonders after noticing Sheldon is keeping his eyes downcast as he picks at a loose string on his sleep pants.

"You're naked."

"So? You've seen me naked before."

"Yes, but that was before... before I lost the right to touch you. You're teasing me, Amy, and I'm finding it to be very cruel," he softly murmurs.

"Oh. Okay, um... I'm going to shower."

"You're not going to apologize?" he wonders.

"Are you?"

"For what?" he wonders, genuinely confused.

"For teasing me, Sheldon."

"That's different. It was playful and I was about to kiss you... _really_ kiss you. What you're doing is an entirely different level."

"It's making me feel rejected, Sheldon! It makes me feel like you find me..."

"Irresistable?"

"Repulsive!"

"Do you not see how _fucking_ hard I am right now, Amy? A soft breeze could make me cum!"

"Do not yell at me," Amy growls in warning. "Especially about this!"

"You're overreacting! It's taking all of my willpower to remain a gentleman in front of you, when all I really want to do right now is bring you back into this bed and beg you to let me make love to you. Go shower. I need to calm down. What do you want for dinner tonight?"

"Seriously?!"

"Yes, seriously. I just said I need to calm down. I plan on doing that by taking a stroll to the market."

"I don't know. Anything but spaghetti and hot dogs!" she yells before storming off and slamming the bathroom door.

How did this turn into a fight, Sheldon wonders while flopping against the pillows. Even worse, it's his fault. Last night, Amy made it clear that every last cotton pickin' issue in their relationship is his fault. He can't just charm his way out of this either. Amy will have his head... both of them... should he attempt to join her in the shower. Well, at least the condoms won't go to total waste, he thinks as he rolls to grab one from the drawer Amy stuck them in.

As he opens the drawer, he's shocked to see a few photos hastily tucked in alongside the box of condoms and a pink phallic device. Grabbing the photos, he flips them over to find a photo of him and Amy cuddling. Penny took it the day that Sheldon agreed to share a toothbrush holder with Amy. She had left her purse and in coming back to retrieve it, walked in on him and Amy engaged in a passionate kiss as she laid in his arms, which is what the photo caught.

The second photo is of him and Amy at prom as he held her close while they lightly swayed to, "The Way You Look Tonight." She was so beautiful in that dress. Why couldn't he participate in any post prom mating rituals? He was ready. They were ready. Yet one more thing she can blame on him.

The 3rd photo is of Amy's parents sitting on a couch. The 4th is of Amy, Penny and Bernadette. The last photo is the one that really piques his interest. It's of a shirtless Dave Gibbs, flexing his muscles for the camera. Is Amy the one taking the photo, he wonders? Knowing it's none of his business and if Amy catches him snooping, she will be livid, he tucks the photos back where they were and grabs a condom.

 _Ughh, are all men idiots or is Sheldon just a special kind of stupid?_ Amy fumes as she adjusts the temp of her shower. Grabbing Gerard from the charger, she lays on the fuzzy cream shower mat and holds her trusty toothbrush against her, causing her leg to violently jerk as she turns on her old friend. _Why can't I let him do this to me_ , she thinks as she feels her orgasm building. It'd feel so much better if it was Sheldon's fingers... or his mouth... against her throbbing bundle of nerves. She started this fight, she realizes. They were fine. She knew he was teasing for pete's sake. He's right. She needs to apologize. Tossing the toothbrush in the sink, Amy turns off the shower and hastily dresses in Sheldon's Flash tshirt and the black shorts she wore last night. She can still catch him if she hurries. Running for the door, she throws it open and internally groans as she spots Dave coming out of his apartment.

"That was some performance you put on last night. If there's going to be an encore, please warn me so I am able to purchase earplugs or antiemetics," Dave requests.

"I have no clue what you're referring to."

"Oh, please, the entire building heard you. He's not really that good in bed is he? You had to be faking it."

"I'm not justifying that with a response. Have you seen Sheldon recently?" she wonders.

"No, but the girls are putting on quite a show. Nice tits."

"You have 3 seconds to get out of my sight," Amy warns.

"Or what?" Dave wonders.

"Or her boyfriend will kick you in the testes so hard that you'll be permanently singing soprano," Sheldon warns as he appears on the stairwell with a bouquet of fresh cut flowers and a small brown paper bag in hand. "Are you alright?" he asks Amy, who nods once.

"I can smell the cheap scotch from here," Sheldon complains from the stairs. "I will let you off with a warning this time, but if you ever speak to Amy in an even remotely crude manner again, you will regret it. Can we talk?" he requests of Amy who silently leads the way into her apartment.

"I'm sorry," they apologize at the same time as the door shuts.

"Come here," Amy whispers, requesting a hug as she opens her arms for Sheldon to step into.

"Are you alright? Did he hurt you?" Sheldon worries when he feels warm tears wetting the shoulder of his tshirt.

"He didn't hurt me," Amy reassures. "I'm angry, Sheldon. Not at you. At myself. Why can't I let you touch me?! I love you. I trust you. Why am I fighting it? What is wrong with me?!"

"Nothing. Nothing is wrong with you," Sheldon whispers as he pulls her close and gently strokes her hair. "You are perfect."

"No I'm not," Amy protests.

"Yes, you are. I couldn't design a more perfect woman. Strong, intelligent, so beautiful..."

"What physical attribute would you change about me if you could change one thing?" Amy wonders.

"I love you just the way you are, Amy. I think... if anything, I wish you were just a couple of inches taller so I don't have to bend down so far to kiss you when you're barefoot. What would you change about me?" he wonders.

"Hmm..." Amy hums as she steps back and slowly examines him from head to toe before twirling her finger to indicate he should turn around, making Sheldon chuckle.

"In my scientific opinion, you, Dr. Cooper, are an exquisite specimen of the male species. That being said, as your girlfriend, I am uniquely qualified to offer my expert opinion. Your knees are too bony. I can't sit in your lap without discomfort."

"My knees?" Sheldon chuckles. "Not my pointy head or my scrawny arms or the size of my erection?"

"Nope. I'm all about the knees. For the record, your penis is the perfect length and girth. I am very pleased with what you're packing down there."

"Fight over?" Sheldon wonders as Amy nods in agreement. "How about I make us lunch and then we go to the fountain and the bookstore?"

"That sounds nice but I think... I think I want to stay in today. Let's watch that movie and just... relax."

"Okay. I have the fixings for crock monsters. Is that alright?"

"I love your crock monsters. Has Missy ever been able to pronounce it correctly?"

"She can, she chooses not to. It's one of the few inside jokes I share with her. Did Dave say something to upset you?"

"He said that we got rather loud last night and called my orgasm a performance."

"Insinuating that you faked an orgasm?" Sheldon confirms as Amy nods. "That was not faked."

"It wasn't, but why are you so certain about that?" Amy wonders.

"I've learned how to read your body, Amy. There are certain... signs... that you're having an orgasm and last night I triggered every single one. We can find ways to keep quiet if you're concerned about that."

"No, I'm not. Signs huh?"

"Mmmhmm," Sheldon hums as he retrieves the sliced ham and swiss cheese from the fridge.

"Such as?" Amy wonders while untwisting the red tie on the loaf of bread.

"5 to 10 seconds before your orgasm, you releaae a gush of lubrication. Do you feel when that happens?"

"No. That's interesting. There's a debate in the biology community regarding the makeup of that fluid. Does it feel urine like?"

"No. It's not urine. It's slick, slightly sticky. You seem surprised by this information. It doesn't happen during masturbation?"

"No, but I'm not highly aroused either when I masturbate."

I see. I feel... we're putting too much emphasis on sex. I want to be very clear, Amy. I am not expecting sex while I am here. It will happen when it is supposed to. If that is not until you've been back in Los Angeles for a year, then that is how it'll be."

"I just... I want to get past this. Maybe we... I should just let you..."

"Amy, that's rape. Even if you give consent, if there is any part of you that is hesitant or unsure, then it's not fully consensual and I refuse to be a participant in that. I wish you hadn't said that because now..." he pauses and heavily sighs.

"Now you're going to question if I'm going through with it because I want to or just to please you," Amy finishes as Sheldon nods.

He looks sad and defeated, like he knows how this ends, with them going their seperate ways because she can't get over his infidelity. She hates that look in his eyes, that look where his eyes become glossy as he fights to hold back tears.

"What's wrong?" she whispers.

"Is our relationship's suvival contingent upon our ability to successfully copulate?" he wonders.

"I don't... I don't want to say it is... you mean more to me than that... but I feel like if I can't get past this, then our relationship doesn't stand a chance of surviving. I want... I need... both an emotionally and physically intimate relationship, Sheldon. Not just with you... but with anyone I may choose to have a relationship with."

"I feel emotional intimacy is more important, but if your needs are not being met, I can't fault you for moving on."

"Are we breaking up?" she whispers, tears stuck in her throat.

* * *

Please don't hate me! There's an alternate ending in the works that jumps off from this point. It will all make sense soon, I promise!


End file.
